


Love on a two way street

by vavavavoom_beautifulbeautifulbombshell



Category: Actor RPF, Star Trek RPF
Genre: Angst, Character Development, Coming Out, F/F, Forbidden Love, Heteronormativity, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Infidelity, Lesbians in the 90's, Mutual Pining, Personal Growth, RPF, Secret Admirer, Self-Acceptance, Sexism, Sexual Orientation, hints at domestic violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 12:42:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 117,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28528659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vavavavoom_beautifulbeautifulbombshell/pseuds/vavavavoom_beautifulbeautifulbombshell
Summary: Her new job is a living hell, especially working with the star of the show she's now working on, her private life isn't any better. When Jeri discovers what she deems the most unusual fan mail on the steps of her trailer one day, she finds odd comfort in reading the appreciative, genuine letter from a stranger and unlike her other fan mail decides to keep it, her curiosity regarding the sender is ever-growing and the young woman is stunned when it doesn't end with one letter. She is determined to investigate and find out the identity of her secret fan. The answer to that question may be more than she bargained for, however...
Relationships: Kate Mulgrew/Jeri Ryan, Kathryn Janeway/Seven of Nine
Comments: 154
Kudos: 53





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is an actor fic, a work of fiction. None of this is real. None of this has ever happened. I've written this story for the pure fun of it, not intended to disparage either actress. None of the actresses was harmed while writing this story. I respect both of them greatly and by no means intend to ruin their reputation.
> 
> This is a new approach for me as a J/7 author and I hope that some of you will be able to enjoy reading this story. If you do, please be so kind and let me know. There will be some tough topics featured here, not gonna lie, but it is necessary for the course of the story.

The day it started Jeri was very confused and irritated. A letter was lying on the 'doorstep' to her trailer. Someone must've directly put it there, seeing as how there was no sender to be found on the plain white envelope. This led to her doubting it could be fanmail. When she opened and read the few lines, her heart for reasons beyond her comprehension fluttered. There in beautiful, fine curved handwriting stood the following.

_Watching your performance on the show has me entranced. Right from the first episode, I became your biggest fan. You truly add to the show. Please make sure to get enough rest in between takes and stay well-hydrated. I hope you know that there is somebody who cares for you out there. M_

She was stunned and moved to tears by the sincere words. Usually, her fans were complimenting her looks or her character. It was the first time someone actually seemed to genuinely care for her as a person, the actress behind Seven of Nine, the woman who was struggling and doing her best every single day to do a convincing performance of the rather complex character that was Seven of Nine, all the while having to endure the wrath and harassment of her co-actress Kate Mulgrew. Jeri sighed at the thought. She got along well enough with the rest of the cast and she honestly wished Kate would give her a fair chance to prove to her that she wasn't half bad as a person, but the older woman so far had been a true diva and acted completely irrational to the point that Jeri felt physically sick at the mere thought of having to go to work on a day she knew she had to film a scene with the redhead.

The blonde had a hard time not to let a girlish squeak slip when a childish voice suddenly exclaimed from her door. “Whatcha doing?” Jeri turned around, quickly hiding the letter before greeting her young friend.

“Nothing much. Just reading. Shouldn't you be getting ready right now, Scarlett?” The younger girl shook her head.

“I'm already done and I was supposed to tell you to come to the make-up room next.” Jeri nodded at this, inwardly sighing. It was always a hassle to get Seven's implants attached to her face and creating that typical tight French twist of hers took seemingly hours to perfect as well then on top of that her regular make-up for the role. At least she was already dressed in one of those dreadful biosuits.

“Thanks for informing me, Scarlett. I'll get going right away. I'm looking forward to our scene together today.”

The young girl grinned widely at this. “So do I. See ya later, Jeri!”

The blonde left her trailer, her young friend skipping alongside her, confusing her. “Y'know what? Lemme accompany you. In the meantime, care to share what you've been reading there earlier?” Jeri had a hard time not to splutter, the blood creeping from her ears all the way up to her cheeks, a fact that didn't go unnoticed by the younger, her tone embarrassed.

“It... was something personal, Scarlett. I'd prefer not to talk about it...” The smaller girl gave a precious little huff at this, muttering.

“You adults and your beloved privacy. I can keep secrets, ya know and I thought we're friends, Jeri? As your friend, I'm sworn to secrecy in terms of your private matters. I won't share anything you don't want me to. That's a promise! So will you tell me now, please?” Jeri sighed softly at this, the younger girl clearly blackmailing her with those adorable puppy eyes and that precious please.

She decided that sharing a little bit of information may not do any harm. After all, it was a common thing for them to receive fan mail and oftentimes share the contents of it with their fellow cast. “This morning I found a letter a fan seems to have left at my trailer. The person told me that in their eyes I'm a great addition to the show and they were concerned for my well-being, telling me to make sure to rest in between takes and make sure to drink enough water. None of my fans has ever cared for me, Jeri before. They were all only interested in Seven of Nine which is fine and I totally understand that, but... it felt so nice to know someone out there cares for me as a person, as an actress, not only the character I play on the show. It was probably a one-time thing though, but I think I'm gonna keep that letter as a reminder that my fans don't only care for Seven, but for me as well.”

Scarlett beamed brightly at this. “That's amazing news, Jeri! I'm so happy for you. See? Your fans do care about you, not only Seven. Could've told ya so ages ago already. To me that actually sounds more like a friend than a fan already, to be honest.” Jeri had to agree to the young girl's statement. She could certainly use a friend this caring in her life. Sure, Scarlett herself was really sweet, but in the end, she was still a child who very much needed the guidance and care of the adults around her. She knew she couldn't expect this from her.

Suddenly the inquisitive young girl exclaimed excitedly. “Oh my Gosh! The letter was in your trailer, right?” Jeri frowned at the odd question and nodded slowly.

“Yeah, it was. Why are you asking that, Scarlett?” The girl grinned widely, explaining matter-of-factly. “Don't you get it? Ordinary fans don't get to go into the studio just like that. It had to be an insider, like someone who's working here.” Jeri's eyes widened at this, only now realizing this herself.

“Oh my God, you're right! How come I hadn't noticed that before? But this means it has to be from someone I probably know. No, I can't believe that to be the case. Why would someone that knows me personally go out of their way to send me what appears to be fan mail like that and leave it at my trailer? This seems absurd.”

Scarlett to Jeri's surprise shook her head. “It isn't as absurd as you may think, Jeri. Remember what Seven once said on the show. 'Impossible is a word humans use far too often.' Nothing is impossible, or too absurd. I for one think it's a brilliant idea to leave you a message that could easily be seen as regular fan mail. Whoever did this was sneaky and clever enough to fool you into thinking they were an ordinary fan when in fact they're most likely someone you've met personally, but would never guess could write you such letters. Can I help you investigate this case, Jeri? Pleeeease?! Y'know I love crime shows and books. Can I be your Watson?”

Jeri sighed at this, still not at all convinced of her young friend's theory regarding this fan mail, but telling her to appease her. “I'm pretty sure security brought the letter to my trailer earlier. There's gotta be another explanation than it having been written by someone I personally know. I'm telling you something. In the very unlikely case that I should ever receive another letter like the one I received this morning, you'll be the first person I'll tell about it and you'll have a case, Watson.”

Scarlett beamed brightly at this, her gut feeling telling her that her friend was wrong about this being a one-time thing and also still pretty convinced that this wasn't just by some random fan, but in fact by someone working for Paramount who had access to the studio and the actors' trailers. “You got yourself a deal there, sista!”

Jeri chuckled and the friends high-fived at this. The blonde after checking the time quickly rushed off to the make-up room, already running a little late. At least today she wouldn't have to film much alongside a certain redhead, especially not her first scene for today which was a huge relief, seeing as how the older woman was known for her love of punctuality and losing her temper when one of her co-workers arrived on set as little as half a minute late, causing madame to have to wait unnecessarily long. Jeri rolled her eyes at the thought and once again she found herself wondering just what Kate Mulgrew's deal was...

Thankfully due to the make-up artists by now being routined in applying the facial implants along with her make-up and of course the infamous French twist, Jeri was all set and ready to film her first scene for the day in record time. While waiting for the rest of the team to arrive on the set for Main Engineering, Jeri once again kept wondering about the unexpected fanmail she'd found outside her trailer earlier this morning. 'Who would go out of their way to write me something so sweet and personally deliver it? I admit, Scarlett was right about one thing. That fan must've been very sneaky, or have connections to someone working at the studio who has the ability to personally deliver it for them. It's close to impossible for any ordinary person to access the studio grounds like that, much less go to our trailers. Security would've stopped any outsider from trespassing for sure. One thing's for sure. That letter, whoever it might be from, made my day. Knowing that there's someone out there, fan or not who cares enough to write me such a sweet letter and personally deliver it feels very nice. As much as I enjoy getting regular fan mail as well, this one was very special and I feel grateful to the writer.'

“Jeri! You're here early. Good morning.” The blonde snapped out of her daze, a grin forming on her face upon seeing the approaching form of Roxann Dawson, who was probably her closest friend out of her fellow Voyager cast, apart from Scarlett, of course. The two women shared a warm hug.

“Good morning, Roxy. Looks like arriving on set already dressed in that dreadful biosuit was a good idea. Make-up was surprisingly quick today. Ready to have Seven bring out that Klingon temper, Lieutenant?” Both friends laughed at this and the smaller woman flexed her bicep playfully.

“Bring it on, Ice Queen. This half-Klingon engineer is stronger than she looks.” The duo was very much looking forward to filming another scene together, although, admittedly they had both been hoping their characters could have more friendly interactions already than having to continue to play enemies. 'It's so absurd. Roxy and I get along so well in real life, but our characters are supposed to be enemies. Meanwhile, Kate hates the guts of me and we're having little to no interaction off-camera, much less outside the studio, but our characters are supposed to be hella close. I just don't get the producers and screenwriters. They know as well as I do that Kate would probably way prefer not having to film so much with me and vice versa while Roxy and I, as well as Scarlett and I, could easily be filming far more scenes with each other.'

After successfully shooting her scene with Roxann, Jeri decided to use her break to go to the producing team and ask if there was any fanmail for her. This was in a way a means of finding out if the letter she received earlier was indeed fanmail, or if Scarlett's hunch had been right. She knocked at Brannon Braga's office, the man calling out from inside. “Enter!” Jeri steeled herself, never having been particularly fond of the man, opening the door hesitantly before entering. His features visibly lightened upon seeing her. “Jeri! What a delight seeing you here.” Jeri felt sick to her stomach at his words and that downright creepy expression he shot in her direction.

She asked him as politely as possible. “I was wondering if there was any fanmail for me today?” He nodded slowly at this, expression faltering for a split second, visibly disappointed, obviously having expected to hear her say something else. Jeri didn't dare think about what that might have been. He went over to the wall next to his desk, grabbing a stack of letters and handing them to her.

“There's quite a lot today actually. Your fanbase seems to be growing daily.” The blonde nodded slowly at this. 'More like Seven's fanbase is growing daily...'

She forced out a smile. “Thanks, Brannon. I best be going now.” She practically rushed out of his office, always glad once she was out of there again, the man honestly giving her the creeps.

After quickly bringing her stack of fan mail back to her trailer, Jeri decided to check in with security to see if she could find out anything about the sender of that letter she'd received this morning. When she arrived there, the security staff to her dismay had to inform her that they had no clue as to who could be the sender, but that Scarlett's earlier idea of the person having a connection to the security personnel was very unlikely, seeing as how none of the staff working there seemed to have any clue about the happenings of this morning. Disgruntled, Jeri made her way to shoot her next scene of the day. Her heart dropped when she remembered that this scene was supposed to be between Janeway and Seven of Nine which meant she would have to be subject to the wrath of Kate Mulgrew again. Jeri sincerely hoped the woman would be in a tolerable mood today...


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeri has a hard time concentrating on work, her thoughts keep on coming back to that letter she received in the morning. On top of that, she is confronted with a certain redhead.

Jeri, to her own relief, arrived on the ready room set early. 'Looks like for once I'm early. Maybe that'll spare me from her wrath today.' The blonde waited for the production team and a certain redhead to arrive, sitting on the couch, casually sipping from a water bottle, remembering what her special fan had recommended her in that letter. She took dainty sips, knowing otherwise she'd have to run every ten minutes and a certain redhead would clearly not approve of that, past encounters of the kind had shown that.

“You're here early.” Jeri almost spat the water she'd just been drinking out again upon hearing the husky voice that belonged to none other than Kate Mulgrew. 'Speak of the devil.', Jeri thought grimly to herself, no word coming forth as she tried answering, her gaze downcast, unable to hold the intense stare of the older woman. 'Is she gonna lecture me, or lash out at me for being early now? Like for arriving here earlier than herself? I swear, some people simply can't be satisfied...'

As Jeri was about to prepare for a backlash, Kate to her surprise added. “I appreciate your punctuality, Ryan.” Jeri had been hopeful that Kate finally was in a good mood, but the fact that she kept addressing her with her last name ticked her off.

'Why can't she just call me Jeri like everyone else, including that creep Braga does? What's it with her addressing me with my last name? Is it to display her power or something like that?' The blonde knew better than to address this issue and instead simply nodded, still very much feeling tongue-tied, her stomach painfully knotted up.

The thought of them being so close in the captain's ready room while shooting today's scenes was something that had caused Jeri great discomfort while first reading her script already. This was something she'd, of course, never share with the older woman, however. The fact that Janeway had a tendency of initiating physical contact with her crewmembers certainly didn't help Jeri's case. Every time Janeway touched Seven, the young woman felt herself freeze upon the contact, her skin for reasons that were a mystery to her, prickling without fail. No one had ever evoked these kinds of sensations in the young woman and she was convinced that the obvious dislike of the other woman towards her person must be the reason to blame for that. The shooting of the scene soon started, both women acting nothing but professional, giving off the impression that nothing was wrong.

Despite being very much in character, Jeri's thoughts kept on drifting off to that letter and Scarlett's claim that an insider, someone who she knew personally had written it. The blonde felt much like she was experiencing split personality disorder, Seven of Nine, the character she was playing, kept on trying to get in her head. 'You must focus, Jeri Ryan. We can not function accordingly if your mind is distracted by irrelevant thoughts.' Jeri had a hard time not to wince, her head throbbing painfully. She suddenly felt for Janeway and the constant headaches that kept plaguing the starship captain.

Apart from a terrible case of headaches, Jeri felt the corset press painfully against her bladder the whole time while filming. She inwardly cursed whoever had come up with the 'brilliant' idea of forcing her to wear that thing on top of the biosuit. Not wasting any time, the blonde practically dashed off towards the restrooms once the scene had been filmed successfully, the director praising both women for the great work they delivered today. A small sigh of relief slipped Jeri's lips once she had made it inside the toilet stall and with some effort, she'd successfully removed her costume to be able to satisfy her body's needs. Once she was finished and had refreshed herself, she quickly went back to the make-up room to get the facial implants removed. She had already removed the one on her left hand earlier, so as not to soil it while doing her business. Those implants of Seven's were very delicate and could practically be seen as small pieces of art by themselves. On top of that, the material was rather sensitive and Jeri had no intention to unnecessarily provoke a fight with the costume designer for ruining them.

After a quick moment of thought, Jeri realized that she'd have to film one last scene for today which would be the one alongside Scarlett. 'I guess I can take off that dreadful thing for the time being. There's still some time left until my last scene for today will be shot. Might as well eat something and get some rest in between takes as that person recommended to me.'

A soft smile subconsciously formed on the blonde's face at the thought of that letter. It truly had made her day. Unbeknownst to her, a figure lurking in the shadows who witnessed that rare smile had a hard time not to sigh out loud. Yes, that smile truly was dangerous, yet oh so beautiful as well. Jeri changed into casual clothes the moment she'd made it back to her trailer. She stretched out, her body feeling rather stiff due to having been pressed into that corset and biosuit for hours on end. Brannon Braga had promised to talk to the costume designer about creating new biosuits for her that were supposed to be made of more stretchy and comfortable material. Jeri found herself anticipating this far more than she'd ever care to admit to anyone. It was a mystery to her why a character like Seven who was highly intelligent, couldn't care less for looks and was all in all rather androgynous was forced to wear those dreadful, overly sexual outfits to begin with.

'Sexism clearly is a huge problem in this industry. As much as I'm glad Seven is an interesting character with depth and complexity, those biosuits make it hard to focus on her personality for the viewers. It's no surprise Seven's fans are mainly young males who are attracted to the looks, not so much her personality.'

A tiny voice in the back of her head reminded her that technically Seven's looks were also very much her own, but Jeri, as per usual paid that voice no mind. While sitting in her trailer and sifting through her fan mail Braga had handed her earlier, it became clear to her that the letter she'd received this morning by no means appeared like your average fan mail. Those letters were usually in colorful envelopes, with stamps and the address of the studio, as well as her own name written on them. Also, each letter always ended with the name of the fan, not simply one character. Jeri who wasn't in a mood to read her regular fan mail at the moment and realized that it had been a while since she'd last been eating something, decided to head over to the cafeteria and grab a bite to eat there. Hopefully, a certain someone wouldn't be there and ruin her appetite. Jeri could never eat under the scrutinizing gaze of Kate Mulgrew who seemed to judge every single action of the younger woman, despite, fortunately never commenting anything. Those looks of hers were speaking volumes and caused Jeri who was admittedly already rather self-conscious to turn even more so. She knew she couldn't risk fainting on top of everything, however, filming for hours on end demanding at least a small amount of nutritional intake, her electrolyte levels were most likely very low as well, seeing as she felt tired and exhausted.

Jeri's wishes had been granted, the cafeteria void of a certain redhead which was not at all surprising. Kate Mulgrew avoided her presence like the plague and preferred eating inside her trailer these days, not in the cafeteria. Jeri had been talking to her fellow cast which was a welcome distraction. Her shooting of the relatively short scene with Scarlett had been fun as well, the friends once more high-fiving each other after successfully filming it. The younger, to Jeri's surprise, asked eagerly while they walked back over to the make-up room. “Any news on your secret fan, Jeri?”

The blonde inwardly sighed but answered patiently. “Earlier I went to security and asked them if they'd seen anything this morning, or if someone from outside had entered the studio grounds to which they told me that they knew of nothing. I also collected my regular fan mail from Braga's office which admittedly looked very different from that letter. They're always signed properly with stamps and the address of the studio at the front, in comparison the letter of this morning which had no stamp, or address and was merely signed with one letter.”

To her surprise, Scarlett asked curiously at this. “With which character was it signed, Jeri?” The older frowned at this, honestly having forgotten all about that. Her young friend gasped at this.

“What do you mean, you've forgotten all about that? Jeri, that character is very important! It could indicate who is the sender.” Jeri shrugged and smiled sheepishly.

“After hours of filming, I kinda forgot. Sorry, Scarlett. I'll tell you next time we'll be filming together, okay?” The young girl sighed dramatically and nodded.

“Okay, sure. Please don't forget, Jeri. It's of great importance.” The blonde chuckled in amusement at the young girl's words, gently ruffling her hair.

“I won't forget. Pinky promise.” The friends linked their pinky fingers at this, smiling at each other conspiratorially.

Once she'd been finished changing back into her streetwear, Scarlett had bid goodbye to her older friend, the young girl's parents already waiting for her outside to pick her up. Jeri once more found herself wondering if it was healthy for a child of Scarlett's age to film for this long, the young girl having a working day not much shorter than the adults on the show. On top of that, she still went to school as well which Jeri could imagine being pretty stressful. She admired her young friend for being so disciplined, always bringing her school work and books on set with her to study in between filming and do her assignments. As she stepped outside into the crisp night air, the blonde stopped in her tracks, a scene displaying in front of her eyes causing her to proceed with utmost caution and act much like a stalker.

There, illuminated by the moonlight stood Kate Mulgrew in all her beauty and grace. Jeri inwardly chided herself for thinking of the older woman in this manner, but she wasn't blind and objectively spoken, Kate was a very attractive woman. The problem was her personality, although, according to her colleagues, even that mainly went for Jeri. 'Guess she simply despises me and it's a personal thing, though I really wonder why. What have I ever done to her to deserve this treatment? I've been nothing but polite to her and respectful...'

Jeri blinked when she saw the older woman lighting a cigarette. If the blonde couldn't stand one thing it was smoking. The mere thought of the pungent smell of cigarette smoke sent shivers down her spine. It's not like Jeri had never noticed that particular smell on the older woman before, yet she knew well how to mask it with clouds of perfume and those beloved mints of hers that admittedly gave Jeri headaches. 'It should be illegal for someone to look this good when performing an action as repulsive and unhealthy as smoking. How is everything she does always so...'

Jeri dared not think of a word to describe the older woman's actions, her eyes widening, stomach dropping when a man approached Kate, the two to the blonde's shock sharing a kiss, that uncanny laugh of the redhead wafting over to Jeri. 'Who is he and why does it affect me so much to see him kiss her, to know he made her laugh like this? I must be more tired than I thought I was to have these irrational thoughts. I gotta leave. I feel sick...' Jeri swiftly made her way over to her trailer where she changed back into her streetwear, tears running down her cheeks, a fact that she blamed on the exhaustion of the day, the aspect of having to go home not helping either.

Once she sat in her car, she decided to drive to her secret spot at the beach first to calm down. She knew she couldn't face Jack in the state she was currently in and especially not Alex. The young woman always wanted to be a source of strength for her young son, facing him in a state of emotional turmoil like she was in right now was out of the question. She silently apologized to him for forcing him to spend more time home alone with his father as she parked her car at the usual spot by the beach.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeri has a nervous breakdown, all those bottled up emotions finally surfacing. When she gets home and narrowly escapes her husband's fangs, she is determined to finally try to leave him for good, mainly for her son's safety. The news of the latest episode of the show she gets the next day comes as another surprise.

Jeri plopped into the warm sand unceremoniously, her emotions once more getting the best of her. A new row of tears ran down her cheeks, blinding her vision, her heart aching, breathing shallow. She wanted to cry out in despair then and there, her confusion and irrational behavior from earlier highly irritating the young woman. 'It's absurd for me to weep over a person who couldn't care less about me. Have I lost all my self-respect that I'd stoop so low as to shed tears over a woman who's first of all taken, secondly the straightest person I've ever met, and last but certainly not least, hates the guts of me and avoids my presence, or downright ignores me most of the time. Did I already mention that she's a woman? Oh, God. If Jack knew this...'

The blonde shivered at the mere thought, wrapping her arms around her own body. 'He can never find out about any of this, no one can. It's nothing really. I'm tired, lonely, and apparently in such dire need of a friend, that my stupid heart keeps on looking at the most outlandish places. Just because Kate acted nice enough today while we were shooting that scene together, doesn't mean anything. Maybe that man is to blame for her surprisingly good mood...'

Jeri felt a strong urge to retch at the thought, desperately trying, but in the end, failing, to suppress the memory of seeing the older woman with what she now deemed to have been her lover, kissing each other outside the studio. The man hadn't even minded that Kate had just been smoking. Who knows what they were doing right now while she sat there and cried like a fool. The thought of them being intimate was the last straw that caused Jeri to lean over to the side and empty the contents of her stomach which she clutched in agony, a new row of tears stinging in her eyes. 'You're too weak. Too damn weak, always falling for the wrong people. What an idiot...'

It took a while before Jeri had somewhat calmed down again. She drove home, hoping against hope that Jack was already asleep and wouldn't notice her late arrival. Her state was already dire and she was in no condition to be faced with a confrontation with him now, knowing his temper usually got the best of him. Luck wasn't on her side, as it should turn out. Jeri was about to drive right back when she saw light from inside the house, alerting her that her husband indeed was awake and as she assumed awaiting her arrival, most likely furious.

Steeling herself as best as possible in her current state, she opened the door and walked inside. She had just taken off her shoes when his voice hissed. “Where have you been? Are you cheating on me?” Jeri found the situation absurd and had a hard time not to laugh out loud at the nerve of this man. After all, he was the one that couldn't keep his eyes and hands off other women, never minding being married to her. Since he was a man, however, this was something entirely different, or so Jack would most likely claim now. Jeri answered him truthfully.

“I had to get some fresh air after filming for hours on end in the stuffy studio. You know that I'm not cheating on you, Jack. If you aren't aware yet, I'm too damn busy with work and earning money to have time for an affair. Also, I'm a married woman, not that this marriage is worth anything anymore.”

She knew she'd gone too far again, the moment her eyes met his, the fire burning in them made the blood freeze in her veins. Jeri braced herself for the slap she was sure was about to hit her when out of the corner of her eyes she saw the figure of her son, causing her eyes to widen in panic. No, Alex could not see her like this! She quickly rushed over to his side, to her surprise, he stood in front of her, shielding her, his voice stern. “Don't touch her!”

Jeri anxiously peaked at Jack, who held his hands up in surrender and sighed. “I won't touch anyone. Sorry for what I said just now. I was worried when you didn't come home right away. I called the studio earlier to ask if you were done filming and when they stated that you'd gone home a while ago, I couldn't help but grow suspicious...”

Jeri knew that the only reason her husband hadn't physically assaulted her was that their son had been around. At least the man had the decency not to drag Alex into this. Still, she knew that staying with Jack in this house was not safe. Her mother had told her so for a long time already and she was right. Jeri couldn't risk Alex getting harmed by his father in any kind of way. The boy was the most important person in Jeri's life and she wanted to protect him at any cost.

Once she was in Alex's bedroom with him, the boy spoke up, his eyes carrying a pain that hit Jeri right in her core. “Has he hurt you again?” Jeri shook her head, wrapping her arms around the young boy who held onto her with surprising strength. “You know? How?”

The boy sighed softly. “It's obvious, mom. He's not very quiet. I hate him! He's evil...” Jeri swallowed hard, doing her best to suppress a new row of tears from falling, wanting to stay strong for her son, despite the strong urge to cry out. At this moment, she made a decision.

She whispered into the boy's ear while gently caressing his hair. “I will leave him and we will move somewhere safe. I promise it.” Alex nodded slowly and much like earlier with Scarlett, they both linked their pinkies to seal the deal. That night, Jeri stayed with Alex, desperate to protect him and provide a source of comfort which the young boy provided to her as much as she did for him. It took her a while to fall asleep, her mind refusing to shut off, despite her body crying out for sleep and rest.

When she'd finally had dozed off, she dreamt blurry images of letters, a hand that provided odd comfort, a voice she couldn't place, and the figure of someone that seemed familiar but that she couldn't seem to recognize.

When she arrived on set the next morning, Jeri felt much better. 'Looks like crying helped. Still, crying over a certain someone was highly unnecessary and stupid. I'm sure if she knew this, she'd have the time of her life.' Before driving off earlier, Jeri had called her parents and asked if they could watch over Alex while she was at work to which they'd, fortunately, agreed right away. Her first stop after arriving on set, as usual, was her trailer. At first, she didn't notice the inconspicuous envelope which lay on her 'doorstep', her mind busy trying to remember who she'd be filming with today.

Only when she sat down and took a sip of the water bottle she'd carried with her did her eyes fall onto it and turned wide in surprise and, as she noticed anticipation. She got up from her seat and picked the white envelope up, carefully opening it. In the same handwriting as the day before she read the following.

_Much success filming today. I am pleased to know you have taken my advice to heart. Don't listen to those who try to get you down. You're a strong woman. Channel that strength and you can conquer the world. Never forget, you're not alone. M_

Jeri felt the same strange flutter she had when reading the first letter the other day, a smile had at its own volution formed on her face, her mood having instantly improved tenfold.

With a spring in her step, she walked toward the building in which the make-up and costume rooms were located, the aspect of having to wear that biosuit again not affecting her half as much today as it usually did. She was currently getting her make-up done when Brannon Braga entered the room, sending cold shivers down her spine, her posture stiffening. “Jeri, here you are! Do you have a moment? There's something important I want to discuss.”

The blonde nodded slowly, not looking forward to this, but feeling relieved they weren't alone in his office this time. Her voice sounded as polite as possible when she told him. “Of course. What did you want to discuss?”

She frowned when he stated. “It's about the next episodes we'll be filming soon. It's gonna be another double episode, an epic tale featuring world war two. You'll be pleased to hear that for filming this episode you won't have to wear the biosuit since you get to play a civilian from the era, a young singer called Mademoiselle de Neuf. You can sing, Jeri, right?”

Her frown had deepened by now, not too happy at the aspect of having to sing for this particular episode, a double episode no less, yet she was indeed relieved to know she would get to wear regular clothes for once. “I can sing, yes. It should've said so in my resume. Is the episode set in France? I don't speak French...”

Braga waved his hand dismissively at this. “Yes, it's set in a small town in France, but you won't require language skills of any kind. The few words you might have to say here and there will be easy to pronounce. Your character will be German, by the way.”

Jeri's eyes turned the size of saucers. “German? Brannon, if this is a joke, it's not very funny. I don't speak German. The fact that I was born in Munich doesn't change my lack of knowledge of that language...”

He once again merely waved his hand. “Jeri, there's absolutely nothing to worry about. You'll do a brilliant job, believe me! The few German and French words will merely be to set the mood and by no means have to sound like they're spoken by a native speaker. No one can expect that from you.”

She sighed softly and nodded. “Alright. How much will I have to sing?” He told her lightly.

“Just two songs and not the whole of those either. They'll be easy enough to sing, trust me and they're both in English.”

He handed her a script at this which she took, reading the title. _The killing game, Part 1 + 2_ The mere title sent shivers down her spine, although it did fit the world war two topic of the episode.

While browsing the script, her stomach tightened painfully upon realizing just how many scenes she'd have to shoot along with Kate. Her character, Katrine, and Jeri's character, Mademoiselle de Neuf seemed to be quite close, to the point that Jeri found herself wondering, admittedly not for the first time just what the producers and writers' goal for Janeway and Seven's relationship in the future was.

'Fool, what are you thinking? There's no way they'll have two women become more than friends in a series like this, in a country like the States. Having a woman as captain was already a huge scandal and caused them to receive death threats. They'd never dare risk getting the show canceled because it featured said captain having another woman, who's on top of that supposed to be 15 years younger and an ex-Borg drone, as a lover. I don't even want to imagine Kate's reaction to reading the script for this episode. Knowing her, she'll have a fit and try to force the production team to make changes to make her character appear more straight and proper. Well, damn that...'


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first dress fitting for The Killing Game takes place and Jeri finds herself struggling more and more, the situation with Kate adding to her emotional stress.

Jeri once more found herself unable to stop thinking about that letter she'd received this morning. She knew that since Scarlett had been correct and it hadn't been merely a one-time thing as Jeri herself had been convinced at first, she'd have to talk to her friend again. 'Looks like Watson junior will be having her first case after all. She'll be delighted at that news.'

She didn't have to shoot many scenes that day and none with Kate. Jeri wasn't sure if she should be happy at this, or disappointed. Usually, she would've said the former, but things had changed.

The blonde had been surprised when Braga had told her earlier that the costume designer had already created the outfits they'd be wearing in that double episode _The killing game_. So after she was finished shooting for the day, she made her way over to the costume room to try on the outfit she'd be wearing as Mademoiselle de Neuf. 

Jeri admittedly was quite curious as to what they would make Seven wear in this episode. She wasn't too verse on fashion from the times of world war two, 1944 to be precise, the time in which the episode was supposed to take place.

Bob Blackman greeted her in his usual eccentric way, sizing her up and down, a fact that made the young woman feel even more insecure than she already felt, dropping a few comments regarding her style and fashion sense before waving a long silver dress in front of her eyes. “You are going to look fabulous in this, darling! I know you are. Your fans will be ecstatic to see you in this dress.”

Jeri was sure Seven's fans would love seeing her in this dress which looked quite revealing, a fact that caused painful knots to form in the pit of the blonde's stomach.

She steeled herself and tried the dress on. It already fit quite well, only a few adjustments would have to be made here and there. At this moment Jeri was once more relieved to know Jack wasn't watching the show. Lord knows how he would react to seeing her in this kind of outfit on tv.

The costume designer loved seeing her in the dress. Jeri thought he'd never stop gushing over how fabulous she'd look after he'd made the necessary adjustments and with her hair and make-up in the typical 40's style.

Jeri couldn't help but wonder what kind of outfit Kate would be wearing as Katrine. 'Fool, why would you be interested in that? It's unimportant what she's going to wear. She's gonna look flawless as always while thinking I'm stealing the show from her...

Blackman quickly went on explaining that Jeri would be wearing a black turtleneck sweater and black pants for another scene, a fact that Jeri wasn't all too happy about, never having been a particular fan of turtleneck sweaters, but she figured it was better than wearing too revealing clothing again. They'd just finished and Jeri was about to open the door when someone beat her to it, that someone being none other than Kate. Jeri felt her breath hitch for reasons she didn't dare think about, her pulse skyrocketing upon hearing that sensual voice. “Miss Ryan.”

Jeri swallowed hard, inclining her head politely before leaving. She practically rushed back to her trailer, heart going a mile an hour. 'Oh, God. That damned voice of hers! I swear it's doing things to me. Of course, she once again addressed me with my last name, and this time she even called me Miss. The heck? She knows damn well that I'm married. I can't believe that woman...'

Against her better knowledge, Jeri couldn't help wonder what Kate would be wearing for that double episode. If Mademoiselle de Neuf would be wearing a dress would Katrine be wearing one as well? Jeri had a hard time forcing down images of Kate wearing a dress, her toned legs on display... 'What are you doing? Imagining that woman in a dress is not helping your cause.'

Meanwhile, in the costume room, a certain redhead almost had a fit. The costume designer had seriously had the audacity of creating a tux for Katrine, claiming that such attire fit the character perfectly.

Kate forced down the biting remark that had been on her tongue and instead told him casually. “Back when I was younger I actually loved wearing suits. This sure brings back memories. I love this one! It's a Marlene Dietrich model, you said? It is referring to the great German actress that in later years migrated to the States. Isn't it?”

The costume designer was delighted at Kate's knowledge in that field, a smile forming on his face as he imagined a young Kate wearing a suit, his suspicions ever-growing.

He told her in his usual nonchalant way. “Yes, none other than the great Marlene Dietrich was the first woman who wore a tux like this one and inspired women all over the world to ditch gender norms and wear suits as it had formerly only been done by males. She was a true fashion icon who influenced the style of her time. Katrine, from what I've heard is one of the said women from that era who's influenced by the great Marlene.”

Kate smiled that infamous half-smile of hers at this, stating. “She was a true force of a woman from what I've read, so I'm not surprised Katrine would be inspired by her. What else will I have to wear for that double episode? I'm sure one outfit isn't everything you have in store for me, especially after having read the script earlier.”

The designer nodded and went on explaining. “You're very right, darling. In fact, you will be having the most outfit changes out of everyone for that episode. It will be quite a hassle, I admit, but knowing you we should have no problems changing you in between takes. If you ask me, it was about time that Janeway got to have a nice outfit change again. Always having her wear the regular uniform does get quite boring, not that you don't pull it off very nicely, but still. Janeway is still a woman, after all, and as that she deserves to dress up every now and then.”

Kate had to agree to that, despite still having her doubts about those other outfits. “So what other outfits will I have to wear?”

Bob Blackman gathered his bearings, knowing better than to test la Mulgrew's patience, quickly explaining to her. “Well, as you have most likely read in the script before, Janeway will first land in a Klingon simulation, so for that, you'll be dressed in typical Klingon warrior attire, and the mask will create the typical forehead ridges and hairstyle for you. From what I've gathered that simulation will only make for a very small portion of the episode though, so don't worry about that. Now for the more important part. Katrine, apart from wearing the tux, will have two more outfit changes over the course of the two episodes. She'll be wearing a black turtleneck sweater along with black pants and the typical Starfleet boots and in another scene in which the Resistance group is meeting she will be wearing a yellow blouse and matching skirt with pumps along with pearl earrings and a pearl necklace. That's the information I have as of now. If anything should change, or Brannon should request for more outfits on top of that, I'll inform you right away of that.”

Kate nodded in confirmation, feeling quite overwhelmed by the input. At least, she mused to herself, the outfits Blackman had described to her all sounded decent enough and not overly showy, or sexual. She found herself wondering what a certain blonde would be wearing for that episode, but quickly dismissed the thought, determined to keep her emotions in check at least while she was in the presence of another person.

Jeri, despite not having any more filming to do for the day, had found herself reluctant to go home just yet, albeit not knowing why. It had been about an hour since she'd left the costume room for dress fitting earlier and Jeri finally deemed it time to take her leave after all.

She knew that her parents were watching over Alex today, so there was no need to rush back home. Jack, fortunately for Jeri, was on a business trip, meaning she wouldn't be subject to his fury shall she not come back home on time, much like last night.

Remembering her time at the beach the night prior, Jeri suddenly found herself craving to take a swim in the sea. Of course, she had not thought to bring a bikini along, but she figured skinny dipping every now and then might not be so bad either.

She couldn't recall the last time she'd been so bold and daring if you will and sought adventure like that. 'It must've clearly been before I married Jack...', the blonde thought to herself bitterly. Then again, that whole marriage was an adventure of its own, albeit not the good and fun kind.

Jeri was currently on her way to her car when she stopped dead in her tracks. The silhouette of an all too familiar person causing her to once again act like a stalker and hide in the shadows. The blonde had a hard time not laughing out loud at her own actions.

'You are acting like a schoolgirl who's experiencing her first crush. What's wrong with you?' Jeri sighed inaudibly, eyes transfixed on the glorious form of Kate Mulgrew, who to her surprise looked rather glum. 'Nah, it must be my tired eyes playing tricks on me. Why would she look down? Maybe, she's pissed off because the outfits Bob has designed for her aren't to her liking?'

Her eyes went wide at the sheer impossible sight they were greeted with next. Kate retrieved something from her handbag, lifting the item to her lips. Jeri squinted her eyes so as to see better, almost toppling over when she recognized the item. 'A flask? No way! That's... oh wow...'

Jeri bit her lip, her heart for reasons she couldn't comprehend, clenching painfully in her chest, tears stinging in her eyes. She rushed over to her car, all the while making sure not to be seen, staying in the shadows.

She once more drove off to the beach, finally allowing the tears to fall, hiccupping in between sobbing. 'Just why does it affect me so much to see her like this? She couldn't care less about me. Still, seeing her out of all people like this, the woman who always seems so professional, brave and downright perfect, flawless... It hurts so much for reasons I can't understand. Why can't I simply ignore her like she usually does with me? Why do I care?'

Jeri took off her clothes, feeling oddly empty after having bawled her eyes out once again, the gentle ocean waves lapping at her body only doing so much to improve her mood.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both Kate and Jeri are having trouble sleeping, each for their own reasons. Jeri is determined to get to the bottom of the mystery of her special fan mail while Kate is struggling with problems of a very personal kind...

Through the whole rest of the day, Jeri couldn't stop thinking about Kate, a sense of yearning she'd never felt this profoundly in her whole previous life, gnawing at her lonely heart and soul. She'd felt guilty when making the call to her parents that night, asking them if they could maybe have her son sleep over at their place since she was beyond exhausted and needed some alone time.

Her mother had immediately understood and agreed to have Alex stay over, advising her daughter to go straight to sleep, knowing she could use it. Jeri, as much as she'd tried sleeping early found herself unable to do so. Suddenly remembering those letters that without fail seemed to provide strange comfort to her, Jeri got up and retrieved them from her handbag, reading the supposed fan mail various times again, trying to read between the lines, a fact which admittedly was not very easy when it was the middle of the night and your body desperately cried out for sleep.

While once more lying in bed, Jeri's mind was still racing, too restless to fall asleep. 'M. Is there anyone, anyone at all that I know who is called M something? I can't think of anyone. Ugh, this is leading nowhere. That initial could literally stand for anything. Maybe it's a pseudonym, or something along those lines. Maybe it's completely random and has absolutely nothing to do with the writer themselves. If they're very clever that would make a lot of sense. The fact that they're very sneaky has already been proven first hand. Avoiding security and all that, wow. They sound much like a pro at this.'

Out of a sudden, an idea hit Jeri and she cried out. “Oh my God, that's it!”

She mused to herself that if the sender of those letters refused to make themselves known, she simply had to get sneaky and clever herself and make sure to have them reveal their identity eventually.

'They've so far without fail placed those letters on my 'doorstep' at the trailer. What if I'd send them a letter myself in return to thank them for the kind words of reassurance and the moral support? Then if they place the next letter and come by my trailer again they'll find the letter I left for them. Picking up that letter will cause a delay in their actions, forcing them to linger by my trailer for longer than usual, a fact that I can use to my advantage if I manage to get the timing right. The question is... How will I know when they are going to send the next letter, if they're even gonna send another one in the first place?' Jeri groaned out in frustration at this, soon falling asleep over her thinking.

Meanwhile, at another end of the city, a certain redhead stood by the bedroom window of her apartment, staring down at the sea. It was a beautiful place to live in, yet that didn't stop heavy tears from running down her cheeks, a sense of loneliness so profound it cried to the heavens clawing at her heart, mind filled with images of the last person she should be thinking of.

'You're a mess. The mere fact that you're thinking of her is wrong. Someone like you would only taint a sweet, innocent angel like her. After all the things you've done to her, the pain you inflicted upon her by repeatedly harassing her, downgrading her, lashing out for no reason, and downright bullying her, you have absolutely no right to even cast a single thought to that sweet voice, that smile that could easily light up a whole city, those beautiful eyes, those sensual lips...'

“Enough with this bullshit!” Kate ruffled her hair in frustration, her cheeks stained with tears and mascara, her mouth dry, throat thirsting for something she knew she shouldn't be drinking, especially at this hour, but was too weak to refuse her body which desperately craved it. It was never enough.

Give me either the top or rock bottom, I hate the in-between. That's what she herself had stated in one of her earliest interviews at the beginning of her career. Right now, she was clearly at rock bottom, dangerously dangling off the edge of a cliff, like so many times before.

“Mom?”, her eyes widened in horror at hearing her youngest son's voice, harshly wiping at her cheeks, trying in vain to remove the obvious signs of her breakdown.

'Shit! I thought they were asleep. Don't tell me I woke them up with my yelling? I truly am the worst mother there is. I can barely care for them, love them, and protect them when I can't even do the same for myself...'

She inwardly cursed herself for having lost her resolve and yelled out like that, the thought that her boys could hear her had completely eluded her.

Kate sighed and went over to the door where her youngest son Alec was standing, not daring to look up at her, voice small. “Sorry for disturbing you.”

Kate felt her heart soften, voice gentle. “It's fine, honey. You didn't disturb me. Are you having trouble sleeping?”

He nodded slowly, fiddling with his hands, cheeks red in humiliation. “I had another nightmare, mom. My name's Alec. I'm not your honey.”

Kate smiled sadly and nodded slowly. “Yes, yes, of course. Sorry for calling you that again. It'll take some time to get used to. Wanna come in and tell me about that nightmare, Alec?”

The young boy's eyes turned wide at the unexpected question. “I... Is that okay? I don't wanna invade your privacy, mom...”

Kate blinked at this, her eyes having turned watery, heart aching, feeling a strong urge to hug her son, her baby, but forcing it down, knowing he wouldn't appreciate it.

So instead she simply motioned for him to follow her inside, stating sincerely. “I'm your mom. You're always welcome here, okay? Please don't ever feel like an intruder, Alec. Of course I appreciate you announcing your presence first and asking if it's a good time to come in, but apart from that my bedroom isn't off-limits to you, especially when you're having worries, or being plagued by nightmares. Okay?”

He nodded, following her inside, voice sounding soft. “Okay.”

Kate lay in her bed, gently patting the space next to her. “Now that that's cleared. Wanna join me and tell me about that nightmare of yours, honey?”

Alec completely ignored the nickname his mom gave him this time, knowing by now that she was actually being sincere when calling him that and it wasn't just some platitude she also used on her acting friends.

He laid down next to her, the two sharing a warm hug which felt foreign, yet familiar and comforting to both of them.

That night Kate for once didn't fall asleep alone and her body's craving for another drink had diminished thanks to her son.

The next morning, Jeri arrived on set earlier than usual. She was a woman on a mission. Knowing that the writer of those letters tended to send them very early, she'd decided to be there even earlier and catch them in the act, so to speak. Her eyes widened when they fell on the unmistakable white envelope. 'What? How?'

Jeri wanted to cry out in frustration, once again having arrived too late. Just who was that person that they arrived unreasonably early on set? 'I've arrived here an hour earlier than usual today. Who is that person and how come they arrived here even earlier than that? This is outrageous!'

The young woman sighed and sat in her trailer, grabbing a sheet and pen, deciding to write a message to that person regardless, despite her doubts that they'd show up here again today. Her curiosity got the best of her though, and she opened the latest letter first, desperate to know what her fan if you will had wrote to her this time.

_Have you ever tried screaming out at the ocean before? I know it sounds a little crazy at first, I used to think so myself before I first tried it. Scream therapy is a very effective form of releasing stress and negative energy, however. The ocean is right here, only a short drive away. You should try it sometime. Believe me, it works wonders. Good luck filming today! Make sure to get enough rest in between takes and destress. I loved the recent episode. Keep up the great work! You're a warrior, I'll always believe in you._

_M_

Jeri couldn't help but chuckle at the suggested means of therapy M, whoever they might be had suggested to her. 'Scream therapy, hu? That sounds quite odd, so odd in fact that I just might give it a shot sometime. I must truly be losing it, listening to some stranger's advice. No, M isn't simply some stranger. So far their suggestions have been nothing but helpful and beneficial.'

Tears once more ran down Jeri's cheeks at the last words that strung a chord deep inside her. At this moment, she once more wished to be able to thank M for being there for her and being selfless and kind enough to write her these letters. No one had ever cared for her in that manner before, especially none of her fans.

She wiped the tears from her cheeks before sitting down at the small desk, once more grabbing the empty sheet and pen, heart thrumming wildly in her chest for reasons she didn't dare further investigate at this moment, the pen seemingly flying over the paper as she wrote her first letter to M.

_Dear M,_

_I can not put in words how much your letters mean to me. Your encouragement, compassion, kindness, care, and selflessness are personality traits none of my fans has ever displayed for me before and which astonish me. I am truly grateful to you for going out of your way to send me these letters, they truly make my day and boost my mood which I very much appreciate. I feel the need to personally thank you for your genuine interest in my well-being and I very much hope that you are fairing well yourself. I take your words to heart. It's truly empowering to know someone out there believes in me and appreciates my efforts, the hard work I put into doing the complex character that is Seven of Nine justice. Maybe someday we can meet in person and I can thank you properly._

_Jeri_

Jeri placed the letter into an envelope, not finding a white one she opted for a red one, the heat creeping to her cheeks, a curious flutter starting in the pit of her stomach as she wrote on the front. _To: M_

She opened the door to her trailer, peaking around the area cautiously, and when she was sure that the coast was clear, swiftly placed the envelope there before leaving her trailer, walking over to the costume and make-up rooms to prepare for shooting.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeri's attempt to catch her secret fan in the act failed, the letter she'd left for them already gone when she arrives back at her trailer. The young woman finds herself wondering more and more about the identity of M. The fact that Kate and her are filming a long scene together, not helping her cause...

Kate had slept better than in a long time, a fact she was convinced had to do with her youngest son providing a source of comfort she hadn't felt, or even allowed herself in a long time. She felt guilty for denying her own children the much-needed and deserved love and affection she was supposed to provide them as their mother, a single mom no less, but she'd built up those walls around herself, afraid to let anyone, even her own flesh, and blood too close and allow them to see her in this most vulnerable state.

On top of that having accepted the role of Janeway had come with a prize. As much as she loved the challenge it provided for her career and the immense gain in popularity she'd received thanks to being the first female captain on a Star Trek series, her family had to suffer, especially her boys due to her spending most of her time these days filming instead of with them.

And then there was Tim. When her mother had first told her about him, she'd been so close to telling her off, but she wasn't naive and knew that doing so was a thing of the impossible. Mother always knew how to get her will and Kate mused she'd only meant well.

Still, that didn't change the fact that Kate was anything but happy in this relationship. Tim had seemed nice enough at first, genuinely interested in her life, her past, her career. However, she'd once again been blinded by those tactics, her lack of self-worth clearly not helping her realize the friendly face had merely been a facade, his apparent display of compassion, merely another trick to manipulate her into getting his will.

Kate sighed, placing a chaste kiss on her sleeping son's forehead before leaving their apartment to drive off to the set. 'Oh, to be a kid again and be able to sleep in on a Saturday morning.', she mused to herself before dismissing the thought. There was no point dwelling on the past and in all honesty, she was glad to be an adult, and be able to lead her own life, be her own boss.

When she arrived on set, her first thought went to a certain blonde, a fact Kate wasn't all too happy about. 'This needs to stop. It's bad enough we'll have to film a long scene together again today. How I envy Janeway for being allowed to be this close to Seven. Life could be so easy, would we live in the 24th century on a spaceship, far away from this fucked up society and social norms...'

Kate's head was throbbing and she knew damn well why that was. She forced herself to suppress the urge of giving in to her body's desires, grabbing herself a cup of strong black coffee instead which she downed along with a painkiller, a grim smile forming on her lips at the realization that this was exactly what a certain starship captain would be doing right now.

'Looks like I'm adapting to her habits quite well, a little too well in fact. I could happily live without those raging migraines.'

When she opened the door to the costume room, her breath caught in her throat at the sight of none other than the person she tried to avoid at all costs currently getting dressed into that dreadful biosuit. Fortunately for her, Jeri and Blackman's backs had been turned to her and they hadn't noticed her presence.

Kate tried in vain fending off the image of Jeri Ryan's naked back presented to her, luscious golden hair flowing over her shoulders. 'Even her back is gorgeous. I'm surprised there were no wings attached to it. She's an angel in disguise.'

Jeri, who had noticed the door being opened, turned around only to be met by a closed door. 'Odd. I could've sworn the door had been opened just now...', she shook her head in dismissal, thanking the costume designer before making her way over to the make-up room. Her stomach seemed to perform a salto at the thought of the long scene she'd be filming along with a certain someone today. 'Hopefully, she's in a decent mood. These days she seemed nice enough, especially for her standards...'

“Hiya, Jeri!” Jeri squeaked involuntarily at the sudden exclamation, having been lost in thought. She breathed a sigh of relief when her eyes met those of her young friend who beamed at her brightly.

Jeri crouched down to meet her on eye level, a smile of her own forming on her face. “Hi, Watson junior.”

To her surprise, Scarlett waved her hand in a gesture she must've learned from none other than Janeway, a fact that sent a curious flutter to Jeri's heart. “Watson is old news. Dana Scully is much better! Have you watched the X-Files before, Jeri?”

Jeri frowned at the question and shook her head. “I haven't actually, no.” Scarlett gasped at this, her eyes widened comically.

“You haven't? Ohmigosh! You have to watch that show, Jeri! Scully is the best FBI agent ever and Gillian Anderson is such a great actress and so sweet and so pretty and smart and, and...”

Jeri chuckled at the overexcited rambling of her young friend and told her gently. “Breathe, Scarlett. I get the idea. She sounds like an amazing woman. So you want me to call you Scully junior instead of Watson junior now. Correct?”

Scarlett beamed brightly and nodded. “You got it, sista! Any news on...” Scarlett whispered in Jeri's ear. “Your secret friend?”

Jeri felt her cheeks heat up, a fact that deeply irritated her, and nodded slowly. “Yes, actually. They've sent two more letters. I guess you have your first case, Scully junior.”

Scarlett fist-pumped at this. “Ha, I told ya! They sure are sly and sneaky, hu? Uh, by the way. You wanted to tell me what their initial was.”

Jeri nodded and answered her. “It's an M.”

Scarlett frowned at this before gasping out. “M! It has to stand for mystery. I just know it.”

Jeri was once more perplexed at the young girl's power of deduction. Then again she was an avid fan of crime shows and novels and therefore seemingly more versed on solving such mysteries than Jeri herself.

Jeri was about to head back to her trailer, to check if the letter she'd sent to M was still lying on her 'doorstep' before remembering something. “By the way. I sent a letter to M myself this morning. Maybe I can catch them like that, or in the very least I finally get to repay them for their kindness.”

Scarlett high-fived her older friend, telling her, voice filled with pride. “That's a great tactic, Mulder. I appreciate your way of thinking. M can't escape us much longer. I'm convinced that we're close to unveiling their identity.”

Jeri sprinted back to her trailer, her eyes turning wide at the missing envelope. 'Damn it! They were faster than me again.' Somehow this cat and mouse game, if you will exciting Jeri more than she'd ever anticipated.

After taking a few gulps from her water bottle, a habit she'd developed over the last few days, thanks to M's advice, Jeri quickly sprinted over to the studio building, hoping she wouldn't be late for her first scene of the day which just so happened to be the one with Kate.

Jeri's eyes widened when she saw Kate sitting on a chair, engrossed in reading... something. It didn't look like a script, not that Kate ever seemed to need those, always being very well-prepared, almost never forgetting or messing up as much as a single line.

'What is she reading there and why am I so interested in such unimportant information?', Jeri squinted her eyes, trying to make out what had the older woman so captivated, but in the end, she gave up, not eager to experience Kate's wrath again.

The blonde's eyes widened, her stomach twisting when Brannon Braga arrived, one of those slimy grins on his face. “Jeri and Kate! Just the two ladies I've been looking for. There are some changes to the script for _The killing game_ which I'd like to discuss with you after shooting later. If you'd be so kind as to come to my office at your earliest convenience. That would be great. Oh, Bob wants to see you for another costume fitting later as well. The new scenes we included in the script will require another outfit change. I'm sure your fans will be delighted at their favorite characters finally getting to wear something other than their regular uniforms. Break a leg!”

Had Jeri dared to look up, she'd been able to see the raised eyebrow and puzzled expression of la Mulgrew who muttered under her breath. “What was that all about?”

The younger woman was wondering about the same thing, despite not possessing enhanced hearing like Seven she'd been able to hear the older woman's words, shrugging, and mumbling. “Beats me...”

Jeri looked up, their eyes meeting for a brief moment, the air between them seeming to crackle. The blonde quickly averted her gaze again, unable to stand the intense gaze from Kate's steel-blue eyes.

Kate herself sighed inaudibly, the blood rushing in her ears, not prepared for that intense gaze from those hypnotizing ice-blue eyes, or their short 'conversation' if you could even call it that.

Both women were relieved when filming started, thankful for the distraction, yet wondering about those changes to the script and costumes Braga had told them about earlier...


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeri has a hard time focusing on filming her scene with Kate, finding the woman very distracting. The news regarding the changes to the script of The Killing Game are only making matters worse for the two struggling ladies...

After successfully filming their scene together, Jeri having a hard time staying focused due to the close proximity to Kate, the fact that the dreadful biosuit was pressing painfully against both her bladder and her lungs, making her feel quite lightheaded clearly not helping her cause. A thing Jeri noticed right away, however, was that today there was no trace of cigarette smoke, heavy perfume, or those dreadful mints on the older woman. Instead she smelled fresh, clean, the uncanny scent of coffee detectable from her breath when she spoke, a fact that reminded Jeri of Janeway, and very womanly.

'Very womanly? Whatever the heck does that even mean?'

Jeri inwardly rolled her eyes at herself for having such inappropriate, absurd thoughts.

'Why do I even bother smelling her breath? God, I must be out of my mind. I'm acting much like Seven. Playing her must already be rubbing off on me...'

A tiny voice in the back of her head, that Jeri chose to ignore as per usual whispered that she did this because she secretly desired to kiss the older woman even if said kiss would merely happen on screen and between Kate and her characters on the show, Janeway and Seven. Jeri quickly rushed off to the restrooms as per usual once the scene was finished, leaving Kate to look after her with a frown. After relieving herself and putting the biosuit back on which was always such a hassle, the young woman left the toilet stall, her eyes widening when she saw Kate standing by the sinks. Jeri swallowed, afraid to become subject to the redhead's infamous wrath and harassment again.

“Good work today.”

The blonde thought she must've been hearing things, nodding her head slowly, looking down at her hands, the glove she usually wore on her left still in her hand. To her utter astonishment, Kate held out her hand.

“Shall I hold this for a moment so you can wash your hands?”

Jeri, still feeling tongue-tied, looked at Kate's outstretched hand, the older woman who noticed the hesitance told her.

“It's not a trap.”

The blonde gingerly laid the glove in the older woman's hand, a spark seeming to ignite between them. Jeri quickly washed her hands, heart racing in her chest, cheeks flushed.

'This... what is this? Oh Lord, I thought it was hard to have her ignore me, but having her actually pay attention to me even the smallest amount of it is probably even worse...'

Kate awkwardly handed Jeri the glove back which the blonde reluctantly put back on her left hand, the duo walking over to Braga's office together in silence. Once standing in front of the door, Kate knocked, seeing as how Jeri had once more averted her gaze and didn't seem particularly willing to perform the action herself.

“Enter!”, came the response from inside to which the redhead opened the door, both women walking inside.

Brannon Braga smiled his typical smile when he saw the two main actresses, exclaiming jovially.

“Just the two ladies I've been expecting. From what I've heard you've both done an outstanding job again today, as expected from my two leading ladies. Please take a seat.”

He gestured at the two chairs at the other side of his desk in which the two women sat before continuing.

“As I already informed you earlier there's been some changes made to the original script of _The Killing Game_ that I'd like to discuss with you two, but first here are the scripts.”

He handed them a script each which the duo accepted, both flipping through the pages, Braga's voice interrupting their actions.

“If you'd flip over to page 21, please. There are the changes I wanted to discuss with you two.”

Both women followed the instruction of the main producer obediently, eyes flying over the text, both soon displaying visual signs of shock. Kate, as expected was the first to speak up.

“Katrine is supposed to say what to the Mademoiselle, Brannon? You can't be serious! That's by far the worst pick-up line I've ever heard in my life...”

The young man waved his hand dismissively.

“Now, Kate. It's close to Valentine's and we want to gift our loyal viewers and J/7 shippers out there a little present for this occasion. Katrine is not Kathryn. The two of them are on the holodeck in a simulation, Kate. Or do you have a problem having your character flirt with Jeri's character? It's not like this would be something new for the two of you. That chemistry between you two demands some action. Our writers have noticed that much like us producers and the fans and we want to utilize that.”

Kate had a hard time not to roll her eyes. This was about viewer counts again, she just knew it. There was only one thing she didn't understand, but she decided to ignore it for the time being and instead told the producer.

“Of course, I have nothing against our characters flirting with each other. The question is... what are you aiming for with this? Is this going to affect Janeway and Seven's relationship in any form or way? If so then I'd like to be informed of that before you'll be taking some drastic action.”

Jeri had a hard time to breathe, let alone talk, the fact that Kate had so casually stated that she wouldn't mind Katrine flirting with Mademoiselle de Neuf stunning her to no end.

“Jeri, do you have any problem with Kate and your characters flirting with each other on that particular episode?”

Jeri snapped out of her daze upon hearing her name called, quickly shaking her head, answering in an almost inaudible voice.

“I don't.”

Brannon smiled at this.

“Now that that's cleared, back to your other question, Kate. So far nothing is planned in terms of Janeway and Seven's relationship. After all, Seven has merely joined the crew not too long ago and is still very much Borg. Janeway is mainly her mentor who teaches her about humanity and of course her captain. However, there is undeniably a strong chemistry between the two women that might demand further action in the future, but nothing is planned as of now.”

Both Kate and Jeri had a hard time processing this, leaving Braga's office in a hurry, both going their separate ways. Jeri went to the costume room to check out what new costume Blackman had in store for her. Brannon Braga stared at the door to his office dumbfounded, muttering under his breath.

“I wasn't finished yet... Dismissed, I guess...”

He shook his head, once more convinced that the two women were so fed up with each other's presence that they'd been eager to leave. Kate's strong dislike for Jeri was no secret. Braga found it all the more surprising how both women had readily agreed to the changes they'd made to the script.

When Jeri entered the costume room Bob Blackman greeted her in an even more eccentric way than usual causing the young woman to chuckle.

“Brannon stated you have new costumes for Kate and I?”

Jeri mentally facepalmed the moment she realized what she'd just said. The costume designer smiled to himself and nodded.

“I do, darling! The two of you are going to look fabulous in these outfits. There's no doubt in my mind about that! It's such a shame really that that scene in Katrine's bedroom is going to be so short...”

Jeri's eyes turned the size of saucers at the man's words, but she deemed it best to act nonchalant, telling him.

“A true shame. Anyway, may I see the outfit in question I'll be wearing for that scene now please?”

The designer nodded his head, producing an outfit so short that Jeri almost lost her resolve. The young woman wondered more and more about the scene in Katrine's bedroom Blackman had referred to.

'Why did Brannon not mention such a crucial scene earlier? Don't tell me Katrine and Mademoiselle de Neuf are gonna... Oh God, please tell me this is not what I think it is...'

Kate who had sat in her trailer to read the new script of _The Killing Game_ Braga had handed to her earlier almost choked on her drink when reading a scene that definitely hadn't been included initially.

_De Neuf, batting her eyelashes, directed at Katrine: I believe we should take this somewhere else, Katrine_

_Katrine, in a sultry voice: Your room or mine, chérie?_

_De Neuf, sweetly: Yours please. I can barely walk in this state._

“I can barely walk in this state?” Kate had a strong urge to yell out profanities, rip her hair out, or smack Braga hard across that punchable face of his.

'I can't believe this! How dare he not mention this at all? Flirting is one thing, but this... This isn't harmless flirting anymore and to think that Voyager is a show for an audience as young as 12+. Wow... The nerve of this man is unbelievable. Boy, am I glad my babies aren't watching that show! Lord knows the shock of seeing their mom in that kind of role would cause them. Still, chances are high at least some of their classmates, or friends are watching it, and... Damn that! I can't imagine Jeri would've agreed to this, had she been aware the 'flirting' would eventually take on a tone as suggestive as that.'

The redhead ruffled her hair in frustration, feeling torn by the turn of things. She wanted to finish this war between the younger woman and herself and at least act civilized with her from now on. However, how on earth was that going to work out if their roles demanded them to be all over each other?

Kate's cheeks turned crimson and unable to stop herself, that damned curiosity of hers once again getting the best of her, continued reading where she'd previously left off.

_Katrine, chuckling lowly, taking de Neuf's hand: Bien sure, chérie. Your wish is my command._

_Both head up the stairs behind the bar, soft music playing_

_In Katrine's bedroom, both laying on Katrine's bed, the older on top of the younger, gunshots suddenly can be heard in the distance, startling the two lovers in their intimate embrace_

_Katrine, sighing, gets up reluctantly, hastily dressing back into her usual tux, stating directed at de Neuf: We'll finish this another time, Mademoiselle._

_De Neuf, raising ocular implant, tone seductive: I will take you up on that word, Katrine._

_Both rush back down the stairs and out of the building_

Kate heaved a heavy sigh, rubbing her face. 'Fuck this shit! I'm supposed to lay on top of Jeri, in a bed, half-naked? The heck does that jerk Braga take me for? No, no, not me. What does he take her for? Jeri can't, won't be doing that kind of scene! That's absolutely impossible.'

Kate left her trailer, walking back to the studio building, not at all looking forward to trying on the new costume Blackman had created for that specific scene. Maybe she could still get a glimpse of Jeri... No. She inwardly scolded herself the moment she had that thought. It had been too much already that she'd seen the younger woman's naked back earlier that day.

Jeri, just stepped back outside the building when Kate entered, their hands brushing for a split second, causing an electric jolt to rush through them. The blonde quickly rushed back towards the safety of her trailer, heart going a mile an hour. Kate shook her head, trying to rid her mind of the fog that seemed to have formed in there, hastily walking towards the costume room.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kate, much like Jeri isn't all too happy about the skimpy outfit she's supposed to be wearing in the scene in Katrine's room alongside the younger woman, a scene she dreads having to film in general. Meanwhile, Jeri is delighted when after a long day of work she finds another letter of M on her doorstep, an answer to the one she'd sent them earlier. Said answer touches Jeri more than she'd anticipated...

Kate entered the costume room and much like Jeri earlier was greeted by an overly boisterous Bob Blackman. The redhead stiffened as she found the man's arms wrapped around her petite frame, pecks soon landing on her cheeks which made her eyes widen in alarm and slight disgust.

“Bob, what's this all about? I mean, I'm happy to see you again too, but can you please tone it down a notch?”

Blackman who only now seemed to notice just what he was doing and with whom, let go of Kate's body and stepped aside, gaze averted in humiliation.

“I apologize, Kate. I didn't mean to invade your personal space, let alone make you uncomfortable. My excitement must've gotten the best of me there.”

Kate felt mildly disturbed by the costume designer's words, wondering why on Earth he was so excited to see her today but dared not pose that question, afraid of the answer. Instead, she decided to revert the topic back to the actual reason she came here in the first place, asking all business-like.

“So, Brannon told us earlier that there are new costumes for Janeway and Seven.”

A smile that unnerved Kate shadowed the face of Bob Blackman at this who soon regained back his professional, for his standards anyway, demeanor and produced what could only be described as undergarments, waving them in front of her.

“Here it is. I know it seems very short and showy. If you want to you can keep the tux pants on, so as not to be too exposed in the scene.”

Kate nodded slowly, grateful for the suggestion which she sincerely hoped Braga would be okay with. She had no intention of laying on top of a half-naked Jeri in half-naked form herself.

'I can't do this to her. It's bad enough we have to film this scene in the first place. I should at least have the decency to cover my lower half with pants. I'm sure, Jeri's gonna appreciate that as well.'

She smiled her infamous crooked smile at the designer at this, telling him gratefully.

“Thanks for the suggestion, Bob. I'll be doing that. It should be more than enough for me to expose most of my upper body only wearing this... undershirt.”

She quickly tried on the outfit in question along with the pants of the tux to make sure they fit over the underpants. Bob Blackman nodded in approval, stating appreciatingly.

“You look gorgeous, darling. Your fans will be blown away seeing you in this outfit, Kate.”

The redhead couldn't care less for her fans at the moment but hummed in response.

“Let's see if they will.”

The costume designer was certain to detect a subtext to this statement but left it uncommented, knowing la Mulgrew to be rather unpredictable in her personality, infamous for her sudden, seemingly out of the blue mood swings. He knew better than to expose himself to the wrath of the woman. Kate exhaled deeply once she was outside again, leaning against the wall of the studio building, running a hand over her face. Filming this scene, this whole double episode, in fact, would cost her an immense amount of self-discipline which she wasn't sure she possessed in her current state.

Jeri sat in her trailer, unable to stop gazing down at her hand which had brushed against Kate's, not for the first time that day, the soft form of contact enough to cause her skin to prickle as per usual.

'This is so wrong. God, how am I supposed to keep my composure around that woman if she keeps on surprising me like this? It's bad enough when she does that as Janeway while we're filming. All those times Janeway touched Seven, usually as a means of reassurance, or comfort. Those could've easily be explained away as acting and a typical trait of the character that is Captain Kathryn Janeway. However, her touching my hand? Off-camera? That's a whole other story. No, it must've been coincidental. There's no way she touched me intentionally. She hates the guts of me, or in the very least isn't too big of a fan of my person.'

That last thought made her thoughts drift back to those letters by M which resulted in her heart pounding wildly in her chest, her cheeks flushing. Jeri couldn't help but once again wonder who this mysterious fan and writer of those letters was and what they might be doing at the moment.

'I really shouldn't wonder what some stranger is currently doing. That's so odd. How do those letters and the thought of M excite me so much anyway? I'm too lonely that I already cling to complete strangers who I can't even be sure of if they're sincere and genuine in their motives.'

At the same time, a figure could be seen scribbling down notes before yet again curling the sheet into a ball, throwing it into the trash can, and grabbing a fresh sheet, starting over for the n-th time. The response to Jeri's letter had to be perfect. Not too emotional and not too detached either. How come they didn't seem to be able to get the voice of M right today? A heavy sigh left the figure, clenching and unclenching their free hand which wasn't holding the pen before finally having managed to write a letter which was to their satisfaction, placing it in an unremarkable white envelope. For a moment they considered using a red one as well, just like Jeri had done earlier, but ultimately decided against that, not wanting to irritate the blonde. Those white envelopes had, after all, turned into somewhat of a trademark of M's and they were determined to keep it that way.

Once the job was done, the person who was known to Jeri only as M sneaked their way to the young woman's trailer much like a ninja, placing the envelope with their latest letter, the response to Jeri's letter from earlier that day on the doorstep of the blonde's trailer in their usual fashion before sneaking back, in the same manner, they'd come, heart beating heavily at the effort and excitement provoked by their actions.

Jeri was blissfully unaware of any of what had just transpired, currently arriving back from finishing her last scene for the day, feeling beyond relieved to finally be out of that dreadful biosuit and back in her own clothes. She took a swig from her water bottle, casually entering her trailer, doing a double-take when she noticed the white envelope.

Her pulse quickened, a by now familiar flutter starting in the pit of her stomach, immediately recognizing the envelope as one of M's. Jeri felt overjoyed at the prospect of having received an answer from them, a fact that worried her, but that she chose to ignore, for the time being, her childlike excitement defeating her sense of rationality. She sat on her chair, fingers nimbly prodding the envelope open, retrieving her 'fan mail' from inside it, opening the folded sheet of paper, reading the contents with great interest.

_Dear Jeri,_

_You're flattering me, truly you are. I don't feel like I possess all those personality traits that you mentioned, but the fact that you think of me in that manner is yet another sign of your own great personality. Hearing that your other fans don't appreciate you and genuinely care for you upsets me in ways you can't imagine. However, you shouldn't take it to heart. People are often shallow and care more for outer appearance and what's on the surface than personality and other people's well-being._

_They often forget that looks can be deceiving and actors are humans as well and as such deserve appreciation, care, compassion, and love, not shallow platitudes and compliments on their looks, or that of the character they represent. I am pleased to hear my letters are able to improve your mood, be a source of strength to you, make your day even. That knowledge makes it all the more worthwhile for me to continue writing and sending them to you._

_You are right in saying that Seven of Nine, the character you portray on the show is a very complex young woman with great potential and character depth, not to forget fierce intelligence and you, Jeri, are not only doing her justice but giving her a voice, breathing life into her, so much so that she has already become a vital character of Voyager who has experienced great character development during the time she's been on the show. I very much appreciate your efforts._

_The fandom benefits immensely from having you as the actress who portrays this unique young woman. On a lighter note, you stated earlier in your letter that I was going out of my way sending you these letters. So are you, Jeri! I was not a little astonished to receive an answer from you, but I genuinely appreciate the sentiment of you wanting to personally thank me for sending you these letters. It is the least I can do to show my appreciation and admiration for you._

_I doubt that we are ever going to be able to meet in person, but it's sweet of you to say that, I appreciate the sentiment. Trust me, you wouldn't want to meet me, face me. It would only cause you disappointment. It's enough for me to receive this letter from you. In fact, it's far more than I ever would've expected to get. Thank you so much for that. You truly are a great person. I see you, Jeri. You are not alone._

_In deep admiration and respect, M_

Jeri sat in her trailer, heavy tears running down her cheeks, body rocking back and forth, her head resting on her knees, arms wrapped around her legs.

'How can you say that, M? Why would I not want to meet you, be disappointed when meeting you even? How can a person that writes such sweet letters think so lowly of themselves? I just don't understand! Looks don't matter. M stated that in their letter themselves. They are contradicting themselves! Who has hurt you so much that you fear being rejected by me? People are often cruel. I wish I could improve M's self-esteem and help them realize that they are worthy, loved, appreciated, seen as they called it themselves.'

Jeri sighed to herself, wiping away the tears from her cheeks, heart aching at that last letter from M. Her wish to meet them, talk to them for real and connect to them grew ever-stronger, fueled by the anonymous fan's clearly low self-esteem and as Jeri deemed their wrong, far too negative impression of themselves.

The young woman felt a strong urge to scream at this moment, so angry was she at the cruelty of humanity, people belittling, or downright bullying others who were as amazing and kind as M and deserved nothing but kindness, appreciation, and compassion in turn. 'Nothing is so hard as man's ingratitude.', Jeri thought to herself bitterly, eyes downcast as she left her trailer to walk to her car, her intention to once more drive to the beach set, this time to try out the suggested 'scream therapy' to relieve herself of some of the pain and anger she felt. Jeri once more felt grateful towards the person she only knew as M for having introduced her to that kind of method, seeing as how it seemed very appealing to her right about now.

The blonde cast a glance over in the direction she'd seen Kate stand the past few days when she'd been leaving, a mixture of relief and disappointment washing over her when it turned out that tonight the spot was void of the redhead.

'Why are you disappointed at this? You should be glad she drove home already. At least that way you don't have to act like a creepy stalker tonight and avoid being detected by her.'

Once Jeri sat in her car and drove off, another thought that made her feel sick to her stomach occurred to her.

'She's probably with him right now, not wasting a single thought of you as they're having 'fun' together.'

Jeri suddenly felt the urge to stop her car at the side of the road and once more throw up. It was beyond her how and why imagining Kate with this man, her lover, apparently, made her experience such strong physical and emotional responses. She also felt an unexplainable urge to punch into a wall, not that there was currently any of those around with her being on the road in the middle of nowhere.

Jeri drove faster, desperately wanting to arrive at the beach and at least cry her lungs out to her heart's content. She might still be punching a wall later once she'd be back at home, but for now the 'scream therapy' would have to suffice as means of an outlet for her white hot fury...


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeri's first attempt at scream therapy has unexpected effects. Her mind is more and more preoccupied with the mysterious person called M. Meanwhile, a surprising discovery leads to Kate seeing things from a new angle.

Jeri barely made it to the beach, staggering out of her car, feeling very weak in her knees. She was glad to not have ended up crashing her car in her state, so enraged was she. The young woman was once more glad to know Jack was still on his business trip while Alex stayed with her parents, her mom had insisted to take care of him, sensing her daughter needed time to herself now more than ever. Jeri was beyond grateful that her mother knew her so well. She stumbled down to the sea, the surprisingly harsh breeze playing with her hair.

Once she stood by the water, the waves crashing against the shore, she balled her fists, gathering all her strength before crying out so loud, she was stunned herself at the intensity of that scream of hers, all pent-up emotion palpable through that one powerful cry and it felt so good, so relieving, Jeri noticed.

She repeated the procedure several more times, completely losing track of time. The young woman was panting heavily, sweat trickling down the sides of her face, a huge grin on her face, suddenly she started giggling, her giggles before long turning into a full-blown laughing fit. Jeri found herself rolling in the sand, laughing out in a manner she couldn't remember the last time she'd felt this carefree, mind clear and void of any negative thoughts for once, her earlier rage having vaporized into thin air.

When she drove back home her earlier desire to punch a wall was a mere distant memory anymore. Instead of going to bed, however, feeling pumped and far too energized to sleep she took a quick shower before dressing in an outfit she hadn't worn in quite some time, carefully applying a new layer of make-up. Her heart was hammering wildly in her chest. She quickly left the house again, afraid to chicken out if she'd give it too much thought.

As she drove down to the familiar part of town, neon lights blinking invitingly, people entering the various bars and clubs, a sense of nostalgia hit her.

'God, it's been far too long since I've last been here. Guess being married and mother of a small child has taken the fun out of my life.'

She inwardly scolded herself for the thought. No, she wouldn't trade Alex for the world. He was the center of her small world. Jack on the other hand...

She sighed, determined to forget all about that man and this disaster of a marriage for tonight. The location she'd chosen to go to was just the place for that. Jeri wondered for a moment if people here still remembered her. After all, it had been six long years since she'd last set foot in here.

When she went over to the bar a voice exclaimed. “Oh, my Goddess! Lynn, is that really you? Damn, it's been ages since you've last been here. I was so worried when you suddenly stopped coming here, but then I figured life happened and maybe you'd grown out of going to places like this one and had settled down, or something along those lines...”

Jeri chuckled, exchanging a warm hug with the brunette bartender. “Something along those lines, yeah. Sorry for worrying you, Lexy. Life's been pretty busy these past few years and I guess you could say I settled down. I missed this and you.”

Jeri asked genuinely. “How have you been doing though? It's been a minute, hu? It's honestly great to be greeted by a familiar face here. I'd been afraid there'd be new faces all around.”

The woman named Lexy looked at Jeri in mock-shock, telling her conspiratorially. “I pretty much belong to the inventory here, Lynn. It might've been a while since you've last been here, but some things never change. I've been doing great, still tending to the bar and my lovely customers as you can see. So, what can I bring you? The usual?”

Jeri smiled and nodded. “Yes, please.”

She watched on as the brunette expertly mixed her drink, all the while performing little tricks with the shaker which as always astonished Jeri who clapped once her friend was finished with her little show and presented an ocean blue drink to her.

Jeri inspected the drink curiously, asking the brunette. “What's today's special called?”

The bartender grinned. “It's called Cool Blue Pool Punch.”

Jeri hummed before asking hesitantly. “It is non-alcoholic, right?”

Lexy nodded and grinned. “Of course, Lynn! I made your special. I might be forgetful, but I remember my regular's preferences even after six years.”

She winked at Jeri at this who chuckled softly. “Well, that's a relief! Thanks, Lexy. I'll enjoy this drink then.”

A pleased sigh left her lips when she took the first furtive sip, raising a thumb up at her friend she stated. “Delicious as always!”

The club slowly kept filling with other party folks, Lexy having sat next to her friend, another bartender having taken over her job for the time being. “So, how's life? You stated earlier that you'd settled down? That's quite a surprise. No offense, but I didn't take you for that kind of person. You always seemed like such a free spirit to me. Then again, it's been six years. Still, you're so young! I was convinced you'd be able to enjoy life for a little longer before settling down.”

Jeri sighed, a sad smile shadowing her face. “Trust me, it came as a surprise to me as well. Had someone told me six years ago I'd settle down and get married I would've laughed at them. Sometimes life takes unexpected turns and you end up falling for the wrong person...”

The brunette frowned at this, feeling for the younger woman, but unsure on how to proceed she asked hesitantly. “Wanna talk about it, Lynn?”

Jeri considered the offer for a moment but ultimately decided against it. “It's fine, Lexy. I came here to have fun and maybe catch up with some old friends.”

The brunette nodded at this. “That sounds like a plan. Well, is there any exciting news I missed out on? I'm sure there must be, considering the long time we haven't met. Tell me all the juicy details.”

Jeri chuckled at her friend's words, biting her lip. “Actually, only recently something quite exciting has started to enfold. I've been receiving anonymous letters by a secret admirer of sorts at work.”

Lexy gasped at this, the excitement clearly visible in her emerald green eyes. “Tell me more about it, sis! I'm all ears and don't worry your secret's safe with me, as always.”

Jeri started from the beginning, knowing she couldn't go too much into detail, the other woman unaware of her profession and status. “It started about a week ago. I kept on receiving letters in white envelopes that are merely signed with one initial. Since my working place is quite hard to access for outsiders with security having their eyes and ears everywhere, I've soon reached the conclusion that the sender is either very sneaky or must be someone working there as well.

I've been in a ditch for a while now, but the letters of that secret admirer are giving me so much strength and hope. They started off innocent enough, just a relatively short message telling me that I'm a great addition to the team, my work and effort are very much appreciated, and reminding me to rest and make sure to drink water during breaks.

It might've not been much, but to me, it was the best thing anyone has told me in a long time. The way this person goes out of their way sending me these letters is warming my heart and I wish I could thank them directly. Today I sent them a letter back, telling them just that.”

Lexy had moved to the edge of the barstool, practically hanging on Jeri's lips. “Did they already answer you? Are you gonna meet? A work romance, how exciting!”

Jeri chuckled bitterly. “They don't want to meet me, Lex. They told me in their reply that in their opinion I'd wind up feeling disappointed and would regret having decided to meet them. I just can't understand how a person as kind and selfless as them can think so lowly of themselves!”

The brunette frowned at this, a knowing smile forming on her lips. “You're not gonna give up so easily though. Are you, Lynn? Knowing you that kind of answer only fuels your desire to meet them and prove them wrong. Right?”

Jeri was stunned at the older woman's on-point assessment of the situation, nodding slowly. “You're right. Call me crazy, but somehow I know it'll be worth it. M seems like a great person. If I'll have to fight for a meeting with them then so be it.”

Jeri was about to bite her tongue. 'Crap! Did I really just tell her the initial that person is using?'

Lexy blinked and asked. “Do you know someone named M something that works at your company, Lynn?”

Jeri, who'd already considered that before herself shook her head. “Nah. I can't think of anyone. A colleague and friend of mine and I have already crossed out that possibility. She's of the opinion that M stands for mystery. She's a bit of a crime show and novel nerd, you know?”

Lexy gasped at this. “Yes! Your friend could be right. That could very well be what it stands for. After all, who would be as reckless as to use their own initial when writing these kinds of letters, wanting to stay anonymous?”

Jeri nodded, once more wondering about M and what they were currently doing.

Jeri resumed telling her old friend that she'd developed feelings for a colleague of hers who was the straightest person she'd ever met, dating a man, having two sons, and on top of that hated the guts of her. Lexy felt for her friend, knowing out of her own personal experience how tough and frustrating falling for a straight woman could be. The fact that said woman in Jeri's case was a co-worker who she saw almost daily only making matters far worse.

What really caught the brunette's attention, however, was when Jeri then mentioned. “The strangest thing is that... somehow the mere imagination of her being with her lover makes me feel physically sick.”

Lexy tapped her chin at this. “You mentioned earlier that on days you knew you had to work together with her in the past it made you feel sick to the stomach as well. She seems to affect you quite strong physically.”

Jeri bit her lip. “You're right, Lex. The few times we had unintentional physical contact my skin was without fail prickling from it. No one ever caused such strong physical responses from me. Ugh, speaking of physical things. Those drinks of yours are starting to have their effect on my bladder. I'll go use the restroom real quick. I'll be right back.”

Lexy chuckled at this and nodded. “Sure. You know the way.”

Jeri nodded, despite not possessing a cortical node like a certain ex-Borg, still having a rather good sense of direction, quickly rushing over to the restrooms.

After relieving and refreshing herself, Jeri went back to the club and after ordering another drink, decided to dance.

Meanwhile, at the other end of town, a certain redhead tossed and turned in her bed, sleep once more eluding her tonight. She got up from her bed, finally having enough. Her sons were staying with their father tonight, Robert having called spontaneously, announcing his stay in LA and that he wanted to spend some bonding time with his sons who he hadn't met in a while. Kate had readily agreed, in all honesty, relieved to have a little alone time, 'the void' as she tended to call it making it hard to care for her sons on top of caring for herself these days. The petite woman sighed, walking over to the living room, mixing herself a drink before heading back to her bedroom.

She sat her drink aside, laying on her bed once again, this time turning on the tv, hoping some background noise might help lull her to sleep or at least offer some form of distraction from her thoughts that seemed to all revolve around a certain blonde. Kate took a hearty swig from her whisky soda, lazily zapping from one channel to the next before coming to a stop, hearing a familiar voice that made her heart skip a beat. Low and behold, there was Seven of Nine, clad in the dreadful silver catsuit. Kate subconsciously licked her lips, her body responding to the sight and voice of the younger woman in ways that scared her.

'I must be out of my mind to watch one of my own shows and ogle Jeri like that. No, not Jeri, Seven.'

Next thing she knew, her own face came into view causing the redhead to flinch, her own voice sounding even worse than she'd anticipated in her own ears. What she then noticed, however, now technically a regular viewer of the show, was the tension in the air between the two characters and what could only be described as longing glances of both women towards each other. Kate was shocked when she noticed Janeway's eyes lingering a little too long on Seven's lips, occasionally also on the young woman's admittedly very prominent chest area.

'Well, that's embarrassing. I should really get a grip. In my defense, I was acting and very much in-character at the time. Janeway seems to be rather fond of her protégée in more ways than I'd anticipated.'

What really caught Kate off-guard though, was when she noticed Seven looking at Janeway in a much similar way. The young woman's eyes often drifting down south as well, in one scene when Janeway left the ready room, Seven's eyes seemed to be transfixed by the older woman's butt, a fact that sent the heat both to Kate's cheeks and a place farther down south her body.

'Oh, Lord! This is so wrong. I should really turn this off. One thing watching this episode has shown me, however, is that the producers and writers, even the fans have a good reason thinking there's something going on between Janeway and Seven. That chemistry is palpable even through the screen and the fact that Janeway is rather touchy-feely in general only adds to the sexual tension between those two.

Janeway is canonically a straight character though. She's only ever dated men before and Seven. Well, Seven has zero experience in terms of romance and sex in general, not even to mention their age difference and the fact that Janeway is the ship's commanding officer and Seven one of her subordinates.'

Kate had to admit that those facts only made the pairing all the more exciting and interesting. Also, Jeri and her age difference was almost identical to that of their characters, their situation much similar as well.

'The one advantage Janeway and Seven have, however, is that they have the privilege to live in the 24th century where homophobia is pretty much non-existent and equality has been achieved for the most part. Also, they're all the way out in space, in the Delta Quadrant.

Who really gives a damn about rules and regulations all the way out there? Janeway should really act on those feelings one of these days and ask Seven out on a date. They're both very lonely and deserving of love and happiness. Also, it's plain to see that they're pining for each other in a quite unsubtle manner.'

At this moment, Kate made a plan. If she couldn't experience true love and happiness then at least her character on the show should be allowed that chance. That is if Jeri would be okay with Janeway and Seven becoming lovers on the show and the writers and producers would have the guts to take the rather risky route of having the first female Star Trek captain be a canonically bisexual woman and Seven, an ex-member of the Borg collective her lover.

'Yeah, sure. As if they'd ever be willing to do that. Only in your dreams, you old fool. Also, I'm a mom. I can't risk my babies getting bullied in school because their mom plays a woman who loves women, or for Jeri's reputation to be ruined, not even to mention her marriage...'

When Jeri finally arrived back home after dancing to her heart's content, something she hadn't done in years, her thoughts drifted back to M. A sigh left her lips when she plopped down on her bed, fishing the anonymous person's latest letter out of her handbag, re-reading the response they'd written to her own first letter to them.

'Who are you, M and how come I feel like I know you somehow? No, that's impossible. All I know is that this person's very self-conscious and insecure. Then again from what I've heard from my co-actors the same goes for many of Voyager's fans, especially the younger ones. M sounds so mature in their letters though. I can hardly imagine them being a teenager.

The things they state in their letters, especially in that most recent one have an experienced, very mature ring to them. If they're a teen or young adult they must be wise beyond their years, or simply have made many negative experiences in their young life already.'

Jeri shook her head, sighing heavily. 'This is leading me nowhere. There's no point trying to read anything into these letters, or try and analyze them to find out more about the person behind the alias M. I'm by no means a detective, or an FBI agent, not even a crime expert, so these kinds of speculations would be futile.

Basing a person's character on the way they write is dangerous. In the end, M might only write in that kind of way for personal gain. They could very well have ulterior motives and simply try to get close to me, sneak into my life only to then abuse my trust in them.'

Jeri was shocked at her own thoughts, inwardly scolding herself.

'What are you thinking there? If M indeed had ulterior motives and was trying to get close to you through those letters they would've never passed up on the opportunity of meeting me in person that I personally suggested to them in my letter to them. M isn't selfish and not only interested in personal gain. They seem to genuinely care for me and concerned about my well-being and happiness even if said happiness doesn't include them.'

Tears once more ran down Jeri's cheeks, so touched was she by the realization. All her past lovers had only ever been interested in their own personal gain and her body. Their motives shallow, interest superficial. The person she only knew as M was the first person who seemed to genuinely care for her as a person, yet they were not interested in her romantically, or even sexually. Or were they? Jeri couldn't believe she even considered starting a secret love affair with one of her fans, a complete stranger who she knew nothing about. Somehow she was convinced that M would be a very gentle, passionate lover and a great friend as well.

'Being friends with them would already be amazing. I could use someone like them in my life. Someone who for once isn't shallow and narcissistic, manipulative, or violent and controlling. Someone who gets me without words...'

When Jeri closed her eyes that night the last thing she saw before slipping into unconscious was the blurry image of a person who looked familiar but that she couldn't seem to place, said image providing odd comfort and sending a warmth to her heart that felt like a distant memory. Her lips were unbeknownst to her uttering two words. “My love.”, a gentle smile gracing her angelic features.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both Kate and Jeri's states are rather unstable, both of them noticing more and more how much of a dire need of rest and distraction they are. Their loneliness only making matters worse...

Jeri woke up feeling refreshed and energized. Fragments of last night's dreams were still present in her just woken up brain that sent a curious warmth to her heart. She tried desperately to hold on to those images of a person she couldn't for the life of her say who they might be, but who seemed oddly familiar their presence pleasant and comforting. For a moment an odd thought occurred to her.

'Was it M?' She shook her head dismissively, chuckling at herself. 'Yeah, right. That seems so realistic considering I've never even met that person before. Unless Scarlett was right all along and M's someone I do know after all. Nah, that seems too far-fetched, absurd even. I can't imagine anyone having the nerve to pull such a stunt with someone they personally know when they could in fact simply walk up and talk to me like a normal person.'

She frowned. 'Then again... They do seem rather shy, insecure, and think very lowly of themselves but very highly of me at the same time. Could it be that they are simply afraid to talk to me in person so they decided to use this means of communication instead?'

The thought excited and frightened Jeri at the same time.

After completing her morning routine, the blonde cooked herself breakfast, something she hadn't done in a long time, at least not for herself, and in spite of herself brewed a can of coffee along with it. Jeri's nostrils flared as the rich aroma of the beverage invaded them. She subconsciously licked her lips, the blurry image of a pair of sensual wine-tinted lips coming to the forefront of her mind, the tantalizing tip of a pink tongue sticking out, licking over the curve of the bottom lip.

The blonde found her knees buckling, a moan slipping her lips which caused the blood to rush all the way from her neck up to her cheeks. Jeri slowly came back to the here and now, positively humiliated at what had just transpired, ruffling her hair and groaning out in frustration.

“Fuck this shit! I can't do this anymore. Apparently it's not enough for Madame to invade my work-life anymore, now she's also there on my free day, forcing her way into my thoughts causing me to daydream! Ugh, what a pain!”

Jeri at this moment regretted having decided to brew coffee this morning instead of her usual tea. What was even worse was the fact that she had to drink the stuff and a whole can of it no less, not being someone to waste food or drinks, knowing so many people were starving all over the world, many of them children.

She sat down on the porch in the backyard, enjoying the view of the sea, the waves crashing against the shore, the salty scent of sea air effectively calming her agitated state that is until she took the first sip of her coffee, memories of Kate and her shooting their latest scene as J/7 as the fandom apparently already referred to them if Braga could be trusted, resurfacing, as well as the gaze of those captivating steel-blue eyes of the older woman and the sensation of their hands touching twice that day.

Jeri bit her lip, her own hands trembling by now, carefully setting down the mug with her coffee, leaning back in her seat, closing her eyes. Doing so proved to be futile as the images only grew more vivid and the physical sensations provoked by them rose in their intensity. The young woman's hands wandered down her body at their own volution before coming to a rest on her lap, the heat radiating from there almost painful, a whimper filling the air as Jeri stroked her own thighs just outside the area her hands were needed the most and that was aching to be touched.

“Do it, Jeri. Touch yourself for me. I know you want to.”

The blonde's eyes shot open in alarm, not at all having expected to hear that damned voice which she deemed was dripping in sex, far too erotic to be casually displayed on a family-friendly show on prime time tv. She peered around nervously, almost expecting to find a certain redhead standing there.

She was both relieved and slightly disappointed when once again there was no one apart from her around. She sighed and rubbed her face.

'How is it legal to have a voice like that, talk like that? And oh boy, don't even get me started on those damned chuckles of hers. Ugh, this woman is too much.'

A familiar voice whispered mockingly. 'Resistance is futile, Jeri Ryan. You should be aware of that by now.'

Jeri hissed, declaring sternly. “Seven. Stop trying to get in my head. I'm having my first free day in a week and you have a time-out.”

Kate after watching that episode of Voyager the night before had taken a cold shower which only did so much in cooling her raging hormones and fantasies featuring a certain blonde.

'I knew it from the moment I first saw her, that woman is trouble. With a body and looks like that she's a bombshell writ large. Yet, her personality and those innocent eyes stand in stark contrast to that sensual body of hers. She truly is an enigma. I doubt she's even aware of the effect she has on people.

It's crazy as well how she comes over as so self-assured, strong, and nonchalant while being in character as Seven and turns shy, innocent, and quiet off camera. Maybe that's only when she's in my presence though. My treatment might have led to her being afraid to show her true colors around me and relax.'

The thought sent a sting to Kate's heart, but she chose to ignore it, trying to convince herself like countless times before that it was best this way, that a person as sweet and kind needed to stay the hell away from a mess like herself.

'I can't fuck her up, corrupt her, drag her into this mess that's my life. She's happily married a young mother, a rising star, and most likely very popular with lots of friends who know how to value a woman like her and are a positive influence. Someone like myself would only taint her.'

The redhead sighed, taking a sip from her cup of tea. Why she'd decided to brew herself tea instead of coffee this morning was a mystery to her. Somehow it had seemed more appealing to her this morning. Her throbbing headaches were telling her that her decision had been stupid and wrong, however.

Tea by no means able to rid her of the pain behind her forehead. Much like Janeway, Kate found herself rubbing her glabella with her thumb and index, a method which proved surprisingly effective.

'Hu didn't think that would work. Thank you, captain!'

Kate smirked, amused at herself for thanking a fictional character for 'helping her rid herself of her headaches'. She casually sipped her tea, for a moment there feeling thrown back to her last visit to her place of heritage, Ireland which much like England was a place of tea drinkers. The blend she was currently drinking was in fact one she'd discovered on her most recent stay in Galway and that a relative had sent to her, being aware how much Kate loved it, a fact that she was currently very thankful for.

Kate closed her eyes, allowing herself to revel in the memories of that time about half a year ago, the aroma of the tea helping her recall the events that had transpired there, places she'd been to, picturesque scenery typical for the country, stories and laughs she'd shared both with her relatives and complete strangers at her visits to the local pubs in the evenings.

The sound of the waves crashing against the shore right outside her apartment brought forth a particularly pleasant, almost forgotten image of the rocky Irish shore and a wonderful day spent at the beach. The scent of salty sea air and the heathers that were currently in bloom filling the air, forming a most alluring combination. Kate sighed in content, completely lost in the memory, her mind for once calm and void of any negative thoughts, or emotions.

Footsteps could be heard approaching which caused her to look up. She frowned when a person she couldn't place came into view, oddly familiar, yet strange no less. The person sat down on the sand next to her, a smile that did things to Kate's body forming on the serene face, the most gentle voice whispering in a tone completely foreign to Kate.

“There you are. I've been looking everywhere for you.”

The petite woman stirred awake, only now realizing that she'd in fact fallen asleep. When she heard the incessant ringing from the phone inside she knew why she'd woken up. She inwardly cursed whoever it was that dared call her on a Sunday morning, disturbing that wonderful dream of hers.

Kate sighed softly and got up from her seat on the balcony, walking back inside her apartment, picking up the phone, prepared to throw a tantrum at whoever had the nerve to annoy her in her rare moment of solitude and bliss.

“Kitten, is that you? It's mom.”

Kate felt mortified, all her initial anger vaporizing, her urge to lash out there no more. Her voice sounded much like the child she once used to be, soft, almost timid.

“Mom. Yes, it's me. How are you doing?” Whispering could be heard at the other end of the line before the older woman answered.

“Your father and I are doing great. We miss you though. How are you over there in LA?”

Kate flinched at the way her mother had said the name of her current place of residence, stunned that two letters could relay so much venom. Her voice now sounded even smaller, a fact the redhead inwardly cursed herself for but couldn't help.

“I'm glad you're both doing well, mom. Sorry that I haven't been able to visit you in a while. You know I'm pretty busy with work these days. I'm doing well. LA's a great place actually. It's nice to live by the sea, the sound of the water has a very calming effect, especially after a stressful day at work.”

There was another pause that worried Kate, never knowing what to expect when talking to her mother. The older woman sounded surprisingly gentle, stunning her daughter.

“That sounds great, kitty. It's good to know you're doing well. Dad and I are very proud of you. We were delighted when we heard you landed that role as Janeway. You're the talk of the town here, you know? People who never talked to us before suddenly wanna know how you're doing. It takes time getting used to.”

Kate felt her stomach twist at her mother's words, her wish to come to visit her hometown again dwindling with the knowledge of her fame there.

Kate was beyond relieved when that phone call was over and she was still alive, well barely. She'd panicked for a moment there when her mother had asked about her relationship with Tim, but Kate had fortunately been able to convince her that she didn't have to worry about that and that they were still dating.

She refrained from adding that the last time they'd met had been a week ago and how that meeting had been a complete disaster with the two of them once more ending up having a nasty fight because Tim had wanted to have sex, but Kate had once again told him off, stating that she was tired and needed to sleep instead.

Kate sighed when she sat back on the balcony, the memory of that day and the way her 'boyfriend' had tried to get in her pants making her feel sick. She was all the more relieved to have been able to fend him off and prevent an unwanted intimate encounter, but frankly, she was sick and tired of fighting, her current state only making matters so much worse.

Kate closed her eyes, silent tears rolling down her cheeks at the memory of that dream. Oh, how she wished to be far away from here and with that person, whoever they might be instead, just two lost souls that had found each other, two hearts beating in perfect harmony. Someone who genuinely cared for her, provided comfort, peace of mind, happiness, love.

“Who are you and how can I find you?”, she whispered, voice cracking.

After breakfast, Jeri had called her parents to ask how Alex was doing. Despite her mother reassuring her that he was doing great, she'd insisted on meeting for lunch and spending time together. They'd soon agreed to meet at an Italian restaurant, Alex being a big fan of pizza, like so many other kids his age.

When she walked into the restaurant, an excited voice resounded. “Mom!”

Before she knew it, her son was there, hugging her legs. Jeri chuckled at the sight, swiftly lifting the small boy up and hugging him, whispering lovingly. “Hi, Alex.”

They were spending a moment simply sharing a hug before Jeri asked. “How's my hero doing?”

The boy grinned at the nickname, proud to be called a hero by his mom, stating in his tiny voice. “I'm great! How are you, mom?”

Jeri smiled, relief washing over her at the answer, the sincerity clearly audible in her son's voice. “I'm great too. Are you having fun with grandma and grandpa?”

He nodded, declaring. “I am! They're great playmates.”

Jeri enjoyed her lunch date with her parents and son. She once more felt grateful, especially towards her mother for having agreed to have Alex stay with them for the time being. After lunch was finished, Sharon Zimmerman gently pulled her daughter aside, asking seriously.

“Lynn, how are you doing? You seemed better today than during our phone calls, but something tells me that you still need more time to yourself and that's completely understandable. Alex can stay with us for as long as necessary. We can meet for lunch much like today, or to spend time together as often as you like so that the two of you will still get to see each other. Alex is a very intuitive, sensible child. I'm sure he'll understand that his mom needs to have a little time to herself for a change.”

Jeri contemplated her mother's suggestion for a moment before answering her. “I'd be eternally grateful if he could stay with you for a little longer. You're right, mom. I need some time for myself. Those last six years have sucked the life out of me and my new job is very demanding as well.”

The older woman refrained from commenting on the marriage of her daughter, or her husband in general who she wasn't fond of at all. Instead, she simply hugged Jeri warmly and told her sincerely. “Take all the time you need, sweetie. I'll always be just a call away.”

Jeri sniffled, telling her mother sincerely. “I love you, mom. I'm so glad to have you.”

The older woman who had tears in her eyes as well, knowing how tough the past six years had been for her daughter, answered her. “And I love you, more than anything. You'll always be my little girl, an invaluable gift sent straight from the heavens and that I wouldn't trade for the world.”

On her way back home, Jeri kept on thinking back to the letters she'd received from M and the person behind those letters in general.

'I need to find out who they are and get them to agree to meet in person, after all, to tell them that I tried out the scream therapy they recommended to me and how great it felt. They stopped me from letting out my aggression on an innocent wall, something I most likely would've regretted doing. Their advice is invaluable, much like their genuine interest in my well-being and support.'

Jeri swam a few laps in the pool once she was back home, resting in a sun lounger afterward, enjoying the warm rays of the sun which slowly dried her skin and hair. She had carefully applied sunscreen earlier, knowing her role as Seven demanded her to keep her naturally pale complexion. Her eyes drifted closed, lulled by the soft breeze and sound of the sea from afar.

She looked around, blinking. 'Hu? I must've dozed off just now.' Her cheeks heated up, her pulse skyrocketing when she remembered her dream.

“Oh, God! This... Needs to stop.”

Her eyes went wide when an all too familiar voice asked. “What does?”

Jeri slowly looked over into the direction the voice had come from, doing a double-take at the smirking form gazing in her direction...


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despite M once more telling Jeri in their latest letter that they wish to stay anonymous and are unable to meet her, the blonde's wish for a meeting is growing stronger every day, so are her feelings for Kate. The redhead herself is still struggling with the void, her desire for Jeri, and an unexpected discovery...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two updates in one day? Yes, please. :D

Jeri backed away in sheer terror, heart beating wildly in her chest, frantically trying to cover her body that was merely dressed in a bikini. The figure to her shock approached her, voice low and sensual.

“There's no need for you to cover yourself, darling. I've seen it all, well not all. I'd love to see more.”

Jeri felt her cheeks heat up, voice a high pitched squeak that made her inwardly cringe. “Get the hell away from here! This is private property!”

The person chuckled, shaking their head. “Oh, puh-lease. As if you actually want me to leave. You can't intimidate me. I think we both know what you really want and I can give it to you.”

Jeri's eyes widened at this, cheeks by now having turned crimson, mumbling under her breath. “This is wrong, wrong. No, please go away...”

Tears were brimming in her eyes, her body betraying her, begging to be touched while her anxiety-riddled mind was desperate to escape the situation.

A groan left Jeri's lips when she woke up, a sharp ache seeming to pierce through her skull. She looked around, blinking when it turned out she was alone. 'How? Where's... What?'

The blonde was beyond confused and irritated at the fact that the person she'd just been with seemed to have vanished into thin air. When she looked up at the sky, her frown deepened. Judging by the position of the sun she estimated that hours must've passed since she'd arrived back home. Then it dawned on her and she sighed out in relief.

“Of course, it was a dream!” She giggled softly, her earlier fear slowly falling off her shoulders thanks to the knowledge that it had only been her mind playing tricks on her, the scenario had been a figment of her imagination.

'Even so... Those fantasies need to stop. This is getting way out of hand. How am I supposed to face her tomorrow when all I can think about is her? What would M think if they knew of my lusting after a certain redhead? I bet they'd instantly stop sending me those letters and lose all respect for me. I know I would if the roles were reversed...'

The aspect of M losing all respect for her and cease sending her letters sent a sting to Jeri's heart. 'No, they can't find out about any of that. I need to get a grip, both for myself and that amazing person that calls themselves M.'

When Jeri checked the time, her eyes turned wide, a gasp leaving her lips. 'Oh wow. Looks like I overslept dinner. I'm not at all hungry anyway.'

Remembering the things M had told her time and again, she reluctantly went over to her kitchen and prepared herself a bowl of salad, deeming it better than going to bed on an empty stomach.

She got herself another water bottle to drink along with her late dinner before sitting down on the living room couch, turning the tv on for distraction. After zapping through channels for a while, most of them currently broadcasting news she'd finally found a regular tv show.

Jeri was about to lean back in her seat when an all too familiar voice made her stiffen, her eyes slowly looking up from her salad, an act she regretted the moment a disheveled, sweaty Janeway who seemed to be covered in engine grease graced her sight, a phaser rifle in hand, showing off surprisingly well-toned arms with impressive biceps. Jeri instantly scolded herself for those highly inappropriate thoughts.

The memory of that dreadful double episode _Year of hell_ they'd filmed not too long ago and the confusion seeing Kate dressed merely in that infamous grey undershirt, hair disheveled, sweaty, and covered in engine grease much like in this episode which judging by the older woman's long hair that was up in a messy ponytail must be from a time she'd not been on the show herself yet. Jeri blinked when a huge thing seemed to attack Janeway.

'What the hell is that supposed to be? An alien lifeform? It looks absolutely hideous and on top of that laughable. Wait... The structure does look oddly familiar though. Oh my God. Don't tell me that's supposed to be a... virus?'

Jeri ended up in a laughing fit as the Doctor soon confirmed Jeri's suspicions, talking to Janeway about the giant virus, scolding her for wanting to fight it off all by herself. The young woman was once again equally fascinated and weirded out by the creativity of the screenwriters and producers of the show for coming up with that kind of concept.

She'd probably have to rewatch that episode in full one of these days for... research purposes only.

'Yeah, right. God, I'm in too damn deep. If only a certain someone was more like Janeway. What wouldn't I give to touch those arms of hers only once...'

Jeri's cheeks turned crimson in shame at her own thought, wanting desperately to hide in a hole deep underground and never come back out again.

Her eyes peeked at the screen once again, drinking the sight in one more time, her eyes falling onto a bead of sweat (it really was only water the make-up team had carefully sprayed on the older woman, but one could always dream), also Janeway was sweating for real and Jeri by now was thoroughly invested on the episode and transfixed by that bead of water running from the captain's neck down into her surprisingly generous cleavage.

Jeri bit her lip, mouth having gone dry, eyes darkened in desire. 'What wouldn't I give to be that bead of sweat.'

Another thing that thoroughly fascinated, captivated Jeri was the older woman's freckles. She couldn't help but wonder how many of those were on the redhead's body and the exact locations of them.

Kate felt downright miserable. She'd bawled her eyes out and to her, it felt like the life had been sucked out of her along with her tears. The redhead trotted back inside, the sound and scent of the sea suddenly not providing any comfort anymore, the seagulls above sounding like they were mocking her with their cries that sounded far more like laughter than anything.

Thoroughly dejected, Kate mixed herself a drink which she downed in record time. The warmth provided by the liquor only doing so much to comfort her. The petite woman refilled her glass, walking to her bedroom. Her eyes scanned the place in search of a particular item.

Having forgotten where she'd put it if she hadn't thrown it away in a fit of rage or on one of her worst nights, that is. Kate sincerely hoped that the latter one wasn't the case. These days she could hardly trust herself anymore.

'It happens when you've lost your grip. I'm really such a fuck-up...'

Her eyes lit up when she saw the outlines of the item she'd been looking for peaking out from underneath her bed. She walked over there, carefully retrieving the box from its hiding, smiling despite herself, whispering fondly.

“There you are! I've been looking everywhere for you.”

Her eyes widened when a flashback from her earlier dream where the stranger at the beach had said the exact same thing to her hit her. She bit her lip, swallowing against the knot that had formed in her throat, tears brimming in her eyes.

Forcing down the tears threatening to once more fall at the memory of that far too pleasant dream, she gently opened the box, inspecting its contents, once more hoping everything was still where it was supposed to be.

Her eyes scanned the items in the box, searching for a specific piece she hoped and prayed was still there. A gasp left her lips when her fingers came in contact with what she was sure was what she'd been looking for. She carefully retrieved the item in question from its hiding inside the box, a smile forming on her lips.

Kate kept on once again wondering about the item and its origin. It had simply been there one of these days. So far Kate hadn't dared actually wearing the necklace, but today she felt the strong urge to do so.

Ignoring that inner voice telling her that this was probably a bad idea and she should simply put it back inside the box again, the redhead carefully tied it around her neck. She gently took the charm attached to it into one hand, caressing it.

Kate resumed inspecting the other contents of the box, mostly memorabilia and souvenirs, reminding her of the past. Nothing quite caught her fancy, that is until she stumbled upon a picture.

The rocky shore in the background no doubt was the same one she'd seen in her earlier dream. What truly caught her attention, however, were the two people in the picture. One of them no doubt was herself, albeit the woman hardly looked like the one she'd seen last night on tv, not even to mention the one she was forced to see whenever she accidentally looked into a mirror. This woman was smiling in a manner, Kate couldn't remember ever having seen herself smile.

What truly astonished and made her do a double-take was the person next to her though. It was no doubt the same one she'd seen earlier in her dream.

'Who took this picture and when? Judging by my hairstyle it must've been sometime before I took on the role of Janeway. I don't understand. I can't remember taking this picture at all. Or being to Ireland during that time, not even to mention that person. I'd surely remember someone like that. Those features are quite distinct and that smile...'

She tried hard to recall that day, the moment that picture had been taken, but her attempts proved to be futile, her mind staying completely blank. Kate was about to put the picture back inside the box when she noticed something else. She turned the picture around, her eyes going wide when it turned out there was a message written on the back.

_Our day at the beach. Thank you for the most wonderful time. Never forget_

Kate felt tears brim in her eyes once more and this time she didn't hold back, allowing them to fall. A lipstick kiss mark was placed after the last two words that for reasons unknown evoked a strong emotional and physical response in the crying woman. She gently traced the mark, feeling an unexplainable desire to press her own lips against it.

'No! I certainly shouldn't be doing that. Something tells me that I've already kissed those same lips before. Oh God, I must be out of my mind! If only I hadn't discovered this picture. Just how come I can't remember that time at all. Never forget, hu? How ironic that I clearly seem to have forgotten and to think that back then I was already very much married and my babies were already around as well. This doesn't make sense. Well, that marriage with Robert was a fiasco, but still. I never once cheated, I'm not that kind of person...'

A little voice in the back of her mind told her that sometimes in life you happened to have unexpected encounters with people who turned your world upside down and no matter if you were single, in a relationship, or even married you couldn't help but act on those feelings, giving in to those mutual attractions and that woman on the picture and from her dream was undeniably very attractive. Something about her seemed to magically draw Kate in. She gently traced the smiling face of the young woman. The thought made her swallow.

'She does look awfully young. Maybe I misread the signs and it was simply a friendly encounter. Why would she smooch the back of the picture then though? That seems far too intimate for an encounter of a platonic kind.'

That night Kate tossed and turned once again, her last thoughts before slipping into unconscious surprisingly of Jeri, the prospect that they'd be filming together again the next day both scaring and exciting her...

When Jeri woke up the next morning and remembered she'd have to film alongside a certain redhead again, she had half a nerve to call in sick and stay in bed. That's until she realized that going back to work might mean that she'd receive a new letter from her 'secret admirer', M.

Jeri's pulse picked up at the thought, her cheeks before long having turned crimson. She quickly left the house, driving to work, mind running a mile an hour, images of that episode of Voyager she'd watched last night making it hard to focus on the road. It was a mystery to her how Kate had agreed to film that specific episode. Her no sex policy contradicting the fact that this episode that according to her research was called _Macrocosm_ showcased Janeway in an overly sexual manner, dripping in sweat, glorious biceps, and cleavage on display, covered in engine grease, hair disheveled, and armed with a phaser rifle. In a sense, it much reminded Jeri of Lara Croft. That thought certainly didn't help the young woman's predicament.

She was beyond relieved once she'd finally arrived on studio grounds, immediately walking over to her trailer. She doubted that she'd find a letter by M today and was all the more stunned when she noticed the white envelope that as always was placed on her doorstep.

Jeri cautiously picked it up before hiding in her trailer, prodding the envelope open and unfolding her latest 'fan mail', heart beating faster in excitement.

_Dear Jeri,_

_A new week, a new chance. Good luck filming today, as always. I'll be mentally cheering you on._ _I hope you weren't too disappointed with my last letter and the fact that I told you that we can't meet face to face. Please don't take it personally. I have my reasons for wanting to stay in the shadows and I sincerely hope you can respect my wish to stay anonymous. This connection we've established is very precious and I want to keep it that way. I hope you won't want to end our contact because of my decision, or think any less of me. On a lighter note, I hope you got to rest and restore your energy yesterday. Make sure to stay well-hydrated and get enough nutrition._

_M_

Jeri heaved a sigh, her mood dropping at M once more telling her that they wished to stay anonymous and keep their identity hidden. Her wish to meet the writer of those heartfelt letters was growing ever-stronger, however, and she felt torn between respecting their wish as they called it themselves and continuing to try to persuade them to meet in person after all.

Since she couldn't risk losing her precious connection to this stranger, she decided to respect their wishes for the time being. She grabbed a sheet of paper and her pen and quickly wrote her answer to M, desperate to leave it there for them to pick it up later while she'd be busy filming. As much as she wanted to at least get a glimpse of them while they retrieved her letter, she knew better than to scare away the seemingly very anxious person behind those letters.

_Dear M,_

_Thank you! Hearing that means a lot to me. I hope your own week won't be too stressful. Don't worry. I understand your wish and I respect it. Knowing you, there's a good reason why you prefer to keep our contact limited to those letters and I wouldn't want to lose this special bond we have either. Your letters still make my day and boost my mood. I did get to rest actually and I tried out the scream therapy you'd recommended to me in one of your previous letters which worked wonders. Thank you so much for that! Right after screaming my lungs out, I felt better than I had in a long time and I'm so grateful to you for that._

_Please take care_

_Jeri_

Jeri was about to enter the costume room when the door opened, none other than Kate walking out, already dressed in her typical Janeway attire. Their hands brushed once more, Jeri's skin prickling at the contact as per usual, cheeks turning pink. The air between them seemed to crackle, a fact that Bob Blackman noticed from his position, pretty much having a front-row seat as well, clutching his heart dramatically.

Mere seconds later the moment was gone, Kate walking off, expression unreadable, emotions hidden behind the mask of indifference that Jeri usually only knew from Janeway.

'Kate's the actress of Janeway. Still, what's it with that woman acting all distant? I thought we might finally be getting closer. Guess I was wrong. She looked fabulous though, despite that sour expression.'

She entered the costume room and blinked when she saw Blackman's glazed over expression, bewildered by his behavior. Jeri coughed to get his attention, calling out for good measure. “Good morning, Bob.”

It seemed like a switch had been pressed, the designer suddenly all smiles and extravagance. “Good morning, Jeri. You look fantastic this morning! I love what you've done with your hair. What a shame that my colleagues from the make-up department are gonna ruin it again and give you that dreadful French twist instead. Ugh, I wish Brannon would finally invent a new, more casual hairstyle for Seven.”

Kate breathed out a sigh she didn't know she'd been holding in once she stood outside at her usual spot.

'My usual spot, yeah right. This is the spot for losers and people with no friends. It's lonely on top.'

She was once again reminded of Janeway who had said just that in one episode. Much like her character on the show, Kate felt very lonely, like she had no one to turn to. She fished out a cigarette, placing it between her lips. Then she grabbed her lighter, trying in vain to light the damned thing, but the tremor in her hands made doing so close to impossible.

A row of curses that would surely send the heat to her mother's cheeks would she be able to hear them escaped her, willing her traitorous hands from shaking, audibly sighing in relief once her attempts had finally been successful, inhaling the smoke deeply, closing her eyes.

She'd tried to quit several times but eventually had given up. There was no point, especially once the void was there full force, her body and mind too weak to be denied their urges.

'The make-up team's gonna be furious having to fix my lipstick. To hell with it...'

Kate couldn't care less at the moment.

Jeri immediately noticed the telltale smell of cigarette smoke on Kate when she entered the set and had a hard time not to raise her eyebrow with the ocular implant in a very Borg fashion, afraid to become subject to the older woman's wrath if she did so.

Filming went smoothly, that is until Jeri noticed something glinting when Janeway once more invaded her personal space.

'What's that shiny thing? A necklace? How and why did they allow her to keep that on while filming? Bob must've not noticed it earlier. I swear she's never worn a necklace while filming before. God, as if being this close to her isn't hard enough as it is. This new means of distraction only makes matters worse.'

Their glances met, both Seven and Jeri's heart rate skyrocketing as Janeway/Kate and their eyes met. Jeri shyly averted her gaze which turned out to have been a futile action, the pink tip of the older woman's tongue licking over her wine-tinted bottom lip.

'Wait, that seems familiar... It's just like in that fantasy of mine. Oh hell no! This can't be good. How come I feel like she's a predator and I'm her prey?'

Jeri gulped down, breathing labored, this time not only because of that dreadful biosuit...


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unexpected guest in form of none other than Scarlett shows up on set, wanting to support her friend. The duo despite M's wish to stay anonymous once again trying to draw conclusions as to who they might be. While Jeri's mind is occupied with M, Kate's state keeps on gradually worsening, her loneliness clawing at her heart...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story seems to write itself. I have no regrets. :')

The air was crackling as the two female leads of Star Trek _Voyager_ intently gazed at each other's lips. Brannon Braga who had left his office watched with great interest how his leading ladies as he usually referred to them were eyeing each other. Bob Blackman who stood next to him, fawned over J/7.

The cameraman exchanged a look with the main producer, eyebrow raised in question. Braga smirked, giving his okay by showing a thumbs up. The cameraman shrugged and continued filming this rather intense, unscripted 'scene'.

Braga uttered. “This wasn't planned. Well, more fanservice for the viewers then.”

A small voice suddenly quipped. “Fanservice?”

Both Braga and Blackman's eyes widened comically at the sight of their youngest cast member staring at them curiously. Braga was about to ask Scarlett what the hell she was doing on set on a day she wasn't supposed to film herself.

Blackman beat him to it, crouching down to be on eye-level with the young girl, explaining gently. “Fanservice is a term used to describe an action performed to please followers of a certain fandom, in this case, our lovely J/7 whose fame has risen exponentially over the course of the past few episodes that have been airing.”

Scarlett to both men's surprise exclaimed excitedly. “As a J/7 shipper myself I strongly approve of this! Thank you, Mr. Braga, for making this possible.”

Brannon Braga blinked before smiling his typical unnerving smile. “Anytime, kid. Now enjoy the show!”

Kate and Jeri had been completely oblivious to the ruckus their little intermezzo had caused and without the trio's knowledge already finished filming the rather short scene. Scarlett blinked, staring at her retreating friend's back dumbfounded before quickly dashing after her to still be able to catch up which proved out to be more difficult than expected thanks to Jeri's long legs and Scarlett's rather short ones.

The young girl was huffing and puffing, hands in her sides, in the probably most adorable imitation of the typical Janeway stance. Jeri who had vanished inside a toilet stall right after filming, the biosuit without fail having pressed uncomfortably against her bladder, that along with her newly established habit of drinking water in between takes and the far too intense filming with a certain someone making for a futile combination.

Scarlett waited patiently just outside the restrooms, wanting to give her friend her deserved privacy while she did her business. The young girl didn't have to wait for too long, the door soon opening, her friend who looked visibly relieved exiting.

Jeri smiled when her eyes fell on the younger girl, tone soft. “Hey there, Scully junior. What are you doing here? I thought you don't have to film today?”

To Jeri's surprise, the small girl stated matter-of-factly. “I came here to cheer my friend on and watch her film.”

Jeri's eyes widened, irritation at the choice of wording from her young friend settling over here. 'M said the same thing in their letter of today. They told me that they'd mentally cheer me on during filming.'

Jeri mentally scolded herself. 'There's no way Scarlett is M. She's far too young and immature to be able to write these kinds of letters, not even to mention invent this whole mystery surrounding the person that is M. She wasn't even around every time I received a letter from M in the past and what makes it even more absurd for her to be the author and sender of those letters is the fact that Scarlett herself readily agreed to help me solve this mystery and unveil the identity of M.

The actual person behind those letters would've never been so reckless, foolish as to do that. I'm already becoming paranoid here, suspecting M behind every corner, looking in the most ridiculous directions, accusing innocent people of working both sides of the street when in fact I'd ruled out the possibility of M being a child, or teenager before already.'

Scarlett watched her friend intently, the huge variety of the blonde's expressions deeply fascinating her. Once Jeri's face had returned back to its usual neutral expression, the strawberry blonde girl asked hesitantly.

“Jeri, are you alright? If you need time to yourself that's fine. I can wait in my trailer...”

Jeri blinked and shook her head, smiling at her young friend. “I'm fine, Scarlett. Sorry for spacing out there. Filming was quite intense today and then there's the mystery of M that still bugs me. Wanna accompany me to my trailer, so we can continue to work on solving this case together, Scully junior?”

Scarlett's eyes visibly lit up at the question, bouncing up and down like a cute little rabbit. “I'd love that! This detective right here never says no to a good mystery. Leggo, sista!”

The duo left the studio building, walking over to Jeri's trailer. Once inside Jeri's private refuge, the younger girl instantly asked. “So whatcha got so far, Mulder?”

Jeri frowned at the nickname but mused that Mulder person must be the partner of Dana Scully and shrugged it off, answering hesitantly. “Technically I've promised M to be secretive about this. I suggested a meeting to them in that letter I sent to them two days ago which they didn't appreciate. They were quite strong in their claims, telling me how I'd end up disappointed if we'd be meeting face to face and that it would be in both our best interest to keep our contact limited to those anonymous, for their person anyway, written messages that we've started to send each other by leaving them on the doorstep to my trai- Wait a sec!”

Scarlett frowned at her friend who got up, inspecting the stairs to her trailer thoroughly which were void of the red envelope she'd left behind for M earlier before filming her first scene for the day alongside Kate. Her eyes going wide, she exclaimed.

“Oh my God, they were here! The letter I left behind for them earlier is gone. They were once again faster than me!”

Scarlett then stated something that shook Jeri to the core. “That can only mean one thing: M knows your filming schedule, Jeri. Otherwise, they'd never be able to avoid meeting you both when collecting and delivering their 'fan mail' to you.”

Jeri looked at her young friend, plopping onto her seat, heart hammering painfully against her chest, cheeks flushed. “W-what's the logical deduction we draw from this piece of information, Scully junior? That M's indeed someone directly working alongside me on the production of the show?”

Scarlett nodded firmly. “Indeed, Mulder, indeed.”

The young girl snorted before breaking out into a giggling fit, induced by her own silliness. Jeri soon joined in on the infectious laughter of her young friend. Both girls were panting heavily, huge grins on their flushed faces once the laughter had died down and they'd regained their composure.

Scarlett resumed her earlier musings, tapping her chin in thought. “If we're to assume that the person who we so far only know as M, or mystery as I am still convinced their initial must stand for, is in a way a co-worker of yours, or well ours, that in turn means that my initial guess of them being someone you're personally acquainted with has been hereby proven as correct.”

Scarlett beamed proudly at her older friend, adding playfully accompanied by a wink. “Told ya, Jeri!”

Jeri chuckled at her friend's antics before turning serious once more, letting the information sink in. The new knowledge that M was closer than she'd deemed they were, both exciting and frightening her at the same time. Had she seen them today without knowing just who it was that she was looking at there?

The blonde bit her lip, stating grimly. “Even if M's someone I'm acquainted with, there's no way telling who they are and it doesn't change the fact that they insist to keep our contact limited to those letters.”

Scarlett frowned before grumbling out. “Well, that's bullshit!”

Jeri's eyes widened at her young friend's foul language, looking at her sternly. “No cursing, Scarlett. Or do you want me to tell your parents about this?”

The young girl's eyes widened in terror, shaking her head vehemently, pleading teary-eyed. “Please don't tell them, Jeri! I'm sorry for cursing just now. It was a slip of tongue, honest. I'll be a good girl from now on and behave myself. Don't talk to them, pleeeease! Else I'll get grounded forEVER!”

Jeri immediately felt bad for her harsh reaction, gently ruffling her friend's soft hair. “Calm down, Scarlett. I won't tell a soul. We're friends after all and as your friend I'm sworn to secrecy, remember? Friends don't denounce friends, especially in front of their parents.”

Scarlett audibly sighed in relief, stating sincerely. “Thanks, Jeri! You're the best. Sorry again for cursing and for thinking you could actually spill to my parents that I did, even for just a split second. I panicked for a moment there. You know how strict they are when it comes to cursing...”

Jeri nodded empathetically. “I do know that and it's fine. My reaction was a little harsh, but I was quite shocked to hear you curse like that.”

Scarlett nodded and stated. “My earlier statement stays the same, however. It sucks that they don't want to meet you. You told me before that they were very sweet and caring, that you meant a lot to them. The fact that they don't wanna meet you in person to me seems like they may not care as much for you as they claim. It's egoistic of them to wanna stay anonymous when they're aware of your identity in turn. Knowing who you are is providing them with a clear advantage in comparison to you who has no idea how to contact them other than by writing and leaving those letters.”

Jeri gasped at her young friend's words, only now realizing that she was right and her deduction once again couldn't have been more accurate. A sickening feeling settled in her stomach at this. Was M only playing with her after all? She swallowed and quickly glanced at her wristwatch.

“I should head back to the studio now. I'll have to film my next scene soon.”

Scarlett nodded slowly, getting up as well. “I'll come with you.”

Jeri couldn't and didn't want to believe what her friend had just said. The prospect of M actually being selfish, egoistic, having ulterior motives, or even downright sinister ones breaking her heart. She refused to let that on in front of her young friend, however. Maybe only this one time Scarlett's conclusion was incorrect and M meant no harm by wanting to stay anonymous, their motives and care for her genuine after all.

While the two friends had been sitting and conspiring in Jeri's trailer, M had been reading and re-reading Jeri's latest letter, feeling restless. They did want to write a reply as soon as possible, but something prevented them from doing so. The person was at a loss of what to reply to the blonde, pondering if writing her today still would be necessary and wise. Frankly, M felt like they had lost their muse if you will in terms of writing and maintaining the typical tone that was characteristically M's. The person decided to keep a low profile for the time being and allow Jeri's latest letter to sink in. They doubted that Jeri would be expecting to hear again from them this soon anyway.

Kate sighed once she was finally done filming for today. A thought suddenly occurred to her that made her heart skip a beat. 'Valentine's Day will be in less than a week, meaning there's hardly any time left to prepare for that dreadful double episode _The killing game_ and my role as Katrine. Not even to mention seeing Jeri as Mademoiselle de Neuf.

I wonder what Bob has created for her as a costume for that role. One thing's for sure, she's gonna look flawless as always, all eyes are gonna be on her. Then I'll have to lay on top of her, half-naked. Damn that! My resolve's already so weak these days. That moment there earlier while filming our scene together was intense. Why did she have to stare at my lips? No, it was Seven staring at Janeway's lips. Still, I almost lost it...'

The redhead ran a shaking hand through her hair, carefully retrieving the picture she'd found the day prior in her memory box, gently tracing the smiling face of the stranger from her dream once again, lower lip trembling. 'Who are you? What am I to you? Why did you never reach out to me? You told me to never forget, but you whoever you are, wherever you are clearly seem to have forgotten all about me...'

Kate chuckled bitterly at the irony of it all, getting in her car and driving back home with a heavy heart.

When she arrived back she turned on the tv once more after pouring herself a drink which had become somewhat of a bad habit of hers these days. She plopped onto the couch, taking a hearty gulp of the whiskey which this time she was drinking neat. There was no need for soda anymore she mused grimly to herself. Once the big bad wolf has its fangs on you, there's no point trying to hide. Delaying the effects of the liquor was a luxury she simply couldn't afford anymore in a state as dire as this.

She leaned back against her seat, eyes drifting to the tv, widening when they fell on none other than Seven of Nine. 'This is becoming a bad habit of mine. Which episode was that?' Once her own face, no Janeway, she mentally corrected herself came into view she knew damn well which one it was.

' _Year of hell_! Holy shit. I never realized that this episode was full of Janeway and Seven interaction, but it was. I do recall filming quite a few scenes alongside her for that double episode, but still. We were standing so close to each other too. Oh my, and Seven looks so precious in that disheveled state. No, what are you thinking? Saying that equals saying Jeri looks precious in that state. This is just wrong...'

Despite her doubts that watching this episode was a good idea, Kate couldn't help but do so regardless, thoroughly invested in the plot and, admittedly, Seven of Nine who's appearance kept on getting progressively more disheveled the further into the episode she made it, a fact that sent a jolt to the redhead's groin.

'Goddamn it! How did I manage to film those scenes with her looking like THAT? It's a mystery to me. How could Janeway resist the temptation that is Seven of Nine like this? No, Seven was still so inexperienced, innocent, and pure at the time. In fact, she still kinda is at the current point of the series. Still, the tension between them is no joke. In this episode, it's even more intense than in the one I watched two days ago.'

Kate downed the remnant of her drink, quickly grabbing a refill. Her stomach kept on protesting and growling angrily, trying in vain to get her to eat something for once, not content with its owner's diet mainly consisting of liquid, usually high percentage and not at all nourishing. Kate herself couldn't care less for her body's needs and cries for food and nutrients, however. She was in far too deep to give a damn about such 'trivialities' like a healthy diet.

After finishing another drink, by now feeling quite a bit tipsy, Kate walked over to her balcony, deciding to sit outside for a while and enjoy the sea breeze. She'd sat there for a while, simply watching the waves lapping at the shore when out of a sudden a strong urge to go swimming overcame her. The redhead left her apartment, avoiding detection by staying in the shadows, deeming that you never knew when it came to the sneakiness of paparazzi and also some fans, although she sincerely hoped and prayed that none of them were aware where she resided. 'Better safe than sorry.'

Once she was on the beach she quickly took off her clothes, placing them at a hidden spot just to be on the safe side before running into the warm water. A pleased sigh left her, the water that seemed to be hugging her naked body feeling like a warm blanket. She took a few laps before going back to the beach, drying off her body with a towel before getting dressed again.

After taking a shower to clean her body and hair from the salty water, Kate went to bed, surprisingly drifting off right away. She blinked when she once more found herself at the rocky shore of an unfamiliar beach in Ireland.

Her heart was racing in anticipation, eyes drifting over to the water where at this moment a familiar face popped up after what Kate mused diving. The figure waved at her, mouthing words that the redhead was able to decipher as “Come here!”

Kate shook her head, laughing before mouthing back. “I'll stay here and watch!”

The figure to her surprise left the water at that and before long a set of arms that were cool and wet from the water wrapped around her. “It's no fun without you.”

Kate smiled, stating in a mock-scolding tone. “You're freezing.”

The woman whispered in her ear seductively. “Warm me up then.”

The redhead happily complied, the two women sharing a warm hug, the younger somewhere along the process having climbed on Kate's lap, happily nuzzling her face into her chest. Kate chuckled when soft snoring could soon be heard, the occupant of her lap having fallen asleep.

Kate stirred awake in the middle of the night, eyes filled with tears that soon streamed down her cheeks, sobs shaking the petite body. Her bed felt even colder than usual that night with no one there to comfort her or provide warmth. The lonely woman clutched the sheet, crying out in despair.

“Where are you? Who are you? Why... did you... l-leave me behind? Why am I... n-never enough?”

Jeri had just finished filming for the day and just left the studio building about to head back to her trailer when a familiar figure standing at her usual spot caused her to once more hide in the shadows. The blonde frowned when she noticed Kate retrieving something from her pant pocket. She silently prayed that it wasn't a cigarette or that flask.

Her prayers seemed to have been heard, not that Jeri was religious or believed in a god, as Kate retrieved what looked like a picture, gently tracing it. Jeri squinted her eyes, trying her hardest to get a glimpse of the person, at least that's what the blonde was convinced it must be on the picture, doubting it to be a pet. Kate didn't ping her as a pet owner, or to be all too fond of animals in general, but of course, she could be wrong about that.

Despite her best efforts, even standing on her tippy toes and craning her neck, she had to grudgingly admit defeat. Kate was simply standing too far away, the lighting was far too dim and the picture too small. The blonde sneaked to her car and drove off, this time determined to head straight back home.

Despite her initial intentions, the sea kept on once more magically attracting her. Jeri mused that going to the beach for a little while might not be the worst idea. After all filming in the stuffy studio building for hours on end with her breaks usually filled with other activities than getting some fresh air, her body seemed to be craving just that and she was not one to deny her body its rights, at least not anymore, now that a wonderful stranger named M had shown up in her life.

Jeri sighed once more, her thoughts turning gloomy when she remembered her earlier conversation with Scarlett, specifically her friend's claim that M was actually selfish, egoistic, manipulative even and used their position to their advantage, wanting to purposefully stay anonymous to continue being able to control Jeri, play with her even.

'What would be their gain in this though? Are they having fun using people? Slowly gaining their trust, only to then abuse it, break it even? They know who I am, where to find me, at least when I'm filming and during my breaks. Are they actually watching me? Waiting for my reactions to their letters? This is absurd. Who has the time to do that? At the studio, everyone's always otherwise occupied and minding their own business. I doubt I have a stalker. Oh, God. That mere thought is so creepy...'

Jeri felt shivers run down her spine, wrapping her arms around her suddenly freezing body.

That night the blonde had a hard time falling asleep, her paranoia getting the best of her...


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Kate finds herself unable to stop thinking about the stranger in the picture and desperately tries to act more professional, at least at work these days, Jeri finds herself unable to wonder about M's identity and motives, but at the same time finds it increasingly harder to work alongside Kate, the older woman highly distracting to her, a fact Jeri isn't all too happy about...

Jeri's dreams once more had been filled with fractures of blurry images of a person she could not quite place but felt like she'd seen them before. The emotions those images evoked had been of an intensity that was foreign to her, yet felt like a distant memory of sorts no less.

'Was it M? Have I met them before after all? They still owe me an answer to my letter I sent them yesterday morning. Since I know for a fact that they had already retrieved it from the stairs of my trailer sometime before Scarlett and I arrived back there after filming my scene together with Kate, they should've been able to read it by now even if their own schedule might have been very busy yesterday.

I'd very much like to be hearing from them again today. It's unusual for them to take so long answering one of my letters. Hopefully, this isn't a bad omen. I wouldn't forgive myself if something happened to them...'

Jeri took a shower, washing her hair, allowing it to airdry, deciding not to do anything with it for once, simply wearing it open for a change. The make-up team would tie it up in that typical French twist of Seven's later anyway, so there really was no point wasting precious time creating a hairdo herself.

For a moment, her thoughts drifted over to a certain someone, wondering what said woman was doing at the moment.

Jeri shook her head, growling. “This needs to stop! Who cares what she's doing right now? She's probably still in bed with her lover...”

Jeri who noticed the shadows under her eyes thanks to not having gotten enough sleep the previous night, put on a pair of tinted shades before leaving her house. She tried to mentally prepare herself for a certain redhead and her potential wrath awaiting her. Jeri still couldn't believe Kate had so readily agreed to have their characters in _The killing game_ flirt with each other.

'Had she known it wouldn't stay at innocent flirting she would've no doubt thrown a fit and forced Braga to change the script to something more appropriate for an audience as young as 12+, not even to mention more fitting to her no-sex policy and her damned religion.'

Jeri was very well aware of the older woman being Roman Catholic and as such as conservative and old-fashioned as they get. Not at all being religious herself and rather open-minded, the blonde couldn't relate to people with a seemingly narrow-minded, severely outdated world view as Kate.

She really wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, however, what she'd seen and heard of the redhead so far had only hardened her suspicions of her being hard-headed and probably the straightest person ever who couldn't relate to some people being attracted to and loving their own gender.

Jeri entered her trailer, lost in thought, almost overseeing the unremarkable white envelope on her doorstep in the process. She halted in her steps, eyes lighting up, a soft smile forming on her lips.

'Looks like they have finally found time to answer me after all. I'd honestly been afraid they might not want to uphold our contact and have lost interest in me along the way...'

She clutched the envelope against her chest, heart drumming wildly, whispering. “Oh, M...”

Jeri took a seat, carefully retrieving the letter from inside it. Following a sudden impulse, she lifted the paper up to her nose, inhaling the scent of it. It was beyond her why she'd decided to do what she was doing, but she soon came to realize that the only scent she was able to detect was that of the paper itself and the ink of the pen.

That fact on the other hand stunned and irritated her. 'If M touched this paper it should smell like them, no? It doesn't make any sense that there's no trace of any other scent than the obvious two artificial ones that can be expected from a letter. Unless...

They're even more sneaky than I'd given them credit for and they're wearing gloves as a means of precaution when writing to me because they might've expected me to eventually be a weirdo who smells their letters.'

The blonde chuckled at her own silliness, shaking her head. This situation was really starting to get to her head. Jeri couldn't remember the last time she'd acted so dorkily, apart from occasionally during her encounters with Scarlett who brought out her inner child and allowed her to simply be herself without passing judgment like the adults around her usually did.

She eventually opened the letter, her curiosity in regards to the contents of M's latest letter unable to be kept at bay any longer. Her heart as per usual picked up its pace, a wild flutter tickling against the pit of her stomach.

_Dear Jeri,_

_I sincerely apologize for the delay in my reply. My week has started off quite stressful actually, hence I found myself unable to write to you any sooner. Please forgive me if I caused you to worry, or made you think that I'd forgotten about you, or didn't care enough to respond._

_Thank you for agreeing to keep our contact limited to these written exchanges and trusting me enough to want to keep it up in the first place. You are right, I have my good reasons for wanting to remain anonymous. I'm glad to hear you keep following my advice, Jeri, and that the scream therapy was a success for you! It's also good to know that you managed to get some rest and restore your energy on your free day._

_Good luck filming today, as always. My thoughts are with you._

_Sincerely, M_

Jeri pondered the letter for a moment before carefully placing it inside her handbag along with the other letters she'd received so far from M. Reading those sincere lines reassured her of the writer's genuine motives. Her doubts fueled by Scarlett's deduction the day before slowly vaporizing.

The fact that M had stated they were pretty busy this week made Jeri worry for the stranger's own health and well-being. Not wanting to waste any time and eager to for once turn the tables and cheer M on, knowing they might need it on a week like this, she grabbed an empty sheet of paper and her pen, writing a reply to them.

_Dearest M,_

_There is no reason for you to apologize for not having replied to my letter yesterday. I'm aware that I'm not the only person working out of the two of us and that you probably have a job that results in you being otherwise occupied every now and then which I can very well relate to._

_I hope that you'll be able to rest despite your busy schedules and have some time to unwind. Please take care of yourself and make sure to stay well-hydrated and don't forget to eat. I know it can be tough to remember these things, especially when you're very busy, but as you always tell me yourself, it's crucial to your health and well-being._

_Your health and well-being mean a lot to me, M, I hope you're aware of that. I care for you and I sincerely appreciate your care for me._

_Yours, Jeri_

Kate had woken up with tears in her eyes that morning, her dreams of the night before still haunting her. It had taken her a while to fall back asleep the previous night after that dream featuring the mysterious stranger. She mused that maybe looking at that picture featuring them alongside her on that beach had triggered that dream.

The redhead was somewhat thankful to not be able to recall her other dreams of the night right before waking up and getting up after all. She had a hunch if the tears in her eyes were any indication, that the stranger had played a role in them as well. Kate had to practically drag her unwilling body over to her bathroom and take a shower, as well as wash her hair. Despite the effort doing so cost her, she couldn't risk letting herself go.

If the ever-perfect Jeri would catch sight of her in an unkempt state, Lord knows what she may think. 'It was bad enough filming alongside her in dire states yesterday. Instead of judging me like I'd expected her to, she kept glancing at my lips and quite openly so. No, it was Seven looking at Janeway's lips. She was in character and technically so was I, yet I noticed those gazes regardless.

Must be because of my new bad habit of watching old episodes of the show and having noticed Janeway and Seven's intense interactions. Jeri was most likely completely unaware that she kept staring at my lips and almost gave me a heart attack by doing so.'

The redhead had gotten ready in record time, this time forcing herself not to take a smoke before filming, knowing damn well her first scene of the day was once more with Jeri and she didn't want to cause the young woman discomfort. Yesterday had been a slip and she'd have to be even more disciplined these days.

The make-up team hadn't complained about having to make retouches on her lipstick, but she'd noticed the looks they'd exchanged, thinking she wouldn't notice, but she had noticed and understood. She'd arrived on set first and at a lack of anything to do, retrieved the picture from its hiding right next to her heart.

Since the Starfleet uniforms came with no pockets, Kate in lack of any better option had placed the picture inside her bra, desperate to carry it with her as a good luck charm and source of strength and comfort.

The main reason she'd decided to carry it around with her in the first place was that the make-up team and Bob Blackman had if you will teamed up against her, having noticed the necklace she'd still been wearing when she arrived on studio grounds this morning, telling her that Braga had apparently noticed it while viewing the scenes they'd shot the day before, declaring that Janeway wasn't allowed to wear jewelry of any kind when on-duty.

Kate had tried to convince them to be able to continue wearing it by stating that the necklace was a gift from her lover and that she could hardly imagine it had indeed been visible underneath the uniform. In the end, Kate had to admit defeat and opted for the next best thing which was carrying around the picture.

She once more traced the face of the stranger who haunted her dreams, even her waking thoughts, wondering like countless times before who they were and in what relation they'd stood to her. Kate snapped out of her daze by approaching footsteps. She didn't have to look up to know who it was entering the set. The click of the heels a dead giveaway.

Kate's pulse increased, to her chagrin, her palms turned sweaty. It felt like the air had been sucked out of the already very stuffy studio room, the presence of the blonde looming over Kate like a bad omen. She instantly cursed herself for that thought.

'If anyone's a bad omen here, it has to be you. Jeri is an angel. She really hasn't lucked out having to act alongside an arrogant, coldhearted diva like yourself. Someone with a better character would've taken her under her wing, befriended her, or at least been friendly to her.

You on the other hand are a rotten apple who's turned her experience filming this show into a living hell. It's best for you to simply keep your mouth shut instead of causing a scene, drama like you did in the beginning when she'd freshly joined the show.'

Jeri had been confused to find Kate once more looking at a picture when she'd entered the set but had quickly hidden before she'd been close enough to be able to see what was on it.

The fact that shocked and in a sense also excited the young woman was the place the redhead had hidden it, her bra. This only once more confirmed Jeri's suspicions that those Starfleet uniforms came with no pockets. After all, why else would someone like Kate perform such an action?

Another thing that unnerved Jeri was the fact that the older woman had taken off the command jacket and was merely clad in that damned grey undershirt, the short-sleeved one, no less.

Albeit Jeri being thankful that it at least wasn't the sleeveless version as she'd worn in _Year of hell_ and _Macrocosm,_ the fact that those glorious arms of Kate's were still very much on display in that shirt as well, her chest area emphasized as well made her feel... itchy.

The whole time while waiting for the rest of the production team to arrive, Jeri chanted a mantra in her head. 'Don't look at her, don't look at her, don't look at her...'

Jeri had a hard time not to audibly sigh in relief when they finally started filming, desperate for the distraction.

Filming hadn't gone as smoothly as usual, Jeri missing her cue, too distracted was she by the memory of seeing the older woman dressed in that damned grey undershirt earlier. On top of that Kate, as Jeri had to admit to herself, smelled heavenly today. No trace of heavy perfume, those damned mints, or tobacco. Instead, the woman smelled like she'd freshly stepped out of the shower and oh so womanly.

Jeri this time left that thought of hers uncommented, knowing it was useless anyway and that she in fact was a lost cause. The young woman's recurring slip-ups caused a considerable delay in their filming, Jeri asking for more breaks than usual, a fact she was surprised didn't bring forth any biting remark from Kate who was awfully quiet and well-behaved for her standards today anyway.

For a moment Jeri wondered about that but quickly dismissed it, thinking even someone like the redhead might be having better and worse days and maybe, just maybe the days she'd been subject to her infamous wrath were finally over.

After downing almost a whole bottle of water, Jeri had finally been able to regain her bearings and they'd managed to film the rather short scene. Kate had instantly left, not spearing her a second glance while Jeri due to having ingested far too much water, found herself dashing off towards the restrooms, a fact she wasn't at all happy about.

One thing that had stunned Jeri was the fact that she'd missed smelling the hint of coffee on the older woman like she'd been able to that one time a few days ago and in a way even that hint of tobacco. 'What is wrong with me? I hate smoking and smokers in general. The smell of cigarettes usually makes me sick. Why is it different when it comes to her? This is illogical!

I also usually am not a fan of coffee, yet that time I detected the smell of it on her breath I found it oddly alluring. This woman is a bad influence. She brings out a side in me I never knew existed and it's highly concerning. On top of that, she's so blissfully unaware of the effect she has on me which only makes it all the more frustrating and infuriating.

She's probably making fun of me at home with that lapdog of hers.' Jeri instantly regretted that last thought, her stomach twisting painfully, a strong sense of nausea washing over her.

No, she wouldn't falter. For a brief moment, Jeri thought of M who believed in her, cared for her, and had warned her of people like Kate who kept on belittling her, trying to pull her down.

Jeri splashed her face with cold water, whispering. “Oh, M. Where are you? Who are you? Why don't you wanna meet in person? Are you gonna let me down, lose interest in me once you realize how I truly am? Will you grow bored and tired of me like all the others? I want to believe that you're different, but I wish you could prove to me that your motives are genuine and your interest as well...”

She sighed and left the restrooms, forcing herself to keep her head held high, despite having a strong urge to hang it down. At this moment the young woman hoped M had sent her an answer to her latest letters, desperate to hear from them to know that her fears were unfounded, craving comfort, care, and appreciation.

'You're always looking at the wrong places, counting on the wrong people.', she thought to herself bitterly.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The shooting of The killing game is right around the corner and the tension between the two leading ladies is ever-rising. Kate is trying her best to regain some semblance of a grip, at least during work which proves to be much easier said than done. Meanwhile, Jeri finds it increasingly harder to stay professional around a certain redhead, her raging hormones trying to get the best of her, and then there is still M...

“Whatcha doing?” Jeri jumped at the voice, turning around to see her 'partner in crime' looking at her curiously.

She smiled softly and told the young girl, doing her best to not let her true emotions shine through. “I just finished filming my first scene for the day and was on my way back to my trailer. Wanna accompany me there?”

Scarlett pouted. “I missed your first scene? Was it a J/7 scene?”

Jeri blinked, irritated how her young friend was aware of the name the fandom had given Janeway and Seven, nodding slowly, answering her truthfully. “It was a scene with both Janeway and Seven, yes. However, it was a very short, insignificant scene. You didn't miss out on any major development between them, Scarlett. So, turn that frown upside down, okay?”

The young girl to her astonishment told her matter-of-factly. “Any scene, as short and insignificant it may seem, could play a role in their future relationship and their love story.”

Jeri's face turned crimson, coughing out. “L-love story? Scarlett, do you know something that I don't? For all I know, Janeway and Seven are mentor and mentee, as well as captain and subordinate. Scarlett, don't tell me you are a J/7... shipper?”

The younger grinned sheepishly, rubbing her neck. “Ehehe, what would you say if I was, Jeri?”

The blonde sighed. “I mean, I can't forbid you to ship them, I guess. Also, wanna know a secret?”

Scarlett who loved secrets as much as she loved mysteries nodded eagerly.

Jeri crouched down to be on eye level with her young friend, whispering in her ear conspiratorially. “I think I'm a J/7 shipper myself actually. If there is any person on board Voyager Seven could ever possibly develop romantic feelings for it would be Janeway due to their special bond.”

Scarlett nodded but soon pouted again. “Janeway's so stubborn with her rules and regulations though. She's gonna give Seven a hard time. Also, she always claims she's not allowed to fraternize with the crew and she lives in that celeb- celebrity something of hers.”

Jeri frowned, not knowing what her friend meant by that last statement first, snorting once she understood it before ending up in a laughing fit, unable to help herself, finding the way Scarlett had misinterpreted and butchered up the word adorable.

Once she'd calmed down again she said gently. “I think what you were trying to say was that Janeway lives in self-imposed celibacy, Scarlett, right?”

The young girl blushed adorably and nodded. “Y-yeah, that was the word.”

Once the duo had arrived outside Jeri's trailer, the blonde decided to immediately inspect her stairs this time, just to be on the safe side. Scarlett, who noticed her friend's actions, asked curiously. “What are we looking for? Are we searching for clues?”

Jeri tapped her chin. “In a way, yes. I'm checking to see if M has already been here and retrieved the latest letter I left here for them this morning. If you see a red envelope, alert me.”

To her surprise, Scarlett asked hesitantly. “What if I spot a white envelope?”

Jeri's heart rate picked up, not at all having expected to hear from M again so soon, especially after the person stating in their last letter that they were very busy this week.

The taller girl tried hard to mask her excitement and keep her tone as neutral as possible. “That is even better. Can you give it to me please?”

Scarlett nodded, eyes widening in understanding and excitement. “Is this letter by them?”

Jeri nodded and hummed. “Yeah, it should be. They usually send their letters in white envelopes.”

Scarlett smirked, a fact that shocked Jeri. “Am I right thinking that you send yours in red envelopes?”

Jeri nodded slowly. “I do actually, yes. Why? What's with that smirk of yours, Scully junior? Is there something wrong with me using red envelopes?”

Scarlett rubbed her hands in glee. “Not at all. In fact, this could very well help us solve this mystery.”

Jeri frowned, unable to follow her young friend's train of thought. 'Guess I'm not born to be a detective after all.'

She asked Scarlett sheepishly. “Care to enlighten me exactly how that's going to help us solve this case, my trusty partner?”

Scarlett beamed. “If M isn't overly careful, they might reveal their identity by being reckless enough to carry around one of those rather eye-catching red envelopes of yours.”

Jeri sighed. “I feel like the chances for that to happen are very slim, Scarlett. We've both reached the conclusion that they are very sneaky and cautious before.

I doubt they'd be as reckless as to carry around one of my letters, much less inside the rather remarkable envelope out in the open with them, knowing full-well that I just might be on the watch.”

Scarlett pouted, sighing heavily. “I guess you're right, Jeri. What a shame. I'd been excited there for a moment, thinking I'd finally found a way to unveil their identity in a rather easy way. Guess it was too easy.”

Jeri petted her friend's arm. “It's fine, Scarlett. The idea itself was good. If M wasn't half as sneaky and clever as they are it would've surely worked out.”

The young girl nodded slowly. “Yeah, I guess. Everyone makes mistakes though, even someone like M. There's no way they can stay hidden and undetected forever.

If a criminal deems themselves in safety, they have a tendency to turn reckless at one point, especially if they're convinced that no one's onto them. In other words, we'll find M. We simply gotta wait for them to start making mistakes.”

Jeri frowned at her young friend's words. “That might go for criminals, but Scarlett M's not a criminal, at least I very much hope that they're not. Sending anonymous letters to someone is no crime, but a very legal action and one that I very much appreciate.

If you don't mind, I'd like to go grab a bite to eat before I'll have to shoot my next scene.”

Scarlett nodded quickly, feeling guilty for keeping her friend from eating and getting some well-deserved rest.

Kate cursed herself for being so stupid as to deny her body its needs. After filming with Jeri, she'd practically rushed out of the studio building, eager to finally have a smoke.

Her hands were shaking, that damned tremor back again, making it hard to do as little as taking a cigarette out of the box, but she eventually managed it and on her third attempt she'd also finally been able to light the thing.

Her mind and heart were racing, the look in Jeri's eyes when she'd missed her cue, fear clearly evident in there had affected her more than she could've ever expected.

'At least you managed to keep that damned mouth of yours shut instead of lashing out at her as per usual. Although, I can't help but wonder why she missed her cue and four times in a row. The scene we shot today was short and easy. She had two lines to say. Usually, she's so professional and well-prepared.

She did look rather tired though. Those shadows under her eyes were a telltale sign. Even the make-up team was seemingly unable to cover those up entirely. I doubt it'll be visible on camera, however. It was only visible to me because we were standing so close.

What's it with Janeway's disregard for personal space anyway? It's becoming increasingly more difficult to keep my focus as well, because of that...'

The redhead sighed, extinguishing her cigarette before walking over to the cafeteria. It had been a while since she'd been there, but she mused that a little socializing might do her good.

Also, she could at least grab some coffee if she already didn't allow herself to drink high percentage stuff while at work anymore.

When she entered the place and noticed the ruckus, she was about to flee the scene, but to her dismay, a voice called out. “Kate, over here!”

She sighed and grabbed herself a cup of coffee before walking over to the table on which her friend Roxann Dawson sat alongside Robby McNeil and Bob Picardo.

The brunette grinned at the older woman once Kate sat down, asking curiously. “So, from what I've heard there was a pretty intense moment going on between Jeri and you while filming the other day.”

Kate raised an eyebrow. “You mean between Janeway and Seven? I guess you could say that, yes. Word spreads soon around here, hu? Who has told you about that, Roxann?”

The younger woman shrugged. “Oh, ya know how chatty the costume and make-up team tend to be. I think Bob Blackman made a remark earlier when I had another re-fit for Brigitte's costumes. Filming while being heavily pregnant sure is an interesting concept.”

Kate chuckled at that, knowing the situation too well from her own pregnancies back then. “You're telling me. Brigitte is supposed to be pregnant as well, right? I was stunned when I read that in the script, to be honest.

Didn't think Braga would include it in that episode. It is rather... tasteless having a member of the Resistance be pregnant by a German Nazi Kommandant though. Is it not?”

Roxann rolled her eyes and nodded, tone pained. “Trust me when I first read my script for that double episode and the character description of Brigitte I was furious!

It's one thing trying to coax information out of the enemy by initiating small talk with them in the manner Katrine does, it's a whole other story, however, to sleep with the enemy for the same reason and to think Brigitte is supposed to be Jewish...”

Kate's eyes went wide at this, gasping. “No way! That's blasphemy! What the hell is wrong with the writers and producers to come up with that kind of idea?”

Roxann merely shrugged, but Robby McNeil chimed in. “It's all for the viewer counts, Kate. You should be aware of that now. Those numbers are everything in our business...”

Kate felt all the more reluctant filming this double episode, but she mused there was nothing else she could do. At least they'd have a day off in between to prepare for two days of more or less non-stop filming in a row.

Kate in all honesty wasn't sure what she was supposed to do on that day, Thursday. Her sons were still with their father and she didn't feel in the right state of mind to meet with her ex-husband.

She'd almost forgotten that she'd have to film another scene alongside Jeri today and not only with her, but with Robert Beltran as well. She didn't look forward to the latter but mused she'd simply have to stay professional.

Kate walked over to the Astrometrics lab set and was greeted by none other than Jeri already sitting there, engrossed in... reading?

Kate blinked, but shrugged it off, deciding to give the blonde some privacy, sitting in a far corner to give her some space. The redhead once more retrieved her picture from inside its hiding, eyes trained on the smiling faces of her and the stranger.

Kate blinked, the salty air and cries of seagulls in the air confusing her for a moment. A familiar figure walked up to her, carrying a tray with drinks.

The redhead chuckled. “Have you taken on a job as a waitress now?”

The younger woman snickered and shook her head. “Nah, those days are over. The waitress was busy, so I decided to get our drinks myself.”

Kate chuckled once more. “Impatient, are we?”

The big sapphire eyes of the younger glinted mischievously. “If you're referring to yourself there then yes, I can vouch for that.”

Kate gasped in mock-offense. “Me? Impatient? That's blasphemy!”

The young woman snorted before downright laughing, Kate soon joining in, finding that laughter to be contagious.

Jeri frowned, exchanging glances with Robert Beltran who looked just as puzzled. “This has never happened once in four years...”

The blonde felt an odd flutter in her chest watching the sleeping form of the older woman, carefully leaning over her. Her eyes widened when she caught sight of the picture, Kate was clutching tightly against her chest.

To her chagrin, she was unable to see what was on the image, but she noticed something was written on the back and what appeared to be a lipstick kiss mark was next to the writing.

Hooked by the unexpected sight, Jeri leaned even closer, trying to read the lines. _Our day..._

Jeri jumped slightly when Kate's eyes opened, the heat creeping to her cheeks at the intense gaze of the older woman's eyes that for a moment were cerulean before slowly turning steel-blue again, voice hoarse. “You.”

Jeri blinked, stepping back slowly. “Sorry...”

Kate swallowed against the dryness in her throat, confusion shadowing her features before she asked. “Did the production team arrive already?”

Jeri frowned at the sudden change of demeanor in the older woman, the voice of the cameraman exclaimed from behind them. “Ready whenever you are.”

Robert and Kate were supposed to make an entrance into the Astrometrics lab where Seven of Nine was supposed to propose a solution on how to avoid running into more Hirogen vessels and turn into prey once more. When Kate, or well Janeway entered the room alongside her First Officer, the duo stopped in their tracks, watching the young blonde who was furiously tapping away at her console.

While Chakotay's eyes were fixed on the back of the blonde's head, a certain redhead leaned to her side, fascinated by her Astrometrics Officer's well-formed butt.

Seven went on to present her plan to the duo, Chakotay already having stepped closer while Janeway took a moment before snapping out of her daze, walking up to the other side of the young woman, resting one arm on the young woman's back, a fact that caused both Seven and Jeri to stiffen. Jeri's skin started to prickle once more, pulse skyrocketing.

Both Janeway and Kate noticed the young woman's reaction, of course, both drawing their own conclusions from it. Meanwhile, Chakotay and Beltran alike stood there feeling much like a third wheel and, admittedly enraged by Janeway and Kate's obvious ogling of the younger woman.

Jeri was beyond relieved when she was finally finished filming for the day, mind swirling with countless things at once. She'd almost forgotten all about M's latest letter, quickly deciding she'd be reading it once she'd be back home. First, she'd call her mother and ask about Alex's well-being though. Jack had been awfully quiet for his standards as well.

'He hasn't called at all ever since he left for his business trip. I shouldn't be surprised. He's probably doing anything but business-related things. It might be best if he is. That only gives me all the more reason to file a divorce and it's not like I miss hearing his voice either, much less having to see him...'

Jeri once more found herself driving to the beach. She had stopped wondering about her reasoning by now, musing that the sea simply attracted her. Also, she was in desperate need for fresh air after that intense shoot. Not even to mention seeing Kate asleep. Why had that sight been so comforting to her? Jeri was astonished by her own strong emotions such a simple gesture had provoked inside her. She'd felt a strong urge to protect the older woman in this, admittedly, rather vulnerable state.

Jeri took off her shoes, reveling in the familiar feeling of her bare feet walking in the warm sand. Just what had been standing on the back of that picture. “Our day?” What's more, was that the handwriting it had been written in had looked oddly familiar, so had that lipstick kiss mark. If only she'd been able to see the picture itself.

'Why am I so interested in that? I should know better than go snooping around in other people's private matters. M would be disappointed.'

Suddenly remembering the letter still in her handbag, Jeri sat down in the sand, retrieving the white envelope, carefully opening it. Her heart as per usual started to hammer wildly in her chest as she started to read the mysterious stranger's response.

_Dearest Jeri,_

_You are too kind! Thank you for being so sweet and understanding. You're right, I have a job that's quite demanding and keeps me busy these days. How very true. It's those times we are busy and stressed out we tend to forget self-care the most. Thank you for reminding me of those crucial things, Jeri._

_I will take your advice to heart and try following it as best as possible with my busy schedules. I'm touched to hear my health and well-being are important to you, so are yours to me as you should be aware by now. Hearing that you care for me even after such a short amount of time we've been in contact means a lot to me._

_You're truly such a kind-hearted, sweet person. It's an honor to be able to write with you, talk to you like this. Hearing from you always boosts my mood as well. I hope you are aware of that. You're a very rare gift to humanity, Jeri, a true gem. Thank you for trusting me enough to open up._

_Don't be afraid to write to me if you should feel down, or feel troubled. I give you my promise that I won't judge you, or share anything with anyone. Shall you ever feel the need to vent, please do so. I'm right here._

_Yours, M_

Jeri hadn't at all been prepared for this heartfelt letter by M. She once more wished she could actually talk to them face-to-face, but knew the other person wasn't willing to do that. That night Jeri went to bed early, the last thing flickering before her mind's eye being the sleeping face of a certain redhead...


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back? The plot's thickening, you guys, and the shooting of The killing game is approaching. The anticipation is rising. ;)
> 
> Thank you again for your continuous support and interest in this story! It means a lot to me to hear your opinion and receiving feedback from you. :)

Kate had gone to the beach again that evening, desperately wishing it was the one in Ireland instead. Her mind was hazy, irritation and humiliation upon her falling asleep earlier on set and the strange encounter with Jeri right afterward had made filming alongside her all the tougher.

Her animosities with Beltran had been her least concern. 'I really need to get a grip. Waking up to those blue eyes of hers must've confused me. For a moment there I could've sworn...

No, there's no way. Her eyes are ice-blue and those of the stranger from my picture were sapphire. They look very different in general and Jeri's demeanor is the polar opposite of that of this woman. I can't believe my sleepy brain would confuse them for each other.

Why was Jeri leaning so close to me anyway? There was merely a breath between our faces anymore. God, how am I supposed to ignore her if she's invading my personal space like that? That was highly atypical for her too.

I could swear her face looked... concerned for a moment there.

Well, she's not a cold-hearted bitch like me, so maybe her concern was genuine. She shouldn't worry for me though. I need to be more careful from now on. Causing her unnecessary concern is unacceptable, especially when she's seemingly already fatigued, stressed-out...'

The redhead had plopped into the sand, finally having her first drink for the day, unable to deny her body its needs any longer, her shaky hands infuriating her. As much as she hated being so weak, she had to admit to herself that denying her urges was a luxury she couldn't afford, especially when having to film.

It was getting increasingly harder to hide the telltale signs of her struggles, her shaking hands hardly able to be concealed anymore. She'd mainly rested her hand on Jeri's back earlier while filming to conceal the tremor which had fortunately worked.

The fact that the younger woman's back had stiffened at the contact, however, had hurt Kate more than she'd care to admit. 'It's better this way. You've given her all reason to hate you in the past.

The fact that you've been acting calm for your standards the past few days won't suddenly change her distrust in your person and in all honesty, it's better this way. She's a married woman and a young mother. She has such a pure heart. You have to maintain your composure around her.'

She groaned out, ruffling her hair in frustration. “Just how did that bastard Braga imagine us playing lovers on the show? He knows damn well that we're anything but close in real life!

How am I supposed to keep my distance from her when Janeway's supposed to get this close to Seven? No, Katrine is supposed to get so close to the Mademoiselle. Ugh, I'm too tired and old for this shit...”

Kate had taken out her picture once more, comparing the rocky shore on the picture with the one in front of her eyes. The petite woman had always been enamored with Ireland, the country not only due to the fact that it was her place of heritage seeming to magically attract her and the people there, in comparison to over here in the States were genuine, heartfelt, even strangers treating each other like family.

Thanks to her light complexion and freckles, Kate couldn't deal well with the weather and climate over here in LA.

She was longing for the cool breeze of the rocky shore, the smell of the heathers in bloom and the feeling of a stranger with eyes as blue and shining as sapphires, a smile so bright it could light up a whole city and who's hair looked and smelled like the cool Irish sun and honey, those long limbs wrapped around her as she'd sat and later slept on her lap in that dream had been etched into Kate's mind.

“Who are you? Will I ever see you again? Why did I forget? Why did you forget?”

Kate froze on the spot when she heard footsteps approach. She wanted to turn invisible then and there but had to realize that she did not possess that kind of ability.

Like a vision a woman appeared, blonde hair played with by the light breeze. The fact that truly caught Kate's attention, however, was the woman's attire, or lack thereof.

She rushed off to the water in her glorious naked form like she didn't have a care in the world. Kate once again was about to get up and leave the stranger in peace, feeling much like an intruder.

That is until she suddenly heard a cry of a magnitude she'd never once heard before carried over by the shore where the blonde had come to stand, facing the sea. “Why?”

The redhead stood rooted to the spot, stunned. 'That sure was a powerful cry. The pain was palpable even through that one word. Well, sometimes one word is enough.'

Kate without even noticing it had approached the stranger just in time to hear the woman mumble. “Why can't I stop thinking about you, Kate?”

Her eyes went wide in shock at the admission, the stranger turned around and Kate to her astonishment was once more met with the stranger from her picture that kept haunting her dreams.

Kate stirred awake and once she took in the sight of the beach that was void of anyone but herself she had to grudgingly realize that she'd fallen asleep once more.

'This is not normal anymore. Why do I keep randomly falling asleep? Earlier at work was bad enough. It might've not been the best idea to drink the whole contents of my flask after all.'

She got up, wiping the sand off of her clothes before walking back to her car. To her astonishment, another car just drove off. It looked oddly familiar, but she couldn't place it. Kate still managed to catch a glimpse of blonde hair from the driver, a fact that unnerved her to no end.

'There are lots of blondes out there. I really shouldn't obsess over a hair color like that. Just what am I? A psycho who's lusting after young blondes? This is reaching concerning levels.'

Just then she noticed something shiny in the sand. She carefully approached the object and was taken back when it turned out to be an oddly familiar-looking necklace.

Kate instinctively touched her neck, sighing in relief when it turned out her own necklace was still there. Her relief didn't last long, a chill running down her spine.

The unnerved redhead muttered under her breath, eyes wide in terror. “If this isn't MY necklace. Whose is it and why does it look just like mine?”

Jeri hopped under the shower, unable to sleep, her mind incessantly conjuring up dreams featuring a certain redhead and the words Our day along with a lipstick kiss mark in various combinations.

The blonde reached down to her neck, eyes going wide when she noticed the lack of necklace. Tears started running down her cheeks, the distraught young woman sunk down onto the floor, the water of the shower mercilessly raining down on her body.

“Where is it? Have I left it earlier at the studio? Have I... lost it? No! It was only a matter of time before it happened. I really haven't been myself lately. Why can I never hold on to what matters to me? Everything keeps slipping away.”

She chuckled bitterly, once again wondering just why that necklace had meant so much to her anyway when in fact she couldn't even recall where it initially came from.

Jack had occasionally asked her about it, but she'd been unable to answer him, making up excuses like having received it as a birthday gift by her parents before they'd met.

In all honesty, she had no idea about its actual origin and it upset her but didn't change the fact that she'd cared a great deal about it and had never once taken it off, not even while showering. Wearing it always having provided a strange comfort to her.

'And now... it's gone. Just like that, from one moment to the other.'

Jeri, who was already very unstable these days couldn't stop shaking, sitting in a fetal position crying heartbreakingly, completely crumbled. This day had already started off a mess.

First, she'd hardly slept the night before, and then she'd messed up filming. Even hearing from M had barely been able to provide comfort.

Instead, she'd found a strange source of 'toxic comfort' as she referred to it in Kate who during their second scene together with Beltran had once more smelled of coffee and cigarettes, a dangerous combination.

“I'm SICK and TIRED of this shit!” She cried out surprisingly strong, despite having just bawled her eyes out.

Even M's suggested scream therapy had not brought forth the hoped success. 'Stupid. Why did you think doing that when you couldn't sleep would be any good idea? You're really such a fool!'

She dried off her body, walking to the living room, turning the tv on, figuring sleep would elude her again anyway. Jeri wasn't happy about the prospect of having to go another night with barely any sleep in a row, but there was really nothing she could do.

She inwardly scolded herself for not even having managed to call her mother as she'd initially planned earlier due to her exhaustion and now that. Jeri haphazardly zapped through the channels, not paying much attention until her eyes widened.

A crime show, something Jeri usually wasn't much of a fan of was just starting.

She'd heard the name of the show which was quite popular before, _Murder, she wrote_ Jeri mused to herself that she might as well watch a show like that for a change, thinking Scarlett would surely appreciate it and hoping it might teach her a trick or two in terms of solving mysteries.

Jeri almost toppled over when she read the name of none other than Kate as one of the main actresses on the said episode.

The blonde was torn between switching programs and staying tuned. Her curiosity eventually defeated her rationality and she sat on edge of the couch, waiting eagerly for Kate's first appearance.

Jeri couldn't help but wonder what kind of role the older woman might be playing in this episode. As the episode kept rolling, Jeri was stumped. She couldn't for the life of her seem to determine who out of the actresses might be Kate.

There was a young soap opera actress, Sonny Greer who was quite the drama queen as Jeri mused who's bodyguard/driver/lover got poisoned on the plane, Jessica Fletcher, the retired teacher, and hobby detective, and her trusty friend Dr. Seth Hazlitt just so happened to be on as well.

The soap opera actress instantly pinged Jeri as the killer, acting far too dramatic and overall suspicious. Those tears of hers were clearly just for show as well.

Those blue eyes of hers though and those freckles...

Jeri felt her cheeks heat up, her jaw, slowly but surely dropping. “Oh my God! No way! It's her! Sonny is Kate! Holy shit, she's gorgeous and she looks so young! Just when's that episode from?”

Jeri decided to consult her computer regarding that matter later.

She didn't have to search for long, her eyes widening. “Oh, the episode's from '87! That means it's almost 11 years old. Just how old is Kate anyway?”

Jeri refrained from stalking the older woman, despite her immense curiosity on the matter, respecting her privacy. She was too tired anyway, her body worn-out from ogling a young Kate.

When the blonde sank onto her bed, a picture of the young Kate that had, in all honesty, looked almost irrecognizable with those beaming cerulean eyes, much like she'd seen a glint of earlier on set, that porcelain skin and all in all very dollish, almost childlike features and bright smile sent a jolt through her body.

The next thing she knew, the picture got replaced by that of Kate looking at her earlier with those same beautiful blue eyes before they'd turned grey again. For a moment there, Jeri found herself wondering what had happened to change Kate so drastically.

“Don't question it, darling. Life happens. I'm not that woman anymore. Does that change your feelings for me?”

Jeri gulped, the figure of Kate approaching her, albeit Jeri was convinced merely a trick of her mind, an illusion her lonely heart conjured up looked and sounded so real, it was almost frightening.

The blonde shook her head, voice stronger than she'd anticipated, telling her in determination. “It doesn't.”

The imaginative Kate smiled at this, her hand tracing Jeri's body. “Jeri, you can't deny your body its needs forever. You know it's unhealthy.”

Jeri for once listened to the Kate from her fantasies, giving her body the much-needed attention it deserved and craved, all the while imagining it to be Kate's fingers and not her own that were touching first her breasts then her thighs before finally plunging into her most intimate warmth, toes curling, back-arching, mind going completely blank, body feeling like it was floating if only for a moment that might as well have been an eternity, a little bit of forever that she shared with the love she could never have.

“Unrequited...” Jeri muttered, tears running down her eyes. “I'm sorry...”

She didn't even get to cover her naked body with the blanket anymore, exhaustion and sleep overtaking her, sending her into oblivion...

Kate found herself torn between leaving the necklace where she'd found it and taking it home with her. She knew it technically could be considered theft if she were to simply take it with her, but at the same time she thought 'Finders keepers, losers weepers.'.

Kate hoped whoever it was that had lost it wouldn't be too distraught and mourning the loss. 'I know I would if I'd be losing my necklace. Just why does the one I found resemble my own so much anyway? This is crazy! The heavens must've sent me this as a sign.

Yeah, right, the heavens. A fallen angel like yourself merely gets gifts like those by the devil himself. The Holy Father has given up on you a long time ago. You're a disgrace.'

Kate walked back to her car, driving home as fast as she could, desperate to take a bath and scrub away the shame and guilt, the self-loathing and pity. Only once her skin started to bleed did she stop scrubbing, sobs shaking her body when the magnitude of the situation hit her.

'She was there. Whoever she might be was on that beach. There's no other explanation for the necklace having laid there in the sand. If only I hadn't been so reckless to fall asleep I could've seen her still, but when I woke up she was already driving off and with surprising speed as well.

Just why does it feel like I've seen that car before? No, there's probably many people owning a car like that one living in this city.'

Kate's eyes went wide. 'Wait... Does that mean she lives here, in LA? Was she closer than I'd thought the whole time? In the end, we've met before, ran into each other without knowing it, seeing each other as mere strangers when in fact we've known each other before.'

Kate, after rubbing her body dry and applying ointment on her bruised skin, went to her bedroom, carefully storing the necklace in her memory box, for the time being, hoping that one day she might be able to meet the person it rightfully belonged to again, so she could give it back to her.

She wasn't all too happy about the aspect that tomorrow would be the last day filming before the one day break, still wondering what she might do that day. Her eyes went wide when her phone started to ring.

'Who has the audacity to call at an hour like this?'

Remembering her mother's call two days ago, she thought better than to simply ignore that call, not wanting to worry or upset her parents. She inwardly steeled herself for another talk with her parents, prepared to hear her mother's voice on the other end of the line.

Her eyes went wide with panic.”Kate? This is Tim.”

Kate felt white-hot rage bubbling inside her, dropping the phone back on the needle. 'How dare he call me and at such an hour? It was wrong to take that call after all. Had I known it was him at the other end of the line I would've gone to sleep already.

This day just got so much worse than it already was, to begin with. Why can't everyone simply leave me alone?'

Tears streamed down her cheeks, thoroughly shaken by hearing that man's voice, not at all having been prepared for that kind of confrontation. She'd hoped against hope that he'd respect her need for space, but of course, it had only been a matter of time before he'd come crawling back to her.

'Men, oh how they disgust me! Always having only one thing on their mind. If he's so desperate to get laid, why can't he simply call a professional and ask for her services? Of course, he'd never do that.

He thinks because we are 'dating' he has a right to demand sex with me whenever and however often he pleases. I'm sick and tired of this! Why did I ever agree to enter this relationship in the first place?'

Kate cried herself to sleep that night, her last thoughts going over to Jeri.

The first thing she noticed was the chatter in the background. It didn't take long before she realized that she was sitting in a pub. For a moment, Kate simply drank in the atmosphere, feeling at peace with herself and the world.

“Pardon, is that seat taken?” Kate looked up, heart beating faster at the familiar sight of the stranger who was smiling at her, sapphire eyes shining oh so invitingly.

Kate returned the smile in kind, telling her gently. “No, it's vacant.”

She didn't expect the next question. “May I sit here with you?”

Kate, who had, in all honesty, thought the young woman wanted to sit with her friends was taken back by the question, but happy no less.

She nodded. “Sure. I'm always thankful for some company.”

The stranger proceeded to hold out her hand which Kate looked at before shaking it. “I'm... delighted to meet you.”

Kate felt disappointment wash over her, having expected the stranger to introduce herself to her.

She simply nodded, deciding to try reverse psychology. “Same here. I'm Kiernan. How may I call you?”

Instead of answering Kate's question, the young woman stated. “It's so great to find a nice person for once. Being a foreigner in this country's kinda difficult.

They hear my American accent and instantly distance themselves from me. Finding a place to stay has proven to be more difficult than expected as well.”

Kate frowned at this, having Irish roots and being able to converse with the locals in Gaelic must've given her more of an advantage than she'd been aware of before.

She honestly couldn't understand the hostility of the locals towards the young woman. She might be American, a tourist, Kate mused, but even so, she was very friendly and seemingly open-minded.

Why would they act so hostile towards her? To the point of not trusting her enough to offer her a place to stay?

Kate felt determined to apologize for her peoples' mistreatment of her. “I sincerely apologize for my peoples' hostility. I wasn't aware that the locals treat foreigners, specifically Americans so poorly.

I'm a native American myself actually, but I guess thanks to my Irish roots and the ability to speak Gaelic I'm privileged, so to speak in comparison to you which shouldn't be the case.

How about you stay with me? I've rented an apartment by the sea which is quite spacious and could easily house another person. Don't worry, there's a spare bedroom in which you could stay. You won't have to sleep on the couch. What do you say?”

The blonde's eyes widened. “Are you sure that's okay with you? I'm a complete stranger and well... You've rented the place for yourself. I don't wanna intrude on your privacy.”

Kate smiled, gently patting the young woman's arm. “Yes, I'm sure. It can get quite lonely staying alone in such a big apartment in a strange town. You wouldn't intrude on anything. It would be my pleasure to have you as my roommate for as long as you'd like.”

The younger woman beamed a smile that sucked the breath right out of the redhead's lungs, declaring happily. “In that case, I'd love to accept the offer. Maybe you could introduce me to some fun activities around here if it's not too much to ask.”

Kate stirred awake the next morning in a cold sweat, feeling feverish. 'We shared an apartment in that town and she was American as well.'

One thing bothered Kate greatly, however. She groaned out, ruffling her hair that felt damp. “What's her name though? How come she didn't introduce herself to me? Also why on Earth did I introduce myself with my second name to her? Ugh, what a pain.

I shouldn't be surprised she never reached out to me if I'm known to the world by only my first name while she only knew me by my second, Gaelic name.

The joys of being an 'undercover' celebrity on vacation who at the time was on top of that married to a man and mother of two small children...”

Despite not at all feeling in the right condition to go to work today, she knew better than to 'call in sick' and got ready regardless, grateful for the free day the next day after all...


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our leading ladies are having another moment on set. Both Kate and Jeri's fantasies are getting stronger as well. How much longer will they be able to resist the tension and their mutual desire and attraction for each other?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back, everyone! Thank you so much for your continuous support. I hope you'll all enjoy reading this chapter. :)

Jeri didn't feel refreshed the next morning, but she mused barely having slept the past two days would eventually show its effects.

'I could use a cup of extra strong coffee, maybe mocha right now.'

Her own thoughts hardly came as a surprise to the young woman anymore. She staggered off to the bathroom, taking a cold shower, hoping that doing so might help wake her overly tired body and mind.

When her hands went down to her neck and she was once again reminded of her loss, Jeri had a hard time not to break down in tears all over again.

'Just what's wrong with you these days? Crying over the smallest things like that. You're acting highly irrational. It shouldn't affect you so much that a necklace the origin of which is a mystery to you, has disappeared.

Maybe it'll turn up again at the studio and you've been crying and causing a scene, losing sleep even for no reason at all.'

Despite not feeling hungry at all, Jeri quickly grabbed an apple from the fruit basket in the kitchen along with a water bottle before leaving for work.

To the young woman's astonishment, it started to rain the moment she arrived on studio grounds. She quickly rushed over to her trailer, not too eager to get soaked by the surprisingly heavy downpour, especially for LA standards.

Once inside the safety of her trailer, Jeri took off her clothes, glad she always made sure to have a set of fresh clothes in her trailer, in case of an emergency.

She quickly rubbed her body dry before dressing into her new outfit. The blonde was glad her hair was uncomplicated and would look perfect again in no time. Jeri continued to sit in the safety of her trailer for a while longer when suddenly a thought occurred to her.

'Will M send me a letter with it raining like that? Technically it's my turn to reply now. M told me in their last letter that I could vent to them anytime, tell them if something is troubling me, or I feel down.'

Despite that, Jeri was unsure if it was a good idea to share her feelings regarding the loss of her necklace with them, or her confused feelings regarding a certain redhead.

She didn't wanna annoy them, or disappoint them with her small, puny problems, afraid they might lose interest in her for good if she let her guard down too much around them. Jeri knew better than to trust a stranger too easily. As genuine and sweet M might seem, so had Jack in the beginning and he'd proved to be anything but that during their marriage.

For a moment there Jeri found herself wondering about something she in all honesty hadn't thought about at all before, M's gender. It didn't really play any role to Jeri, per se, but she had to admit to herself that she'd prefer for them to be female.

She retrieved all letters she'd received by them so far, laying them out on the table, inspecting the person's handwriting thoroughly, looking at it as if it was the first time. The smooth curves, fine lines, slight lean towards the right.

'Why does it feel like I've seen this handwriting before? Not only on M's letters, but somewhere else. Do I know them after all? One thing's for sure, everything about this handwriting points towards its owner being female and right-handed. Sure, my assumptions could be wrong, but my gut feeling tells me that's the case.'

The flutter in the pit of Jeri's stomach increased in intensity at the thought, her heart beating faster. The young woman inwardly scolded herself for trying to interpret the stranger's handwriting and finding out their identity, disregarding her promise to M to not do so.

In the end, Jeri decided against sending M a letter, for the time being, the heavy downpour and her heavy heart preventing her from writing. She deemed it better to regain her composure first and reply to them then. Knowing them they'd understand her decision.

On top of that, M themselves had claimed they were busy this week and Jeri didn't want to force them to send her a response, or even read a letter of herself, much less one in which Jeri vented to them about trivialities like losing a necklace.

Filming her first scene for the day had gone smoothly. Jeri had eaten the apple she'd brought from home and sipped from her water bottle which only did so much in boosting her energy levels. She walked to the cafeteria to get herself a cup of coffee, after all, figuring it might help her more than water on a day like this.

On top of that, she found herself crave the taste and scent of the beverage, a fact she knew all too well why that was.

When she entered the cafeteria she wasn't in the least prepared to find none other than the person she'd tried to avoid all day, guilt and shame over last night's actions turning her cheeks hot in humiliation. Jeri was determined to simply grab herself that cup of coffee and make a beeline back to the safety of her trailer.

'What is she doing here out of all places anyway? This is highly unusual. I thought she avoids this place like the plague. More like she avoids me like the plague...'

When she heard that uncanny chuckle of the redhead, Jeri's blood started to boil for reasons she couldn't understand herself. Whoever the person who'd evoked that chuckle from the older woman was had just gained a new enemy.

Jeri was glad she hadn't made sure to turn around to see who that person had been, her own thoughts and far too strong emotions horrifying her.

'The people who get to see this side of hers have no idea how lucky they are...'

Kate turned her head, the unexplainable feeling of being watched, deeply unnerving her. 'You really need to get a grip. Why would someone be watching you and who would that person be?'

The sight of a retreating form, long blonde hair, shaking her to the core. 'This... can't be.'

Garrett Wang who'd just been talking with Kate who had been awfully quiet and not answered his question asked hesitantly. “Kate? Is everything alright? You look like you've seen a ghost.”

Kate's eyes widened at the young man's words that hit the nail on the head, getting up. “I think I just might have. Excuse me, Garrett. I have to prepare for my next scene.”

The redhead practically dashed out of the cafeteria, causing several heads to turn, murmuring coming from every direction the moment the lioness had left.

Garrett who was in all honesty concerned for his colleague's well-being was about to follow after her but ultimately decided against it, deeming it better to give her some space, not wishing to become subject to her infamous wrath due to overstepping boundaries, or invading la Mulgrew's beloved privacy.

Kate turned in every direction, groaning out in frustration when there was no single trace of a blonde-haired person anywhere. On top of that her damned side was aching from running like a madwoman just now after what she by now deemed could've merely been a phantom, a figment of her overactive imagination.

'It's these dreams and the fact that I found that necklace at the beach. There's no way the woman of my dreams, quite literally, was here, especially at the cafeteria. Only authorized personnel are allowed there, people working for Paramount.'

Kate felt all the more stressed when she remembered her next scene would be the one with Jeri. Against her better knowledge, she went to her usual spot, hiding even more in the shadows than usual to avoid detection, taking a hearty gulp from her flask.

Knowing better than to drink whiskey during work, Kate who felt as sly as a fox and had conducted some research instead had opted for vodka which she'd mixed with coffee just to be on the safe side.

According to her research, vodka had no smell and was, therefore, the perfect liquor if you wanted to stay undetected, especially during work. 'You're so pathetic, really. When did you fall so deep? Do you truly think no one will be able to notice the telltale signs?'

Kate ignored the mocking voice in her mind, lighting herself a cigarette once the tremor in her hands was at bay. She stepped back into her usual spot again, her heart beating faster when she heard familiar laughter.

'W-what? How? No... No, no, no. I must really be losing it. This has taken on highly concerning levels indeed. There's no way she's here. My mind's clearly playing tricks on me. I'm such a lonely fool...'

She extinguished her cigarette, rushing into the studio building where Scarlett and Jeri were currently standing. Kate crept into a corner, avoiding detection, not wishing to disturb their conversation and admittedly quite curious to the contents of it.

Jeri ruffled the young girl's hair, Scarlett beaming at her in return.

Kate sat in a chair, acting disinterested, eyes transfixed on the picture. 'They're so close, those two. Then again, it fits someone as pure as Jeri to befriend a child like that. Also, she's a young mom herself and it seems like she's overall great with kids. I wonder if her husband and her are planning to have more children.'

The thought felt wrong to Kate, her stomach twisted at the mental image of a pregnant Jeri in the arms of her husband, their little son right there with them.

Kate had seen Jeri's son, Alex once or twice on set, he seemed like a really sweet kid. Her own sons hadn't been half as well-behaved and quiet as him at that age.

Kate gently traced the smiling face of her lost love, in her mind already referring to the young woman as that despite not having any confirmation that the stranger and her had in fact been lovers back then.

Maybe she simply interpreted too much into this. Then again, wasn't it typical for lovers to gift each other necklaces like the one she was wearing and she'd found on the beach the other day?

This reminded Kate of a girl back in school, what had her name been again? Janett, yes, that had been her name, who Kate had been best friends with back then and who had one day gifted her a bracelet, self-made with love, especially for her. Emphasis lying on 'with love'.

Kate had been shocked and completely overwhelmed when Janett had confessed her feelings to her back then and asked if she wanted to 'go with her'. Kate who had been raised in a Catholic household, despite having developed feelings for Janett herself and not wanting to lose her as a friend either, had turned her down, terrified both of her own feelings and her parents' reaction, afraid to get disowned by them, kicked out from home.

Ironically, she'd moved out not much later to go study in New York.

'Janett... I wonder what she's doing these days. Is she living a straight lie like me? Knowing her I have a hunch she managed to break free and lead a life that truly makes her happy, not minding other people's opinion.'

Kate snapped out of her musings, the cameraman alerting them that they should get ready for filming.

Jeri felt her mouth go dry, her hands turning clammy once she was standing so close to Kate, or well, Janeway who this time was keeping a distance to her.

Both Jeri and Seven didn't enjoy having to keep a distance from their respective love interest, however, and took a step forward, well into the older woman's personal space.

This urged the older woman to take a step backward, a fact that frustrated Seven/Jeri who once more took a step towards the redhead who's eyes turned wide for a moment, Seven/Jeri noticing too late that she had trapped the older woman who was pressed against her ready room table.

'I wouldn't mind taking her here and now.'

Jeri's eyes went wide at that thought, inwardly blaming Seven and being in-character, but the familiar voice of a certain ex-Borg stated firmly in her mind.

'It is not I who has voiced that thought, Jeri Ryan. I respect my captain and although I am very much attracted to her, it is far too early for us to copulate. You, on the other hand, are very eager to do so with Kate. Are you not?'

Their gazes were locked, merely a breath between them anymore. Jeri's skin started to once more prickle as Kate/Janeway touched her arm, chuckling softly, a fact that sent a surge of electricity through Jeri's body, voice low and seductive.

“My, Seven. When I told you to step closer, I didn't have that kind of concept in mind.”

Jeri/Seven batted her lashes innocently, despite her heart hammering wildly against her chest, completely in-character, tone nonchalant as always, stating matter-of-factly.

“Personal space is a concept foreign to both yourself and the Borg. Why are you complaining, Captain?”

Kate/Kathryn gently cupped the young girl's chin, a fact Kate cursed Braga for and Jeri silently thanked him for, voice gentle and patient.

“I'm not complaining, Seven. As your Captain, I have to remind you to keep a certain distance to me, however. It is not customary for a subordinate to invade their commanding officer's personal space like that.”

Jeri/Seven frowned almost imperceptibly at this before stating. “We are the only two individuals in this room, Captain. I do not understand why we should bother about your beloved rules and regulations, or what Starfleet protocol dictates.”

Jeri once more rushed over to the restrooms after successfully shooting the scene which had concluded the young woman's shooting for the day. Her blood was rushing in her ears, her face having turned crimson, the flutter in her stomach going wild.

Her cheek and arm were still prickling due to Kate, no Janeway she mentally corrected herself, having touched her there earlier. Still, it had been Kate's hands that had touched her, touched her in a way that today more than ever before had felt like she'd touched not only her skin, but her soul.

A touch that went more than skin deep and that was the most dangerous kind of touch, Jeri mused to herself because it was impossible to forget.

Right from the first time it had happened so seemingly casually back then on their very first episode together, _Scorpion_ , it had been like that. Kate or Janeway touched her and the unexplainable prickling had started, her skin seeming to remember the older woman's touch.

The blonde left the toilet stall, sighing out. Jeri's eyes went wide when she heard a familiar voice. “Relieved?”

Her eyes went wide, cheeks turning crimson all over again. The worst part was, she wasn't sure if this was merely an illusion or the real Kate standing by the sinks, looking at her far too seductively.

'It's gotta be an illusion. Just ignore her and she's gonna vanish eventually like she always does.' Jeri quickly washed her hands before rushing back to her trailer.

She didn't notice the curious looks of a certain redhead who was currently leaning against the outside of the studio building, mind going a mile an hour.

Jeri speeded off, once more driving to the beach. Earlier she'd asked both Bob Blackman and the make-up staff if they'd seen her necklace to which both parties had stated they had in fact not, telling her that they'd given it back to her the other day when she'd changed back into her streetwear.

“Darling, it's alright. I know you are upset, but please don't cry. It's dangerous to drive when your vision is clouded up by tears. I don't want you to end up in an accident.”

Jeri's breath hitched when a familiar elegant hand was placed on her thigh, caressing it soothingly. The blonde stopped at the side of the road, afraid to otherwise end up in a car accident for real, her voice laced with sadness.

“You don't even care. What am I to you, but a pushover? You never wanted me as your co-actress on the show. You must be so pissed off that Braga forces our characters to become lovers. Your reputation's surely gonna be ruined...”

Jeri knew that technically it was foolish, crazy to talk to someone who wasn't even there like this, but she couldn't help but crave those conversations with the Kate from her fantasies due to it being the only form of contact she had with the older woman apart from their acting together as Janeway and Seven.

Jeri's eyes went wide when fantasy Kate told her in a sad voice. “Of course I care, Jeri. Please forgive my cool, sometimes downright rude, cruel behavior. It was never you that I wanted to hurt...”

When she'd arrived on the beach, Jeri once more looked for her necklace, hoping against hope to might find it there, knowing she'd spent a considerable amount of time here the past few days. Tears once more started running down her cheeks as her search again turned up unsuccessful.

The distraught young woman went to the water, eyes wandering over the sea, and not for the first time it felt like the memory of a distant time, the sight, smell, and sound of the sea slowly calming her down.

That night, Jeri went to bed early, after having talked to her mom on the phone who once more reassured her that Alex was fine and to the young woman's astonishment asked her if there was any news.

Jeri eventually telling her mother of her loss, the older woman's reaction seeming strange, to her daughter. When Jeri had asked her if she knew where she'd originally gotten that necklace from, Sharon Zimmermann stated she didn't know anything either, that one day Jeri had started wearing it, as simple as that.

The older woman had, however, upon further questions from her daughter told her that she'd first seen her wearing it after a vacation the young woman had been on, about a year before her marriage to Jack.

Sharon claimed, that she'd thought nothing much of it and had figured it was a souvenir that Jeri had bought from there. Where there was, her mom claimed to not know either.

Jeri according to her having simply gone on vacation one of these days and had come back to LA after a few weeks.

Since Jeri at the time had been so young still, her mother had thought nothing of it, deeming her daughter had wanted to see the world which was very common for people in their early twenties.

The last thing on Jeri's mind was an image of Kate, the familiar scent of coffee and tobacco lulling her to sleep.

She found herself in a spacious apartment. An oddly familiar gorgeous woman entered the room, Jeri gasped out excitedly.

“This place is even more amazing than I'd imagined! I still can't believe you'd allow me to stay here with you, Kiernan.”

The redhead smiled the most breathtaking smile at this, her cerulean eyes twinkling. “I know, right? The view is fantastic as well. Wanna go onto the balcony and take a look? It's a delight to have you stay here with me. There's so much space in here anyway. I can already tell that staying here with you will be far better than being in this much space all by myself.”

Kiernan. Who was she really? All Jeri knew was that she was gorgeous and she wanted to know more about her, everything in fact.

Jeri beamed. “I'd love to go out onto the balcony. Why did you decide to rent an apartment as big as this one by yourself anyway? I mean, I'm not complaining, of course, but I'm genuinely curious. You don't have to answer me if it's too personal.”

The duo stood at the railing of the balcony, Jeri's eyes widening, a gasp leaving her lips. “You didn't promise too much earlier! This view is amazing.”

The blonde's heart was beating faster, turning in the older woman's direction, said woman's voice had turned low. “Yes, it is.”

Jeri chuckled at her words. “I think we may be talking about different things here. I was referring to the sea.”

The older woman told her, tone suddenly panicked which sent a pang to Jeri's chest. “I... I was referring to the sea as well. I should head back inside.”

Following a sudden instinct, Jeri grabbed the redhead by the wrist, stopping her in her motions.

The blonde's heart felt like it would beat out of her chest any moment, ignoring the alarm bells ringing in her head, trying to warn her that this was probably a bad idea, that she was most likely misreading the signs once again and she would be kicked out for her actions, pressed her lips firmly against Kiernan's.

When she backed away Jeri was convinced that this was the end until she told her, cheeks so beautifully flushed, tone shy. “Do you usually kiss people before introducing yourself to them?”

Jeri blinked, feeling the blood creep up from her neck all the way to her ears, telling the redhead sheepishly. “I'm Lynn. Usually, I don't. This was a first and I'm sorry...”

Kiernan smiled softly, cupping her cheek. “And what exactly are you apologizing for? This might've been unexpected but certainly not unwelcome. It's nice to meet you, Lynn.”

Kate had been stunned to see Jeri rushing out of the studio building. Their little moment, if you will, earlier while filming their scene together, had no doubt been very intense and she'd clearly not anticipated the younger woman to back her against the desk in the ready room.

Those what could've merely been seconds, certainly less than a minute, Kate mused during which they'd looked into each other's eyes, she once more could've sworn to notice something familiar in there.

Kate sighed, rubbing her body dry and walking over to her bedroom, retrieving her memory box from under her bed, curious to see if a certain item could be found in there.

Her eyes went wide when she indeed discovered the familiar bracelet. Tears were brimming in her eyes as she touched the gift her former best friend had given her all these decades ago.

Despite Kate's rejection, Janett and she had stayed friends before the other girl moved away. Janett might've not been Kate's first love, but the kind girl had taught her a lot about herself regardless and had been a loyal friend till the end even allowing her to keep the bracelet, stating that since it had been made for her she was the rightful owner.

This once more reminded Kate of the necklace she'd found the other day at the beach. Kate carefully retrieved it out of the box as well. The redhead mindlessly played with the bracelet, the necklace in her other hand when out of a sudden she noticed something.

A little J was etched into the bracelet.

Kate now remembered Janett's explanation in regards to that. Apparently, the one she was wearing herself had a K etched into it and hers a J, each wearing the initial of the other which according to Janett was apparently common for lovers.

Kate carefully turned the necklace in her hand, eyes going wide when she indeed found an almost invisible K etched into the back of the charm. When she turned the charm on her own necklace, she soon discovered an L.

Her mind kept on wondering about the L, thinking of all kinds of female names it could stand for...

Kate found herself staring into the gorgeous sapphire eyes of the stranger who wore a gummy smile, tone winning. “Now that I've introduced myself to you, can I get a reward?”

Kate blinked. She had introduced herself to her? When?

Kate wanted to cry out at the irony but refrained from doing so, asking curiously. “That depends. What kind of a reward would you like to get?”

The blonde smirked, making Kate feel weak in her knees. “I believe our earlier kiss got interrupted. I'd like to get another one as my reward if that's okay with you.”

Kate felt her cheeks heat up, mouth going dry. “T-That. Would be very okay with me.”

Their faces slowly inched closer, lips meeting causing what could only be described as a firework of emotions and physical reactions inside the redhead.

Her knees were starting to buckle at the younger woman's teeth digging into her bottom lip, naughty hands as she noticed, groping her butt. She wasn't complaining about that, although it felt like they were going a little too fast.

They parted from the kiss, Kate positively out of breath. “Easy there. I don't wanna rush this, Lynn. We've only just met. If you're looking for a fling, I have to disappoint you. I'm not the person you're looking for. One-night stands aren't my forte. I hope you didn't agree to stay with me here only so you could get in my pants...”

Lynn. Kate liked the name and found that it sounded oddly familiar. The blonde shook her head vehemently. “I don't wanna rush anything either and I'm definitely not looking for a one-night stand or a fling. It was a mistake to kiss you so soon. I'm sorry, I messed this up. In all honesty, this is a first for me.”

Kate blinked, asking curiously. “A first? You've never kissed a woman before?”

Lynn's cheeks turned pink, tone filled with shame. “More like I've never kissed anyone before...”

Kate gasped at this revelation, having a hard time to believe the young woman's words. Then again, if her red cheeks were any indication she was telling the truth. Just how young was Lynn anyway?

Kate woke up, whispering. “Lynn.”

She clutched the charm of her necklace, now having no doubt anymore that it indeed had been a gift by her past lover. Kate was glad today she wouldn't have to go to work.

'If Lynn lives in LA, where could I find her? Chances are pretty high that she's out and proud. She didn't seem all too shy to let her desire for another woman show back then. Then again, she was still so young at the time. I truly wonder how young. Did I ever ask her that?'

Kate absently traced her lips, feeling much like she'd actually kissed the young woman just now, the dream had been even more vivid than usual, Lynn seeming different somehow as well.

Kate closed her eyes, muttering. “Wherever you are, my love. I will find you. I won't give up until we've met again.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An encounter of the third kind thoroughly shakes both Jeri and Kate. The older woman finding herself faced with a decision that could alter both her and Jeri's future. Will she be brave enough to face her fears, or run away from her feelings like so many times before?

When Jeri woke up, she was stunned to remember her dream. The first thing that left her lips that day being the name of the woman of her dreams, literally. “Kiernan.”

The name felt strange, yet oddly familiar rolling off of her lips. Jeri found herself wondering about its origin. The woman had been on vacation just like herself that time it seemed.

However, it wasn't entirely impossible that she'd been originally from that country Jeri had been on vacation in and simply had traveled inside her own country, in comparison to the young woman herself who had seemingly taken on quite the journey from her home country the States to whatever country Kiernan had originated from.

Suddenly certain things seemed to fall into place. How Jeri had been so attracted to the sea, finding it calming, comforting. The view from the balcony in Kiernan's apartment had been that of a marvelous rocky shore and stormy sea.

Another thing Jeri had noticed but hadn't paid much mind to during the dream was the rather rough climate and cool temperatures of that place, something she wasn't really used to, having lived and grown up mostly in states with a warm climate, like California and Texas.

Jeri found herself tracing her lips absently, heart pounding heavily in her chest, the still very fresh, vivid image of the woman of her dreams suddenly materializing in front of her eyes, sitting down on the foot of her bed, voice sounding strange yet oddly familiar. “Good morning, Lynn. I'm glad you finally remembered me, us, and our time together.”

Jeri swallowed, her breathing restricted by a knot sitting in the back of her throat, eyes stinging with tears. “The n-necklace, I lost it. I'm... I'm sorry. I messed up again. I'm such a failure...”

The older woman walked up to sit right next to Jeri now, gently taking one of her hands into hers, an action which to the blonde's astonishment caused her skin to tingle. “I know, my love and it's fine. You're not to blame for that. Please don't beat yourself up over it.

You're not a failure, Lynn. Sometimes life goes strange ways, but everything happens for a reason and things will fall into place eventually. The answer is often right there, in front of our eyes the whole time.”

Jeri suddenly realized something, gasping out. “It was you in my dreams, wasn't it? The blurry images, the comforting touch, sweet voice, the warm embrace, my... love. Are you...?”

The young woman didn't get to finish her question, the woman having vaporized into thin air in the same way she'd appeared earlier, leaving Jeri behind with a heavy heart, mind seeming to flow over with questions and confusion.

Still feeling tired due to not having been able to sleep well the past two nights, Jeri soon drifted off again, the knowledge that today was for once a free day and she didn't have to leave for work allowing her to relax for once...

The first thing Jeri noticed was the smell which seemed oddly familiar and provided strange comfort, yet aroused her no less. Her breath caught in her throat when a pair of midnight-blue eyes met hers, hands touching her as she only noticed now bare back, causing her skin to prickle, anticipation pooling hot between her legs.

A voice that seemed like a memory, breathing out. “You're so perfect. I feel like I'm dreaming.”

Jeri was about to tell her that this was in fact a dream, for her anyway, but refrained from doing so, her dream body having a mind of its own. “I'm perfect for you, my love. Just as how you are for me. With you, I feel like I can be myself, without having to fear being judged. It feels like I'm finally home.”

The two simply held each other for what felt like an eternity, Jeri wished that this moment would never end, but of course, she eventually woke up again. Tears were in her eyes, a sense of longing so profound it made her cry out, clawing at her every fiber.

She clutched her blanket, not wanting to get up, or leave her bed at all today, but forced herself to do so regardless, wanting to at least take a shower and re-read the script for the double episode she'd have to film the following two days.

'God, that double episode! Filming two days in a row, almost non-stop, most scenes with Kate. I wonder what outfit Katrine will be wearing and what the make-up team will do with her hair. Will Katrine's make-up vary from Janeway's?

Most likely. Considering the era, this episode's supposed to be set in, world war two, her hair and make-up just like her outfit should be according to that.

Whatever the heck that might mean. I swear, if her outfit will be too revealing I'll probably be needing countless breaks in between, simply to breathe, this time not because of that damned biosuit pressing against my lungs, but because of a certain someone.

I can only hope and pray she won't behead me if I'll delay our filming 'unnecessarily'.

These days she's been nice enough, but you may never know what may hit her next. I hope my request to Braga will somewhat appease her.

It sure wasn't fun having to go to his damned office and ask him for such a thing, but oh well. That look on his face spoke volumes. At least he didn't deny the request altogether and eventually agreed that it would actually fit the time and character of Katrine perfectly.'

After her shower, Jeri prepared herself some light brunch. It was already afternoon, the young woman having overslept the whole morning and breakfast, not that she was usually too big on the latter anyway. Remembering M's advice, however, she'd decided to at least get some nutrition, her electrolyte levels most likely very low again as well.

While eating her curry, her thoughts were all over the place, a fact she'd already grown accustomed to over the last few days. As if her random thoughts and fantasies featuring Kate and her musings regarding the mystery that was M weren't enough, a new variable had entered the equation in form of an oddly familiar, yet strange no less, deeply intriguing woman called Kiernan.

Following a sudden instinct, Jeri after having finished her meal, went back inside to the living room, turning on her computer to look up the name, hoping to find out about its origin and thereby that of the woman of her dreams as well.

Her computer to her dismay was working even slower than usual, Jeri soon giving up on her initial plans and turning the machine off again, not too keen on wasting time and energy running it unnecessarily long.

Jeri at this moment considered the suggestion Jack had made a while back of buying a laptop instead of the old computer. Those according to him were way faster than regular computers.

The downside was that they frequently needed to be charged and were quite expensive too.

Jeri balled her fist in rage. 'Sure money plays no role at all for Jack though. Being filthy rich and all that...'

After swimming a few laps in the pool, she decided to head out to the club, craving for a distraction. She hoped that her old friend Lexy would tend the bar again today...

Kate had gone to the beach again in search of inspiration. What she needed said inspiration for she wasn't sure of herself. She'd secretly hoped that maybe the woman who'd lost her necklace, the one she still hoped had been her lost love Lynn, would come back there.

Her hopes had turned out to have been futile. The redhead eventually headed back home, wondering where else she could go. Much like with the characters she portrayed in the series she acted on, she tried to think like Lynn.

Where would a young woman interested in other women go? She wasn't sure if Lynn had struck her as a fan of nightlife, hitting the clubs, dancing till the wee hours, flirting, maybe more...

'No! What am I thinking? But she's so young though. It's hard to say how young exactly, but presumably still in her twenties. Damn, does that make me feel ancient! What did she see in me, someone so much older than herself anyway? Was I only a teacher to her? An experienced person she could learn from, nothing more, nothing less? No attachment whatsoever?'

Kate mused that she hadn't hit the clubs in a while herself and was in all honesty not at all verse on any changes in the scene.

What she did know, however, was where to look for certain establishments that the gay subculture, Kate rolled her eyes at the word, frequented where located.

It had been seemingly ages since she'd been to a club in New York which she'd frequented for a while there while she'd still been young and carefree, no husband and children.

'What would Lynn think of me if she knew of the straight lie I've been leading for pretty much all my life? Or... did I tell her of that back then?'

Kate was once more annoyed to not be able to actually remember anything from that time, despite the recurring dreams she kept having that revealed bits and pieces of information each time, slowly painting a picture that was as of yet, still very much incomplete.

How and why had she, at the time a married woman and mother so willingly agreed to start an affair, if you will with this young woman who had at the time been merely a stranger to her?

That last dream she'd had featuring her had once more been so vivid and Kate had woken up with tears in her eyes like so many nights before after dreaming of her lost love, Lynn.

Kate rummaged through her closet, looking for an outfit she hadn't worn in ages and that she seriously doubted would still fit her. It wasn't so much the fact that she'd gained weight ever since last wearing it that made her question her choice, but the fact that she'd been so much younger when she'd last worn it. The outfit wasn't old-fashioned per se, but quite daring and highly contradicting the style she could be seen wearing these days.

'If Tim would see me in this outfit he'd probably suffer a heart attack. Not even to mention mom or Jeri...'

The last thought sent a pang to her chest. Would the young woman laugh if she'd see her in that outfit? Think of it as outrageous, a joke, offensive? Kate sighed, inwardly scolding herself.

'It shouldn't matter to you what she'd think of it, because there's no way she's ever gonna see you like that anyway. Also, I doubt she'd laugh. That's not like her. She might be shocked, or surprised, but that's about it.'

Once Kate's look was complete and she checked herself out in the bedroom mirror, her jaw dropped. The transformation was astonishing even to the redhead herself who could almost swear her mirror was fooling her by showing a stranger to her and not herself.

She smirked, her reflection smirking back in kind. 'Looks like you still got it in you after all. Sure has been a while since we last went out there.'

Kate finally felt like herself again, her different style boosting her confidence in ways she could've never anticipated. 'Clothes make the man.', she thought to herself.

All these years living a lie, forcing herself to be someone, something she wasn't, but tonight she'd screw those things and allow herself to finally be real again. She knew that at the place she planned to go to people didn't get judged for dressing the way she did tonight, or for preferring to date their own gender.

When she arrived in front of the club she'd read about ages ago in a flyer she'd found at the club she'd frequented in New York at the time, she'd never anticipated to ever actually set foot in there, much less only decades later.

Kate hesitated entering the place, she suddenly didn't feel so sure if she could really pull it off and enter that place. It felt like she was frozen on the spot, body not willing to move even one inch.

She inwardly rolled her eyes at herself. 'You're acting like an angsty teenager. It's not like this is your first time going to that kind of location even though the last time, admittedly, seems like it was a lifetime ago.'

“Hey, wanna accompany me inside, or are you waiting for someone?”

Kate felt her heart beat faster, having a hard time not to blush. 'That voice...'

She swallowed, not daring to look up, saying sheepishly. “I'd love to accompany you inside, but it seems like my body doesn't feel like cooperating tonight.”

The stranger snorted before laughing and oh boy, Kate would recognize that laugh anywhere. Her mind was spinning, wondering if she had fallen asleep again and this was merely a dream.

“You seem positively stiff. If your legs and feet refuse to walk then we gotta find another way to get you in there.”

Kate was still wondering what the younger woman meant when out of a sudden she was lifted up and in a matter of seconds found herself carried by a set of surprisingly strong arms, staring into an oh too familiar beaming face with mischievously twinkling eyes.

'Oh my God! It really is her! This is a dream. There's no way that this can be real...'

The woman who Kate clearly recognized to be her lost love told her in the most alluring low voice. “Why hello there. Fancy seeing you from up close.”

Kate swallowed, feeling all the more glad she was wearing tinted shades, her eyes wide, asking, voice shaking. “L-Lynn?”

The young woman's eyes turned the size of saucers, mouth gaping for a moment before slowly muttering. “That... would be me, yes. Do I know you? Sorry, I used to go here regularly, but that's been a few years ago already.”

Kate forced herself not to show her disappointment, smiling softly. “That's fine. I'm not surprised you don't remember me. It's been a while.”

Lynn stated matter-of-factly. “It might help if you'd take those shades of yours off. They're covering almost half of your face.”

Kate mentally facepalmed, telling the young woman. “How about that? I'll take my shades off if you let me down. It's kinda hard taking them off when I'm in this position.”

Lynn frowned. “Will you be fine though?”

Kate nodded. “Yeah, I'll manage.”

The blonde carefully set the petite woman down who then proceeded to take off her shades. Lynn looked much like she'd just seen a ghost, whispering.

“K-Kiernan? How? Oh, wait. Lemme guess. This is another fantasy, yeah? You're gonna vanish any moment now, hu? This is becoming absurd...”

Kate frowned but decided not to question things and instead told the younger woman. “I'm not an illusion, or a fantasy, Lynn. Believe me, I thought you were one yourself first, or rather a dream.

Usually, my dreams are set in the past, however, and not in LA, but Ireland...”

Jeri had a hard time keeping her emotions in check, so overwhelmed, was she. Only earlier she'd dreamt of the older woman and now she was right here.

It took a moment before the last words the woman of her dreams had spoken registered in Jeri's brain that seemed to have turned into mush. “Hold up there! Ireland? Is that where we met back then? Are you originally from there?”

Kiernan frowned and nodded slowly. “Well, yeah. What's with the question? I'm pretty sure I must've told you those things back then.”

Jeri bit her lip, mumbling. “Truth be told, my memories of that time are very hazy. I merely started to remember about two weeks ago and then I lost my necklace...”

Kiernan smiled softly, stating. “Wait just a minute.”

Jeri blinked, the redhead proceeding to retrieve something out of the pocket of her leather jacket. “There it is. Are you looking for that?”

The blonde's eyes turned wide, nodding slowly. “Oh my God! You found it? Where? How?”

The older woman's words shook Jeri to her core. “I found it in the sand at the beach two nights ago. You must've lost it there.”

Jeri had started to cry, so relieved was she, a wide grin on her face, a turmoil of emotions raging inside her.

Her breath hitched when a familiar set of soft, elegant hands gently wiped the tears from her cheeks. “Would you like me to help you put it back on?”

Jeri nodded, breathing out. “Yes, please.”

She turned around, the older woman carefully putting the necklace around the oddly familiar-looking long elegant neck of the younger.

Jeri shuddered when what felt like the ghost of a kiss touched her neck which made the blonde wonder if she'd merely imagined it. The uncanny prickle on her skin at that spot told her that she had not hallucinated, a wild flutter starting in the pit of her stomach. All the while she felt like she forgot something important.

Jeri, afraid to be too fast once again, exclaimed. “Let's head inside now. It's colder than I'd anticipated out here and I could use a drink.”

She refrained from telling the older woman that she by no means was talking about liquor here, never once having tried a drop of alcohol in her life.

The older woman nodded. “Sure, let's go inside. I could use something to warm me up. Oh, and don't worry. I'll pay.”

Jeri blinked hard. “No, you don't have to do that. It's totally fine.”

Kiernan gave her a surprisingly stern look that oddly reminded Jeri of something she couldn't quite put her finger on what it was before stating. “I know that I don't have to do it, but I want to, Lynn. You have no idea how much meeting you again means to me.”

Jeri swallowed at the older woman's statement, feeling guilty for only having remembered after what must've been years. When the duo arrived at the bar, Lexy greeted them. “If it isn't my favorite customer. Lynn, who's that with you? Wait, don't say anything. Is that your wife?”

Both women's eyes went wide at the unexpected question from the bartender, Jeri walking up behind the bar, pulling her old friend to the side, so Kiernan wouldn't be able to hear them. “Lexy, that's Kiernan-”

She didn't manage to say another word, the brunette's eyes going wide. “Hold up there! That's THE Kiernan? Lynn, why are you still in contact with her? After everything, she's done to you...”

Jeri frowned, asking hesitantly. “What are you talking about, Lex? Do you know something that I don't? In all honesty, I can't remember the events from back then at all, heck I only recently started to remember Kiernan and our time back then again.”

Lexy's eyes went wide at that, quickly stating. “Forget that I said anything. I probably mixed things up there. This can't be the person I thought it was. Haha, silly me. You know how I am when it comes to names, sweetie. You used to be so wild back in the day, having a new chick every single night and I'm not the youngest anymore either as you know. Sorry, Lynn.”

Jeri's cheeks turned crimson at the older woman's remark about her wild days which she in all honesty didn't like to be reminded of at all, smiling softly. “It's fine, Lex. No need to apologize for anything and also stop saying you're old. I highly doubt that to be the case. Now if you'd excuse me. I gotta get back to my date.”

The brunette nodded slowly, exclaiming. “I'm gonna get to mixing you ladies some drinks. Any clue what your 'date' wants to drink?”

Jeri was stumped, in all honesty not having the slightest clue about that, telling her old friend. “I think it's best if you ask her that herself.”

Lexy nodded slowly, but remained in her spot, not making a move towards the redhead which irritated Jeri who then asked. “Shall I ask her?”

Lexy rubbed her neck sheepishly. “I'd be grateful if you could. Sorry, sweetie. It's just that... That woman reminds me of someone from my past...”

Jeri held up a hand. “Say no more, sista! I got this. You won't have to talk to her if it brings back painful memories.”

Jeri went back around the bar, sitting next to the redhead who seemed to be lost in thought. “Sorry for the wait. My old friend Lexy can be quite demanding.

We had a little catching up to do and I had to convince her that you are not in fact my 'wife', as if same-sex marriage was legal in the States anyway... By the way, what would you like to drink?”

Kiernan stated firmly. “I wouldn't mind being your wife, Lynn and I believe one day same-sex marriage will be possible. I'm gonna have the same as you.”

Jeri felt the flutter in her stomach intensify, her cheeks had turned pink, unable to stop imagining getting married to this woman. She bit her lip, whispering into the older woman's ear. “I'd love to see you wearing a tux.”

The redhead blushed softly at this, stunned herself that this woman could provoke such a response from her, whispering back suggestively. “And I'd love to see you in a wedding dress. You'd be the most beautiful bride ever.”

Jeri felt terrible, cursing the day she'd met Jack like countless times before, but even more having agreed to get married to him. At the time she'd been at her lowest and he'd shamelessly used that to his advantage.

She quickly went back to Lexy, telling her their orders, two of today's specials, one regular for her 'date' and the non-alcoholic version for herself.

She sat back next to the older woman, asking her. “Could you maybe... Tell me about back then? Our time together? I want to remember. I'm sorry that I forgot...”

Kiernan smiled sadly, her next words utterly stunning Jeri. “In all honesty, I've only recently started to remember bits and pieces of that time myself, mainly through dreams. Oh, wait. I have a picture from that time though.”

She rummaged through her handbag, retrieving a picture on which the two women could be seen, both smiling happily, a familiar rocky shore in the background. “I don't remember what town it was, but it was definitely Ireland, my parents' home country, the rocky shore, and heathers in the background are typical for the country.

We first met at a pub. I'd been there, sitting at a table on my own when you arrived, and asked if the seat next to mine was taken. I then proceeded to tell you that it's vacant, thinking that you were only interested in the chair, but you then asked me if it was okay for you to sit with me and I agreed.

You then told me that it was hard for you to find a place to stay as an American tourist, the locals apparently acting rather hostile towards you when they noticed your accent.”

Jeri interrupted the redhead. “Is that why you allowed me to stay in your apartment with you?”

Kiernan nodded. “Yes, exactly. I offered you to stay with me, knowing the apartment I stayed in was very spacious and could easily house a second occupant. Also, I felt kinda lonely and was hoping for some company. You voiced doubts at first, but I, in the end, managed to convince you.”

Kate blinked when the younger woman asked her, suddenly sounding rather shy. “Do you remember... our first kiss?”

Kate felt her own cheeks heat up, nodding slowly, a smile forming on her face at its own volution. “How could I possibly forget? That kiss made all the previous ones I'd ever shared with anyone pale in comparison. It's funny you'd ask me about that. I'd only dreamt about it, remembered it the other night, actually.”

Lynn's eyes went wide at this, mouth gaping open. “You can't be serious! This can't be a coincidence! I dreamt of the same thing the night before!

It was strange cause my dreams are usually rather blurry and vague, but that dream was so vivid and it seemed... like you were... real. Not at first, only at a certain point.

When we shared what was technically our first real kiss after I'd told you my name.”

Kate gasped out at that, her own eyes wide by now, thoroughly intrigued. “My own dream started with you stating that you wanted a reward for telling me your name and that kiss was that reward. Did we... Somehow share a real kiss in that dream? How is that even possible?”

Kate's mind was completely blown, the same visibly going for the younger woman as well who declared. “It much felt like it. This is by far the craziest story I've ever heard, let alone have experienced myself, and believe me when I tell you that I've made my fair share of crazy, unexplainable encounters in my life, my love.”

Kate felt a flutter in her heart at that nickname, leaning closer to the younger woman, whispering. “Say that again, please. I need to know that I'm not dreaming.”

Lynn blinked, seemingly wondering what the older woman meant at first before leaning over herself, their bodies so close that their shoulders were touching, whispering in her ear. “There you are, my love. I have looked for you everywhere.”

That did it. A sob wormed its way up from the depth of Kate's body, tears soon running down her face, body shaking, completely overwhelmed by those same exact words the younger had only told her in her dreams or as she mused in the past before now being whispered in her ear by the same person so many years later.

Lynn in one swift move lifted the older woman up, not caring if anyone saw them like this, knowing at the place they currently were no one would bother anyway, gently sitting the smaller woman on her lap, running her fingers through her hair soothingly, whispering.

“Shh, it's fine. I'm right here, for real. I'm sorry that I made you wait for so long, but I promise that this time I'll stay. Shall we go to my place?”

Kate felt her cheeks flush at that last question, shaking her head. “No, it's fine. I think it's a little soon for you to invite me over to your place, my love, but going fast is a specialty of yours. Isn't it?”

Lynn's cheeks turned crimson, muttering. “I guess you're right... I just thought you might not feel in the right mood to stay in a crowded place like this one anymore since you already seem quite overwhelmed.

Also... It's gotten pretty noisy here and I'd like to continue to talk to you somewhere else if you're okay with that.”

Kate nodded, cheeks turning pink when she looked up into the beautiful sapphire orbs of the younger woman. Following a sudden impulse, she suggested. “How about we go to the sea? The same place we'd seemingly both been two nights ago if your necklace I found was any indication.”

Lynn's eyes started to sparkle, beaming at the older woman. “That's a perfect idea! Let's go there. I'll just quickly pay for our drinks first.”

Kate shook her head. “I don't think so. I told you earlier that I'm gonna pay and I'm gonna hold true to my word.”

Lynn told her gently. “No, my love. I'll pay as a means of thanking you for giving me back my necklace and for agreeing to spend time with me after all this time, despite us practically being strangers these days.”

Kate was about to protest and tell the younger woman that to her they were anything but strangers, but then again that would've been a lie.

In all honesty, she had to admit to herself she knew close to nothing about Lynn, but she was determined to change that fact and get to know the young woman as well as possible.

She still couldn't believe that both Lynn and she had only recently started to remember their love.

'How absurd. Why can't I help but feel like something must've happened back then which led to the both of us forgetting each other and the time we spent together?'

Kate didn't like the thought at all. She sincerely hoped and prayed she was merely overthinking things as per usual.

The duo soon left, the blonde walking to her car and Kate to hers. Kate once more couldn't help but think the younger woman's car looked oddly familiar but shrugged it off. 'It's probably nothing.'

She smirked in the younger woman's direction. “Make sure to drive safely this time. I know you have a tendency to speed.”

The blonde coughed, cheeks heating up, feeling caught. “H-how do you know that?”

Kate told her matter-of-factly. “I managed to catch a glimpse of you when you were speeding off that night at the beach.”

Lynn nodded slowly, stating coyly, left brow raised in a manner that reminded Kate of something that seemed important but she couldn't for the life of her think of what. “I can't guarantee anything. I love the danger.”

Kate chuckled at this, shaking her head. “Tsk, tsk, tsk. Kids these days.”

Lynn looked at her oddly at this for a moment before rolling her eyes. “You're talking like you're old. Also, I'm not that young anymore either, you know.”

The duo drove or rather speeded off at this, Kate's mind going a mile an hour. 'Just why does she seem so familiar? It's the little things she does, like that eyebrow raise. Even the car she owns and I guess also her voice and her looks, although that could also be because of those dreams. Why do I feel like I'm missing the big picture like I forget something important?'

They'd soon arrived at the beach, Lynn to Kate's surprise approaching her once she'd gotten out of her car, wrapping her arms around her in a surprisingly strong embrace, whispering. “Please don't forget. Please don't hate me tomorrow, or act like we don't know each other. Like this never happened...”

Kate frowned at this. “Darling, why would I do that? I could never hate you, I love you, more than I've ever loved anyone.”

The blonde looked up at her, eyes teary, the sapphire there no more, ice-blue having replaced it instead and out of a sudden, it felt like a cold hand slapped Kate straight across the face, eyes wide open in shock and disbelief.

“J-Jeri? Oh my God. I'm such a fool! It was in front of my eyes the whole time. How could I've not seen it, recognized you?”

Kate chuckled at the irony of it all, torn between fleeing the scene and staying to face those feelings she'd try to suppress for so long...


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update coming up! I hope you'll all enjoy this extra long chapter! :D

Jeri gasped out. “That's exactly what you said to me this morning!”

Kate frowned at the young woman's words. “What do you mean, this morning, Jeri? We didn't talk this morning.

Apart from those dreams, I guess, but from what I recall I didn't say any of the things I just told you then.”

The blonde rubbed her neck sheepishly, cheeks turning pink in humiliation, a fact that Kate found very endearing, she had to admit to herself, muttering. “It was just another one of my fantasies, I guess provoked by that dream in which we shared that kiss.

You suddenly materialized in my bedroom, well not you the way you're standing here in front of me right now but the Kiernan from back then and well...

I told you about the necklace, that I lost it and felt like a failure because of that like I'd messed up again.

You then told me that sometimes life goes strange ways, but everything happens for a reason and things will fall into place eventually, that the answer is often right there, in front of our eyes the whole time. I didn't really get what you meant by it then, but I think I do now.”

Kate's eyes turned wide, gasping out. “That can't be a coincidence! You fantasized about that? Your mind conjured that up, in form of a daydream, or something like that?

That's crazy! This is one of my go-to things to say, for real. For you to know that is mindblowing.

Then again... We did know each other before. Maybe you remember more than you think from that time, in comparison to me...”

Kate looked down, taking a step back, something that alerted Jeri who was afraid the older woman would leave after all and therefore took a step forward.

The redhead chuckled. “I feel like I'm experiencing déjà vu. We've already had that yesterday, I believe.

Then again, technically it was Janeway and Seven, but you still scared me there by backing me up against that table.”

Jeri bit her lip, averting her gaze. “I'm sorry... I didn't mean to invade your personal space and make you uncomfortable, scare you even. From lovers to enemies, hm?

Guess you truly hate me, don't you? It was foolish to think you could return my feelings simply because we had a history together none of us can truly recall...”

Her eyes went wide when she suddenly found herself wrapped into a strong embrace.

Kate's voice was softer than she'd ever heard it before, whispering in her ear. “I don't hate you, my love. I told you that before and I meant it.

I was never your enemy and I sincerely apologize for the way I treated you in the beginning when you'd newly joined the show.

In all honesty, I was so damn terrified! You seemed so perfect, pure, sweet and I am well... a fucking mess.

I couldn't risk letting my guard down around you, afraid to hurt you, shock you, taint you.

So I decided to suppress those feelings I've been harboring, thinking it was fine, that I'd simply watch you from afar while staying the hell away from you.

At first, it hadn't even been my plan to harass you, bully you, be such a bitch towards you, but that day I saw you with your son on set and Braga casually stated who he was, making some stupid remark about you being married to a very successful man and that the three of you were 'such a happy little family', something just snapped inside me.

The mere imagination of you with your husband enraged me to no end, it felt so wrong, it was sickening to me.

I'd been foolish, deluded enough to think that you could maybe, just maybe be interested in me too, but knowing you were married to a man and had a small child told me everything I needed to know.

Despite all that, my feelings for you were steadily growing stronger, and needed an outlet.

On top of that, I felt terrible, ridden by guilt for the way I mistreated you, seemingly for no reason, gave you such a hard time.

I felt like you deserved support, someone to tell you and show you that they cared for you, understood you, appreciated you, maybe a fan-”

Jeri's eyes turned wide when she heard a suspicious sniffling sound, looking into the older woman's eyes, an action she regretted almost instantly, piercing steel-blue eyes and tear-streaked cheeks greeting her causing her chest to tighten. “K-Kate, please don't cry...”

Jeri cupped the petite woman's impossibly soft cheeks, gently wiping away her tears, gasping when the realization suddenly hit her. “Oh my God! Don't tell me... You are... M? Of course! M like Mulgrew, your last name. I'm so stupid...”

Kate chuckled softly, to Jeri's surprise shaking her head. “You're not M?”

Kate bit her lip, cheeks turning crimson, sending a wild flutter the pit of the younger woman's stomach. “Guilty as charged. However, M doesn't stand for my last name.

I hadn't even considered that myself before, but now that you mention it I feel dumb having chosen that particular letter.

You could've easily found me out, but I guess we see what we wanna see and I was most likely the last person you'd had in mind when you thought of M.

Right?”

Jeri felt a pang of guilt in her chest at Kate's words, which hit the nail on the head.

She'd excluded Kate from her list of suspects and possible candidates to be M before she'd even created said list.

The redhead's hostility towards her and the fact that Jeri had deemed her the 'straightest person she'd ever met' with a rather stuck-up, self-centered personality making the mere thought she could in any form or way have anything to do with those sweet, selfless, heart-felt letters and the person that was M seem absurd, ridiculous, or in other words impossible.

One thing still bugged the blonde, however. “If M doesn't stand for your last name though. What does it stand for then?”

Kate stated shyly. “Meas which is Gaelic for admirer.”

Jeri had a hard time keeping her emotions in check, having been thoroughly unprepared for the older woman to suddenly speak in Gaelic.

Her voice hoarse, she breathed out. “Say that again please.”

Kate blinked before repeating. “Meas.”

Jeri's cheeks had turned crimson, rasping out. “That sounds so sexy coming from you. Talk Gaelic to me, baby.”

Kate barked out a laugh at this, the younger woman's antics amusing her to no end.

The redhead smiled fondly. “Weirdo.”

Jeri grinned back that adorable gummy smile of hers, blue eyes twinkling oh so invitingly. “That would be me.”

Her heart was soaring at Kate declaring earnestly. “I love your weirdness, your dorkiness. Don't ever change, my love. You're perfect the way you are.”

Heart feeling like it would beat out of her chest any moment, Jeri stated, forcing herself to look into those by now cerulean eyes. “I love you, everything about you. I'm perfect for you and so are you for me. We're perfect for each other. Finally, I'm home.”

Jeri started to panic at sob leaving the petite woman, tears soon running down her cheeks which caused the blonde to cry as well, unable to take the pain of seeing her beloved in this state.

She tightened her hug on the older woman, whispering over and over how much she loved her which only caused Kate to weep harder.

The older woman pressed out between sobs. “B-but you're married... happily married and... you b-barely know me, the real me... the m-mess that I am...”

Jeri looked down into watery grey eyes again, cupping Kate's cheeks.

Her voice was gentle but firm when she told her. “My 'marriage' is over and it was a living hell.

Happy? Ha, sure Braga would say that kind of thing. It suits him. I'm surprised he allows us to play lovers in _The killing game,_ then again that's all for the views and ratings.

I was never happy with Jack and love wasn't the reason we got married either. He manipulated me, forced me into this marriage.

I was at my lowest back then, doing anything to get my next fix. He knew that and shamelessly used it to his advantage, luring me with his riches and connections.

The only good thing that ever came out of this 'relationship' was Alex. It's a miracle he turned into such an amazing child with a father like that. Also, I do know you. I've watched you too, my love. I'm not dumb or blind.

I saw you standing in your usual spot outside the studio many times, watching you from the shadows like a stalker when you thought no one could see you. I did, I saw you and I'm not judging you.

How could I anyway? A former junkie myself I have no right to judge others for their addictions. I love you, Kate. Despite all that, because of all that. You mean the world to me. I'd never think any less of you because of these kinds of things.

I know you have your reasons for smoking, drinking and I'm not judging you for that. We all have our own coping mechanisms to deal with the pain, the suffering, the loneliness, the trauma, stress, simply put, life.

I also know that you're dating this... man. I saw you with him that one time. You seemed really happy...”

Kate was in utter disbelief at the turn of events. “Wow... I'm an even bigger fool than I thought I was.

I'd been convinced you were happily married, that you loathed me even more, were repulsed because of my bad habits, hating myself for being reckless enough to take a smoke before shooting with you and feeling all the more stunned when you kept looking at my lips while filming that scene a few days ago.

Then I thought you were simply in character, that it was Seven looking at Janeway's lips like that...”

Jeri interrupted her then. “You had licked your lips, woman. How could I not stare? Damn, are you even aware of your own actions, or how they affect me? Those little things you're doing, others probably wouldn't even notice are driving me insane.

You have no idea how hard it was for me not to kiss you that day. You're such a tease.”

Kate, unbeknownst to herself licked her lips at that, as if to mock Jeri, chuckling out. “I'm a tease? You were staring at my lips and only yesterday you backed me up against that ready room desk.

I was still dazed, rattled by waking up to your face so close to mine, your eyes seeming to stare straight into my soul and then that and I'm a tease?”

Jeri blushed adorably at this, melting Kate's heart who, unable to help herself cooed out. “God, you're adorable! That blush is truly becoming on you. I'd love to see it more often...”

Jeri chuckled at this, cocking her left brow suggestively. “Oh yes? How about we go to my place after all?”

She sighed. “Unless... you have other plans already. Your 'boyfriend' is most likely waiting for you at home and your kids too, right?”

Kate frowned, nose scrunched up in disgust. “Oh hell no! That man is history. He has his own apartment, thank God and only cause I'm such a coward did I not break up with him yet.

My kids are currently staying with their father, so that's not a problem either. There's nothing awaiting me but an empty apartment.”

Jeri smiled softly. “That sounds familiar. I'm surprised to hear you plan to end things with that man though.

You two seemed so close that day, but looks can be deceiving, I know that out of personal experience.

I'm currently home alone myself. Jack's on a business trip, or so he called it and Alex stays with my parents and believe me when I tell you that staying alone in a mansion can get very lonely, especially at night.

It can even cause you to hallucinate when you have an overactive imagination and a history with substance abuse...”

Kate was once more shocked at Jeri's last words, her heart aching, feeling somewhat responsible for what the younger woman had to go through.

She bit her lip, stating hesitantly. “I don't wanna sleep in the same bed your husband sleeps in...”

Jeri's eyes went wide, blurting out. “I don't share a bed with that fucker!”

Her cheeks turned crimson, muttering. “S-sorry for that outburst...

We have separate bedrooms. Our house is fortunately big enough to allow me the privilege of having my own bedroom.

I couldn't take having to sleep in one room with him, let alone the same bed. We did that for the first few years of our marriage and it was hell.

I would never force you to sleep in the same bed as him, my love. Never and I'm sorry that we gotta go to the house he technically owns and has bought with his money.

I understand if you don't wanna go there. Maybe we should go to your place instead...”

Kate gently kissed the younger woman's forehead, telling her sincerely. “I want to see where and how you live, my love.

It's not like it would be the first time I'd come there for a visit based on what you told me earlier regarding those fantasies of yours. Would it?

Did the version of myself from your fantasies ever act repulsed about the fact the house isn't yours? Did she mind being at that place with you, in your bedroom?”

Jeri's cheeks turned bright red, shaking her head slowly, mumbling. “Well... no. She never once complained, but frankly, she had other things on her mind...”

Kate laughed out loud, eyeing the blonde, asking her teasingly. “Oh yes? What would those things have been, hm?”

Jeri whined out, puffing her cheeks in the most precious way before sticking her tongue out. “You should know cause you were there, Kate Tease Mulgrew.”

Kate stared at the younger woman's pink tongue which was surprisingly long, intrigued by the sight, fantasizing about all the wonderous things Jeri could potentially do with that tongue...

“Earth to Kate. What's going on in that beautiful head of yours? Having fantasies of your own?”

Kate coughed, her own cheeks heating up, voice sounding huskier than usual. “You caught me there. Shall we go? It's pretty late already and we gotta get up early tomorrow.”

Jeri nodded, suddenly remembering that double episode, biting her lip. “Maybe you should head back to your own place after all.

I don't wanna keep you awake, knowing we gotta get up early tomorrow and have two intense days of filming lying ahead of us. You told me yourself before that rest is very important.”

Kate chuckled, a fact that without her knowledge caused emotional turmoil and intense physical reactions inside the younger woman before stating. “I might've done that, but something tells me that you haven't prepared sufficiently for tomorrow yet and I'd love to practice together.”

Jeri's eyes went wide, letting Kate know she'd been correct. “I... well damn. I'd be lying if I'd say I was well-prepared for tomorrow...”

Kate smiled softly, stating to Jeri's astonishment. “Same here. My mind was preoccupied with other things. Let's go to your place and practice together? If that's okay with you.”

Jeri beamed, pecking Kate's nose. “That's very okay with me. I have lots of space at home so we can create our own set there.”

Kate smirked. “Am I right thinking your bedroom's gonna be turned into Katrine's bedroom then?”

Jeri nodded. “Absolutely. We definitely need to practice that bed scene. It's gonna be the most difficult out of all the scenes we'll film for that episode.”

Kate raised her brow. “You think so? How come?”

Jeri blushed, muttering embarrassingly. “You're kidding, right? How am I supposed to be able to concentrate on acting with you on top of me in a bed, with both of us half-naked?”

Kate chuckled at this. “Oh, I dunno. We'll make it work somehow. Also, technically only you'll be half-naked.”

Jeri frowned at this. “Hu? The last time I checked, it stated in the script that we were both supposed to only be dressed in undergarments. Care to explain?”

Kate shook her head, stating mysteriously. “No. You'll see eventually. It'll be a surprise.”

Jeri pouted. “Hmph, fine. Let's go now before I'll change my mind about allowing you entrance into my castle.”

Kate placed a kiss on Jeri's pouty lips which caused the younger woman to squeal out in surprise, cheeks once more turning crimson.

Kate sent a wink in Jeri's direction, stating. “Let's go, princess.”

Jeri's eyes widened for a split second, but the action was so short-lived that Kate didn't pay it much mind.

Kate couldn't help but chuckle as the blonde once more speeded off, neverminding her earlier advice of driving safely.

'Guess she's pretty eager to get home. I wonder why...'

The redhead instantly scolded herself for her thoughts, knowing better than to rush things.

Then again based on what Jeri had told her earlier regarding those fantasies of hers, the blonde had seemingly already imagined certain scenarios of them being together at her place before, most likely not only having idle chit-chat.

'Oh boy. Now I'm even more curious regarding those fantasies. Too bad it wasn't really me who was there with her those times, but a figment of Jeri's imagination, unlike in those dreams we shared...'

Kate still felt the exciting prickle on her nose and her lips caused by Jeri's lips.

Her jaw dropped when they arrived in front of a huge designer mansion the likes of which Kate had formerly only seen in those fancy magazines before.

'This could easily be classified as a castle and to think it's so close to that beach. She should be able to see it when looking out of her window.'

Jeri was already standing at the front door, holding it open. “Are you coming, or have you decided to drive home after all?

I know it can seem... intimidating when you first stand in front of it...”

Kate walked up to Jeri, wrapping her arms around her from behind, whispering in her ear. “The perfect place for royalty.”

Jeri chuckled. “Royalty, who? Are you referring to yourself? I'm an ordinary person, by no means royalty.

Just because I happen to be married to a rich man doesn't make me special.

Also... Can we please agree that you won't address me with that nickname you used earlier anymore?

It triggers painful memories I'd rather not be reminded of...”

Kate frowned, not knowing what nickname the younger woman was referring to before it clicked and she gasped. “Oh! Oh my God! I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to cause you discomfort. I promise I won't call you that again, Jeri.”

The blonde nodded, adding shyly. “Also... Would you mind if we'd continue calling each other the way we first got to know each other as?

Jack always calls me Jeri and I'm not too fond of that name in general. It is mainly my artist name. People close to me usually call me Lynn.”

Kate couldn't agree more. It was similar for her.

Kate was the actress, the diva, a straight woman, a persona she'd carefully created over the years working in the entertainment industry.

Kate had been married to Robert, was dating Tim. Things the redhead didn't like to be associated with in private.

She gently kissed Jeri's neck which provoked a shudder from the blonde before whispering. “I'd prefer that too. To me, you've always been Lynn anyway.”

Jeri stated, voice low and alluring. “If you keep doing that I can't guarantee anything. My neck's a very sensitive area.”

Kate smirked. “That's good to know.”

She resumed kissing the younger woman's neck and shoulder, mumbling. “You smell intoxicating, my love.”

Jeri turned around, Kate claiming her lips with a force that surprised both of them.

Jeri chuckled, reluctantly parting from the kiss. “We should probably go inside and close to the door first. This seems to turn into a private matter.”

Kate nodded. “Yeah. That might be a good idea.”

The moment the door was closed behind them, their lips found each other again, seemingly magically attracted to each other.

Jeri had lost track of the countless times she'd fantasized of those sensual lips of Kate's.

Her own lips were tingling, burning with every touch from the older woman's lips against them, every brush of her tongue, biting of her teeth.

Jeri used their position, her hands resting on Kate's butt, a fact that caused the redhead to chuckle.

Jeri raised her left brow, their eyes meeting, the blonde feeling the flutter in her stomach intensify at the sight of the by now midnight blue orbs looking back at her, desire clearly visible in them and there was something else too.

Jeri's heart was figuratively soaring once she realized what it was. 'Love. There's no mistaking it. Come to think of it... It was there the whole time.'

Jeri didn't know what hit her, laughter shaking her body. “God, I was so blind! It was there the whole time!”

Kate somewhere along the way had joined in on the younger woman's laughter which was downright contagious.

Once they'd regained their composure again, Kate asked bemused. “What were we actually laughing about? What was there the whole time, my love?”

Jeri smiled softly. “The love. It was always right there in your eyes, my love. I must've been blind not to see it.”

Kate averted her gaze, but Jeri was able to see the beautiful blush that had formed on her cheeks regardless.

She gently lifted the older woman's face, whispering. “Are you embarrassed? There's no need for that.

You have no idea how happy it makes me to know that you never actually hated me as I had thought for the longest time...”

Kate chuckled. “I definitely never hated you, quite the opposite, but I'm not surprised you didn't see it.

I gave you all reason to believe that I hated the guts of you and for that, I am terribly sorry...”

Jeri pecked her cheek. “It's fine. I understand you were afraid and that you had all reason to believe I could never return your feelings.

Had you been aware that my marriage was anything but happy things could've gone very differently.

I'm also quite annoyed, pissed off in fact they had to sexualize the character of Seven of Nine in the way they did by forcing her to wear those overly tight catsuits.

Shall we practice now? I was thinking we could use the kitchen as a setting for the bar.”

They walked over to the kitchen, Kate's eyes turning wide, jaw dropping. “Now that's one hell of a kitchen!”

Jeri rubbed her neck sheepishly, cheeks turning pink in humiliation. “Well, yeah...

A designer house has to come with a designer kitchen and of course, I'm the personal chef of Monsieur...”

Kate frowned at this, gritting her teeth. “He treats you like his slave, hu?

Let me guess. He's not doing a thing himself. You gotta take care of everything around here...”

Jeri nodded slowly. “You got that right. Do you know him personally by any chance or how did you figure that out?”

Kate, to Jeri's surprise, stated. “I know men like him. Used to be married to one of those for thirteen long years myself. Anyway, can we start practicing now?”

Jeri nodded, stepping behind the bar, sitting on one of the barstools opposite of Kate, suddenly remembering something, she exclaimed. “By the way, I'm honestly quite surprised you haven't smoked a single cigarette tonight. Are you okay?”

Kate blinked before gasping out. “You're right! I honestly didn't even notice. I'm actually better than expected, yeah.”

Jeri nodded slowly, biting her lip. “There'll actually be some changes to the script you may wanna know about. I talked to Braga and personally asked him to include certain elements into the episode, hoping you'd appreciate it.”

Kate looked at the blonde curiously. “Ah, yes? And what would those elements be?”

The older woman's eyes turned wide when Jeri told her sheepishly. “Well, I asked him if it would be okay for Katrine to smoke in the episode...”

Kate raised an eyebrow. “The show is supposed to be for an audience of 12+. Also, the episode is supposed to be set on the holodeck with the safety protocols offline, and wasn't smoking banned in the 24th century altogether?”

Jeri batted her lashes innocently. “The show's rating got upped to 16+. Braga's planning for things to get 'steamy' as he called it himself in future episodes. So yeah.

Also, it's fitting the time, 1944 the episode's technically supposed to be set in and Katrine's personality, Braga agreed to that. Nevermind it being set on the holodeck. You know how the show tends to be. It's not always super realistic, that's why it's a tv show and a Sci-Fi one too.”

Kate nodded slowly. “And just what were you trying to accomplish by asking Braga to add that to the script?”

Jeri blushed. “I was hoping you'd be more relaxed and it would stop you from lashing out at me, especially if I'd be messing up some scenes because of our close physical proximity. I wanted to be prepared.

Also... It may sound crazy, but I've grown used to the smell of cigarettes on you. It's somewhat... comforting to me, just like the smell of coffee. I even started occasionally drinking coffee myself because I found the smell and taste alluring and it reminded me of you...”

Kate raised an eyebrow. “So you wanted to tame me, placate me by allowing me to smoke while filming. Oh my, you truly must've thought of me as a monster, a cold-hearted bitch who kept lashing out at people for no reason...

On a lighter note, I hope you only drank coffee and didn't start smoking to feel close to me, my love. Believe me when I tell you, starting is easy, it's quitting that's hella tough. You can trust me there. I've tried and failed to do so countless times before...”

Jeri shook her head vehemently, eyes wide. “Oh hell nah! You can rest assured that I'd never start smoking or drinking alcohol for that matter. My history with substance abuse was far more than enough in terms of addiction for me.

Also, I never saw you as a monster, or a cold-hearted bitch, my love. In all honesty, I was worried you'd suffer with us filming for hours on end, no breaks in between, and no possibility for you to step out and have a smoke...”

Kate smiled softly, leaning over to kiss Jeri's lips. “Well, that's very sweet and considerate of you. I appreciate it, Lynn and I guess you're right. It would've surely been hella tough. I still remember shooting _Year of hell_ and literally feeling like hell afterward...

Does Braga at least plan to turn Janeway and Seven into lovers though? I can hardly believe that. In the end, it's only gonna be that one episode. I also don't get why he'd so readily agree to up the age rating to 16+. Just what is he up to? Guess my no sex policy is thereby nullified.”

Jeri chuckled and winked seductively. “In my own personal opinion, the show deserved a higher rating from the beginning due to that far too erotic voice of yours alone.”

Kate coughed. “What? Oh, please. My voice is awful! I can't stand hearing it. I watched some episodes a few days back and had a hard time not to plug my ears hearing it. How and why do you find it erotic?”

Jeri's cheeks turned crimson. “How couldn't I? It just... does things to me, to my body. It's honestly quite scary, but exciting no less and God, don't even get me started on those chuckles of yours! They're dangerous!”

Kate smirked, running her hands over Jeri's arm which caused the blonde's skin to prickle oh so pleasantly. “Oh yes? I wasn't aware of that fact. By the way...

Your voice clearly does things to me as well and your laugh, oh heavens! I missed it so much. I still can't believe I'd forgotten all about it and that beautiful smile of yours...”

Jeri had started to cry, but soon found herself wrapped into a warm embrace, gentle hands running through her hair, that voice which sounded so different to the one she used to know from that time they'd spent together, yet so familiar no less whispering words of reassurance in her ear, effectively calming her down.

Once Jeri had calmed down, both women once more having taken on their positions, Kate now as Katrine started, having a hard time maintaining a straight face and her composure.

“Being part of the resistance doesn't mean saying no to me, chérie.” Kate inwardly cringed and cursed Braga for forcing her to say that type of line which was only topped off by what she knew would be following next.

Jeri, now Anne de Neuf raised her left brow, and damn, Kate had to force herself not to falter at that, her voice sounding downright sultry when she dropped her line. “How could I ever do that, Katrine? Resisting you would be futile.”

They kissed hard then which was also written in the script. The Mademoiselle batted her lashes which almost gave Kate a heart attack before stating. “I believe we should take this somewhere else, Katrine.”

Kate, whose eyes were transfixed by Jeri's lips said, voice sultry as written in the script. “Your room or mine, chérie?”

Jeri then told her oh so sweetly. “Yours, please. I can barely walk in this state.”

After successfully practicing this scene, they both got up, finally losing their resolve and cracking up, Kate stating. “It's plain to see a man wrote this script. I swear the first time I read it I was furious! Now I find it simply ridiculous.”

Jeri snickered. “It is ridiculous, but then again, so are many of the show's episodes and dialogues.”

Kate nodded, asking the younger woman. “So, it's time to go to your bedroom next. Unless you don't wanna practice that scene.”

Jeri's cheeks turned crimson, stuttering out. “I... I guess... we should practice that. I wanna be prepared, although I'm not sure if I can ever truly be prepared for that. How am I supposed to keep my composure with you on top of me in all your glory?”

Kate chuckled. “In all my glory? Please. When was the last time you looked into a mirror, Lynn? If anyone is glorious here, a goddess even, it would have to be you and so young...”

Jeri shot a glare that rivaled Janeway's infamous death stare at the older woman which sent cold shivers down said woman's spine, telling her sternly. “I won't tolerate you insulting yourself, Kiernan.

Also, you are not old! Whoever told you that is an idiot and I'm not half as young as you seem to think I am either.”

Kate couldn't help herself, mumbling. “Just how old are you exactly? I'm sure you told me that before, but alas I don't remember and I also didn't dare ask anyone else so far...”

Jeri figured she might as well tell the redhead. After all, they were lovers now, or so the younger woman liked to think. “I'm gonna turn 30 soon. How old are you? I'm sure you told me so before as well, but I seem to have forgotten that too...”

Kate had a hard time keeping her composure. “So, in other words, you're 29 years old. I'd say that's quite young but okay. At least it's slightly older than I thought you were.”

Jeri could see that the older woman was struggling to reveal her own age, telling her gently. “It's fine. You won't have to share your age with me.

Personally, I'm of the opinion that age is just a number anyway and people should stop caring so much for it. I love you and that fact isn't dependent on your age. Although, I highly doubt that you are old. You do look anything but that.”

Kate sighed and finally stated. “I'm 42, gonna turn 43 in a few months. Do you still think I'm not old?”

Jeri's eyes went wide, gasping out in utter disbelief. “42? You're joking, right? You look much younger than that! See, that's what I just meant by age is just a number. You look early/mid-thirties to me.”

Kate snorted. “Oh please! Flattery will get you nowhere, darling. I know that I very much look my age.”

Jeri frowned. “Well, you don't do to me. It's a matter of perspective, my love.”

Kate chuckled. “Yeah, you see me through heart-shaped glasses while I see myself realistically.”

Kate desperately wanted to end this discussion and asked. “So, care to show me to your private chambers, Mademoiselle?”

Jeri's cheeks flushed adorably, biting her bottom lip. “I... I'm kinda shy showing it to you... I feel like you're gonna laugh...”

Kate frowned. “Why would I laugh? Now I'm even more curious. Darling, I won't laugh. That's a promise. A bedroom is a bedroom. Why would I laugh at yours?”

The blonde sighed softly, leading the older woman down a corridor before stopping in front of a door, hesitating.

Kate, sensing the younger woman's struggles, gently placed her hand on top of her arm, reassuring her. “I won't judge you, Lynn. You can open the door now.”

The blonde sighed once more before finally opening the door. Kate's eyes turned wide, heart fluttering at the sight of what she deemed the cutest bedroom ever which in her opinion couldn't have fit the younger woman any more.

She stepped inside, eyes roaming the room, carefully taking in every small detail, and breathed out. “It's perfect, darling. 100% you. I don't know what I was expecting, but this bedroom is made for you. I can tell that you've personally chosen the colors, furniture and accessories. Haven't you? I love the atmosphere.”

Jeri smiled softly. “You're right, I've designed it myself. It was very important to me to not have anyone, much less Jack interfere in creating my own private refuge. I'm glad you like it and that you feel comfortable here. Jack hates it, he was furious when he first saw it and has never once set foot in here again which is another positive side effect of having personally arranged this room.”

Kate snarled, blood boiling in rage, fists balled. “Well, that bastard obviously doesn't love you if he acts like that. How dare he insult your taste, your decisions? You're his wife. He could at least act as if he liked it or was okay with it.

I mean, I'm not exactly a fan of pink myself, but that doesn't mean that I immediately insult everyone who loves the color or everything that's in this color. What a jerk. Is your bed as soft and comfortable as it looks like by the way?”

Jeri winked. “Only one way to find out, Katrine.”

They both got in position, Kate once more in character as Katrine on top of Jeri as Mademoiselle de Neuf.

Their gazes were locked, faces inching closer until Jeri exclaimed. “Wait! We'll have to do it according to the script. Katrine and Anne are supposed to be merely dressed in their undergarments.”

Kate raised her eyebrow. “Are you sure you wanna undress now? We both know where that might lead. Not that I'd mind that, but aren't we rushing things again?”

Jeri chuckled, stating matter-of-factly. “We're not rushing things, my love. If my dream from earlier today was any indication we've very much done that before and I think we've waited long enough too.”

Kate had to agree, but one thing Jeri had just stated once again stunned her. “Wait... That dream you're talking about. I think it's safe to say that we shared that too.”

Jeri gasped, eyes wide. “That explains why it was so vivid again just like that dream of our first kiss. Wow. I still wanna know how those shared dreams are possible.”

Kate nodded, deeply fascinated with the topic herself. She wouldn't mind sharing all her dreams with the younger woman from now on and slowly recover the memories of their time spent together in Ireland in that way.

The redhead blinked when Jeri asked her, tone amused. “Kiernan? Are you gonna undress, or not?”

Kate blushed, quickly taking off her jacket.

Jeri licked her lips. “By the way. Have I already told you how hot you look in that outfit and with that hairstyle? I love that look on you. It's definitely nothing I would've expected to ever see on you, but it suits you perfectly. In all honesty, I like it far more than the stuff you're usually wearing.”

Kate smiled, her heart feeling warm and fuzzy at the younger woman's words. “I'm glad you think so, darling. This is who I truly am. Those clothes I'm usually wearing are just a facade, part of the persona that is the straight actress and mother, Kate Mulgrew. This is the real me.”

Jeri beamed, wrapping her arms around the slender frame of the older woman. “I love the real you the most. Please know that around me you won't ever have to fake it, be someone or something that you're not.”

Kate nodded tears in her eyes. “Same here. I love you just the way you are, Lynn. The weirdness, dorkiness, your carefree nature, your childlike curiosity, your love for cute things, and the color pink, everything. You don't have to hide anything in fear that I'd judge you. If it makes you happy and you're comfortable with it, that's all that matters to me.”

Jeri stiffened, suddenly remembering something. “P-please don't be shocked if you'll see me dressed in only my lingerie. I'm flawed...”

Kate frowned, having a hard time believing the younger woman's statement, but she nodded, telling her earnestly. “I won't be shocked, my love and I can hardly believe that you're flawed. However, you might be shocked seeing my body...”

Jeri cocked her left brow, stating. “If you're referring to our age difference again, I can once more assure you that I don't mind that. Your body from what I can see looks very fit though. I don't see why you would worry, think I'd be shocked even.”

Kate sighed, bracing herself, looking at Jeri. “Let's get this over with.”

At this both women started to dress down to their underwear, cheeks burning in shame and humiliation. Jeri, unable to take the tension, still terrified of Kate's reaction laid down on the bed, heart racing painfully against her chest.

Kate slowly approached the bed, about to get back into their initial position when her eyes fell on the blonde's body, eyes turning wide, tears before long streaming down her cheeks, pressing out. “Did he... do this to you?”

Jeri's heart ached seeing the older woman cry, slowly getting up, hugging her. Another thought suddenly occurred to Kate and she gasped out. “T-the biosuit. How do you endure wearing it hours on end with... scars and bruises like that?

It must be so painful. Oh, God. Now I hate that bastard even more! This sure brings back memories...”

Jeri smiled sadly. “It's not that bad. In the beginning when they were fresh it hurt like hell, but now it's decent. What did you mean by that last statement though?”

Kate swallowed, having hoped against hope, the blonde hadn't heard it. She sighed before stating. “My first husband, Robert was the same, abusive, violent, manipulative, narcissistic, simply put a piece of scum.

Never towards the children though, only towards me. To the boys he was the sweetest, most loving father...”

Jeri growled lowly. “What a jerk! Jack isn't a great father either, but at least he's never touched Alex, he's simply indifferent about him. Your sons must know what their father did to you though, no? They weren't that little anymore when you got divorced after all.”

Kate chuckled bitterly. “Oh, he has his ways of reversing facts and making me look like the bad guy. I highly doubt they know what he did to me. To them he's a saint, their hero.”

Jeri felt a strong urge to teach that scumbag a lesson, but forced her anger down, knowing it wouldn't lead anywhere.

She cocked her brow. “So anyway. What was it with you stating I'd be shocked to see your body earlier? I see nothing shocking.”

She laid down once more, making a come hither, Kate slowly approaching.

She got back in position, anxiety twisting her stomach and then Jeri's eyes went down her body, her face turning as white as Katrine's tux. “T-this. How? What? Oh my God...”

Kate wanted to dig herself a hole and hide in there, shame and guilt making her feel sick, her mouth faster than her brain. “I think I could use a smoke now...”

Jeri blinked, watching Kate's retreating form, calling out after her. “Wait, where are you going? Babe, it's fine. You don't have to go outside to smoke.”

Kate sighed, gaze turned down, back still facing Jeri, unable to face her, so deeply humiliated did she feel. Her voice sounded impossibly small when she stated. “You're repulsed, shocked...

I understand that. I know that I look awful and I told you so in advance. I tried to warn you, but you were so convinced that there was no reason for me to hide anything, to feel ashamed...”

Jeri called out after her, heart aching at her beloved's words, inwardly scolding herself for her own initial reaction. “First of all, I'm not repulsed, okay? I could never be repulsed by you. Shocked, well honestly I am, but most of all it hurts me to see you like this, and I want to understand.

There's no reason for you to be ashamed, especially around me. You've seen my body, the scars, bruises, burn marks, amongst other things. I'm imperfect, I know that, flawed, but you told me that you love me regardless. So do I.

I love you, imperfect, or not. Your flaws only add to your perfection, make you unique. You never have to hide yourself from me, feel ugly, worthless, repulsive and you clearly don't have anything to be ashamed of.

Please come back here and tell me about it. Talking helps and I want to know your story.”

Kate was crying again by now, slowly turning around, carefully approaching the bed, this time laying down next to Jeri who cautiously laid one arm around her. The petite woman swallowed, the words stuck in her throat, her fear too strong still.

When she looked into those warm, loving sapphire orbs she finally spoke up, forcing herself to hold the younger woman's gaze while doing so. “There are days... When I feel so dirty, guilty, full of shame, self-loathing that I...

I take a hot bath, emphasis lying on hot, scalding in fact and sometimes that's already enough, but sometimes as a few days ago...

It's not and then I have to scrub my skin, scrub it until it bleeds and I hate it, I immediately regret it the moment I've done it, but then it's of course too late and all I can do is apply a thick layer of ointment, sometimes bandage up things if I've overdone it and wait for it to heal again...”

Jeri had started to cry herself now, holding the older woman close to her, gently caressing her face. “What... triggered it this time though? You don't have to answer me if it's too personal.”

Kate smiled sadly. “Tim, that guy I'm 'dating', my cover-up, my straight alibi if you will, called me in the middle of the night. I'd already gone to bed.

I was terrified, so disgusted, all those images of the last time we met coming up again, the way he'd tried to force himself onto me...”

Jeri hissed. “That fucker! What the hell is wrong with all these straight men thinking they own us? Dating someone, or even being married to someone gives them no right at all to treat women like that! Or mistreat, rather.

The audacity to call you in the middle of the night. Just wow...”

Their hands were entwining, for a moment they simply enjoyed the comfort of being in each other's presence. That is until Kate once more positioned on top of Jeri, stating seductively. “Now that that's cleared. I believe you still owe me a scene, Mademoiselle.”

Jeri chuckled, looking deep into Kate's eyes before her gaze fell on the older woman's lips, just in time to see that tempting pink tip of the redhead's tongue. The blonde growled, claiming Kate's lips in a flaming kiss that successfully knocked the other woman's wind out of her lungs.

Kate moaned as the blonde started to grind up against her, naughty hands wandering down and coming to a rest on the redhead's butt which she groped with gusto, a fact that caused Kate to chuckled. Jeri blinked at this, confusion visible in her eyes.

Kate explained. “My suspicions regarding your love for my butt have been officially confirmed today. You're terrible at hiding it, darling. Seven was looking at Janeway's butt when she left the ready room in one of our first episodes together that I watched on tv a few days ago.”

Jeri blushed, feeling caught, stating. “In my defense, that butt is one hell of an ass.”

Kate barked out a laugh at that before smiling in amusement. “Ah, yes? Guess some things never change. You already seemed to love it back then when we first met.”

Jeri beamed, remembering that first kiss of theirs too. “I did. It was love at first sight, so to speak. You seem to love my boobs if what I observed from you while watching old episodes of the show myself is anything to go by. Am I right?”

Kate's cheeks turned crimson, coughing out. “W-well, is there anyone out there who doesn't love them? I doubt it. They're quite... In your face.”

Jeri felt deeply humiliated, whining out. “K-Kiernan that's... They're not even that big. I'm telling you it's that damned biosuit putting far too much emphasis on them. On a lighter note, apart from my love for your butt, I also love your arms, by the way, I mean damn those biceps of yours are so hot and also your breasts seem pretty neat too.”

Kate chuckled. “Have you by any chance watched that episode, wait what was it called again... The one with the giant virus recently?”

Jeri snorted out a laugh. “ _Macrocosm_. Yeah, I watched that and I'm planning to rewatch it for... research purposes.”

Kate smirked, husking into the younger woman's ear. “Research purposes, yeah? You're already talking like Seven. According to my research...”

Jeri chuckled. “She's rubbing off on me, I'm telling you.”

The older woman snickered. “You're telling me. A certain starship captain's rubbing off on me as well, that including those damned headaches she's prone to...”

Jeri frowned at this, concern clearly visible in her by now pale blue orbs. “Are you currently having headaches? Babe, I told you it was fine if you needed a smoke. Don't force yourself to suppress your needs. The same going for your other needs. Your hands are shaking pretty hard and I doubt that's out of nervosity. Is it?”

Kate cursed her traitorous body, hating to be so vulnerable, weak in front of the younger woman. 'You're really such a mess. It's crazy how she doesn't seem to care, how she gets me. It's cause she loves you, silly, despite you giving her all the reason to hate you in the past.'

Jeri whispered gently. “It's fine, my love. I told you before you can be yourself around me. Relax, Kiernan. Listen to your body. Give it what it's begging for.”

Kate slowly got up from the bed, grabbing her handbag and walking back over to the bed, sitting on the edge, rummaging through it, searching for the items she needed. She cursed out as she didn't find anything in there, grabbing her jacket instead, opening the pocket, the picture falling out onto the bed.

While Kate wasn't looking, mind preoccupied with getting her fix, finally listening to her body's desperate cries, Jeri quickly grabbed the picture, looking at it once again.

Suddenly remembering something she turned it around, eyes turning wide when she this time recognized what was her own handwriting, although it at the time had still looked quite different and rather immature in comparison to these days and the pink lipstick kiss mark next to it which was no doubt her own as well.

Her cheeks turned crimson in humiliation, ashamed of her younger self who deemed it fit to smooch the back of the picture like a teenager sending a love letter to her first crush. Once she got over her initial moment of embarrassment, she finally read the lines she'd handwritten on the back of that picture all those years ago. Just when had it been exactly?

_Our day at the beach. Thank you for the most wonderful time. Never forget_

Jeri wanted to cry out at the irony. 'Never forget, hu? Oh, wow. Just what happened back then? Those things Lexy said earlier. The way she reacted when I told her who Kiernan was. Her excuse for mixing things up was highly suspicious. In comparison to me, that woman has never once forgotten anything. I could ask her if she knows anything, but why am I so afraid to hear the truth? My gut feeling says to better leave things the way they are now...'

When she looked at Kate, her heart performed a flic-flac. Not bothering that the older woman was currently smoking, a thing the blonde would've been repulsed by not too long ago or had it been anyone else, she crawled up behind her, carefully wrapping her body around her beloved, laying her head on her shoulder, simply watching her for a moment before breathing out. “Hello there, gorgeous.”

Kate started to cough violently, alarming Jeri who immediately asked, voice dripping in guilt. “Are you alright? I'm sorry...”

Kate, who had calmed down again by now chuckled softly. “You scared me there. It's alright, I'm fine. This feels nice. You being so close to me, hugging me like that. You might regret having allowed me to smoke in here later by the way. I'd strongly advise you to thoroughly air out your room once I'm finished.”

Jeri nuzzled her neck, breathing a kiss onto the older woman's ear which caused her to shiver, a fact that the blonde mentally made note of, stating matter-of-factly. “I dunno if I should do that. I wanna keep your smell around for a while, to remind me I wasn't simply dreaming this time, that you were truly here with me tonight.”

Kate nodded slowly, having turned awfully quiet, having laid down again, staring at the ceiling of Jeri's bedroom.

Jeri was about to get up herself when her eyes fell on the cigarette box of the older woman, something flashing before her inner eye, but the moment was over as quickly as it had come, Jeri simply shrugging it off, thinking nothing much of it, laying down on top of Kate this time who seemingly had fallen asleep already.

Jeri's heart melted at the sight, gently kissing the corner of the older woman's mouth, her own eyes soon closing.

Kate opened her eyes again, her tears finally falling, gazing at the younger woman in her arms. 'How will I ever be able to let you go again?'


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second part of the double update! Finally the filming of the Killing game starts. Will Jeri and Kate be able to keep their emotions in check?

The cool sea breeze kept playing with her hair, her eyes were closed, body pressed against the railing of the balcony.

Her moment of bliss was interrupted when something dawned on her.

'Kiernan's still not up yet. She's usually an early riser. I really shouldn't worry, but...'

Lynn, in a sudden spur of panic, went back inside, looking for the older woman.

Her eyes turned wide in fear at the sight of the redhead laying there, shivering, skin ashen, eyes bloodshot and unfocused, hair sticking to her forehead on which a sheen of perspiration had formed.

The young woman sat down next to her beloved, tears in her eyes, whispering out. “Kiernan, can you hear me? I'm right here. P-please, hang in there.”

She gently lifted the older woman's head, placing it on her lap, wiping the sweat off of her forehead with a tissue, softly humming an old lullaby, trying her best to comfort the clearly sick woman.

'Why is she sick? This is definitely not a shared dream, is it? Or can it be a reflection of her actual current state? Nah, what am I thinking? That's absurd. It must be another memory from back then.

If only I could remember what had caused her state that time, I could help her now. She definitely seems feverish, she's shivering, trembling.

Wait! Can it be?'

Lynn frowned, suddenly feeling like she might be onto something. She grabbed the older woman's handbag, rummaging through it.

The blonde felt guilty for disregarding Kiernan's privacy, but she mused there was no other way to confirm her suspicions and she desperately wanted to help her suffering lover.

An almost irrecognizable small voiced coaxed out. “Lynn?”

The young woman's eyes turned wide, feeling caught.

She swallowed against the knot that had formed in her throat, replying softly. “I'm right here, my love. Could you tell me what happened?”

Kiernan took a shaky breath, shaking her head. “I'd rather not. I'm... fine.”

The blonde mentally facepalmed at the older woman's stubbornness and pride even while in such a dire state. “Kiernan, I want to help you, but if you don't tell me what's wrong with you then I'm unable to do so. I have a strong suspicion, however.

Would you be okay with me sharing that with you and simply nodding or shaking your head afterward to let me know, if it's correct, or not?”

The redhead nodded slowly, gaze averted in obvious shame, fueling the younger woman's suspicions.

Having received the older woman's approval, Lynn proceeded. “I may not be an expert on the matter myself, but as someone who has people with addiction problems in their immediate family, everything seems to point towards you being on withdrawal.

The thing is I haven't seen you display any previous symptoms indicating that before. Believe me, had I been aware of that fact, I would've done something, or said something much earlier, tried helping you.

I want to help you, but I need you to tell me what exactly it is that you need, my love.

Don't worry, I won't judge you. Before I get ahead of myself, could you please answer me if my suspicions are correct? I apologize in advance if my assumptions should've been incorrect.”

Kiernan had started to cry, the younger woman's heart breaking at the sight. Lynn gently caressed the redhead's tear-sodden cheeks, soothing her.

The older woman nodded slowly, telling Lynn everything she needed to know.

'Well, not everything. I'm still not sure just what she actually needs.'

Lynn asked gently. “What can I get you to make you feel better, my love? No matter what it may be, I'll do what I can to acquire it for you. Please don't be ashamed to share it with me.”

Kiernan sighed, feeling even weaker and worse than the last time she'd tried and failed to quit. She had hoped against hope that it wouldn't come to this point, that only this once she'd be strong enough.

If only she had not been as foolish as to leave home in a rush that day, not even thinking to check the contents of her handbag first to make sure she had everything she needed in there.

'What a fool, even back then...'

She pressed out, desperately wishing the ground beneath her would swallow her whole. “C-cigarettes...

I forgot mine at home, thinking I could last without them for a while. Guess I was wrong. I'm sorry...”

Lynn felt her heart go out to the older woman, smiling softly, whispering affectionately. “Idiot. I'll go buy some for you. Any particular brand? I have to warn you in advance. I'm a complete noob in terms of that kind of stuff myself, being a non-smoker.”

Kiernan pressed out. “Doesn't matter. I'll take anything at this point. I'm not picky...”

Lynn chuckled. “Ah, is that so? That's good to know. I'll make sure to get the best for you regardless.”

Kiernan frowned. “W-why?”

The blonde chuckled, placing a soft kiss on the damp forehead of her beloved. “Because you deserve it, silly. I'm gonna go now. Don't wanna keep you suffering any longer. Behave while I'm gone.”

The redhead chuckled. “Not like I can go anywhere in this state anyway...”

Lynn grinned. “Good. Make sure to get some rest and stay well-hydrated. I'll place a bottle of water on the nightstand.”

Lynn left at this, searching the area for the closest convenience store. She didn't have to look for long, entering the first store she came by, not wanting to force the older woman to wait and suffer any longer, knowing she was already in a dire state.

She picked the most expensive brand of cigarettes the store offered, deeming Kiernan was clearly worth the price she'd have to pay for them. The blonde was about to pay when her eyes fell on something.

'Wait, I've seen this before. It's that cigarette box of hers. I must've bought that for her at that store back then. I knew it looked familiar.'

Lynn grabbed the silver box, buying it along with the cigarettes, hoping the older woman would appreciate the sentiment.

“I'm back. Sorry for the wait.”

Kiernan looked up, smiling softly at the younger woman. “It's fine. I just woke up from a short nap.”

The blonde nodded. “Well, that's good. Here you go. I hope my choice is alright. Also, I saw this and well... Something told me you might like it.”

The younger woman retrieved a shiny object from her pocket, carefully placing it in the redhead's hands.

Kiernan looked up curiously. “What is it?”

Lynn smiled softly. “It's a cigarette box. Kinda old-fashioned, I know, but... it looks pretty.”

Kiernan's eyes widened, tears in her eyes.

'Oh my God! Did she gift it to me back then? That explains why I'm so fond of it, despite never knowing where I got it from. Another mystery solved.'

The redhead breathed out sincerely. “It's perfect! I'll treasure it, my love.”

The younger woman opened the pack of cigarettes she'd bought, carefully taking one out, telling Kiernan gently. “Open your mouth.”

The petite woman blushed softly, embarrassed to be so weak in front of the younger woman, yet deeply touched by her loving care. A sigh she didn't know she'd been holding back left her lips after taking the first hit.

Lynn gently caressed her cheek, watching her. The redhead's cheeks slowly turned rosy, the life coming back to her, a fact that touched the blonde more than she could've ever anticipated.

'She may be an idiot, flawed, but I think it's safe to say that I love her more than I ever thought it was possible to love someone and I'd do whatever it takes to ensure her well-being, her happiness. We're both broken, imperfect, but together we're perfect, invincible.'

Kate woke up with tears in her eyes once more this morning. She didn't even bother about that anymore these days. Her heart was filled with love, warmth so profound, it made her want to weep.

She opened her eyes slowly, blinking in confusion at first when she was met by a pink ceiling. Slowly the memory of the night before resurfaced causing the redhead's cheeks to heat up.

Kate felt her heart melt at the sight of a familiar figure lying next to her, sprawled out like a starfish, breathing out. “Cutie.”

Jeri's eyes fluttered open, ocean blue greeting the unexpecting redhead who gasped out.

“Who's a cutie? If you're talking about yourself-”

Kate looked at the blonde sternly, stating firmly. “No, I'm certainly not referring to myself, but to you, darling."

Her eyes and voice softened, as she added. "I think I owe you thanks by the way.”

Jeri frowned. “Thanks for what? If you're talking about allowing you to sleep over here, it's me who has to thank you.”

Kate shook her head, to the younger woman's surprise stating. “I believe you might have saved my life back then and... you gifted me my favorite cigarette box that time which I treasure a lot.”

Jeri gasped. “Wait... We shared that dream again, hu? I thought it seemed pretty vivid, especially for my standards."

The blonde's eyes turned teary when she realized something, breathing out. "Oh no! My poor darling! You had to go through those awful symptoms of withdrawal all over again during that dream?”

Kate chuckled softly. “Well... yeah. But that's fine. I'm glad I remember that moment now. It was worth the suffering. You were so sweet that time. I felt so loved, appreciated, cared for, warm. You would've made for a great nurse, you know that?”

Jeri to her surprise stated. “You think so? As a kid that used to be my dream profession for a while then I wanted to be a vet and in the end, I turned to acting...”

Kate grinned. “I'm glad you decided to become an actress after all. If you'd decided to become a nurse or a vet we might've never met after all.”

Jeri nodded. “Who knows? That time we first met I was technically not yet an actress. I believe the universe would've made us meet anyway, regardless of my career path.

Anyway, shall we get ready? As much as I'd love to stay in bed with you all day, we got a busy day of filming lying ahead of us. Braga would most likely hunt us down if we didn't show up there for his latest 'Oscar-worthy masterpiece'.”

Kate barked out a laugh at that. “Oscar-worthy, yeah he'd love that! I'm actually quite excited to see you as Mademoiselle de Neuf, my love.”

Jeri grinned. “And I'm excited to see you as the illustrious Katrine. Does that woman actually have a last name, or what? I feel like Katrine is an alias of sorts, the woman being the leader of a resistance group, leading a double existence of sorts and all that.”

Kate leaned over, placing a soft kiss on the blonde's lips, stating ominously. “Who knows.”

Jeri rolled her eyes. “You most likely do and are simply teasing me again. I can read you like an open book, Kiernan. Uh, by the way. That'll take some time getting used to.”

Kate frowned, unable to follow the blonde's train of thought. “What will?”

Jeri chuckled. “Us suddenly being on friendly terms on set. Or shall we simply continue ignoring each other while at work? I'm not sure if I'd be able to do that anymore, but it's up to you.

Either way, if we should decide to interact at work, we should probably stick to addressing each other with our artist names there. Otherwise, people are surely gonna grow suspicious, at least while we're at the studio or at the cafeteria which you these days seem to go to again.”

Kate coughed, feeling caught. “Well... yeah. I don't think I could simply ignore you at work anymore either. You're right though. We should make sure not to refer to each other by the names we use for each other in private, but stick to our artist names.

We might wanna keep a low profile for the time being, however. It may come over as suspicious if we'll suddenly act like best friends.

Let's limit our interactions to when we're filming a scene together for the time being. We shouldn't be seen together too often off-camera from one day to the next.”

Jeri nodded. “I agree with that. Let's try to keep our hands to ourselves and not be too obvious. I'm not talking about on, but off-camera here, of course.”

Kate's eyes turned wide. “Please... You're not taking this seriously. Lynn, we gotta really be careful. You know how fast rumor spreads. As much as I hate to say it, but we should keep a professional distance while on set for the time being for both of our sake. Can we please agree on that?”

Jeri sighed and nodded. “I guess. It sucks how we gotta act all cautious because we're two women. It would be easy if we were a man and a woman instead, a straight couple. How I hate this heteronormative society!”

Kate bit her bottom lip, averting her gaze. “I know... Same here, but there's nothing we can do about it. Us being part of the entertainment industry only makes matters worse.

At least we'll get to play lovers in this double episode and we both know that we love each other. To me, that's enough.”

Jeri smiled softly and kissed the redhead's forehead. “You're right. As long as we have each other, the rest doesn't matter.”

After the duo each had taken a shower, separately, because they couldn't risk running late, they drove off to work, each in her own car. They'd previously agreed that Kate would drive another route so that they wouldn't raise suspicions arriving from the same direction.

'Lynn was right. This is absurd! Why do we have to act like criminals when all we do is love each other? God, how I'd love to switch places with Janeway for real and live in the 24th century instead, or in the very least, in a country that's more open-minded and modern than this one.'

When Kate arrived on studio grounds, Jeri's car was already parked there. The redhead couldn't help but smirk at the sight.

'She really has a love for speed. Come to think of it with her looks she could've easily turned into one of those girls posing half-naked in front of sports cars. Oh God, what are you thinking, you dirty old pervert? I should never share these kinds of thoughts with her.'

Kate went over to the studio the make-up and costume rooms were in right away, Jeri and her previously having agreed that she'd go get changed first, so as once again to not raise any unnecessary suspicions.

Kate was usually first on set and the two women were determined to keep it that way.

When the redhead arrived at the costume room, Bob Blackman clapped his hands excitedly, exclaiming in his usual exuberance. “Now if it isn't the star of our show herself! Good morning, Kate. I love that new look of yours! May I know who was your designer?”

Kate, who only now remembered the outfit she was wearing felt her heart drop, having a hard time refraining from blushing. “Good morning, Bob. I'm glad you like it. Thought I'd try out something new for a change.

I'm not sure about the designer, to be honest. Can you give me the tux now please? I'd like to get changed. “

He nodded, handing her the outfit in question. “Of course, of course. Here you go, darling. Oh, you'll look ravishing as Katrine! I'm sure the Mademoiselle won't be able to resist you like this.”

Kate almost lost her cool at that remark but managed to mask her feelings.

All eyes widened when Kate left the make-up room, now fully transformed into Katrine. Jeri who had currently arrived felt her eyes turn wide, having a hard time not to gape at the sight for the gods.

'Holy shit! You can't be serious! How the hell am I supposed to remember any line with her looking like that? This is torture!

I wonder if she'll be allowed to keep that tux after filming for this episode will be done. It suits her so perfectly. It would be a true shame if they'd simply threw it away or keep it themselves.'

Kate who had seen the younger woman's hungry eyes smirked to herself, inwardly rubbing her hands in glee. 'Looks like my plan was a full success. She wanted to see me in a tux, she got to see me in one and this isn't simply any tux, no.

It's a Bob Blackman original, custom-made for yours truly in the style of the great Marlene Dietrich. Wasn't Marlene a lesbian as well? I could swear I've read something along those lines before.'

Kate once more felt like Blackman was onto them, but sincerely hoped that her gut feeling for once wouldn't turn out to be true. Or if it would that the designer at least had the decency to keep that knowledge to himself. They couldn't risk causing a scandal.

Kate was on her way to the set their first scene for the day would be shot when she heard raised voices. Not wanting to disturb, she kept in the shadows as per usual, leaning against a wall.

One voice she recognized to be Robert Beltran's hissed. “I hope this is gonna be a one-time thing! Chakotay loves Kathryn, he'd do anything for her. I can't believe you'd have her betray him like this and with that Borg no less!”

Kate felt her blood boil at the man's words, balling her fist in rage. 'How dare that bastard talk like that, especially about Seven? Chakotay loves Kathryn. Tsk, as if!

Kathryn clearly doesn't love him in return though. He knows I made it very clear from the beginning that Janeway would never start dating Chakotay. Guess he can't take no for an answer, hu? Why am I not surprised?'

Kate rolled her eyes, listening to what she determined to be Braga's voice stating. “It's only a simulation on the holodeck, Robert. Janeway won't even remember her time on there after the Hirogen have left again. So there's no need to worry. It's all for the fans.

J/7 shippers have been demanding that kind of interaction between Janeway and Seven for a while now. I'm only trying to give our viewers what they want.”

Kate couldn't believe her ears. 'The heck does he mean, Janeway won't remember anything after the attack? Wow. That bastard is even more sly than I thought he was!

Doing everything for those damned viewer counts, but when it comes down to it he's a coward and a homophobe. Men, seen one, seen 'em all.'

“Who are you hiding from?”

Kate almost jumped at the voice, sighing out when she recognized it to be Jeri's. “No one. Let's go on set. I'm surprised you're already finished.”

Her eyes turned wide when she turned around, mouth gaping in awe. “Oh wow! That... I believe I've just gone to heaven and seen an angel.”

Jeri chuckled and shook her head. “Silly. I'm by no means an angel. You need to stop putting me on a pedestal. I'd hoped you'd like my outfit. I personally find it quite revealing, but yeah.

Guess I shouldn't be surprised. Seven's fans are mainly male and between the ages of 13 and 19. In other words, naughty teenage boys, lusting after a fictional character...”

Kate rolled her eyes, stating matter-of-factly. “Don't forget to add that they're all nerds and probably too shy and awkward to ask a real girl out on a date, forcing them to dream and fantasize about fictional women like Seven of Nine.

It's actually kinda sad when you think about it.”

Jeri frowned and nodded. “You're right... How come you know the term nerd, by the way? Don't tell me one of your sons is one?”

Kate gasped, eyes turning wide in shock, stating defensively. “No, not my babies! They're not like that at all. It's true that my youngest, Alec is a little shy and childish for his age, but a nerd? Definitely not.

Ian, my oldest is pretty popular, so he's probably the opposite of a nerd. He's the one who first introduced me to the term though when listing the different social groups at his school. I'd never heard of most of those before, to be honest. All these new terms, gothic, nerds, skaters, punks...”

Jeri cocked her brow, asking in amusement. “Kids these days, hu?”

Kate chuckled and nodded. “Exactly. Let's go now. I believe we should leave separately though. As much as I hate having to do this...”

Jeri agreed and Kate swiftly left their hiding spot first, sneaking over to the set. Jeri followed a good while later, just to be on the safe side. When she arrived on set, she immediately recognized _Le Coeur de Lion,_ Katrine's café.

Her heart plummeted when her eyes fell on the stage they'd set up for her to later perform on as Mademoiselle de Neuf.

'I'm so not ready to sing in front of the camera. God, this is probably gonna be the worst part of this whole episode for me.

I wish Kiernan could perform together with me, but of course, Braga wouldn't allow that. I'd love to hear her singing voice actually. Knowing her regular speaking voice, her singing voice must be phenomenal.

Sigh. What a pity I won't get to hear it while filming this episode! Maybe she can sing me a lullaby sometime.'

Jeri hadn't noticed she'd smiled to herself until a childish voice asked. “Whatcha thinkin' about?”

The blonde gasped, turning in the direction the voice had come from, her sight soon greeted by the beaming face of her young friend.

Jeri's eyes widened in disbelief. “Scarlett! What are you doing here?”

The little girl giggled. “It's great to see you again too, Jeri. I wouldn't miss the filming for this episode for the world! This is the holy grail for every J/7 shipper out there.

Also, it's set in World War II which makes it so much cooler! A love that defeats all odds and is stronger than war. In midst of the bombing and chaos, the two heroines found love and comfort in each other's arms.”

Jeri coughed, cheeks turning pink at her friend's words. “S-Scarlett. Aren't you a little young to be saying these kinds of things? Also, the rating of the show officially got upped to 16+.

The last time I checked, you were not even 12 yet. This episode is not meant for an audience as young as you. I doubt your parents would agree to you watching it.”

The young girl's eyes turned wide and teary, whining out. “Jeri, please! Don't tell them. I promise I won't look at scenes not fit for my age! I wanna stay though and cheer you on. Please?”

Jeri sighed softly. “Alright. You were clearly blackmailing me with those puppy eyes of yours again just now. Anyway, I need to go. The first scene will start any moment now. Wish me luck!”

Scarlett muttered, fingers crossed. “Break a leg!”

The first scene started with Katrine entering her café, greeting her guests in that typical overexaggerated manner of hers. Outwardly the woman was all smiles and poise, but on the inside, a storm was raging.

She'd lost her whole family to that damn war, having to flee her hometown Paris, hiding in the small town of Saint Claire.

There, the fierce young woman had formed a resistance group along with like-minded people who just like her were against the Nazis, doing anything in their might to prevent them from taking over the town.

Ideally, they wanted those German troops to leave France altogether, but that would most likely prove to be much easier said than done. Katrine sat on a stool at the bar, her oldest friend Tarek was tending to, gaze drifting over towards the stage.

Soon the latest addition to her little group, the young munitions expert and singer at _Le Coeur de Lion_ would perform there for the first time.

The young woman who went by the stage name Mademoiselle de Neuf had captivated Katrine from the moment she'd first seen her that night, standing in front of her door in the cold, asking in broken French with a clearly German accent if the job as chanteuse was still vacant, claiming to be a very talented singer.

Katrine sincerely hoped she wouldn't regret her decision to hire her and trust her too.

'Oh God, she's gonna go on that stage any moment. Keep it together. Don't falter and don't drool! Braga's gonna have a fit if that should happen, not even to mention the make-up team.

I can at least stare though, right? Katrine's supposed to very much be into the Mademoiselle after all.'

Kate inwardly steeled herself, or at least she tried to, whispering over in Tim Russ' direction to hand her a drink to which the man who posed as Tarek, the barkeep complied.

Katrine smiled her infamous crooked smile, voice genuine. “Thank you, old friend.”

The tall man nodded politely in her direction.

Katrine got up, announcing to the audience, making a grand gesture towards the stage. “Tonight, we have a very special guest here at _Le Coeur de Lion_. Mesdames, Messieurs, proudly introducing to you the star of the North, Mademoiselle de Neuf.”

Jeri thought her heart would burst any moment when she stepped onto the stage. So far the scene had gone smoothly which was no surprise, considering it had mainly featured Kate who was known to be an ace in terms of professionalism.

Jeri wasn't so confident in her own abilities, however.

Once the piano music started to play, she tuned out the cameras, the audience, everyone, but Kate. That did the trick.

The audience was in an uproar after her performance of 'It can't be wrong', Katrine and Anne all the while having maintained eye contact, the air seemed to crackle with tension and the chemistry between the two women.

Braga was overjoyed, congratulating both for successfully filming this first small scene.

Scarlett bounced up and down excitedly, to Jeri's astonishment hugging both her and Kate tightly. “You guys were a for amazing and oh my Gosh! I had no idea you could sing like that, Jeri. Your voice sounds like it comes straight from the heavens!”

Kate smiled softly, whispering in the blonde's ear. “I couldn't agree more. Your voice is beautiful, a true gift.”

Jeri felt her cheeks heat up, smiling softly, whispering back. “Thanks for helping me sing. Without you there I wouldn't have been able to do it. You were my beacon guiding me safely through, my love.”

Kate felt her heart flutter at the younger woman's confession, telling her sincerely. “Anytime. Make sure to drink some water. We'll soon have to film our second scene and I think we both know which one that will be.”

Jeri's eyes widened, cheeks heating up. “O-Oh. I'm gonna grab my water bottle.”

Kate chuckled at the hastily retreating form of the blonde, Scarlett quipping from next to her. “Am I right thinking that you finally told her?”

Kate smiled down at the young girl, ruffling her hair. “Mhm, you are. Ever thought about pursuing a career as a private investigator?”

Scarlett huffed. “Nah. That kind of job's not paying well enough. I'd rather work for the FBI instead.”

Kate chuckled at this. “Joining the dark force, hu? Following in Dana Scully's footsteps?”

Scarlett fist pumped. “You got it, Kate Columbo!”

Kate snickered at that. “Oh God, please. Not that name!”

Katrine and the Mademoiselle were sitting at the bar after the young woman's successful first performance.

The redhead and the blonde exchanged longing glances, a fact that didn't go unnoticed by Tarek who refrained from making a remark, knowing Katrine wouldn't appreciate it.

Feeling like an intruder, the tall man asked politely. “Are you still in need of my assistance here, Katrine?”

The redhead looked in his direction, waving her hand dismissively in that typical gesture of hers, telling him genuinely. “It's fine, Tarek. Thank you for your services. Feel free to go home. It's already late. Please be careful out there. Good night, mon ami.”

The man left, nodding politely in the direction of the two enamored women. “Good night, ladies.”

Kate inwardly rolled her eyes at Braga for having Tarek say that kind of thing, but knowing what was to come next, this had still been harmless.

Anne de Neuf was about to get up and leave herself. “I will be retiring for the night as well, Katrine.”

The older woman stopped her by gently holding her by her wrist, coincidentally her left right above the Borg mesh hand. Jeri felt her pulse skyrocket, having a hard time maintaining her composure, her skin once more prickling.

Kate inwardly rolled her eyes. 'Here goes nothing.'

Their eyes met, the Mademoiselle having once more sat down. Katrine's voice sounded like an invitation when she stated. “Being part of the resistance doesn't mean saying no to me, chérie.”

Jeri had a hard time not snorting, doing her dankest to stay in character and Lord was that hard!

Her tone downright sultry, she replied, all the while maintaining eye contact. “How could I ever do that, Katrine? Resisting you would be futile.”

Laughter could be heard from the audience, a fact that only made it harder for the two women to keep their own composure and stay in character. 'Damn this. Why do those lines have to be so ridiculous?'

They, fortunately, had a small break in between those lines before having to film that kiss. Neither Jeri nor Kate, especially not the younger had anticipated this particular scene to be such a hassle.

At first, the blonde had leaned towards the 'wrong' side, the cameras according to Braga unable to capture her face accordingly.

During their second attempt, Jeri had leaned to the correct side, however, Kate had leaned to the same side as her, which resulted in their noses bumping into each other.

Jeri's eyes widened in alarm, asking immediately. “Are you alright?”

Kate chuckled. “Yeah. How are you the one asking me that? It was me who accidentally leaned to the wrong side.”

Jeri nodded. “Still... I'm sorry.”

Kate understood then, they were acting still, this time as Kate and Jeri, two actresses who weren't enemies anymore, but no friends either.

Kate nodded, her expression and tone indifferent. “Whatever you say.”

After the make-up team had retouched their hair and make-up, kiss attempt number three followed and then number four, five, and so on.

Both the cameraman and Brannon Braga were finally giving their okay after attempt number 15, Kate and Jeri by now feeling far more drained than they'd anticipated.

Fortunately for them, it was agreed that both deserved a small break after the rather strenuous kissing scene. Kate left the set first, Jeri, so as to once again not raise any suspicions, took a different route to reach the same destination, both of them meeting outside the studio building.

After making sure they were indeed alone, Jeri leaned against Kate, sighing out. “Don't get me wrong. I love kissing you, but this... Was no fun at all. If every single time J/7 are gonna share a kiss in the future it'll be such a hassle. No, thanks...”

Kate stated bitterly. “Oh, don't worry about that, darling. There will be no more kisses between those two. I was right thinking, Braga would eventually chicken out of turning them canon. This is supposed to be a one-time thing.

Janeway after the simulation has ended is gonna forget all about Seven and her time together there, their love...”

Jeri's eyes went wide. “You can't be serious! What the fuck is wrong with that bastard? They love each other. How cruel to make Janeway forget about this just like that.

Seven is Borg though. Shouldn't her cortical node technically help her remember all this even after the simulation has ended?”

Kate frowned. “You could be right. Anyway, we should head back inside. Our break's almost over.”

They went back inside, their next scene being the continuation of that ridiculous dialogue. Jeri felt her hands turn clammy. After this, she'd have to go on stage and perform again. How she hated their filming schedule.

She would've much preferred to shoot the bed scene next. Then again, she'd probably be needing countless attempts for that one too.

Once the two women sat at the bar, facing each other again, Katrine to Jeri's secret delight retrieving a cigarette out of the box she'd gifted Kate back then, winking at the Mademoiselle for good measure while lighting it.

The Mademoiselle raised her left brow, stating suggestively. “I believe we shall take this somewhere else.”

Katrine smirked, something that wasn't scripted but Braga left uncommented, thank God before asking in a voice that made both Jeri and the Mademoiselle's most private area turn moist in excitement, a fact Jeri inwardly cursed the older woman for.

“Your room or mine, chérie?”

Jeri, who pressed her legs together tightly had a hard time not accidentally letting a groan slip.

'I'd love to go anywhere right now if you'd fuck me... No, damn it! Stay focused.'

Jeri batted her lashes, stating in a voice sweeter than sugar. “Yours, please. I can barely walk in this state anymore.”

The blonde audibly sighed in relief once the scene was over with, dreading that damned performance following right up even more.

'I can barely walk in this state indeed. Screw you, Kate, no Kiernan.

Ugh, whatever! That clearly was a Kate move. Kate Tease Mulgrew. Turning me on only to then leave me hanging. I can't with this woman! She's so gonna pay for that. Revenge is sweet, my dear.'

Jeri was already plotting her 'revenge plan', raking her brain feverishly in search of a way she could make the older woman pay for what she'd done to her.

The blonde's second performance commenced, Katrine once more announcing Mademoiselle de Neuf as the café's new rising star, and out of a sudden, Jeri knew just what to do.

She stepped onto the stage, all poise and grace, eyes transfixed on Katrine, and when the first tunes of 'That old black magic' started to play and she then started to sing, her voice this time wasn't that of a sweet innocent angel, but that of a sultry and seductive vamp.

Jeri at that moment thanked her vocal teacher for making that kind of transformation possible. This technique sure came in very handy in the current situation.

Truth be told, today was the first time she actually used it outside of the safety of the practice room, but oh boy, did she make great use of it.

Not only that, but she batted her lashes, pursed her lips far more than necessary, and leaned forward, presenting her cleavage, she knew was one of the older woman's weaknesses, all to make a certain someone grow weak in her knees.

She knew by the way Katrine could be seen practically clinging onto her cigarette, downing the fake whiskey Tarek had mixed for her, that her mission had been a success.

Braga was beside himself with praise and so was Bob Blackman who surprisingly had joined in as well, congratulating her on a very successful first day of filming.

Jeri skipped outside, opening the door to her trailer, and suddenly she was grabbed by the wrist and forcefully pulled inside.

Her eyes widened in panic before her vision turned black...


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kate and Jeri have lots of catching up to do...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's getting hot in here. I hope you'll all enjoy this chapter. ;)

Kate had left the studio building in a rush. Knowing Jeri well enough by now she mused the younger woman most likely had gone to the restrooms first which left her some time still.

Noticing Scarlett leaning against the studio building, coincidentally or not at Kate's usual spot, the redhead decided to ask the young girl if she'd seen the blonde, just to be on the safe side. “Scarlett, have you seen Jeri around recently?”

The small girl tapped her chin before stating. “The last time I saw her was earlier on set. Why? Is something wrong?”

Kate inwardly sighed at the young girl's inquisitiveness. 'Of course, she'd instantly draw conclusions. Never underestimate children, especially this one.'

Kate smiled softly. “Nothing's wrong, honey. I was simply wondering where Jeri might be since I wanted to ask her if she wanted to go have dinner together.”

Scarlett's eyes had visibly started to sparkle, exclaiming to Kate's shock. “So dreamy! Sigh. K/J is real! I knew it all along. My OTP going on a date together and then they'll walk into the sunset together. It'll be a dream come true!”

Kate blinked hard, not understanding half of what the young girl who seemed to be lost in her own little world had said. 'Oh Tee Pee? Kay Jay? That can't be right. I guess I shouldn't even try to understand the slang of this generation anymore. I'm simply too old...'

Kate slowly crept away from the spazzing girl, by now thoroughly weirded out by her antics. Remembering her initial reasoning behind talking to Scarlett in the first place, Kate started to sprint over to Jeri's trailer, her body protesting at the access strain after hours of filming non-stop with merely the occasional five-minute break in between which was hardly enough to rest, but she ignored it.

She yanked the door to the trailer open and after making sure that there was indeed nobody in there, hiding right next to the door to be prepared. 'Revenge is sweet, chérie.', Kate smirked to herself. She would make sure that the younger woman would thoroughly enjoy this 'revenge' and to make it very sweet indeed.

The redhead was instantly alert when she heard familiar footfall approach the trailer. She got into position, grabbing Jeri by the wrist the moment the young woman opened the door to her trailer, dragging her inside, gently pushing her on the couch, husking out. “I've been waiting for you.”

Her eyes went wide when she saw the blonde lying there unresponsive. Kate's eyes widened in panic at the sight, gently shaking the blonde, muttering in her ear. “Lynn? Darling, can you hear me?”

The blonde slowly opened her eyes, the dull paleness of Jeri's orbs shocking the redhead. Jeri's voice was low and icy, a storm seeming to rage in those frosty eyes. “Do not ever do that again!”

Kate frowned, trying to justify her actions. “Darling... I've been meaning to surprise, not frighten you. I'm sorry...”

The blonde rubbed her face, exclaiming. “Next time try not applying so much pressure, or dragging me by my wrist. It triggers very unpleasant memories.”

Her eyes softening, Jeri added. “I'm glad it was you though and that you're here now.”

The older woman gently kissed the blonde's lips, telling her. “I'd been meaning to ask if you wanted to go grab a bite to eat together. After what just happened I doubt you're hungry anymore though, or willing to spend time with me...”

To her surprise, Jeri declared. “I'm starving actually. Dinner sounds perfect. Why wouldn't I be willing to spend time with you? Are you sure you wanna risk being seen with me though?”

Kate frowned at the question, gently caressing the blonde's cheek. “What's wrong with me taking my lovely girlfriend out for dinner? There's a place where no one's gonna ask any unnecessary questions and the food they serve is exquisite as well. If you're okay with Italian food, that is.”

Jeri beamed at the older woman, stating happily. “It feels so right when you call me your girlfriend. Italian cuisine is one of my personal favorites, so that sounds great. I wanna go home and take a shower first though.”

Kate nodded, very much feeling a need to shower and change her attire as well. “I'll drive home to my place, take a shower, and change then I'll fetch you from your place in about an hour. Would that be okay with you?”

Jeri checked her wristwatch, nodding. “That would be fine.”

The blonde felt a flutter in her heart at the aspect of going on their first official date together. “I'm honestly excited to go on an actual date with you, my love. Even if we probably already did so before back then in Ireland, but to me, it'll feel like the first time.”

Kate smiled softly. “Same here. I'm not sure if we ever went on an actual date back then, so let's count this as our official first date. I'll get going now. See you in an hour, my love. Make sure to drive safely.”

Kate got up and walked to the door, winking at the younger woman who blushed softly and muttered embarrassingly. “I'll try, but I can't promise anything. See you in an hour. I love you, Kiernan.”

Kate turned around again, her own cheeks pink, heart fluttering at the blonde's declaration of love, calling out softly. “And I love you, Lynn. Always.”

The redhead quickly dashed out, stunning Jeri who looked after her wide-eyed. “What was that just now?” The blonde started to chuckle, shaking her head. “She's really so silly, that woman.”

Jeri, taking the time into consideration speeded home as per usual. She had half a nerve to pay a short visit to the beach, but decided against it, hoping she might be able to go there together with the older woman after dinner. Once home, Jeri took a shower right away, closing her eyes, trying to enjoy the moment.

That proved to be a fatal mistake, memories of earlier resurfacing, the panic she'd experienced being forcefully grabbed and dragged inside her trailer hitting her again with an intensity that completely overwhelmed her. She sank down to the floor, once more sitting in a fetal position, frantically rocking back and forth, tears running down her cheeks. Time seemed to have turned into a gooey liquid, the walls seeming to cave in around her, blackness threatening to consume her with its wide maw like a hungry wolf. Jeri was sure her time had come, that she'd seen the last of her days...

A sweet voice sang a tune, the sound warm, comforting, familiar, the words foreign, yet reassuring. She slowly opened her eyes, her heart beating faster at the sight of what she deemed could only be an angel. Pale, glowing skin, gentle blue eyes, dark curly hair framing the delicate ethereal features, lips curled into the most breathtaking smile.

“It's good to see you awake. I was so worried for you. Please forgive me for arriving so late. I woke up too late and found you were already gone. Silly girl. What were you thinking going into the water on a day like this?”

The blonde bit her lip. “The water looked so inviting. I couldn't resist its calls. Sorry for worrying you.”

Her heart broke at the sight of tears on the older woman's cheeks. How come she only noticed them now? Her voice sounded small when she told her. “I... I'm sorry for making you cry.”

Kiernan whispered gently. “When the blackness threatens to consume you, let me be your beacon to guide you safely through. The water isn't your friend, my love. The waves are fooling you into thinking they could carry you, that they'd catch you when you fall. Allow me to be the one to catch you when you fall instead. Let me carry you when you're too tired to walk and fight anymore.

You're not alone. It's all an illusion, it's all in your head. Follow the light. You can do it. Believe in yourself. You are strong. You can do this.”

Jeri slowly opened her eyes, listening to the voice telling her to follow the light, her beacon, Kiernan.

A gasp left the blonde's lips when she realized where she was, cursing out. “Crap, crap, crap! I've completely lost track of time.”

She quickly finished her shower, hoping she'd still be able to get dressed and maybe apply a light layer of make-up. The last time she'd lost herself like this had been months ago. The blonde had sincerely hoped those panic attacks were finally a thing of the past, but it seemed like she'd been sadly mistaken.

Jeri checked the time, sighing out in relief when it turned out that she still had some time left. She took a large swig from her water bottle which further helped her to calm down, putting on her favorite dress, applying a soft layer of make-up, putting her hair up in a loose ponytail.

The memory, at least she was sure it must've been another one of those featuring Kiernan from that time puzzled the young woman. 'What has happened back then? I feel like it's important, but I simply can't remember. She'd clearly been crying and I was coming to in her arms. An accident by the seaside?'

Jeri suddenly felt a shiver run down her spine, eyes turning wide. 'She said _what were you thinking going into the water on a day like this_. She didn't say what were you thinking going out to swim on a day like this. It can't be, right? I wouldn't have done that, left her behind like that, but why did I go to Ireland in the first place? Somehow I can't help but feel like it wasn't for a vacation...'

The doorbell rang and Jeri jumped in shock, snapping out of her reverie. She tried pushing those grim thoughts into the dark recesses of her mind, not wanting to spoil the mood and ruin Kate and her first real date together.

Jeri opened the door and did a double-take, thoroughly unprepared for the sight presented to her. 'Am I hallucinating? I must be. This very much seems to be a vision.'

The vision eyed her from head to toe, causing the blonde's cheeks to flush. “You look very appetizing, darling.”

Jeri coughed, inwardly cursing the older woman once again. She cocked her left brow, stating coyly. “Dinner first then we can talk about dessert. I love that outfit on you by the way. Black truly is your color, my love.”

Jeri once more realized that the older woman and she were polar opposites in almost every aspect. 'Well, apart from our sexuality. Thank God! I swear, I would've probably lost it living this unrequited love forever, had she truly been straight as I had initially thought.'

Kate carefully watched the younger woman. The fact that she kept on spacing out worrying her. She almost regretted her decision of going out to eat. 'I should've cooked for us instead, invited her over to my place, or we would've stayed at hers.'

The redhead asked carefully. “Lynn, are you alright? We don't have to go to that restaurant. You seem quite rattled still and it only makes sense considering what happened earlier at your trailer. I could cook for us instead.”

The blonde blinked at the older woman's words, shaking her head, telling her earnestly. “I'm fine, Kiernan. Sorry for spacing out just now. I had another flashback from back then earlier.”

Kate's eyes widened. “You did? You didn't sleep though. Did you?”

Jeri bit her lip and shook her head slowly. “Not exactly, no. It wasn't a dream, but a memory of sorts. Anyway, shall we drive to the restaurant now?”

Kate nodded slowly, answering absently. “Sure. Let's go.”

Their drive took quite some time, Jeri kept wondering where they were going, noticing in surprise she'd never been to this part of town before.

They stopped in front of a fancy looking restaurant, Jeri's eyes turning wide. “You're kidding, right? I thought I knew all fancy restaurants in this city, but apparently I was wrong. Are you sure this is a good idea? When you stated earlier that the place was rather anonymous I had imagined something else.”

Kate waved her hand dismissively. “It may look fancy, but don't worry. What I told you earlier is true. Remember, looks can be deceiving, my love. Also, you're my guest.”

Jeri blinked. “What? No way! I can't let you pay for me at a place like this when I'm the one living in a mansion...”

Kate reminded her. “Last time you paid, now it's my turn. Also, see it as a thank you for last night and giving me a second chance.”

The redhead frowned when Jeri mumbled. “It was you who gave me a second chance and a third one...”

Jeri leaned over, suddenly kissing the unexpecting older woman hard on the lips.

Kate gently cupped the blonde's cheeks and was stunned to find them wet with tears. The older woman felt her heart break at this discovery, whispering gently. “Darling, please talk to me. What did you mean by me having given you a second and a third chance? Something tells me this has to do with that flashback you told me you had earlier. Correct me if I'm wrong.”

Jeri sniffled and nodded slowly. Her heart felt heavy, guilt and confusion at that memory making her unable to voice anything, too afraid was she of Kate's reaction. If her worst fears and suspicions were correct she'd caused the older woman great despair in the past. It was no surprise, the older woman had forgotten all about her and that time they'd spent together in Ireland.

Kate's worries grew stronger with every passing second the younger woman stayed silent. She started. “It's fine if you don't wanna talk-”

At the same time, Jeri blurted out. “I went into the water and you saved me...”

Kate's eyes widened in disbelief, asking the younger woman. “You went for a swim and I saved you from drowning?”

Jeri looked at her sternly, declaring. “No. I wanted to die, but you discovered that I was missing that morning. There had been a storm warning that day and you had started to worry when I wasn't at the apartment that morning. Following an impulse you went down to the sea where you found me.

The situation was obvious, Kiernan. I tried to end my life, but you must've found me right on time. Having that knowledge now, I'm not at all surprised you chose to forget me, move on without me. I can't believe I did this to you, to us...”

Kate shook her head, refusing to believe what the younger woman told her to have actually happened. “No. You must've still been rattled from the shock earlier at your trailer. There's no way this has actually happened back then. You didn't do that. End of discussion.”

Jeri visibly flinched at the older woman's stern voice, whispering. “I'm sorry... Y-you're right. It was probably my mind fooling me into thinking this had actually happened.”

Kate nodded, getting out of the car. Jeri bit her lip, hesitating for a moment before following the older woman who was waiting in front of the restaurant. The blonde had in all honesty lost what little appetite she'd had altogether, her stomach painfully knotted up.

'Fool, you shouldn't have shared this with her. Of course, she wouldn't like hearing such a thing. I ruined what could've been a perfect evening, our first real date. If only I would've agreed when she offered to stay home and cook for us instead earlier.'

Jeri for a moment wished she could get some H. She mentally slapped herself the moment that thought occurred to her. 'That shit won't solve any problems only create new ones.'

Kate led her over to a table in a secluded corner. Jeri was confused at said action, but she mused despite them being in a rather remote area of town they were still in a public restaurant which to the blonde still seemed rather fancy.

Despite her body and mind against her usual nature itching to actually drink an alcoholic beverage herself tonight, Jeri knew better than to provoke Kate even further by doing so and instead ordered her usual water. The redhead meanwhile ordered herself red wine.

Jeri watched the older woman try and fail to light herself a cigarette, a fact that reminded her of that dream they'd shared earlier this morning. The blonde wanted to cry out at the twist of events. Only this morning everything had been great. Even filming had gone surprisingly well, despite that dreadful kiss scene. Jeri, unable to help herself, got up and walked over to the older woman who was struggling and cursing under her breath.

Her voice gentle, she whispered out. “Let me help you with this.”

Kate, who just like the younger woman was reminded of that dream, or rather that memory they'd shared this morning, feeling oddly touched, hesitantly handed the blonde her lighter, cheeks pink in humiliation. 'How come she's so sweet even in a moment like this? I want to be mad at her, but how could I when she's so goddamn loving, caring?'

Jeri, not giving a damn if anyone could potentially see them which the chances for that were very slim, thanks to the table Kate had chosen for them being hidden from other patrons who could potentially be sitting in the restaurant and see them, caressed the older woman's cheek, whispering affectionately. “There, that's better.”

Kate chuckled softly. “You're making me feel like a child.”

Jeri winked playfully. “That's because you are one. Stubborn, playful, bossy, reckless, a little dense...”

Kate shot a mock glare in the younger woman's direction. “I get it and I'm an idiot as well. Aren't I?”

Jeri smiled lovingly. “You are, but I love you and wouldn't want you any other way.”

Much like Katrine, whose last name was still a mystery to Jeri, and Anne de Neuf the two women could be found exchanging longing glances, holding hands, lost in their own little universe.

After they'd ordered their food, Jeri stated, a smirk that to the blonde's joy brought forth a low growl from her lover, on her lips stated. “You know I always imagined the person behind the alias M to be quite different. A health freak, an introvert, with no friends, a wallflower.”

Kate raised her brow. “Ah, yes? I might not exactly be a health freak, but the other three seem accurate enough.”

Jeri snorted. “Yeah, sure. You, an introvert? That sounds like a lie. I'm not sure about the no friends part, but I highly doubt that to be the case as well, and a wallflower? Woman, you're anything but that! Whenever you enter a room, all eyes turn your direction, you're like the sun.”

Kate chuckled, shaking her head. “If anyone's the sun here it's you, Lynn. With that beautiful smile, your gorgeous face, and body, not to forget that lovely personality you're always the center of attention, rightfully so. Also, regarding me being an introvert, I really am. Remember how long it took me to work up the courage to talk to you, or even send you these letters? It was thrilling, but also terrifying sending you these letters and retrieving yours, always afraid to be caught by you.

I felt so tongue-tied every time you were around, from the first time I saw you on your first day on set...”

Jeri nodded slowly. “Same here. I was always struggling in your presence. That aura of yours is no joke. You have this natural air of command, authority which has always been an issue for me, being a naturally shy person with lots of past trauma. Usually, authority figures of all kinds are a red flag to me.”

Kate immediately felt guilty hearing the younger woman's confession. “I'm sorry if I'm intimidating you, darling. That was never my intention. Honestly, I'm usually not aware of how I come over at all. When they first told me I'd gotten the role as Janeway after all, I'd been convinced they'd regret their decision, that I wasn't at all fit to play a woman in a leading position.

Then Jeri Taylor told me I had a natural air of command, much like how you just did and I was stunned, never once expected to hear that kind of feedback, not seeing myself like that at all.”

Their dinner had soon arrived. Once she took the first bite of her food, Jeri understood why Kate had picked this restaurant. Kate, as if having read the younger woman's mind, asked. “It's good. Isn't it?”

Jeri nodded, smiling brightly. “It's great. You didn't promise too much earlier.”

They both ate in silence, lost in their own thoughts, occasionally stealing glances at each other. The air was positively crackling, the tension so thick, both women found themselves wondering how long it would take before one of them would falter and who that person would be.

Jeri suddenly remembered her earlier predicament caused by a certain redhead and her wish to punish Kate grew again. 'How I'd love to cover her body in hickies...'

She instantly dismissed the thought, knowing their job and positions, unfortunately, made doing so impossible. The younger woman once more cursed that the older woman was such a tease.

Jeri snapped out of it as Kate asked. “By the way, what exactly happened earlier? I'd been convinced you were unconscious.”

Jeri bit her lip, cheeks heating up in humiliation. She had dreaded that question.

Her voice was small when she answered, eyes averted, hands fiddling. “I... might've had a panic attack and pretended to be dead, not knowing it was you. Sorry for overreacting like that. I should've known it was you, but I was too shocked when I was suddenly grabbed and dragged forcefully. Hooray to trauma...”

Kate felt even worse hearing that, her heart breaking at the younger woman's confession, mumbling. “Oh, God. I'm so sorry, darling. I should've known better than to plan a surprise attack like that, but I'd honestly forgotten about your history with violence for a moment there, too focused on my 'sweet revenge' for you openly teasing me on that stage earlier and leaving me hanging afterward.”

Jeri chuckled. “You wanted to take revenge on me for teasing you? Woman, you started it, you know. Smirking at me and then asking Your room or mine, chérie? I mean what the hell? You weren't supposed to smirk, but you did it anyway, neverminding my poor body that instantly reacted, taking it as an invitation, preparing for 'copulation', as Seven would call it now.

This time it was no joke when I was saying that I could barely walk in that state. I had a hard time not to press my legs together while doing so which... that would've not only looked awkward but also I doubt humanly possible...”

Kate barked out a laugh, eyes twinkling in delight. “Oh my. I had no idea you were in that predicament, darling. Come to think of it, your cheeks did look quite flushed, but I thought nothing of it. After all the Mademoiselle was supposed to flirt with Katrine and you know how the studio lighting can give off wrong impressions sometimes. So, in other words.”

Kate leaned over the table, cerulean eyes meeting Jeri's by now ocean blue ones, whispering. “You were hot and bothered Mademoiselle.”

Jeri coughed out, cheeks having turned the color of ripe cherries, gasping. “Kiernan! I have half a nerve to punish you and cover your body in hickies for real now...”

Kate licked her lips, an animalistic growl leaving the blonde which caused the older woman to shift suspiciously in her seat. Her voice sounded raw when she stated. “I believe we should leave. It has gotten rather late.”

Jeri chuckled, biting her lip. “Am I right thinking you won't object to my proposed means of punishment, my love?”

Kate nodded, eyes by now having turned a promising midnight blue, voice a purr. “How could I?”

Her voice turned lower still, leaning over the table, their lips almost but not quite meeting, breathing against Jeri's lips. “If you knew how wet I am for you, darling.”

Jeri, unable to help herself kissed the redhead's lips hard, possessive before declaring seductively. “I plan to find out about that as soon as we get home, my love.”

As soon as they had paid for their food and drinks, the duo drove off, Kate declaring. “Let's go to my place tonight. It's closer and I'm quite impatient.”

Jeri smirked. “I wonder why that is.”

Kate chuckled. “Beats me.”

Jeri smiled softly, heart soaring at the memory. “That sure brings back memories.”

The petite woman blushed softly, whispering. “I wasn't sure if you remembered, to be honest...”

Jeri gasped. “Are you kidding? That was our first 'normal' conversation in which we for once talked like two civilized adults. I'll never forget that Kiernan or the turmoil of emotions that gaze from those piercing eyes of yours evoked inside me the split second I dared look at you.”

Jeri felt excitement bubbling up inside her when she realized she'd soon get to see Kate's apartment for the first time. 'I wonder how she lives. In a sense, she's still very much an enigma to me.'

The young woman blinked when she noticed the car had stopped. “Darling, are you coming?”

Jeri nodded dumbly, not at all having expected the older woman's place of residence to be this close to the restaurant they'd just been to. 'Then again, that explains why she knew that area so well.'

The blonde got out of the car, linking arms with Kate who had held the door open for her like a true gentlewoman. Jeri looked up at the apartment building, exclaiming. “I'm actually quite excited to finally get to see your place, my love. I don't know what to expect at all.”

Kate chuckled, stating lightly. “Don't expect too much, Lynn. It's small in comparison to what you're used to.”

Jeri let her eyes wander curiously, the many personal items, details like vases with flowers, high bookshelves stuffed to the brim with books which made Jeri reach the conclusion that Kate must be an avid reader. She gently traced the backs of the weathered books, finding the scent of leather and paper oddly comforting. “Big fan of reading, hu?”

Kate chuckled and stated playfully. “Oh, these are just for show. I've heard somewhere that owning lots of books makes you seem sophisticated. Did it work?”

Jeri snorted out a laugh at that, trapping the unexpecting redhead against the bookshelf, eyeing her up and down like a predator. “You look great with all those books behind you, babe. Like the sexiest librarian ever. Ever considered playing one in the future?”

Kate chuckled. “Not really, no. I'd simply shoot the death stare at everyone who'd dare come into my library. That outta keep them quiet.”

Jeri pretended to shiver. “I'm shivering in fear just thinking about that. Those poor people!” To Kate's surprise, the blonde added in a lower voice. “I'd come to your library on purpose, just to be on the receiving end of that stare of yours. Call me insane, but I personally think that it's so sexy.”

Kate smirked. “Naughty. Remembering how many times I sent you that stare, in the beginning, I'm not surprised you went to the restrooms so often.”

Jeri coughed, cheeks turning crimson, feeling caught, mumbling embarrassingly. “I told you, I'm not an innocent angel, the times I let off some steam while at the studio were limited though.”

Kate's eyes went wide, in all honesty merely having meant to tease the blonde with her earlier statement. 'Oh heavens! She masturbated in those restrooms where anyone, including myself, could've come in and caught her anytime?'

Jeri, finally deeming the older woman's incessant teasing needed to be punished and in search of a distraction, had leaned down and started to kiss along the redhead's neck. Kate shivered in delight at the sudden contact, gently loosening the blonde's hair she'd previously tied together in a ponytail, running her hands through it which caused Jeri to coo.

The younger woman ran her hands along the petite woman's sides, teeth digging into the soft flesh of the pulse point of Kate's neck which brought forth a sensual moan from the redhead that in turn sent a jolt right to Jeri's core. 'Damn it, woman! At this rate, I might as well take her here and now. That would be a first, in front of a bookshelf.'

Jeri smirked, caressing the petite woman's inner thighs, tugging on the older woman's earlobe, recalling that to be one of her sweet spots. The blonde's smirk deepened as Kate parted her legs, another sensual moan leaving her lips. Deciding to turn the tables for once, Jeri had the audacity to ask innocently. “Yes, my love? Is there something I can do for you?”

Kate growled and to Jeri's delight sent her one of those glares of hers, voice menacing. “Don't test my patience, Lynn. You know as well as I do what I need.”

Jeri kissed the older woman's cheek, purring in her ear. “Are you sure you want me to take you here? I mean, I'm fine with anything. I've had sex in weirder, more uncomfortable places than a library before.”

Kate coughed out, cheeks crimson, a fact Jeri found very endearing.

The older woman's heart dropped at the blonde's last remark, hating to be reminded of the younger woman's past sex life, suddenly remembering what she'd said to her that evening in front of the club about having been a regular there before. That combined with her past with drug abuse made her fear for the worst.

'Just how many women has she slept with before?'

Jeri frowned, asking the older woman, concern audible in her voice. “Kiernan, is everything alright? Sorry for that remark. It was inappropriate. I never know when to shut up...”

Kate sighed softly. “It's fine, darling. I knew I wasn't your first from the beginning-”

Jeri raised her hand, stating matter-of-factly. “You were my first though, my love. When we first met back then in Ireland I'd still been a virgin and I guess it's safe to say when I came back home from that vacation that wasn't the case anymore.”

Jeri winked playfully at the redhead who blushed once more, a wild flutter starting in the pit of her stomach at that revelation, breathing out. “O-oh. I wasn't aware of that. Then again, you did tell me our first kiss was also your first kiss in general on the balcony of that apartment. I could've figured by that statement that I'd also been your first time. God, I'm really so slow sometimes...”

Jeri chuckled softly, whispering lovingly. “You were my first in everything, my love. First kiss, first love, first time...”

Kate smiled sadly. “First heartbreak? First break-up?”

Jeri frowned. “I'm not sure, but what matters to me are the first three and that we're together again now.”

They linked their hands which seemed to fit perfectly, lips meeting in a kiss that left both women breathless and at the same time, made them crave for more. It was never enough, like an addiction once you started you couldn't stop.

Kate whined heart-meltingly as Jeri dug her teeth into her bottom lip, certainly bruising it. The redhead rubbed her legs together, desperately craving friction. Jeri, noticing this, to the redhead's surprise and slight shock lifted her up in one swift motion which caused Kate to squeal out.

Jeri chuckled sensually. “Hey there, gorgeous. My, you're so light! Do I need to worry? Tsk, always telling me to make sure to eat enough, but look at you. As your concerned girlfriend, I can't approve of that diet of yours. You clearly need more nutrition, miss M.”

Kate rolled her eyes playfully. “Oh, puh-lease! I'm not even that light-weight. Who's to say that I'm not getting enough nutrition, hm?”

Jeri smirked. “I can read you like an open book and also, I know you well enough to be somewhat aware of your diet by now which seems to not include much food at all, much like that of a certain starship captain...”

Kate felt her cheeks heat up, feeling caught, muttering. “Guilty as charged, nurse Lynn.”

Jeri smirked. “Ooh, I should totally get one of those nurse outfits. Would you like that? Me as your personal nurse, Kiernan?”

Jeri, following Kate's instructions, had arrived at the older woman's bedroom, gently laying her precious cargo on the queen-sized bed, laughing out as she found herself being pulled down on top of the smaller woman. The blonde felt her breath catch in her throat at the almost black orbs of her lover, raw desire visible in them stare back at her.

Kate's voice sounded dark, alluring, dangerous, sending pleasant shivers down the blonde's body. “Please take care of me, nurse Lynn. I've got a terrible itch that only you can scratch.”

Jeri's cheeks turned so hot, she wouldn't have been surprised to feel steam come out of her ears. 'Oh God, that woman will be the death of me one of these days. At least it'll be a very sweet death.'

Jeri, not wasting any more time, efficiently disrobed the older woman off her dress, leaving her in merely a set of black lingerie. The blonde leaned down, kissing the freckled chest of Kate's, muttering. “I wonder how many of these are on your body.”

Kate chuckled, stating seductively. “Only one way to find out.”

Jeri now felt more determined than ever to do just that. She unhooked the redhead's bra, gasping at the sight of a pair of perfect firm breasts, freckles covering the whole expanse, dusky pink nipples standing at attention, begging to be sucked, and Jeri all too happy obliged, capturing one of the nubs between her lips, licking and sucking the soft, sweet flesh. Jeri alternated between the older woman's nipples, giving both of them equally much attention, all the while making sure to leave her marks on her beloved's breasts as she'd initially promised.

Kate was a mere moaning mess anymore, her arousal having started to run down her inner thighs, a fact that only turned the older woman on more who was convinced that no one, apart from maybe the blonde herself during past encounters, had ever aroused her like this before.

Jeri, finally having reached her final destination was currently sucking Kate's inner thigh, a fact that provoked the hottest throaty moan. 'Hm, very interesting. She seems to like that. Actually, if that sticky substance on her thighs is anything to go by, I'd say she loves foreplay in general.'

Jeri mentally made note of that, groaning out as she inhaled the intoxicating essence of the redhead that smelled familiar, comforting, yet very alluring no less. The blonde gently parted the older woman's labia, pumping two fingers inside the surprisingly tight opening of her beloved, her lips meanwhile engulfed the sensitive bundle of nerves atop the petite woman's center, sucking the small nub of flesh out its hood, teasing it with her teeth which to the blonde's surprise, caused Kate's body to spasm, a gush of arousal coating her fingers.

Jeri, determined now to give the older woman a 'proper' orgasm this time, wiggled her fingers as deep as they could go into her lover, curling them up in search for Kate's g-spot, all the while continuing to alternate between sucking and gently biting the redhead's clitoris. Once she'd found the slightly rough patch of flesh inside the older woman, Jeri abused the spot mercilessly.

Kate felt like she was thrown into space, colors and patterns shining behind her eyes, body feeling like it was weightless, mind for once completely blank. She didn't even notice the way she cried out the younger woman's name over and over, barely registering the blonde's fingers carefully retreating from inside her.

The redhead slowly opened her eyes, a wide, goofy grin on her face that melted Jeri's heart. They shared a brief, loving kiss, the smaller woman happily nuzzling into Jeri.

The blonde was prepared for her lover to fall asleep any moment and was stunned when she suddenly found herself underneath the redhead who husked out. “I believe it's your turn now, darling.”

Jeri bit her lip. She had a feeling they wouldn't be getting much sleep tonight...


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The shooting for the Killing Game resumes and our two lovebirds prepare to celebrate their first Valentine's Day together.

True to what Jeri had expected, the newly found lovers had been at it until the wee hours of the morning, thoroughly exploring each other's bodies, discovering the other's sweet spots and which areas to best avoid, the blonde feeling stunned at her own stamina, wondering if she'd already adapted to Seven's Borg stamina. When both women finally sank into sleep it was in a most intimate embrace of tangled limbs, bodies still slick with perspiration due to the physical exertion of their actions.

Lynn turned to her left, eyes meeting the comforting cerulean of her beloved who looked at her with a dazzling smile. “So, I was thinking we could get something to symbolize our bond we can wear, just until we'll be able to get legally married. A necklace maybe?”

The older woman smiled and nodded in response. “Mhm, sounds fine to me. Something like couple necklaces, yes?”

Lynn grinned, pecking the older woman's cheek softly. “Yes, exactly. Wanna hit the stores together and go look for a suitable set?”

Kiernan smiled, nuzzling the blonde's neck which evoked a pleased purr from the younger woman. “That sounds like a plan, my love. Can we have some breakfast first though? I seem to have worked up quite an appetite. I wonder why...”

Lynn chuckled and raised her left brow suggestively. “I really wonder. Could it perhaps be for the same reason that I seem to have worked up an unusual appetite myself? A certain someone got a little ahead of herself there last night.”

She winked playfully at the older woman who flushed, gasping in mock-offense. “Me having gotten ahead of myself? Never! You kept seducing me with that glorious body of yours.”

Lynn snorted out a laugh. “Oh yes? I was trying to do everyday tasks and you kept 'jumping' me, claiming I looked too sexy doing so.”

The petite woman smiled sheepishly, stating matter-of-factly. “I was speaking the truth. It should be illegal to make tasks like cutting veggies look so sensual and inviting.”

'Oh wow. Those sure are some revelations right there.' Jeri had a hard time not snorting openly, finding those memories very amusing. She couldn't help but wonder if Kate once more shared this dream with her.

After eating breakfast the younger woman had cooked while a certain someone had refused to leave her side, clinging to her like the most adorable koala, claiming the blonde's long limbs were perfect to cling onto, the couple after taking a shower they desperately needed, went out to the center of town. Kiernan, who seemed to know her way around far better than the younger woman, led the way to a jewelry store.

The duo checked out the window display, Lynn soon giddily pointing at a set of identical necklaces with an eternity symbol as a charm attached. 'Those are our necklaces. So Lynn chose them after all. My hunch had been telling me that had been the case all along.'

The couple went inside the store, asking the jeweler if it was possible to have letters etched into the charms to which he told them that yes, that was possible but would take some time and cost extra. Kiernan and Lynn agreed it was worth the extra money and commissioned to get an L etched into one of the necklaces and a K into the other one.

The older woman knew she'd treasure this necklace more than anything, thoughts turning sullen when they drifted to what awaited her home. How she'd love to stay with Lynn forever indeed, but as it was she was a married woman, mother, with lots of responsibilities, a very demanding job, heck she was an actress on her sure rise to fame. She'd already managed to establish quite the respectable fanbase over the years she'd been active in the industry.

How she wished she'd met Lynn at a different time, under different circumstances. If only she was at least an ordinary person, not a celebrity of sorts. Life is unfair, she thought.

“Kiernan? Is everything alright?” The petite woman felt her cheeks heat up, feeling caught.

Her voice sounded raw when she answered the blonde. “Yes, darling. Please excuse my spacing out just now...”

The blonde frowned for a split second but soon smiled. “It's fine. I was wondering if you wanted to perhaps go to the beach? I'd like to take a swim.”

Kiernan chuckled. “You wanna swim in that weather? The water must be icy.”

Lynn grinned. “I don't mind that. The water's calling me.”

'The water's calling to her? Oh, God. It can't be. This must be a coincidence...'

Both Kate and Jeri awoke in a cold sweat, each looking equally shaken by their dream. Kate felt a strong urge to retch, a cold grip seeming to hold her heart. Jeri blinked when the redhead rushed out of the room, not even acknowledging her presence.

The blonde felt her heart sink, mumbling. “Good morning to you too...”

She got up, wrapping the blanket around her body before stepping out onto the balcony. Jeri didn't mind the fact that she was very much in the apartment of her lover, their relationship very much a secret which if the wrong sources or people got wind of it could ruin their reputations and cause a huge scandal.

The young woman was in desperate need of fresh air, the dream she'd just awoken from that had started off so sweet but turned into something akin to a nightmare towards the end, having rattled her more than she'd care to admit. By the looks of it, Kate had been sharing the dream once again.

'Guess she must've realized that what I told her last night before our date was correct after all. At least it very much seems like it...'

The mere thought of having to film the continuation of that dreadful double episode today made Jeri feel sick to the stomach.

“You should get ready, Lynn. We gotta leave for work soon.” The blonde went inside, not uttering a single word, blindly walking over to the same direction she'd earlier seen Kate run off to.

A thought suddenly occurred to her. 'We gotta drive to work together. I also don't have a spare set of clothes, so I guess that means I gotta dress into what I've been wearing last night again for the time being. Luckily, I have a spare set of clothes in my trailer which I'll be able to change into later.'

Once Jeri was finished getting ready, the two women drove off to the studio grounds together, Jeri not having said a single word to the older woman today. Kate seemed to be lost in her own world as well and didn't attempt to make conversation.

Jeri absently played with the charm of her necklace, tears without her knowledge running down her cheeks, uttering. “Why?”

Kate frowned in concern, heart aching at the sight of the crying young woman. “Darling... It's not your fault. Whatever your reasoning for doing what you did back then might have been, I doubt it was meant to harm me, at least not intentionally. You needed help and I ignored the signs.”

Jeri sniffled, coaxing out. “I... I didn't go to Ireland for a vacation, Kiernan. It's true that I still don't remember everything, but something, call it intuition or gut feeling tells me that it had been my plan to end my life all along. I have no clue why I chose that place out of all places, but something must've drawn me to it.

It was meeting you that delayed my actions, made me reconsider my actions after all. You gave me a new will, a reason to live, to stay alive, but something must've changed along the way...”

Kate looked on sadly. “I was married, a mom, already quite well-known as an actress...

Something tells me that you found out about this and you felt betrayed which makes sense, but believe me when I'm telling you that even back then I'd wished for nothing else but to be free to lead a life with you, no matter the cost...”

The rest of their car ride to the studio building had been quiet, each of them hanging in their own thoughts. Jeri dreaded having to film that bed scene, feeling in no mood to do so, but she knew that there was no use and she'd simply have to suck it up like so many times before. She hadn't at all anticipated that particular scene to cause her such great discomfort, especially after the older woman and her first night spent together, but the memory of those traumatic events of the past were looming over her like a dark cloud. Jeri by no means wanted to put the blame on the redhead but her actions at the trailer had provoked a turmoil of unpleasant emotions, panic attacks, and for those memories to resurface, things she could've happily lived without.

Once they'd reached studio grounds, Kate as per usual went straight to the costume and make-up rooms while Jeri sneaked out of the car like a ninja and over to her trailer where she changed into the more comfortable clothes she kept in there, sipping from her water bottle. She once more checked the filming schedule for the day which just like the other day was filled to the brim with various scenes. This time, she at least wouldn't have to perform on that dreadful stage. Most scenes were between Katrine and Anne de Neuf, a fact the blonde wasn't surprised about, considering the two women were supposed to be lovers, but that still bothered her today.

When Jeri entered the costume room, she was about to retreat again, seeing Kate still in there, dressed in barely anything. Her upper body was merely clad in a cream-colored undershirt, displaying the redhead's toned arms and cleavage while her lower half was covered by the pants of the white tux of Katrine's. Jeri found herself gulp involuntarily at the sight, a fact that didn't go unnoticed by the older woman, who apart from herself was fortunately currently the only other person in the room.

Kate approached the blonde much like a feline, sending shivers of excitement to run down the blonde's body, her voice sounding much like a purr. “Like what you see, Mademoiselle? It's all yours to look at.”

Jeri huffed. “Only millions of other people are going to be able to see this glorious body of yours once the episode first airs.”

Kate, ignoring for a moment the fact that their costume designer could re-enter the room at any time, gently caressed her lover's cheek, telling her gently. “Darling, look at me.”

Jeri shyly met the older woman's gaze, feeling herself calm down the moment cerulean met ice-blue. “They might see me, but only you are allowed to touch me and your looks are the only ones that matter to me. Okay?”

Jeri felt the familiar flutter in the pit of her stomach at those words, smiling softly. “Okay. Also, to answer your earlier question, I don't like but I absolutely adore what I see. You look ravishing, my love.”

Kate felt her cheeks heat up, a fact that made the flutter in Jeri's stomach intensify, rasping out. “T-thank you, darling. I'm looking forward to seeing your outfit later. Meet me outside when you're dressed? You know where.”

Jeri smirked, whispering conspiratorially. “I think I do. I will 'comply', my love.”

Kate had a hard time leaving the costume room, inwardly cursing her tease of a lover for using those words in that seductive low tone of voice usually reserved for when she acted as Seven, or... during activities of another nature. The redhead felt her cheeks heat up, leaning against the wall of the studio building in her usual spot, away from curious on-lookers.

She contemplated for a moment whether the younger woman would be agreeable with her having a smoke now. 'She told me that she didn't mind it before, but we'll have to shoot that damned bed scene first. Will it really be alright?'

The petite woman sighed to herself and finally retrieved the silver cigarette box from her pant pocket, smiling softly as she traced the smooth material, remembering the dream she'd shared with Lynn reminding them of the events leading up to the blonde having gifted her said box she indeed treasured dearly. “Penny for your thought.”

The redhead jumped slightly, feeling caught, turning to her left, jaw slowly but surely dropping at the sight to behold. Jeri who was merely wearing a thin silky robe, covering her barely dressed body, hair once more flowing in luscious golden waves, the metal pieces already attached to her face, red lipstick on those sensual plump lips, a hint of rouge on her cheeks, blue eyes seeming to sparkle.

Kate's breath caught in her throat, suddenly seeming to have lost the ability to speak, or even form a coherent thought. “I... I...”

The younger woman smirked, wrapping her arms around the petite frame of her lover, husking out. “Cat caught your tongue, chérie?”

Kate growled lowly, pulling the blonde closer. “If we had more time now I'd gladly make sweet love to you. It's a true shame we'll have to film soon.”

Jeri felt the heat creep to her cheeks and pool at a place farther down south her body, whining out. “Kiernan! You do it every time. Screw you, woman! You're wondering why I keep on rushing to the restrooms all the time?”

Kate chuckled sensually. “Mhm, I bet you'd like to screw me right now, hm? And to think we'll be shooting a bed scene together. Oh my.”

Jeri pouted, muttering. “Tease.” To Kate's surprise, the blonde suddenly said affectionately. “You should hurry if you still want to have a smoke, babe.”

The redhead blinked at this, in all honesty having forgotten all about her initial plans thanks to a certain 6ft goddess effectively distracting her.

The duo rushed back to the studio, both once again making sure to enter through different entrances, just in case. 'It's so stupid really. We love each other. What's wrong with that? If I could, I'd shout it from the top of my lungs for everyone to hear.'

Kate sighed to herself, her heart aching at the thought that technically her beloved was still very much a married woman and a young mother and she was technically dating Tim and had two fairly young children as well.

She felt cold shivers run down her spine at the thought of that man her mother had in a sense forced upon her simply because her and Tim's mothers were close friends and both Irish.

She didn't dare imagine what mother or even her father would think of Lynn if she ever had the nerve to introduce her to them.

'Yeah, as if. I wouldn't hear the end of it if I ever did that. Who knows what they'd be doing. Getting disowned is probably still one of the best-case scenarios.'

The petite woman pushed those unpleasant thoughts away, for the time being, entering the set that was supposed to represent Katrine's room.

Her breath caught in her throat, eyes going wide in amazement at the sight. The stage designers had outdone themselves once again. Apart from the rather narrow bed, a fact that slightly worried her, there was an emerald plush chair sitting in one corner, a coffee table with an old fashioned gramophone stood in front of it, dark curtains seemingly concealing what was supposed to be a window, she mused above it, a vanity and perfect replica of a Victorian-era closet finishing off the rather cozy appearing room.

The door swung open and in came non-other than her Mademoiselle.

Kate smirked, making a come hither. The blonde chuckled, slowly approaching the older woman, heels clicking with every step that she took.

Kate rolled her eyes at the younger woman's antics, feeling herself growing impatient. “What now? I don't have all day.”

Jeri chuckled and laid down on the bed, announcing. “Neither do I. Come here, mon amour.”

Kate needn't be told that twice. Within three long strides she had reached the bed, positioning on top of the younger woman. Their gazes met, sapphire eyes twinkling oh so invitingly, that silky voice whispering. “Hello there, gorgeous. Fancy seeing you here.”

Their faces were inching closer, the air around them seeming to crackle when suddenly hasty steps were approaching, startling the couple out of their daze, both by now blushing like schoolgirls, feeling caught red-handed.

As expected, the filming of that bed scene didn't go as smoothly as both Kate and Jeri had hoped for. That not mainly being their fault, however. Braga and the cameraman kept instructing the women to adjust their positions so that the camera would be able to catch them accordingly, much like with that dreadful kiss and to both their astonishment, they were supposed to get even more intimate.

Braga had vaguely written in the script that they were supposed to be in an 'intimate embrace and that to him apparently included their lips to be locked.

Kate, knowing she had a 'reputation' to uphold, fixed the dark-haired man with one of her force ten stares. “We are to what now? Brannon, are you out of your mind? If you wanted them to kiss again, you could've written so in the script.”

The producer sighed and rubbed his face. “Kate, please. A woman with your experience should know what an intimate embrace between lovers stands for. The scene will be over within no time.”

The redhead sighed dramatically before announcing. “Let's get this over with.”

Jeri found it hard to keep her composure, finding the acting from Kate's side both hilarious and a little too convincing.

When their lips locked, they had a hard time staying in character and maintaining some semblance of composure. The air was crackling, gasps audible from the sidelines. Both Jeri and Kate were reluctant to part from their very real kiss, their lips prickling and burning from the contact.

Katrine sighed and reluctantly got up when gunshots could be heard in the distance, dressing back into her tux, fixing the blonde with a seductive gaze. “We'll finish this another time, Mademoiselle.”

The younger woman raised her ocular implant, answering seductively. “I will take you up on that offer, Katrine.”

As soon as both were dressed they rushed down the stairs and out of the building which proved to be much easier said than done. Braga and the camera team who had been very satisfied with the bed scene which had gone surprisingly smoothly, constantly found something to criticize during the next scene where they were supposed to run down the stairs. The way they ran, their positioning on the stairs, and so on and so forth.

It took them 10 takes until both the cameraman and Brannon Braga finally gave their okay, deeming the scene fit for the episode. Braga who wasn't too keen on becoming subject to La Mulgrew's infamous wrath, allowed both of his leading ladies a break after filming those rather demanding scenes. Despite the diva's initial complaints, the bed scene had turned out to be gold and he was convinced J/7 shippers worldwide would be in an uproar.

To his surprise, none other than his secret crush Jeri Ryan approached him.

The producer had a hard time keeping his composure, asking the blonde in what he hoped to be a casual yet friendly tone. “Yes? You are aware that I have allowed you to go on break, right?”

Jeri wasn't all too happy having to talk to this slimy man who gave her the creeps again, but she had a mission and was hoping to be able to get some answers. “I'm aware. I have a question regarding the continuation of the show, specifically concerning the relationship between Janeway and Seven. Are there plans to turn them into lovers in the future, or is this episode an exception?”

The producer's eyes widened for a split second, but to his credit he managed to compose himself again right away, telling the blonde. “I can't answer that question as of now, Jeri.

All I can tell you is that Janeway won't be able to keep her memories of the events in the simulation once the Hirogen are gone and the neural transceiver is removed again.”

Jeri fixed the man with a glare that made his blood freeze before stating sweetly, batting her long lashes. “Seven will be able to remember the events though. Won't she? After all, she possesses a cortical node and eidetic memory.”

Braga noticed too late that he'd been cornered, admitting in a pensive tone. “Well, yeah...”

Jeri smirked in victory, leaving the building in a rush, joining her lover outside. Kate frowned, asking the blonde curiously. “And where are you coming from now? The restrooms?”

Jeri felt her cheeks flush at that remark, shaking her head. “Nah, not this time. I've just had a heart-to-heart with our main producer, asking him what he has planned for Janeway and Seven in the future. He told me that Janeway would lose all her memories of the time spent in the simulation, just how you'd told me yesterday, but then I set a trap for him and he fell for it.

I stated that Seven should be able to remember, possessing her cortical node and eidetic memory and he simply replied with Well, yeah.”

Kate couldn't help but smirk, remarking. “You sly fox. He can't get out of this now. If anyone asks, I'll gladly be a witness.”

Not minding their make-up which might get smudged in the process, the lovers shared a brief kiss before heading back inside, their next scene requiring for them to get changed into different outfits which were conveniently placed in the closet inside the set of Katrine's bedroom.

Kate changed into a yellow summer dress while Jeri changed into that dreaded black turtleneck sweater and matching black pants and boots.

Kate smirked. “You could rob my place anytime. I'd leave my bedroom window open for you.”

Jeri snickered at the older woman's words. “Ah, yeah? I'll keep that in mind, miss M. Please make sure to keep a rope hanging out of your window so I can climb up there 'efficiently'.”

The two shared a laugh, both making their way to the next set where Roxann Dawson, Tim Russ, and Ethan Phillips were already awaiting them, the resistance group's secret hide-out that was supposed to be located in the cellar underneath _Le Coeur de Lion._

Kate and Jeri met at the older woman's trailer after a successful day of filming. The younger woman had in all honesty been surprised when the redhead had suggested meeting there rather than either at Jeri's trailer or driving right back home. Nevertheless, the blonde felt honored, knowing how much the older woman loved her privacy, never once having invited another cast member inside her trailer.

Jeri felt quite giddy and curious to find out how her beloved lived, so to say, knowing there had been quite a few times in the past where she'd allegedly also slept there while filming the show.

The blonde knocked on the door, heart fluttering when she heard the familiar husky. “Come in!”

Jeri bit her lip, opening the door carefully, hesitating for a moment before stepping inside. Her jaw dropped, eyes turning round. She had no idea what she'd been expecting, but this wasn't it.

A timid voice could be heard. “Welcome to my private refuge. I invited you over here, because... I thought you deserved to know. This is the place M sat and wrote you those letters. This is where I took all my inspiration from. I've been... collecting these pictures, snippets, whatever I could find from the beginning. They provided a source of comfort.

I was so proud of you... I would've been fine... continuing to watch you from afar, be your secret fan and supporter...”

Jeri's felt her vision grew blurry and only when she felt a familiar set of small hands caress her cheeks did she realize she had started to cry again.

She wrapped her arms around the small frame of the older woman, holding her tightly in her embrace, telling her, voice thick with tears. “Idiot. You were never just any fan. I've fallen for you long before M came into the picture, despite you giving me all reason to hate you, I fell in love with you like a fool.

Those letters you wrote me as M only made me fall for you harder. Also, I think it's safe to say that you're officially my biggest fan. I didn't expect anyone would religiously collect every single picture, article, and snippet there had ever been released featuring me like that.”

Kate felt her cheeks heat up, muttering. “I thought it was weird to be honest, that you'd be weirded out seeing my collection if you will.”

Jeri smiled, stating sincerely. “I'm not weirded out at all. For all it's worth, I'm deeply touched. That's like the sweetest, most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me, that along with those love letters.”

Kate blushed, even more, feeling caught. “Love letters, hu? Damn, I thought I'd been subtle enough.”

Jeri laughed out loud. “Not really, no. Apart from M's constant claims to not want to meet me, it was pretty obvious that person was quite enamored with me actually. That probably was the reason I also developed feelings for them in turn.”

Kate smiled and gently kissed the blonde's neck which caused the latter to shiver, telling her sincerely. “Well, I'm glad things worked out the way they did in the end.”

Jeri hummed, smiling widely. “Same here. Uh, by the way. Would it be okay if we drove to my place first? I haven't been there in a while. If you'd be okay with that I'd like to invite you over for dinner later. Maybe two hours from now?”

Kate smiled and nodded. “That's fine with me. I'm looking forward to your cooking, chef Lynn.”

Jeri's cheeks turned pink at the nickname, mumbling embarrassingly. “I'm by no means a chef. From what I've heard you're an amazing cook though. Aren't you?”

Kate then remarked matter-of-factly. “If last night's dream or rather memory was anything to go by, you're quite a great cook yourself, darling. There's no need to be so humble and I'm not an amazing cook. I'd like to think I'm decent enough at it, but I could by no means lead a restaurant.”

The duo drove to Jeri's place, the blonde dreading going back inside the empty mansion. Memories of her breakdown in the shower the evening prior filled her with dread, but she marched on like a true warrior, forcing down those feelings. The lovers exchanged a brief kiss before Jeri went inside.

After taking a thorough shower, this time fortunately without any incidents and washing her hair, the blonde dressed in an elegant red dress which hugged her body in all the right ways, allowing her hair to flow down her shoulders in golden waves, much like the Mademoiselle, having observed how Kate seemed to enjoy seeing her with her hair open. After finishing off her look with a light layer of make-up, this time topped with red lipstick, the color matching that of her dress.

Jeri then proceeded to cook a favorite dish of hers, hoping her lover would appreciate it as much as she did. Despite her usual nature, Jeri felt like today was a day she could bend her rules of not drinking alcohol, placing a bottle of champagne in a cooler.

She sincerely hoped her body would be able to handle one glass of it, or in the very least a few sips of the drink. Jack always made sure to keep bottles of the stuff around the house, despite knowing full well that she didn't drink any liquor. The mere thought of that man repulsed her and sent a sickening feeling to her stomach.

As if on cue, her cell phone beeped, indicating an incoming text message. Jeri against her better knowledge grabbed her handbag, retrieving the small device from out there, her heart sinking when it turned out the message was from none other than her hopefully soon to be ex-husband.

'Speak of the devil...' Jeri didn't bother reading the message, the fact that jerk had the audacity to text her on a day like this enraging her to no end.

The ringing of the doorbell saved Jeri who had been staring at her offending phone for Lord knows how long, pondering whether or not to open that damned text message.

She got up from the couch, heart fluttering in excitement. The blonde opened the door, mouth gaping comically at the sight, blurting out. “Fuck me silly!”

Kate chuckled in that maddeningly erotic fashion of hers, voice smokier than usual when she stated. “I very much plan on doing that later, chérie.”

Jeri felt her knees grow weak at those words, ushering the redhead in, eagerly drinking in the sight of her lover dressed in a suit. The younger woman was practically drooling, unable to take her eyes off Kate.

The older woman who was very well aware of her beloved's hungry gaze smirked to herself, eyeing the blonde with equal interest. “One could think we discussed our wardrobe for tonight beforehand, looking at how our outfits seem to be matching.”

Jeri grinned. “This only once again proves that we're linked on a spiritual level, my love.”

The blonde went over to the kitchen, producing two champagne flutes out of the cabinet, filling them with the bubbly liquid, handing Kate one of the glasses who eyed it in surprise. “Champagne? I thought you don't drink any liquor, darling?”

Jeri smiled softly. “I thought just a few sips would be alright for this special occasion.”

They clinked their glasses together, Jeri's eyes were sparkling brighter than the stars in the evening sky outside. “Happy Valentine's Day, my love, and congratulations on the successful filming of our first official episode as J/7 together. I had a lot of fun filming this double episode with you, despite some complications along the way and annoying producers.”

Kate chuckled, telling the blonde lovingly, her own eyes beaming happily, for once there was no speck of grey visible, only the beautiful cerulean Jeri had come to love. “Happy Valentine's Day, darling. This year it's safe to say that it's a happy day indeed, getting to spend it with you.

It was a true success indeed. I'm looking forward to watching that particular episode together with you on its first airing date, my love. I had a lot of fun filming it as well. Hopefully, it wasn't our last episode as J/7, speaking of annoying producers. Braga better not chicken out this time. I demand J/7 become canon.”

Jeri chuckled at her lover's words, whispering in her ear lovingly. “Looks like my beloved is adapting to that nerd slang quite well after all.”

Kate chuckled, stating in mock-offense. “Did you just call me a nerd? How dare you!”

While the two lovers were bickering a lone cell phone was beeping frantically, indicating a storm of text messages from a very angry Jack...


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their Valentine's Day celebrations don't go according to plan, but the new situation offers new possibilities...

Jeri took the first furtive sip of her champagne and grimaced.

Kate who had noticed the younger woman's expression chuckled in amusement. “That bad?”

Jeri smiled sheepishly. “Maybe I should stick to water.”

The redhead nodded. “Yes, you probably should, darling. It's a hard lesson learned, hm?”

Jeri frowned. “I guess you could say that. Now I have even less of an idea why Jack would want to drink this stuff all the time...”

Kate's eyes widened at this, exclaiming in shock. “All the time? What do you mean by that?”

Jeri immediately felt bad for having accidentally spilled such information, waving her hand dismissively. “It's nothing really. You know how rich people tend to be. He loves to brag, show off how wealthy and privileged he is whenever we have guests over, or well usually it's mainly his guests...”

Kate snarled at this. “What a scumbag! So he loves throwing parties for his rich friends here, hu? Showing off his mansion, his cars, his beautiful wife while sipping champagne...”

Jeri felt sick to the stomach at the older woman's words, desperate to revert the topic to something more pleasant, announced. “Anyway, I hope you're hungry. I've cooked one of my favorite dishes.”

Dinner was a full success. Kate had complimented the chef seemingly countless times, a fact that would've usually bothered the rather timid Jeri, but that filled her with warmth coming from the older woman, knowing Kate genuinely meant it.

The blonde had stayed true to her word and refrained from drinking another drop of champagne, already regretting that tiny sip she'd risked to take earlier. As it had turned out, Kate wasn't a fan of the fancy drink either, preferring wine, or well harder stuff.

So Jeri, in an act of prodigality, flushed the contents of their glasses and the bottle down the drain.

The older woman couldn't help but gasp at the sight. “Lynn, that bottle must've cost a fortune! Are you sure that was a good idea?”

Jeri shrugged nonchalantly. “There's plenty of more where that came from. Honestly, it felt pretty good flushing that stuff just now. It was like a symbol for that fucked up marriage I've been forced to endure for almost seven torturous years.”

Kate was by her beloved's side in no time, alarmed as the younger woman's body had started to shake suspiciously, sniffles soon could be heard. The smaller woman gently turned her young lover around, taking her into a comforting embrace, running her hands soothingly down the taller woman's back, whispering words of reassurance in the blonde's ear.

Kate couldn't help but feel responsible for the blonde's predicament. If her estimate was correct their time together in Ireland must've been around one to two years before Jeri had eventually gotten married to Jack.

The redhead was taken out of her reverie by the younger woman nuzzling her, mumbling against her skin. “Mhm, you smell so yummy. Can I have you for dessert?”

Kate felt the heat creep to her cheeks at the blonde's words, stunned at the sudden mood swing of her lover. As much as she would've enjoyed spending quality time with the blonde, she sensed that Jeri was trying to use her as a coping mechanism and she didn't think this was a good idea in the fragile state her lover was currently in.

“Lynn, please. As much as I'd love to spend quality time with you now, I think we both know that you're simply trying to avoid the touchy topic of your marriage. It's plain to see that you're in no state of mind to have sex at the moment. I love you, more than anything and I don't want to take advantage of you, hurt you in this vulnerable state you're currently in.

I'm not one of those chicks you've had one-night stands with in the past. I'd at least like to think that I mean more to you than that, that our relationship means more to you than just hopping to bed with each other whenever you please, nice and uncomplicated, no commitment, no emotional attachment...”

Jeri's eyes turned wide, she let go of the older woman, fear clearly visible in her expression. Her voice was dangerously unsteady, fists balled, tears brimming in her round eyes that had almost lost all their color, shocking Kate to the core. “You are right...

Guess it was foolish to seek comfort from my lover. Is it wrong not to wanna talk about this mess of a marriage of mine? I wanted to spend time with you, my girlfriend, bonding, enjoying each other's company.

If you don't want to spend time with me, however, because my company's depressing you, or repulsing you, then feel free to leave and drive back home to your place to get wasted...”

Her eyes went wide, covering her mouth in terror at her own words, whispering softly. “Oh, oh my God! Babe, I didn't mean it! I'm so sorry. I love you, so much. You know that, right? I'm not in my right state of mind for real. I'm the worst! Look at me!

You're being nothing but sweet and considerate while I'm harassing you for no reason. Of course, you're not just a fling to me. You could never be. I really want this to work between us this time around, but I have this tendency to ruin and lose everything that I love and that matters to me...”

Kate smiled sadly. “That sounds familiar. Looks, like we got more in common than I initially thought.”

She gently cupped the blonde's soft cheeks, making her face her. “Darling, look at me. You're not the worst and it's fine really. I know you love me, Lynn, and that you didn't mean what you just said there.

Also, you're right. As your lover, I should provide comfort to you in such a moment, be there for you, hold you, be a source of strength, but I'm so damn weak...”

Jeri shook her head, smiling in a manner that made the heavens sing and caused angels to weep, Kate's breath catching in her throat. “Silly. You're already doing all these things right now, in fact, you do it all the time, only I was too blinded by the pain inside me, the confusion to see it and you are not weak, my love.

You're easily the strongest person I've ever known. After all those hardships you had to face in your life, all the trauma, pain, and suffering you had to overcome and my gut feeling tells me that what you've told me so far has barely scratched the surface, yet look at you still standing strong, doing your best every single day, fighting, thriving, living, loving. You're my savior and my hero, my knight in shining armor, my beacon. You have been ever since then.

I owe you my life, Kiernan and for that, I will be eternally grateful. Had you not come to save me that day, we wouldn't be here the way we are right now.”

For a moment they simply held each other, both crying, the stress of the past few weeks needing an outlet. Kate was deeply touched by the younger woman's heart-felt speech, both of them reaffirming their love countless times to make up for all the time they'd spent without each other and this unique love of theirs.

They'd eventually moved over to the living room couch and cuddled up there, not willing to let go of each other. Kate was once more sitting on Jeri's lap, seeming much like a precious little kitten, the younger woman mused, a fond smile playing around her lips.

'This kitten is especially cuddly and deserving of love and affection and I'm happily gonna give it all to her, this precious kitten of mine.' Jeri gently placed a kiss on the redhead's forehead.

The blonde's eyes widened when Kate remarked sheepishly. “Voyager should currently be airing.”

Jeri smirked and whispered. “Wanna check out which episode's airing today?”

Kate nodded. “Mhm, let's do that. It's become somewhat of a nightly ritual of mine, a bad habit if you will.”

Jeri snorted out a laugh. “A bad habit, hu? Why would you call it that, babe? Wait... Let me guess. You watched it only to check me out, hu? No, you wanted to check Seven out.”

Kate chuckled. “Seven is essentially you, her body, face, voice, but yeah, you got me there. I was checking you out and drooling over you. Also, I've become a J/7 shipper even before I knew that was apparently a thing.”

Jeri smirked. “Same here. I watched the show to check you out and watch Janeway and Seven's interactions, secretly rooting for them. I felt like... If you and I couldn't become lovers at least they should be allowed that chance.”

Kate to the younger woman's astonishment stated. “I felt the same way. As Janeway I was able to relay my feelings for you, neverminding what anyone might think. She was allowed to look at you with the eyes of a lover, touch you, get in your personal space, be gentle, of guidance, appreciative, affectionate, caring, compassionate and she was allowed to let her eyes wander.

I never realized it, but as Janeway my love for you, my desire, longing, care, it was unfiltered, always on display. Right from the start on our first episode together, _Scorpion_ , Janeway held Seven in her arms in that brig, comforting her.

That was me, it was all me, my soul trying to communicate with you. I'm not sure if you're aware, but... that hug wasn't in the original script for the episode, like so many other things between you and me that just, well happened...”

Jeri had started to sniffle again, so touched was she. Kate gently kissed the tears away, their foreheads were pressed together, pale blue eyes meeting blue-gray ones. Jeri's heart ached at the sight of the gray that had mixed in again into her lover's eyes.

'Fool, you upset her again. Why can't I keep those emotions in check? I'm such a crybaby...'

Their lips were slowly inching closer, eyes closing until out of the blue the turning of keys in the front door alarmed them followed by an all too familiar voice that made Jeri's blood freeze.

“Where the hell are you, you goddamn whore? How dare you not reply to my text messages, or answer the phone when I try to call you? Ungrateful bitch! Is that the way you treat your loving husband who came back all the way from across the country just to celebrate Valentine's Day with you?

I know that you're home, I saw your car parked outside! Answer me when I talk to you for fuck's sake! How dare you not greet me after I just traveled all the way here just for you?”

Jeri was sitting unmoving on the couch, curled up into a fetal position, the blood rushing in her ears, heart pounding painfully against her chest, breathing shallow, cold sweat trickling down her forehead.

She hadn't even noticed that her lover had left her side, completely detached from the outside world, her sole focus lying on what was going on inside herself, the fear, the panic, the trauma, the pain.

Jack never saw the first slap coming, striking him straight across the face, eyes turning wide in shock. He had no time to assess the situation, the second blow, this time to the stomach making him wince out in pain, clutching his stomach like a wounded animal. It didn't stop there. The worst was yet to come. He had no time to recover, a skilled kick right where it hurts the most effectively forcing him into a kneeling position, crying out like the pathetic lowlife that he was.

His aggressor showed no mercy. Like an avenger angel a distantly familiar redhead loomed above him, fire burning in those steel-blue eyes, voice menacing, every word hitting like daggers. “How dare you come here on a day like this, talk to your wife who has been nothing but kind, sweet, caring, doing everything for you, tending to your every need, to this castle of yours, raising your child, working her ass off, always smiling, always acting strong, despite all the pain, suffering, trauma, this nightmare of marriage you forced her into?

You have no right, I repeat that, no right at all, to talk to her in any form or way, belittle her, harass her, torture and scare her! Having to see this disgrace of a visage of yours is sickening, infuriating! You are scum, Jack Ryan! You have no respect, no honor! Treating your wife like this is unacceptable!

You should be ashamed of yourself, so should your parents for obviously teaching you no manners and no respect at all! All those riches of yours are just a cover-up to mask the pathetic, despicable nature of yours!

If you have even one brain cell left, any piece of humanity then leave Jeri for good, after you've apologized to her, that is. It's the least you can do after all the harm you've caused her and you should apologize to your son and your wife's parents as well. They were suffering almost as much as Jeri was. To put a child as sweet, young, and innocent as little Alex into this!

Have you no shame at all? You're a disgrace, Jack Ryan!”

Jack was wheezing, whimpering in pain, coughing out the one question that's been on his mind the whole time. “W-who are you?”

The redhead's next words utterly stunned the agonized man. “I'm your wife's one true love, her eternity.”

Jack understood immediately, raising his hands up in surrender. “It was you, hu? Her first love, the one who gave her that necklace. Should've known it. She was always acting off. Never truly letting herself go around me, always so tense from the start, even more so once she was off the shit.

Had I known she was... swinging the other way, I would've never even thought of marrying her, sleeping with her. I'm disgusted with myself. You're right, I'm scum, a jerk, a disgrace, and all those riches at the end of the day mean nothing cause money can't buy you love, or win a woman's heart over.

I should grab my stuff and leave you guys alone. Guess it's safe to say I'm not welcome here anymore. I didn't mean to ruin your date... I know I have no right to make any requests, but...

Can you promise to take care of her, love her, make her happy? She deserves it. Jeri's an amazing woman. It took me far too long to realize that. I never deserved her in the first place.”

Without them realizing it, Jeri had approached them. Despite all the harm this man had caused her, in the end, they'd still been married and he was the father of her son, they had a connection.

Jeri, surprising both Kate and Jack announced, voice calm and kind. “I forgive you. We went through hell and back together, more times than I could count, yet if it wasn't for you Alex would've never been born, I would've never gotten to experience the joys of being a mother, watching a child grow, raising it and for that, I will be eternally grateful.

You, intentionally or not, got me to quit the shit and I would've never taken on the role of Seven of Nine if you didn't practically force me to accept it, stating it was my chance for a career breakthrough.

Had I not listened to you and accepted that role, I would've never met the love of my life again. So thank you, Jack. I mean it and don't worry about the house. I'll be moving out along with Alex. He's currently still with my parents, but I'll go fetch him again soon once my state has improved.

I can assure you that Kiernan's gonna take care of me, love me and make me happy. She already very much is doing those things as it is and I sincerely hope you'll find your one true love as well, Jack.

First, you should work out your issues though, maybe do therapy. Talking helps, believe me. Or go to the beach some time and scream your lungs out. Scream therapy is very effective. I can testify that.

I'm gonna grab my things and then Kiernan and I are gonna leave.

Will you be fine here on your own? You're not planning to do anything stupid. Are you?”

Jack had tears in his eyes, so touched was he by his soon-to-be ex-wife's words. He smiled crookedly. “I'll manage, Jer. Now go get ready. I've already taken up far too much of your precious time, ruined your Valentine's date...

I'm sorry. I really am, for everything. I love you and I'm happy for you...”

Jeri smiled gently. “Idiot. You shouldn't hold onto someone whose heart is already taken. Believe me, you'll get over me. Once you've found the one, you'll know it and it'll be the most amazing thing. If that day comes and you'll meet that person, hold on to them tight, don't be afraid. Just follow your heart, it'll show you the right way.”

Jeri and Kate went to the younger woman's bedroom together, packing a few necessities.

The blonde hesitated for a moment, voice small. “I guess... I'm gonna move to a hotel for the time being.”

Kate frowned. “Why would you do that? You're gonna move in with me, of course. My door's always open, both for you and Alex. We're lovers, Lynn. I know it may be a little soon, but I'd love to have you move in with me. If you'd be okay with that.”

Jeri gasped, not at all having expected to hear this offer. Kate, who misinterpreted the reaction kept on rambling on. “I know my place is not that big, it could get a little crammed with five people living there-”

The redhead's rambling got stopped by a familiar soft pair of lips on her own, effectively silencing her rant.

Both women were quite out of breath after their kiss, Jeri seemed to be glowing, whispering. “I'd love to move in with you, Kiernan. Your place may not be as spacious as this one, but it's cozy, has an atmosphere, life, unlike this castle here. Sure, I'm gonna miss my little refuge right here, the closeness to the beach, taking my laps in the pool, but it'll be fine cause I'll get to be with you and with Alex too.

Will your sons be alright though? I mean, Alex and I are strangers to them and how are they gonna react to their mom having a woman as a lover?”

Kate bit her lip, honestly having pushed away the thought of her own sons and their reaction to Jeri and her relationship as of now.

She'd raised them to be open-minded individuals, or so she very much hoped at least. “Don't worry, darling. I'm sure my sons will be fine with you and Alex moving in with us. It's true that I haven't gotten to tell them about you, about us yet, but I've raised them to be open-minded, respectful, and tolerant.

Sure, it might be a little strange for them at first to see their mom with another woman as a lover, but they'll get used to it eventually. Also, we don't have to stay in that apartment forever. We could buy a house by the sea at some point in the future. I'm sure the kids would love that too.”

Jeri beamed happily, kissing her lover's lips. “That sounds like a plan. Let's grab my things and go. Actually, would you mind going down to the beach first? I haven't been there in a while and I kinda miss it.”

Kate smiled and nodded. “Of course, my love. Let's go there now. I miss it too actually, especially being at the beach with you.”

Jeri bit her lip, looking guilty. “You do? Doesn't it trigger painful memories? You had to save me on that beach in Ireland, Kiernan...”

Kate smiled softly. “That's true, but you're here now and that's all that matters to me, Lynn. I have some fond memories of being at the beach together with you from that time too and the picture you gifted to me. We both look so happy on it.”

Jeri smiled and nodded. “I believe I was always my happiest when I was with you, my love.”

Kate smiled genuinely. “That's all I need to know and same here. You make me happier than anyone else.”

The few necessities Jeri wanted to bring along to Kate's place had soon been packed, the lovers soon agreeing to collect the rest of the blonde's stuff eventually. A sigh left both women once they were at the beach, the salty sea breeze effectively calming them down.

Kate smirked suggestively, asking. “Are you in the mood to take a swim, Mademoiselle?”

Jeri chuckled, cocking her left brow. “That depends.”

They gazed into each other's eyes, the air around them crackling, the tension palpable. “On?” The redhead raised her own brow.

“If you're gonna join me, mon amour.”

Kate barked out a laugh. “Swimming, now? Oh no. I don't have swimwear with me and the water's most likely cold...”

Jeri snickered. “It's not half as cold as the water back then in Ireland, I can assure you of that.”

She pulled the smaller woman closer to her, whispering in her ear. “We could go skinny dipping together. There's no one else around here. Also, it's on my bucket list of things I wanna do with you.”

Kate chuckled at this. “Your bucket list of things you wanna do with me?”

The older woman in all honesty was touched Jeri had created that kind of list but didn't let that on.

The blonde nodded. “Yes, and believe me there's a lot of things on that list. So, care to go skinny dipping with me, chérie?”

Kate smirked. “How could I say no to that?”

They'd soon disrobed and run into the water which was of a decent temperature, especially considering it merely being mid-February. Jeri started to swim, the water as per usual magically attracting her, calling to her.

After a few laps she noticed a shivering redhead standing there, teeth chattering, lips positively blue.

Jeri instantly grew alarmed at this sight, quickly lifting the petite woman up, carrying her onto the warm sand. “Idiot. You weren't supposed to just stand there in the water. I could've told you that you'd be freezing like that. You should've taken a few laps like me.”

Kate mumbled embarrassingly. “I enjoyed watching you though...”

Jeri chuckled. “You enjoyed watching me? I mean, that's sweet, but now you might catch a nasty cold because of being so reckless, my love.”

Kate bit her lip, mentally slapping herself for her recklessness. “You're right. I'm sorry for acting so foolish and worrying you, darling.”

The younger woman smiled gently, rubbing the petite woman's body dry with a towel she'd been clever enough to bring along from her former home earlier. “It's fine and don't worry. If you should get sick for real, nurse Lynn will take loving care of you and nurse you back to health.”

Kate smiled softly at this. “That sounds great. You're so sweet, my love. I feel so privileged having a private nurse now.”

Jeri placed a tender kiss on the older woman's nose. “And I feel privileged to be your private nurse, my love. Although, I believe Braga's gonna have a fit if both of his 'leading ladies' are gonna call in sick on Monday.”

Kate barked out a laugh at that. “Hell yes, he is! Well, serves him right for burning us out like that and ordering us around.

No, the positioning is not right. The camera can't catch both your faces from this angle, bla bla bla...”

Jeri laughed as well at that spot-on imitation of the show's main producer.

Kate sank into her lover's warm body, never minding they were both still naked, embracing it in fact.

Her eyes drifted closed, a pleased hum leaving her lips. “I could just fall asleep here in your arms, my love.”

Jeri raised her brow. “Idiot. You're gonna catch a cold for real and so will I if we stay here like that.”

The redhead opened her eyes again, her cheeks flushed. “You're right and I'm an idiot for real. Let's get dressed and drive home.”

Jeri felt the familiar flutter in the pit of her stomach at the thought that she would now officially be living together with the older woman. Once they were dressed again, they went to Kate's car and drove to the apartment together. Jeri who didn't trust Kate's state under the redhead's protests declared that she'd be driving just to be on the safe side.

A smile formed on the blonde's face when she saw from her peripheral that the petite woman had already dozed off.

'I've put her through far too much stress today... Had I known Jack had planned to come home today I would've not invited her over so recklessly.

Then again, it was pretty impressive what she did back there. Whatever she said and did to him was clearly very effective. He seemed like a whole other person.

I can't believe we're now officially living together. It's not like this is a first. Back then in Ireland we very much lived together as well.'

Jeri carefully carried her sleeping girlfriend up to her apartment, gently placing her in her bed before heading back down to the car to grab her stuff. At this moment she was glad she had merely packed the most necessary things with her. She was already packed as it was.

Once she was back in the apartment she took a shower before dressing in her pj's. She pondered, whether she should change Kate into her sleepwear too. In the end, she decided to do so.

'It can't be very comfortable to sleep in a tux like that, as gorgeous she may look in it.'

Jeri carefully changed Kate into her nightgown which looked oddly familiar. The blonde soon recognized it to be the one Janeway had worn during earlier seasons of Voyager. Jeri was mildly surprised her lover had decided to take it home with her and even wore it in private.

'Then again, it suits her very well. She looks like a fairy, so ethereal.'

Jeri laid down next to the redhead, a grin spreading over her face as the smaller woman instinctively spooned her. It didn't take long before the blonde had drifted off to sleep as well.

She had woken up that morning and gone straight down to the beach, as per usual. She'd cook breakfast for them once she'd be back. Kiernan had still been asleep anyway. The blonde sighed in content as the cool water caressed her body much like a blanket.

She'd always had an affinity for the sea. From the first time, her family and she had gone there when she'd been a child she'd known that it would hold a special place in her heart.

'I hope this is not the same memory again.' Jeri sent silent prayers to a deity she didn't believe in that she wouldn't have to relive this particular memory. Going into the water clearly wasn't something she'd like to relive.

She was relieved when the younger version of her merely swam a few laps before heading back to the apartment. When she entered the apartment she immediately noticed that something was off. Raised voices, one male and the other to her shock belonged to Kiernan.

She didn't want to go in there, but her feet seemed to have a life of their own, dragging her closer. “I want to stay for longer. I told you that I need some time to myself for once. How did you find me anyway?”

Jeri didn't want to listen to this very private conversation, but she couldn't stop. “You said nothing, my dear. Don't tell me you'd planned to come back home. If you thought you could run away from this marriage you were wrong, Kate! You're a mother of two small children. How dare you leave your family behind like that? You're so selfish. Always thinking of your career, your stupid acting first, neglecting your duties as a wife and mother.”

Jeri balled her fist. 'This bastard! Knowing how he treated her, he had no fucking right to talk to her like that, to put the blame on her and she by no means is a bad mother!'

Lynn, on the other hand, was devastated, hearing those things for the first time, Kiernan, or rather Kate never once having mentioned being married, having children, or being an actress with one syllable.

The young woman felt betrayed, backstabbed, heartbroken, used. When Kate turned and their eyes met, she was met with the most profound sadness, devastation she'd ever seen before.

'Oh my God! She had heard all of that? It's no surprise she acted irrational, was heartbroken, felt betrayed, chose to do drugs, sleep around, to forget the woman who had seemingly used her, played her...'

Both women woke up with tears in their eyes once again and Kate with a terrible cough and fever. Jeri frowned in concern when she heard the terrible cough from her lover and saw her suspiciously flushed face.

The blonde laid a hand on the older woman's forehead, gasping in shock, exclaiming. “You're burning up! Guess it's safe to say you're sick after all...”

Kate smiled dazedly. “Looks like I get to be treated by nurse Lynn then.”

Jeri chuckled and shook her head. “Oh, so you got yourself sick on purpose so you could receive my super special treatment, hu? Sneaky.”

Kate coughed out, worrying the younger woman. “That sounds pretty bad. I should probably head to a pharmacy and get you some meds for that, or maybe you should go see an actual doctor tomorrow if it won't be better by then.”

The redhead waved her hand dismissively. “It's fine. Just a cold. I'll survive. With your loving care, I'll be fit for work again in no time.”

Jeri wasn't so sure of that, inwardly shaking her head at her lover's antics.

'She's so reckless and stubborn, especially when it comes to working. Neglecting her health like this. Good thing I'm around to care for her now. I wonder how she dealt with these kinds of situations when she lived on her own.'

The blonde didn't want to think about it, the mere thought causing her physical pain...


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeri and Kate spend a not so lazy Sunday together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to this story, my lovely readers. Sorry for the delay. I hope you're gonna enjoy this update. :)

Jeri had brewed tea, despite the older woman's protests, and cooked breakfast. Since Kate had insisted to have breakfast on the balcony, Jeri had set up the table there before carrying her lover outside. The redhead didn't complain about that, enjoying the closeness to the younger woman.

It came as no surprise that Kate instead of sitting on a chair, opted for Jeri's lap, using the blonde as her human seat. Jeri patiently fed her lover, giving her sips of tea in between, her cough still going strong which worried the taller woman.

'I should really head out to a pharmacy to buy her some meds. It's the least I can do to aid in her recovery. That cough sounds pretty bad and I feel like it's gotten worse since she woke up. I can't believe she even mentioned work in that state...'

Kate frowned at her lover's unusual quietness, asking hesitantly. “Lynn, is everything alright? I'm sorry for the coughing. It was foolish to insist to sit on your lap in my state. At this rate, you're gonna catch a cold as well...”

Jeri sighed softly, pecking Kate's forehead which was burning up. “It's fine, my love. I feel like at this point it would be surprising if I wouldn't get sick too. My immune system's not exactly the strongest out there either, but don't worry. We'll get through this together.”

Kate's concern only grew at Jeri's words, feeling guilty for her reckless actions from the other day that had led to her ending up in this situation.

The tea tasted bland in her eyes, but so did everything this morning. If Kate hated one thing it was blandness, but she refrained from saying anything to her lover, knowing the younger woman had done everything in her might to prepare this breakfast for her.

Once they were done with their breakfast, Jeri carried Kate back inside, gently tucking her into bed, leaning down to gently kiss her lips. “I'll be right back, my love. I'm just quickly gonna clean up the breakfast table.”

Kate was about to tell her she'd be doing that later, but Jeri was already out of earshot. 'I don't deserve her...' The redhead's eyes closed, drifting off into a comatose sleep.

When Jeri re-entered the bedroom she was greeted by the heavenly sight of a sleeping Kate. Her cheeks were flushed and when Jeri placed a hand on the older woman's forehead, her eyes grew wide in shock.

'Her temperature seems even higher than earlier during breakfast. This is bad! If only I hadn't urged her to go swim with me last night. Had I known she'd act this reckless and stand there the whole time watching me instead of swimming herself I would've never agreed to this.'

Jeri went to prepare a bowl with cold water and a washcloth, carefully dabbing at the redhead's forehead, wiping away the layer of sweat that had formed on there before gently lifting her head up and placing the cloth in the older woman's nape.

Jeri gently caressed the sleeping woman's cheek, whispering sweet nothings to her, reassuring her of her presence, hoping that doing so would provide a source of comfort to Kate.

The blonde laid back down beside her lover, smiling when even in this state the petite woman instinctively curled up against her, humming softly.

Jeri whispered gently in her ear. “Words aren't enough to express how much I love you, my precious, gorgeous idiot. Please get well soon, okay?”

She kissed Kate's exposed shoulder before nuzzling into her, soon drifting back off to sleep as well.

She knew she was dreaming the moment she realized she was back in the familiar apartment. Taking Kate's state into consideration, Jeri doubted they were sharing this dream, but one may never know with this woman.

'She's truly a mystery to me. I wouldn't be surprised if despite her body being in such a dire state her mind still somehow manages to allow her to dream and remember another piece of the puzzle from that time.'

As if on cue, a familiar face appeared at the balcony door. Kiernan's tone sounded playful. “Having second thoughts?”

Lynn shook her head, approaching the smaller woman, wrapping her arms around her. “Never. Just wanted to bid goodbye to the sea. I must admit that I'll miss this view and this apartment, but for a future, with you, it'll all be worth it. I'm happy as long as you're around, no matter where that might be, my love.”

Jeri was stunned. 'Wait a sec... A future together? What kind of plot twist is that? Kiernan was married at the time, a mother, already an established actress. This doesn't add up...'

The older woman smiled and the lovers shared a brief, passionate kiss before going back inside. “Same here, darling. I'll be happy as long as you're with me. It might take some time for us to find a place we can live together in peace, but I'm sure we'll eventually find it.”

They took their suitcases, casting one last glance at the apartment before leaving together. They drove for a while, the radio playing songs to which Lynn was singing and jamming along.

One moment, Kiernan was too distracted watching her, laughing at her silly antics and suddenly she found herself wrapped in darkness.

When she woke up, it was in the bed in their apartment. Lynn felt hazy, her brain feeling like mush, memories of the last few days nothing but a blur.

Kiernan smiled gently, asking. “How do you feel?”

Lynn frowned. “Kinda like a truck ran over me. Don't tell me I've been drinking? Not that I've ever done so before but based on what I've heard from others my current state comes close to that of someone who had a little too much to drink the previous night.”

Kiernan shook her head, to the younger woman's relief, telling her, voice laced with concern. “You've had an accident, darling. It was minor enough, but you should rest regardless and be careful for the time being. I was so worried for you.”

Lynn nodded slowly. “That makes sense. Was it by the sea?”

Kiernan nodded. “It was, yes. Thankfully, you're fine now. I guess the shock was greater than the accident itself.”

Jeri was shocked at this blunt lie from the older woman's side.

'So that's why we never had our future together after all. How convenient that we had an accident...'

Jeri stirred awake, tears in her eyes, her heart heavy. This new revelation affected her far more than she could've ever anticipated. It wasn't that she didn't understand Kate's reasoning for acting the way she did back then, paddling back last minute when given the opportunity, however, it still hurt to know she'd been lied to by the woman that was most important to her, that she trusted imminently like that.

The blonde cast a glance at the said woman, heart clenching as she noticed tears on Kate's cheeks as well. It was then that she knew they'd once again shared this dream.

All her disappointment and anger towards the older woman vaporized at the sight of her lover in such a vulnerable state. 'She looks so small, fragile. How could I ever be mad at her, hold a grudge against her when she's so clearly suffering herself? My love for her is far too great anyway. Seeing her like this only makes me want to protect her even more than usual.'

Jeri gently wiped the redhead's tears away, whispering affectionately. “I love you my precious, kitten. More than anything in this world. We'll get through this together. I promise it.”

Kate's eyes fluttered open, her voice sounding awfully hoarse. “Lynn, I'm sorry...”

Jeri shushed the older woman gently, placing a finger on her lips. “It's fine, my love. I'm not mad at you for what you did back then. You were scared. I understand that.

Had I been aware you were a mom, had small children that were dependent on you at the time, I would've never asked you to run away with me in the first place.

Also, where would we have gone? Two women together at that time? It would've been close to impossible to find a place we could've lived together in peace, in fact, it still kinda is these days.”

Kate sighed softly and nodded. Jeri placed her hand on the older woman's forehead, checking her temperature once again which to her dismay had hardly changed since the last time she'd done so.

'If her fever won't go down I'll have to drag her to a doctor's office tomorrow. Nevermind her protesting.'

She frowned. “Babe, how are you feeling? You still seem feverish. I've not measured your temperature yet, but you're burning up, despite my attempts to cool you down with a cool washcloth earlier.”

Kate smirked, stating to the younger woman's shock. “You know what's an effective fever remedy, darling?”

The blonde shook her head, irritated at the older woman's behavior. “I don't know. You tell me. It seems like you know more than I do.”

Jeri's jaw dropped at Kate's next statement. “It's important to sweat the fever out of your body, a very effective way to do so is to exert yourself physically. Since I'm bound to bed and you're already here with me I can think of a pretty good method to do so.

I think you get the idea, darling. After all, you're not dumb.”

Jeri coughed, the redhead's indirect compliment to her intelligence doing little to comfort her.

Her tone was one of utter disbelief when she asked her lover. “You're seriously suggesting for us to have sex to rid you of your fever? Babe, that's... I dunno if that's really such a good idea.

I don't want you to collapse on me and end up in hospital cause of being so reckless to sleep with me in your state...”

Kate pouted and Lord did seeing this gesture affect Jeri. “Please, Lynn. I promise to tell you if it gets too much. The chances of my collapsing on you are very slim. Help me, please?”

Jeri sighed, her resolve ultimately faltering upon seeing those damned puppy eyes of the older woman combined with the far too precious pout, a dangerous combination. “Alright, you win. I sincerely hope I won't regret that decision.”

Jeri carefully rearranged their positions, so she was now on top of her lover, their lips meeting in a kiss that caused their heads to spin, not that Kate's head wasn't slightly spinning already due to the fever.

The blonde's hands ran down the petite woman's body, slowly gliding under the nightgown, tracing the redhead's abs before cupping her breasts. Kate's breath hitched as Jeri rolled her nipples between her index and thumb, swirling her tongue over her neck before she took the older woman's earlobe between her teeth, gnawing on it eliciting a cry from the redhead.

Jeri smirked at this, her hands running down south again heading for their main goal. The blonde quickly, efficiently much like a certain ex-Borg disrobed her lover from her nightgown, leaving her merely in her panties which were positively soaked.

Jeri gave off an animalistic growl at the sight and the intoxicating smell of Kate's arousal that greeted her nostrils. She peppered the redhead's thighs in kisses before gnawing the inside of them, right next to her price which made Kate whimper out in desperation, her voice raw with desire, sending a jolt to Jeri's own center.

“Lynn, please. I can't take this any longer. I need you.”

The blonde removed the older woman's panties with her teeth, a sight that only further aroused Kate, sending a wink up at her for good measure before parting her folds, entering the slick, velvety walls with two long fingers while stimulating the older woman's clitoris with her mouth. Jeri skillfully curled her fingers up against that familiar spot inside her lover, stroking it roughly, her tongue flicking against the sensitive bundle of nerves atop Kate's center. Before long, the walls around her fingers were tightening, Kate held her in a deathlock for a moment, her body spasming, a loud cry that sounded like music to Jeri's ears leaving her lips, the blonde's fingers soon being greeted by her lover's essence.

Kate felt much like she'd just had an out of body experience, her soul seemingly having left her body for a moment there, watching herself orgasming while the younger woman was between her thighs, still pleasuring her.

If Kate would've possessed a cortical node, she would've filed this image to be able to get back to it whenever she pleased.

Jeri sighed in content, a wide grin on her face which was stained in Kate's love juice, a fact that caused the redhead to blush. She made a come hither to which the blonde crawled up to her.

Kate remarked dryly. “You've got something there.”

Jeri blinked, giggling when out of a sudden, the older woman started to lick her chin. “W-what are you doing there, babe?”

Kate placed a kiss on the dimple on the blonde's chin before stating. “You were covered in my love juice, darling. Sorry for soiling your pretty face like that. Where are my manners? Either way, I've been meaning to kiss that cute dimple of yours for a long time.”

Jeri blushed a pretty shade of pink at this, feeling quite mortified. “B-babe, that's... Oh my God! It's... fine. Not like I exactly minded you cumming so much. Your taste is addicting.”

Kate smirked. “Is that so? Well, this was merely round one. Don't think we'll stop now. After all, you've done such a splendid job pleasuring me just now, so it's only fair if I return the favor. Isn't it, darling?”

Jeri swallowed, nodding slowly. “Well, y-yeah. If you think you can handle another round in your state...”

Kate didn't leave her much time to think or reconsider, a pleased hum leaving Jeri's lips as her lover's tongue licked over the expanse of her neck, one of the younger woman's sweet spots before nibbling her pulse point causing the blonde to moan, her eyes closing, craning her neck instinctively, craving more of Kate's attention there and Kate all too happily obliged.

By the time Kate was done with her neck which was by now covered in several hickies, Jeri was drenched and practically aching for Kate's touch.

The redhead who was aware of this, undressed her lover from her pj's, licking her lips at the glorious sight of the younger woman's naked form.

Kate captured one of the perfect rosy nipples of the blonde between her lips, sucking it like an infant. Jeri's moans turned louder at this, being particularly sensitive there, her hands instinctively pulling the older woman's face closer to her breast which caused Kate to moan out as well, thoroughly enjoying the contact of the pillowy softness with her face.

She placed kisses along both breasts then down the taught stomach of her lover, being extra careful there, knowing the bruises were still sensitive, gently flicking her tongue against them, trying to soothe the pain. A sob escaped Jeri when she noticed what Kate was doing, deeply touched by her lover's affection.

Their hands laced and Jeri mouthed. “Come back up here.”

Kate frowned, unsure about her lover's motives for a moment, her heart soaring when she whispered in her ear. “I want to do this together.”

They rearranged their position until their cores were aligned, their lips meeting in another passionate kiss, bodies gliding against each other, slowly melting into one. Time seemed to stand still, only the two lovers existing in this moment, the sweet sounds and scent of their love filling the air, all worries forgotten as they swayed and danced rhythmically to the sound of their heartbeat.

When they came, it was together, wave after wave of orgasmic bliss rippling through their bodies, toes curling, backs arching, mouths wide open, cries dying as their lips were still locked, limbs tangled to the point it became hard to tell where one body started and where the other. Kate's back looked quite abused thanks to Jeri having scratched it in her euphoria. The redhead knew she'd wear those 'battle scars' proudly. 'And she says I'm the kitten.'

Kate snickered softly before coughing violently which instantly alerted Jeri. “Babe, are you alright? Damn, that cough sounds awful! We really need to get you something to soothe your throat.”

Kate sighed, burying her face in her lover's chest, whining out like a four-year-old. “I don't wanna be sick anymore, Lynn!”

Jeri felt her heart melt at her lover's antics, telling her gently. “How are you so adorable when you're sick, hm? Is it the fever that turns you this precious?”

Kate's cheeks turned crimson which she noticed to her relief was invisible to her lover thanks to her face being hidden, buried in the softest pillows ever.

What she didn't take into account was the fact that Jeri could very much feel the sudden heat on her skin where Kate's cheeks rested.

She stated voice laced in concern. “I hope you're merely blushing right now and that's why your face has suddenly grown so hot, babe.”

Kate wanted to hide inside a hole, so humiliated did she feel.

'Of course, she'd notice, idiot. God, this is embarrassing. I swear, no one has ever made me blush so hard before. Then again, it's been ages since someone last called me precious or adorable. The last time was probably when I was still a toddler...'

Kate simply nodded her head, refusing to meet her lover's intense gaze. “That happens when you call me adorable and precious, Lynn. Those are usually not terms I want to be associated with.”

Jeri chuckled softly. “I wonder why. To me, you'll always be those two, my beloved kitten. I'm glad that to the world you're not known as that, however. It makes me feel special to be able to address you in that way while others merely call you gorgeous, flawless, hot, beautiful, and the likes.”

Kate blinked hard.

She hadn't deemed it possible to blush even harder but she had just been proven wrong. “L-Lynn, that's... I wouldn't have used those terms to describe myself and I highly doubt that my fans refer to me like that either, but... thanks, I guess... For your honest, unfiltered opinion.”

Jeri frowned. “What do you mean your fans don't refer to you like that? What other terms would they use to describe you? I mean, based on your looks alone, those are definitely some of the first things that I'm using as your fan, not to forget perfect, of course.”

Kate chuckled softly. “Of course. Darling, it's sweet of you to say all these things, but I think we both know that they're hardly accurate. You on the other hand very much are all these and so much more.”

Jeri huffed, not at all enjoying the way Kate downgraded herself once again.

Her voice sounded a little harsher than she'd intended when she stated. “Your image of yourself is severely distorted, Kiernan. When was the last time you looked into a mirror?

If I'm all these things then so are you and don't come at me with your age again now. Just because you're older than me doesn't make you any less attractive, if anything it makes you more so. End of discussion.”

Kate in the end had agreed to Jeri's suggestion of her taking cough syrup. When roaming the older woman's med stash she'd discovered a bottle of the stuff which was unopened. It wasn't due till another year from now either, so Jeri carried it over to the bedroom with her along with a glass of water.

The blonde felt her heart ache at the sight of a shivering Kate. Her hands were trembling suspiciously, facts Jeri knew were due to her lover being on withdrawal. She frowned, reluctant to allow the older woman to smoke with a cough like this, yet feeling bad for forcing her to refrain from doing so as well.

She carefully administered the cough syrup to her, Kate scowled when drinking it. “It tastes awful!”

Jeri chuckled softly. “If it tastes bad it usually helps. You can trust nurse Lynn on this. By the way, how are you doing, apart from your obvious cold symptoms, my love? I've noticed the telltale signs of withdrawal.”

Kate bit her lip, feeling guilty for once again worrying her lover.

She smiled softly. “I'll survive, darling. Don't worry about me. We both know that smoking is probably a bad idea in my current state.”

Jeri nodded slowly. “Well, yeah. It probably is. Still, it's not healthy to suppress your urges like this, Kiernan. We both know what that can lead to. You don't wanna go cold turkey. Do you?”

Kate frowned, obviously not getting what the younger woman was talking about. “What's 'cold turkey', Lynn?”

The blonde's cheeks heated up, rubbing her neck sheepishly. “It stands for a sudden strict withdrawal, usually from illegal substances. It's junkie slang. Sorry for using that on you just now. I didn't mean it in an offensive way...”

Kate was once more stunned at her lover's words, the fact that this sweet angel had once been knee-deep in the fangs of illegal substances which seemed to have at one point completely controlled her life, even leading to her getting married to a man she had no emotional attachment whatsoever to still very hard to comprehend to the redhead. 'We're not so different after all...'

Kate smiled softly. “It's fine, darling, No need to apologize. I'm not offended by that and maybe you're right about listening to my body's urges. I've taken the cough syrup after all.”

Jeri nodded, gently kissing the redhead's cheek. “Yes, you have. You've been a very obedient patient. Nurse Lynn is proud of you. So, do you want me to get you something now? Shall I get your handbag, my love?”

Kate nodded slowly. “That would be sweet of you, yes. Thank you, darling. I'm pretty needy today. Sorry for ordering you around like that.”

Jeri smiled softly. “It's fine. You're not ordering me around. You're my girlfriend who's sick and who I'm tending to. I love you and it's my pleasure to help you out.”

Jeri had soon gotten back with Kate's handbag. Much like back then, the blonde gently assisted her lover in lighting her cigarette.

Both women waited for the older woman to cough, but were astonished to realize the cough never came. “Hu? You're really a mystery to me, Kiernan. I was convinced you'd at least have to cough a little bit.”

Kate smiled sheepishly. “So was I. Well, can't say I'm complaining. Maybe that cough syrup really helped.”

She frowned when Jeri told her. “You gotta take it at least one more time today then. Oh, by the way. I've brought something else for you.”

Kate blinked. “What is it?”

Jeri produced the older woman's flask out of the handbag. “I took the liberty of filling this. Where on Earth did you get that by the way? It looks ancient and like it might as well be worth a fortune.”

Kate barked out a laugh, shrugging. “I dunno, to be honest with you. It's just one of those things I must've gotten at one point, but can't for the life of me remember the details.

I'm quite fond of it though and you're right. It does look like it could be ancient. Doesn't it? Like something Katrine would've used in that episode we filmed the last two days.”

Jeri had to agree to this. “It does look like that. I have to ask. You do have a certain affinity for vintage things, right?”

Kate nodded slowly. “I guess you could say that. This place is full of antiques, that including its owner.”

Jeri shot a glare that sent shivers down the older woman's spine in her direction. “Babe, for the last time, you're not old! Am I clear?”

Kate swallowed, muttering. “Crystal clear, darling. I'm sorry...”

Jeri sighed, waving the flask around in the air. “You want some?”

Kate stated, eyeing the object suspiciously. “That depends. What did you put in there?”

Jeri shrugged. “I saw the bottle in the living room and filled something from there in it, the amber liquid.”

Kate nodded slowly, stating matter-of-factly. “So whiskey then. Good choice for someone who has no clue about spirits and the likes.”

Jeri acted as if she'd just received an Oscar, bowing furiously, causing Kate to chuckle. “Weirdo.”

They kissed, Jeri carefully opened the flask, once more helping her lover ingesting the contents, setting the bottle down a few times in between when Kate was acting too eager, afraid she might choke or end up in another coughing fit.

Jeri's voice was low and seductive when she remarked. “Always so impatient.”

Kate blushed, nodding slowly. “Mhm.”

The rest of their Sunday was spent in bed with lots of cuddles, kisses, talks. In between Jeri cooked lunch and dinner which they had in bed, not minding going on the balcony. In the evening they watched Voyager, a rerun of _The_ _37's_.

Jeri remarked that Kate was far too obvious in that episode, her gay palpable through the screen and how she had practically had eye sex with the actress who played Amelia Earhart the whole time.

Kate found herself blushing through the whole thing, trying in vain to convince her lover who seemed clearly jealous that she'd not in fact been flirting with that woman whose name she'd in all honesty forgotten all about, but that the episode had demanded that close interaction between Janeway as she put emphasis on and Earhart.

Meanwhile, Jeri was busy marveling at her girlfriend's profile which the camera seemed to have a love affair with in this particular episode, showing it off far too often for it to be a mere coincidence anymore.

Before Kate knew it, a certain blonde was all over her. Both women had lost count of how many times they'd made love that day, not that it mattered anyway.

When they fell asleep that night it was happily sated in each other's arms, all worries forgotten much like the fact that tomorrow would be Monday...


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unsurprisingly Jeri wakes up sick. Kate immediately declares that she is going to return the favor and nurse her back to health.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to this story, my lovely readers. I hope you're gonna enjoy this new chapter. If you do, please be so kind to let me know. I'm always grateful for your feedback. :)

When Kate woke up the next morning, she was surprised to find she felt much better. She was about to get up and get ready but was stopped by a pained groan from her lover.

One look at Jeri told her that her relief had been premature. The blonde's face appeared feverish, her cheeks flushed, eyes bloodshot. The older woman inwardly scolded herself, knowing she was to blame for her beloved's predicament.

She gently caressed Jeri's cheeks, whispering. “Darling, I'm so sorry. It looks like you did catch a cold after all. It was foolish to sleep with you, even kiss you in my state yesterday...”

Jeri smiled softly, coughing. “It's fine, my love. I'm as much to blame for that as you are. Also, I doubt I'd been able to stay healthy regardless of us living together and sharing a bed. Guess that means we gotta make that call to Braga after all, hu?”

Kate frowned and nodded. “It very much seems so, Lynn. You're in no state to work today and I won't leave you here alone. You cared for me and nursed me back to health yesterday, so it's only fair if I do the same for you today.”

Jeri felt guilty for forcing her lover who as she knew usually never missed a single day of work, the older woman held an impressive record of merely two days of sickness which had been during one of the earlier seasons of the show, a time when Jeri herself had not been a member of the cast yet.

From what she'd gathered, both those days had not been because of Kate herself being sick but either of her sons which she'd cared for much like how she'd intended to care for her now.

Jeri smiled softly. “It's fine, my love. You can go to work. I'm sure Braga can do without Seven for one day, but without Janeway, they won't be able to shoot any single episode. I'll manage on my own. Nurse Lynn can take care of herself.”

Kate looked at her sternly, those piercing by now steel-blue eyes seeming to bore holes into Jeri who averted her gaze, unable to hold the older woman's.

The command in Kate's voice allowed no backtalk. “I will not leave you behind in your state, Lynn! You're my girlfriend who I love more than anything, my universe and I won't act like nothing's wrong, go to work while you're suffering here on your own.

Braga can do a day or two without us. Your health and well-being is far more important than that damned record and reputation I'm holding. I may be a workaholic, but even I have my values. Family always comes first.

I'm Irish after all and family is the most important thing to us as much as I love my work if my family needs me I'm gonna be there for them.”

The young woman had tears in her eyes so touched was she by her lover's words, her voice was cracking due to her cough and the tears. “Y-you consider me part of your family already, Kiernan?”

The older woman smiled adoringly, gently caressing those downy alabaster cheeks of her beloved, telling her sincerely. “Of course I do, darling. I've considered you part of my family back then already. Now, let me make that dreaded call, yes?”

Jeri blinked. “You want to call there? Isn't it gonna be suspicious if only you are gonna call there, babe?”

Kate waved it off dismissively. “It's fine, darling. I'll call there now and you can call there later. Wait a moment. Let me get you some cough syrup first. Your voice sounds awfully hoarse.

Then again you should probably call there now. If Braga's gonna hear your voice he at least won't ask any unnecessary questions.”

Kate called first, Jeri waiting with bated breath for her lover to get back from the living room where she'd taken the call, all the while forcing herself not to cough which was much easier said than done.

She had a hard time not to sigh out audibly when Kate re-entered the room, expression unreadable.

Jeri asked cautiously. “What did he say?”

Kate recited. “How very unfortunate, but I guess it can't be helped. Looks like Voyager will have to fly without her captain today.”

Jeri couldn't help but laugh out loud at her girlfriend's on-point imitation of the show's main producer.

She instantly regretted her foolish actions when a nasty cough followed, shaking her whole body, greatly worrying Kate who frowned. “Maybe you should take that cough syrup, after all, darling. That cough sounds awful. Now I feel even worse, knowing I'm the reason you're plagued by it.”

Jeri smiled softly. “It's fine, my love. Don't feel bad for it. I'll survive and there's no need for you to get the cough syrup just now. I'm gonna call Braga first. Knowing him he might try to talk me into coming to work, seeing as how you already called in sick as well.

If I call there with a cough like that he'll hopefully realize his attempts would be futile right away.”

Kate nodded slowly. “I guess you're right. I'm gonna leave you to it and get to preparing breakfast for now then, darling. No matter what he's gonna try, stay strong, don't falter. You are sick and have every right to stay home, at least for today.”

Jeri nodded slowly, stunned that Kate already knew her so well.

It was true that the younger woman had a tendency to give in far too easily, her resolve cracking under the slightest bit of pressure and Braga had a way of talking people into things, much like her soon-to-be ex-husband. 'Manipulative bastard...'

At this moment, Jeri very much hoped Brannon Braga didn't have a girlfriend. Any woman who would be unfortunate enough to fall for a rat like him could only be pitied in her opinion.

She dialed the producer's number, heart hammering against her chest, hands turning clammy, dreading this phone call, but there was no use.

Kate was right. She was sick and it was her good right to demand a day off in that state.

It didn't take long before the fake-friendly voice of the man greeted her from the other end of the line. “This is Braga speaking.”

Jeri braced herself, answering. “This is Jeri Ryan speaking. I've caught a nasty cold and won't be able to come to work today, I'm afraid.”

There was a short break on the other end of the line which worried Jeri before the producer spoke up again. “Looks like it's cold and flu season again, hu? You're not the first one calling sick today because of having caught a cold.

Well, it can't be helped. I won't force you to come to work today in that state, Jeri. Get some rest for today and get well soon. We couldn't have filmed those J/7 scenes today anyway without Janeway around.”

Jeri asked innocently. “Kate Mulgrew called in sick too?”

She refrained from asking about those J/7 scenes he'd mentioned, inwardly rubbing her hands in glee.

Braga answered hesitantly. “Surprisingly, she has. Didn't think I'd see the day coming she'd call in sick. That woman truly seems to be made out of tough stuff. Must be those Irish roots of hers, or something.

Then again, according to her, it's a family emergency. She has to nurse a sick family member back to health. So, I guess she's even tougher than one could expect. Guess she's well-preserved in Irish whiskey, hahaha.”

Jeri's blood started to boil at Braga's last remark, having half a nerve to put him in his place, but she knew she couldn't threaten to reveal Kate and her relationship, so she simply stated. “Just because she's Irish doesn't mean she's a fan of whiskey.

I have German roots myself and I'm not a fan of beer, despite the country being a nation of beer drinkers. Also, from what I can tell Kate has been nothing but professional so far. Not once have I seen her arrive to work late, or drunk.

You should know better than to insinuate someone has an addiction problem, Brannon. Anyway, I'm gonna go rest now. I hope I'll be fit for work again tomorrow. I'll call you again tomorrow if I should still be sick.

Ugh, by the way. What did you mean by today you had originally planned to shoot a J/7 episode?”

Braga was silent for a moment, his voice laced in guilt, stumbling out an excuse for his earlier words, a fact that filled Jeri with far more satisfaction than she deemed possible. “I'm sorry, Jeri. You're right, it was stupid of me to make that remark about the whiskey earlier.

I never meant to insinuate that Kate is an addict in the slightest. She has never been anything but professional apart from the way she treated you in the very beginning when you'd newly joined the series.

The episode I'd meant to start filming today was not a J/7 episode per se, but it is going to have quite a few scenes in which the two of them are going to be starring in together.

I had been convinced you were aware of that, Jeri. Haven't you gotten the script for it in the mail? Kate stated earlier that she received her script. Maybe you should go check your mailbox later. Either way, make sure to get some rest for now. Get well soon.”

Jeri blinked, irritated at the statement regarding the script. She was still pissed off regarding Braga's reckless statement. Despite her initial plans of holding back she hadn't been able to stop herself and defend her girlfriend.

The blonde groaned out, her head throbbing painfully, throat still aching. She coughed again which only caused her throat to feel even more raw.

The door opened, Kate walked inside carrying a tray filled with breakfast. “Everything alright, darling? My, you look terribly flushed and that cough of yours sounds really bad. Here, I've brought the cough syrup. You should take that first.”

Jeri nodded obediently and Kate proceeded to administer the medicine to her. Kate's heart melted at the sheer adorable scrunch of the blonde's nose as she drank the syrup, exclaiming in disgust. “This tastes repulsive!”

Kate snickered. “I told you so yesterday, darling. As you stated correctly that time though, if it tastes bad it usually helps.”

Jeri rolled her eyes before chuckling. “Guess I said that, yeah. I've had it coming. When you told me yesterday that it tastes awful I didn't think it was actually this bad. You tend to sometimes be a tad overdramatic so I'd somehow expected that it couldn't be this bad.

Guess that was my payback for not believing you, my love.”

Kate cooed, nuzzling her nose with her lover's. “Well, I can't say that I'm blaming you. I tend to come over like a drama queen, a diva. Don't I? Anyway, how did that phone call go?”

Jeri sighed. “It went well enough, at least in terms of me achieving my main goal which was to get today off.”

Kate frowned. “Well, that's good. It sounded like there was more though. Wanna talk about it, Lynn?”

The blonde debated with herself before finally admitting. “Braga told me that you'd also called in sick, but apparently not because you're sick yourself but because you have to tend to a sick family member-”

Kate chimed in. “I know, darling. It was foolish of me to say that, but he won't be able to connect the dots. Don't worry. He's not that clever.”

Jeri sighed. “Babe, I wasn't finished talking yet. This isn't the reason. He then said something about you being made of tough stuff which might be due to your Irish roots and then he had the audacity to say you're well-preserved in Irish whiskey

and I... couldn't simply let that statement go uncommented as much as I tried.

I simply had to defend you. That fucker had no right to say that kind of thing and play it off as a joke!”

Kate was stunned beyond her wits, her tone was merely a whisper. “H-he said that?”

Jeri nodded, gritting her teeth. “He totally did, but I told him my two cents and he apologized, claiming he hadn't meant it like that, admitting that you'd been nothing but professional all this time and he had no right to complain.”

The lovers had spent the morning cuddled together in bed, Kate tending to Jeri's every need. At first Jeri had been reluctant to allow Kate into bed with her, stating that she'd merely recovered from her own cold and it was highly risky for her to get too close to Jeri who was very much sick herself, feeling worse than she had in a long time.

The blonde refrained from telling her lover that the last time she'd felt this awful had been during cold turkey five years ago. An inkling told her that Kate didn't appreciate her talking about her history with drug abuse.

Jeri had drifted off to sleep, Kate watching her, gently running her hands through that silky blonde hair, her heart swelling with love for the younger woman. 'I still can't believe I managed to survive this long without her in my life.

It's crazy how I could ever forget about her. I would've run away with her and to think we were so close to doing so, but then... the coward I was I chickened out last minute, using that accident as an excuse, fooled her into believing we'd never planned to run away together in the first place.

She was right yesterday, however. Where would we have gone to? A lesbian couple at that time. Also, I couldn't have simply left Ian and Alec alone like that. They were merely toddlers at the time.'

Kate snapped out of her musings by the sound of keys turning in the front door. She blinked in confusion. “Mom, are you home? We're back!”

Her eyes widened in shock, thoroughly unprepared for her sons suddenly showing up home.

She got up reluctantly, careful not to wake her peacefully sleeping lover, stepping out into the hallway. “Yes, I'm home. Shouldn't you be at school right now and where is your father?”

Ian spoke up, his voice uncharacteristically gruff. “Don't mention that man. He's dead to us. Right, Alec?”

The younger boy nodded slowly, looking thoroughly shaken which worried Kate who took him into a hug. “What has happened?”

Ian huffed. “He claimed he wanted to spend time with us, but all he did was spend time with his new family and whenever he was around he kept insulting you.

He had the nerve to call you a terrible mom and he claimed that you'd planned to leave us behind when we were still very young to start a new life. Then Alec started to cry and we left, taking a cab back home.

No one calls you a bad mom for no reason, makes such accusations, especially not him! He has no right after what he's done to you!”

Kate's eyes had turned wide, the shock clearly visible in her expression. Her voice was small when she asked her oldest son. “Ian, what do you mean by what he has done to me?”

The young boy sighed, his eyes sad, expression crestfallen, muttering. “Mom, you don't have to play pretend around us. We know what he's done to you. He was anything but a good husband to you. I hated him even back then, wished I could've protected you, but...

I was too young, too weak... He kept making those empty promises, trying to buy us, silence us with expensive gifts, toys, sweets, clothes. Meanwhile, all he ever gave you were bruises, scars, pain when you deserved the world...”

A sob escaped Kate, her oldest son's words cutting right into her core. The knowledge that her sons had been aware of the abuse, the toxic nature of their parents' relationship all this time affecting her deeply. She'd been convinced they had been blissfully unaware, deluded into thinking Robert was the good guy and she was evil. Ian's statement just now proved her assumptions wrong.

She whispered over and over. “I'm sorry, so sorry...”

Ian had joined his brother in hugging her by now, telling her. “Mom, it's not your fault. You have no reason to apologize. If anyone should apologize it's him, but he's not gonna do that. He never cared for you, or us, only for himself.

Alec and I are not gonna meet that man anymore. We can't risk you having to see or talk to him anymore. Also, I can't stand being in his presence. He's making me sick.

Earlier he claimed that Alec and I don't need to go to school, that the system sucks and what they call education these days is a joke. That might be so, but I wanna be able to graduate one day and I wanna learn stuff, meet my friends, my girlfriend.”

Kate gasped. “Hold up there... You have a girlfriend, Ian? When did that happen? Are you gonna introduce her to me?”

The young boy rubbed his neck sheepishly, cheeks turning pink. Kate had a hard time not to coo or pinch his cheeks, finding his reaction downright adorable. “Well... Jessi and I only started dating two weeks ago.

I've been meaning to tell you, but I wanted to be sure it's something serious first. We've been going strong ever since then though and well... I like her a lot. She's really cool, for a girl.”

Kate couldn't help but chuckle at that last remark. “Oh, Ian. I'm so happy for you. She sounds great. Jessi... That name sounds familiar. Oh my God! Don't tell me it's that Jessi? Your best friend?”

Ian nodded slowly, a wide grin on his face. “Former best friend, now girlfriend, yes it's her, mom and you're right, she is great.”

Kate's heart almost stopped when her youngest son asked hesitantly. “What's Tim doing, mom? Are you still dating him?”

She was about to answer when the bedroom door opened and Jeri called out. “Kiernan? Where are you? The bed is cold without you.”

Kate swallowed, stiffening. Both her sons looked at her, eyes round in wonder.

Jeri approached, cheeks heating up when she saw Kate standing there alongside what she deemed to be her sons. 'Fuck, fuck, fuck! This is bad. What are they doing here? I thought they were with their father?'

Ian spoke up, curiosity lacing his voice. “Mom, your second name's Kiernan, right? Who's your guest?”

Kate motioned Jeri over who hesitantly stepped into view, cheeks flushed, whispering shyly. “Hi, I'm Lynn.”

Both women's eyes widened in disbelief when Ian gasped out in shock. “Oh my God, you're Jeri Ryan, Seven of Nine!”

Kate asked her son incredulously. “Ian how do you know Seven of Nine? I thought you don't watch Voyager.”

The young boy simply shrugged and stated casually. “Jessi's a huge fan of the show and she urged me to watch it together with her, give it a shot. Seven's my favorite character and Jessi's is Janeway. We really want them to get together.”

Kate coughed out, cheeks turning crimson at Ian's unexpected blunt remark.

To her astonishment, Jeri stated while winking. “They'd make a great couple, right? I personally ship them as well and so does your mom by the way.”

Kate wanted to dig herself a hole and hide in it, never in a lifetime had she expected to ever become witness to that kind of conversation between her lover and her eldest son.

Ian asked her curiously. “Mom, is that true? Are you a J/7 shipper as well?”

Kate nodded slowly, a soft smile forming on her face at its own volution. “I am, yes. Pretty much from the first hour.”

Alec spoke up shyly. “Mom, why are miss Ryan and you both in your nighties and why did she ask you if you can come to bed with her? Also, why did she call you with your Irish name and why do you call her Lynn?”

Alec, as shy as he usually was also just so happened to be quite inquisitive, a fact Kate at this moment was not very happy about.

She bit her lip and dropped the bomb. “Lynn, Jeri, and I are... lovers. She's my girlfriend who I love very much. Her husband was much like your father, but she moved out of their shared home and in here, with us.

She's sick so we stayed at home together today instead of driving to work and I'm nursing her back to health. We refer to each other with our second names because we prefer it over using the same names your father and her husband used for us respectively.

Lynn has a small son, Alex who's gonna move in with us as well. He currently lives with her parents. I know it's a lot to take in, your mom having a girlfriend instead of a boyfriend, two new people who are practically strangers moving it with us...”

Ian grinned widely, declaring. “I don't mind it! It's cool that we both have girlfriends, mom, and the fact that your girlfriend is the Jeri Ryan is absolutely awesome! With chemistry like that, it's no surprise the two of you started dating. I'm happy for you guys! How old is your son, Lynn?”

Jeri smiled, tears in her eyes, so touched was she that Kate's sons were so supportive and appreciative.

She told him gently. “Alex will turn four this year. He's a little shy, but he's a good kid.”

Ian smiled. “Alec is shy too, so that's fine. We'll take good care of him. I'm sure he must be cool since he's your child, Lynn.”

Kate smiled and ruffled her eldest son's hair to which he groaned out, making his mom chuckle. “From what I've heard he's a superhero actually, but psst, you don't have that from me.”

Ian and Alec exchanged a look at this before exclaiming at the same time. “A superhero?”

Jeri chuckled softly, telling them. “He's very strong, powerful, and helps people in need, protecting them, coming to their rescue.”

Alec's eyes glazed over. “Like Superman!”

Ian scoffed. “Nah, more like Batman.”

The two boys resumed bickering while Kate and Jeri secretly sneaked away, going back into their bedroom.

Jeri sighed heavily once they lay back in bed, happily cuddling against the older woman.

Kate looked at her lover, concern lacing her features. “Darling, how are you doing? Sorry for forcing you to leave the bed in your state.”

Jeri smiled and gently kissed her lover's neck. “It's fine, my love. I'm feeling much better already. It was well worth leaving the bed. Your sons are really sweet, babe. I have no doubt that Alex is gonna like them too.”

They exchanged a sweet kiss, their hands lacing. Jeri felt her heart ache when she heard suspicious sniffling. She gently ran her hands through the copper tresses of her lover. “Babe, what's wrong?”

Kate spoke up, her voice cracking. “They knew all along... They were aware of what their father did to me, the abuse, his manipulative, twisted personality.

They ran away from there, took a cab here. Ian said he was sick of that man's presence, that he hates him. He didn't even spent time with them, that fucker. Left them home alone, most likely with some nanny, or his secretary...”

Jeri clenched her jaw, hissing out. “What a piece of scum! This only once again proves that children are far more alert than adults tend to give them credit for. I'm glad they didn't side with him, fell for his tricks, mind games.”

Kate couldn't agree more. “You're right with that, darling. It broke my heart when Ian apologized and stated that he wished he could've protected me from his father back then, but that he was too young, too weak still and most likely afraid too.

I still can't believe he's got his first girlfriend now! So many revelations in one day.”

Jeri smiled. “That's so sweet. You raised your kids very well, my love. It's plain to see. Ian's girlfriend can call herself very lucky having him as her boyfriend.”

Kate grinned and nodded. “Very true. I've already met her before. She used to be his best friend, they've known each other for three years. It was plain to see even then that she cares a lot for him. They're complementing each other very well.”

Jeri winked seductively. “Much like us. Opposites attract, my love.”

Kate and Jeri had finally decided to take a shower and change from their sleepwear, albeit into comfy clothes. When Kate had stated that she didn't possess that kind of attire, Jeri at first had been stunned, although not necessarily surprised, taking her lover's usual attire into consideration.

The younger woman had eventually lent her lover a hoodie of hers along with a pair of sweatpants. Kate was reluctant to wear these kinds of clothes at first, stating that Ian may wear them being into hip hop music and all that, but that she personally was far too old to be wearing those kinds of clothes.

She'd shut her mouth when her girlfriend had shot her one of her very effective glares. The couple had cooked dinner together, deciding to make pasta which was both a favorite of the lovers and Kate's sons as well.

The boys' eyes widened when they first saw their mom in this for her standards highly unusual attire.

Ian grinned widely, exclaiming. “Mom, you look so cool in that style! You should wear that type of stuff more often. It suits you and looks much comfier than your usual fru fru outfits.”

Jeri snorted out a laugh at that last remark, Kate merely frowned. “Do I want to know what 'fru fru' stands for?”

Jeri stated casually. “It's nothing bad per se, babe. It stands for lacy, girly stuff.”

Kate's cheeks turned crimson. “Lacy, girly stuff? Wow, I had no idea I was usually wearing that kind of stuff.”

Alec uncharacteristically blurted out. “Lynn called mom babe.”

Ian chuckled, adding. “She totally did. Also, yes mom, your usual style is kinda lacy, and girly. I prefer you in a hoodie and sweats. You look pretty gangsta like that.”

Jeri snickered at that, chiming in. “Doesn't she? I agree with you, Ian. She looks really good in that outfit. We should buy her a hoodie and sweatpants of her own, maybe a snapback too and of course sneakers.”

Ian's eyes started to twinkle, nodding furiously. “Yes! I love that idea, Lynn. We should go buy her a new outfit together. I know a few cool stores in town where we usually buy my stuff.”

Kate kept wondering how she'd ended up in this situation. She had to admit that the hoodie and sweatpants were very comfy indeed though and she way preferred them over her typical 'fru fru' outfits.

'Fru fru is probably one of my new favorite terms. It's honestly quite cute and silly. It's so good to see my babies get along so well with Lynn. Even Alec seems to have already warmed up to her which is very rare for him. He's usually so shy around strangers.'

After dinner, the boys declared they'd clean the dishes. Kate checked the time and noticed it was time for Voyager to air.

Jeri seemed to have the same thought, smirking. “Want to check out which episode is airing today? I think it's another re-run. The next new episode will be airing two days from now.”

As if on cue Ian called out from the kitchen. “Mom, can you turn on the tv, please? Voyager starts airing now!”

Kate chuckled, calling out. “Lynn and I were about to watch the episode. It's a re-run though, honey.”

The redhead inwardly flinched, having forgotten for a moment that her sons didn't enjoy being addressed with terms of endearment like that.

Ian left it uncommented, however, and simply replied. “I know. I wanna watch it regardless. Maybe it's a J/7 episode!”

Jeri smirked at this, pecking her lover's blushing cheeks, muttering. “Precious.”

To which Kate only blushed more. When they turned the tv on it turned out that the episode airing today was _The raven_ , an episode Jeri remembered filming all too well.

It had been a pretty intense episode, Seven's suffering reflecting the blonde's own state at the time. Ian had made popcorn and now they were all sitting on the living room couch together.

Kate, who noticed her beloved's struggling, gently wrapped one arm around the younger woman, asking her in concern. “Are you alright, darling? You look awfully pale.”

Jeri smiled softly. “This episode was pretty tough for me to film. Seven was suffering a lot in it, struggling with those nightmares, with her past and it affected me more than I'd anticipated. I'm fine though. Don't worry.”

It soon turned out that the episode indeed had been somewhat of a J/7 episode actually, the two women having quite a lot of screen time together.

Both women cried when Seven asked Tuvok to thank the captain for her kindness and affection towards her during her time onboard Voyager, having planned to leave Voyager, not wanting to burden the older woman being a damaged drone.

Tuvok had then stated that it appeared that Seven cared a great deal for Janeway to which the young woman had turned away shyly, leaving the statement uncommented.

Jeri had once more taken cough syrup before going to bed, despite her reluctance due to the repulsive taste of the medicine. The lovers had bid goodnight to the boys together, much like they'd done this countless times before.

Once they lay in bed, Jeri suddenly remembered something and asked her lover curiously. “By the way, Braga mentioned something about a script earlier that he apparently sent us in the mail. He stated that you'd received it. How come you haven't told me anything about that, babe?”

Kate's eyes widened, facepalming. “Damn! I'd forgotten all about that. Of course, you didn't receive your script since he sent it to your old address. Wait, let me go get it real quick so we can check it out together.”

The lovers lay in bed, reading the script together, each reading her respective parts, breaking out in laughter in between, sometimes crying too.

According to the script, Seven would be confronting Janeway with her memories from the simulation while the older woman would state that she doesn't remember anything at first.

Seven would have trouble dealing with the memories and newfound emotions for her captain, her cortical node overloading with the abundance of new emotions and physical sensations caused by her affections for Janeway.

She'd end up in sickbay while Chakotay would declare something like that had been bound to happen, that he'd known all along Seven poses a threat to the ship.

Kate and Jeri after rehearsing fell asleep exhausted but happy in each other's arms. Both lovers already loved their little patchwork family. Jeri was determined to fetch Alex soon and have him join them to meet his new big brothers and second mom. She sincerely hoped he'd be approving of Kate.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kate and Jeri are back to filming quite an emotional J/7 scene and a certain someone can't keep her hormones in check...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to this story, lovelies! Thank you again so much for the continuous support and interest in this story. I truly appreciate it! I hope you're gonna enjoy this new chapter. :)

When Kate woke up the next morning, she felt more refreshed than she had in a long time. One glance at her lover lying next to her told her that the younger woman's state had improved as well.

As if on cue, Jeri's eyes fluttered open, effectively taking Kate's breath away.

The most beautiful smile that was mirrored by Kate, formed on the blonde's face, her tone light. “Good morning, my love. I wouldn't mind waking up to this sight every single morning for the rest of my life.”

The older woman's cheeks turned pink at her lover's words, her smile turning even bigger. “Same here, my love. Being able to see you wake up next to me is the perfect start to my day. You look much better.

Do you think you'll be able to go back to work today, or do you need one more day of rest? Either way is fine by me.”

Jeri gently cupped Kate's cheeks, pressing her lips against hers. The redhead felt her head spin at the simple gesture, the younger woman's hands already having started to roam her body.

Kate chuckled once they parted from their kiss. “You make me wanna stay home and slack off one more day. Spending the day in bed with you sounds far more appealing than going to work.”

Jeri gasped playfully. “I never thought I'd see the day to hear those kinds of words coming from you. The Kate Mulgrew wishes to slack off and spend her day in bed with me rather than going to work?

I believe I've just received the highest declaration of love possible from you. Haven't I? Same here. I'd gladly spend the day here in bed with you, my love. I love you more than I ever deemed it possible to be able to love anyone, Kiernan.”

Kate's expression was filled with love and affection, so was her voice, her heart soaring at her lover's declaration of love. “You're very right, darling. Me wanting to spend my time with you rather than going to work is the biggest declaration of love I've ever given anyone.

So, you have every right to feel privileged, my love. I love you more than I ever deemed it possible to be able to love anyone as well, Lynn. It's up to you. If you want to stay home one more day, I'm up for it.

I'm sure Braga can do one more day without his 'leading ladies'.”

Jeri huffed. “Damn right, he can! I'm still pissed off at that jerk for having the audacity to imply that you were an addict yesterday during our phone call. That bastard has no right to judge anyone being such a sexist homophobe himself.”

Kate's expression softened, her lips trailing down the younger woman's neck which elicited a pleased coo from the blonde. “It's fine, darling. I'm touched that you're so protective over me, but don't listen to men like him.

We both know that it's not worth it. If you're upset over what he said he has reached his goal. I know it's easier said than done, but with people like him it's best to ignore their remarks.”

Jeri nodded slowly, heaving a sigh. “I guess you're right, babe. It would've been a whole other story if he simply offended me, but I can't take it if someone offends you and for no reason at that, just for the heck of it.

I have half a nerve to stay home, but I guess it would be better for us to go to work today.”

The couple got ready separately, aware that them showering together would only unnecessarily delay them. Jeri had decided to cook breakfast which Kate had remarked by claiming that nurse Lynn had turned into chef Lynn to which the blonde had blushed adorably.

Knowing there were kids in the house with them now, Jeri after asking her lover about her kids' preferences in terms of breakfast, had decided to make pancakes.

On top of that, she had brewed coffee for Kate and tea for herself as well as freshly squeezed orange juice for the kids which according to her lover was her sons' favorite drink for breakfast.

Jeri was delighted to learn that Ian and Alec had that in common with her son. Alex was also a big fan of OJ as he tended to refer to the drink.

'Oh, Alex. I should really call mom later and ask if it would be possible for me to take him back home with me today still, or maybe tomorrow. I miss him so much.'

She had just finished preparing breakfast and decided to try calling her mother right away, hoping the older woman was already awake.

Jeri was already about to hang up, figuring her mother must still be asleep after all when the voice of the older woman greeted her. “Lynn. Are you alright?”

The blonde frowned at her mother's question, answering right away. “I'm fine, mom. Why are you asking?”

Her eyes widened in shock, at the reply. “Jack has tried calling here various times yesterday, but I refused to pick up. Are you really fine, sweetie? He didn't harm you again, did he? I swear, this time I'm going to call the police for real...”

Jeri swallowed, immediately feeling guilty at her mother's words. She had by no means meant to worry the older woman.

'Should've known he wouldn't admit defeat so easily. I can't believe he'd try dragging mom into this though. The nerve of this man! He should be aware by now that she's anything but a fan of his. Wait...'

Suddenly it dawned on her and Jeri told her mother. “Don't worry, mom. He didn't harm me and there's no need for you to call the police. I moved out of the mansion Saturday actually.

He'd promised to apologize to you and Alex. Maybe he tried calling you to do that, mom.”

Sharon Zimmermann wasn't convinced of her daughter's statement. “Lynn, where are you now? I'm glad to hear you finally worked up the courage to move out of that place and separate from that man.

Where are you living now though? I hope you're at a safe place this time. Why didn't you inform me that you moved out of there? Also, regarding what you told me about him having promised to apologize to us, I won't believe that until I've heard and seen it.

I doubt I'll ever be able to forgive that man for what he's done to you, my beloved daughter, and to your innocent son.”

Jeri bit her lip, asking hesitantly. “How's Alex holding up, mom? I've been planning to fetch him and take him to my new place with me soon, maybe today or tomorrow.

Don't worry. In comparison to that mansion, the place I stay at now is definitely safe and Alex and I won't be alone here either. We'll have three more roommates.

Jack sounded genuine enough when he stated that he wanted to apologize to Alex and you, but maybe it was only one of his tricks again.”

It was silent at the other end of the line for a moment, Jeri's eyes turned wide when her mother asked hesitantly. “Alex is doing fine. Lynn, who are those people you're living with right now? Are you sure that they're trustworthy?

I simply want to make sure that the place you live at indeed is a safe place before allowing you to take Alex there with you. Would it be possible to meet with your new roommates, introduce them to Alex and me first?

Regarding Jack, I'm afraid he must've fooled you again, sweetie. We both know how that man can be. He can't be trusted.”

Jeri sighed at her mother's last words. She felt like the biggest fool for having most likely fallen for another one of her hopefully soon-to-be ex-husband's manipulation strategies.

The young woman was beyond relieved to hear her son was doing fine, especially given the situation.

She'd initially planned to introduce Kate and her sons to her later, but she thought she might as well kill two birds with one stone and use the opportunity her mother had unknowingly presented to her by suggesting a meeting together. “I'm glad to hear Alex is doing fine. Your plan sounds fine with me.

I'll have to go to work today and I'm not yet sure when I'll be finished filming. Would it be okay if I called you again later and we'd agree on a time to meet? I'm hoping it'll still be possible today. Otherwise, maybe tomorrow.

You're probably right about Jack, mom. I'd been deluded into thinking he could finally have realized the harm his actions have caused to all of us as a family, but knowing him that's wishful thinking.”

Mother and daughter had soon agreed for Jeri to contact her mother again later to inform her when it would be possible to meet.

The young woman hadn't even noticed that her lover and her sons had entered the dining room while she'd been on her call in the kitchen. Jeri blushed softly as three pairs of eyes were suddenly on her when she entered the room.

Kate stated gently. “We waited for you, darling. Your call seemed rather important, so I deemed it best not to disturb you.”

Jeri smiled, sitting down next to her lover. “That's really sweet of you. Sorry for keeping you waiting. The pancakes must be cold by now. You're right, that call was important. It was my mother. I told her that I moved out of Jack's place.

Apparently he tried calling her various times yesterday, but she refused to pick up. I'd been so hopeful, deluded into thinking he truly felt sorry, that he'd finally realized what he'd done to my family and me, but mom's probably right. Men like him don't learn. He won't give up so easily.

Anyway, mom and I have agreed to meet either today after work or tomorrow. She wants to get to know my new roommates before allowing me to take Alex here with me. I didn't expect the introductions to happen this soon, but I guess it's time you'll meet my mom.

I hope you're fine with that, Kiernan. My mom's usually a very open-minded person, so I don't foresee any major problems, apart from the fact that she's never seen me with another woman before and is convinced that I'm straight...”

Kate blinked, stating. “Darling, that sounds quite concerning. Apart from you dating another woman, said woman is considerably older than you and has two sons. I feel like those are potential problems, but maybe I'm too pessimistic here.

The Jack situation sounds rather concerning as well and I guess I'll also have to agree with your mother on it. It all went a little too smoothly that day.

Tim still doesn't know that it's over either and I dread calling him...”

Ian spoke up at this, superficially having listened to their conversation. “Tim doesn't know yet, mom? I thought you'd broken up with him?”

The redhead sighed, feeling even more guilty than she already did. “No, I kinda forgot all about him until you mentioned him yourself yesterday, Ian.”

To her astonishment, Jeri suggested. “I could make that call for you if you're afraid of doing so yourself, my love. After all, you've had the talk with Jack as well that day. I feel like I owe you one.”

Ian grinned widely. “I like that idea. You should agree, mom. I'm sure Lynn can put him in his place! Especially if she uses her Seven voice. That voice makes even the biggest jerk out there shiver in fear and call for his mommy.”

Kate shot her infamous death stare at her oldest son which made the young boy visibly flinch, telling him sternly. “Language, young man.”

He nodded slowly, whispering. “Y-yes, Ma'am.”

Jeri chuckled at their display, silently enjoying the view of her lover displaying that as she deemed most erotic stare of hers a little too much as the heat pooling between her legs told her.

'Damn it, woman! You know full well how much that stare of yours affects me, yet you recklessly use it while I'm trying to have breakfast in peace.

One thing's for sure, if I had her as my mom I'd be shivering in fear every time she'd shoot me that glare. As much as I love seeing it as her lover, as an adult, for a kid, it must be so frightening.'

After breakfast, the newfound family went their separate ways. The boys taking the bus to school, while Jeri and Kate drove to the set in Kate's car.

Jeri realizing that her own car was still at Jack's place, just like the rest of her stuff, whispered. “Guess I'll eventually have to go to the mansion again, after all, seeing as how my car and the rest of my stuff are still there.”

Kate immediately stated. “I'm gonna accompany you there, darling. Just tell me when you want to go there and we'll drive there together, okay?”

Jeri nodded, smiling gratefully. “Thanks, babe. I really don't wanna have to face that man on my own. If what mom stated earlier is true, he's waiting for his chance to take revenge...”

Jeri shivered at the thought.

The duo had soon arrived on studio grounds.

Kate leaned over and quickly kissed the younger woman on the lips before once more making her way to the costume and make-up rooms first while Jeri herself went to her trailer as per usual, careful not to be seen on her way.

She'd just arrived at her trailer when knocks on her door alerted her. 'Who can this be right now? I doubt it's Kiernan. She merely went over to get prepared after all.'

The young woman found herself praying to a deity she didn't believe in that it wasn't Jack, or Braga before calling out hesitantly. “Who's there?”

To her relief, a familiar childish voice exclaimed. “It's me, Scarlett. May I come inside, Jeri?”

The blonde felt her heart warm, a smile forming on her face. “Come in, Scully junior. The door's open.”

The door opened and in walked the youngest castmember of Voyager, a spring in her step.

She practically jumped into her older friend's arms, asking carefully. “Are you feeling better? When Mr. Braga stated yesterday that you were sick, I grew really worried. Kate was sick as well, so I couldn't ask her if she knew anything regarding your state.”

Jeri coughed at those words, asking her young friend. “What makes you think Kate would know about my state, Scarlett?”

The clever girl stated matter-of-factly. “After Kate has confessed her feelings to you and that she's M, the two of you must be dating now. Aren't you?”

Jeri's jaw went slack at her friend's words, cheeks having turned crimson, voice suspiciously high-pitched. “S-Scarlett, you do know that I'm a married woman and Kate's dating, right?

Also, what do you mean you knew she was M? Just how long did you know that she's the person behind those letters?”

The young girl looked down, guilt lacing her features, voice small. “I kinda figured it out by myself when I learned that she'd been on various crime tv shows in the past herself and her last name starts with an M too.

Somehow, I never truly bought her act of hating the guts of you. It didn't suit the Kate Mulgrew I'd gotten to know during the time we'd been together on the show.

So, one day I set a trap for her by asking if she likes crime shows to which she replied with a yes and I asked her if she has watched The X-Files before, to which she told me that she loved the show, especially Dana Scully.

We then talked about The X-Files and Scully for a while until I told her about the letters you'd received and that you'd hired me as private investigator in this case.

Her eyes widened for a split second there and that was all it took for me to put two and two together and I then confronted her. She eventually confessed once I'd given her my word not to share my knowledge with you.

The good friend and detective I am I then made her promise me to eventually reveal her identity to you herself, telling her that it was not fair to keep such things hidden from you.

She then confessed that she has feelings for you which I'd in all honesty already assumed and I told her to confess to you since it would be unfair to hide that kind of information from you.

Also, something, call it female intuition, told me you were anything but happy in your marriage and might have feelings for Kate as well. I mean, that chemistry of yours is no joke!”

Jeri was beyond stunned at her young friend's words, taking her into another hug. “Well, you were right, Scully junior. I do have feelings for Kate as well, but in comparison to you, I had been sure for the longest time that it must be one-sided.

Her act of hating the guts of me was very convincing. That only once more proves that she's a great actress.

Oh, M didn't stand for her last name by the way.”

Scarlett grinned. “I'd figured as much myself. Did it stand for Mulder?”

Jeri chuckled and shook her head to which the young girl blinked. “It didn't? What did it stand for then?”

Jeri smirked. “Meas. Believe me, it sounds much better when she says it with her Irish accent. It's Gaelic and stands for admirer.”

Scarlett gasped. “Oh! That's even more ingenious than I'd anticipated. I'm gonna have to ask Kate to say that word for me later. I'm really curious as to how it's properly pronounced now!”

When Jeri entered the costume room, Bob Blackman wore the biggest grin she'd ever seen on him, irritating her.

She asked hesitantly. “Bob, what's gotten you in such a great mood?”

His answer stunned her. “The fact that my favorite ladies are back for work. How are you doing, darling? You don't look sick to me anymore. Am I wrong?”

Jeri chuckled softly. “I'm fine. Thankfully, that cold went as soon as it had come. Kate and I are your favorites? What gives us the honor?”

She noticed too late that she'd once more spoken of them using typical couple terms.

'Damn it! At this rate, it would be no surprise if he knew. This is bad...'

The costume designer left the statement uncommented and simply nodded. “Of course you are my favorites. It's always such a pleasure designing costumes for the two of you and having you around here in general. I also love watching you film together.

Your scenes together are always such a delight! From what I've heard Brannon has seriously planned to turn J/7 canon now. However, I have a hard time believing that, knowing that milksop he'll chicken out last minute and change his decision.

Sigh. Janeway and Seven would make for such a great pairing...”

Jeri smirked. “I couldn't agree more with you on that, Bob. Guess only time will tell if Braga will go through with it or prove to be as much of a coward and a homophobe as I suspect he is.

Now, which biosuit is Seven supposed to be wearing for today's episode?”

Kate was standing at her usual spot outside the studio building, mind lightyears away when that pleasant alto of her lover whispered in her ear. “What's going on in that beautiful mind of yours?”

The redhead chuckled softly. “Trust me, my mind's anything but beautiful, darling. I was wondering about your husband and the meeting with your mother, the call with Tim...”

Jeri held up a hand, forestalling her lover's next words. “In other words, you've been at a bad place. Babe, it's gonna be fine. I know it's quite a lot to deal with at once and it can get overwhelming, but you shouldn't worry about these things.

We'll manage it together, alright? For now, we should focus on work. Janeway and Seven demand our full attention and they deserve it too, don't you think?”

Kate nodded, nuzzling the younger woman's neck which made Jeri hum in content. “You're right, darling. I have a tendency to panic in situations like this.

This episode we'll be shooting today is very important, however, and you're right saying that I should focus on doing Janeway justice.”

Jeri's cheeks turned pink when her lover mumbled. “Mhm, you smell delectable, darling.”

The blonde coughed softly, mentally cursing her tease of a lover for once again turning her on while they were on set.

Her voice was low when she stated. “We should head back inside.”

Kate sighed and nodded, slowly disentangling from her lover.

Her eyes turned wide when she took in Jeri's appearance for the first time ever since she'd joined her here, exclaiming. “You look stunning! I had no idea Blackman had created a new biosuit. I love this model. It's in Annika's favorite color, red.”

Jeri smiled softly. “I love it as well. Also, these new biosuits are far more comfortable than the first silver one.

How I dreaded having to wear that damned corset. They didn't even allow me to keep it and burn it. I'm still mad at that...”

When Kate and Jeri arrived on set they were greeted with howls and cheers, a fact that concerned both of them. Despite both having arrived separately, they were growing more and more suspicious of the behavior of the people working alongside them.

'Hopefully, Scarlett hasn't spilled anything. Nah, she wouldn't be doing that. Blackman's also always acting kinda suspicious. Or what if Braga himself figured it out?

No, there's no way. He's not smart enough and he's convinced that both Kate and I are straight, leading happy relationships with men. Homophobic bastard...'

Jeri had a hard time not sighing, hating the fact that she had to keep a low profile around her girlfriend at work even more now when she so desperately needed the comfort of her presence.

At least, they could be close while filming their scene together.

Janeway was standing in front of the viewport of her ready room, gazing at the stars streaking by. The captain felt oddly melancholic for reasons she couldn't comprehend.

Now that the Hirogen hunters had left her ship, she should be relieved, but the redhead couldn't help but feel like something was amiss. What that something was, she had no idea.

The chime rang, snapping her out of her reverie.

She had a hard time not letting her voice be affected by her state, calling out to whoever it was that was waiting outside. “Come in!”

The doors swished open, Janeway turned around to face her visitor.

Her eyes widened for a split second when it turned out to be her protégée, Seven of Nine.

The captain deemed this odd. 'Since when is Seven ringing my chime?'

She dismissed the strange feeling and asked the younger woman gently. “Seven, what brings you here?”

To her astonishment, the blonde started to squirm, her voice far less arrogant and stoic than usual, sounding almost... frightened, worrying the older woman even further. “I was wondering if you... remembered as well, captain.”

Kate had a hard time keeping her composure and that command mask of Janeway's in check at her lover's puppy eyes and that adorable, vulnerable tone of her voice which made her want to wrap her arms around the younger woman.

Janeway frowned. “I don't think I can follow you, Seven. You were wondering if I remembered what?”

The older woman's eyes turned wide when Seven whispered. “The simulation, our time together on the holodeck in Saint Claire. You do not remember. Do you?”

Janeway felt her heart ache at the young woman's crestfallen expression, her voice barely a whisper now, tears brimming in her eyes.

Kate felt a knot form in her throat at the very real tears brimming in Jeri's eyes which to her concern had turned almost completely white, shocking her.

Janeway walked closer to her protégée, never minding personal space, placing a hand on the blonde's cheek. “I'm afraid I don't remember. I'm sorry, Seven...”

The captain's eyes widened in alarm when out of a sudden, the young woman collapsed.

Only thanks to her fast reflexes did she still manage to catch her and prevent her from falling onto the hard deck.

Her voice betrayed the maelstrom of emotions raging inside her when she called out. “Computer, initiate emergency transport to sickbay.”

Kate sighed out heavily once her day of filming was over and she was back in her own clothes. Jeri, as per usual had dashed off to the restrooms, worrying the redhead today more than ever for reasons she wasn't sure of.

She went over to the restrooms, positioning in front of the closed stall, calling out carefully. “Lynn, is everything alright?”

The door opened and the woman in question stepped out, cheeks flushed.

Kate frowned at the sight, worried her lover wasn't as fit as she'd stated this morning and that the fever had come back. 'She does look pretty feverish.'

To her surprise, Jeri stated. “You're asking me if everything's alright? Oh, I dunno. I had to practically dash off here to relieve all that built-up tension caused by your teasing.

Could you maybe warn me beforehand the next time you decide to invade my private space while we're filming a scene together, not even to mention touch me?

You touched me, stared at my boobs, my lips, my... yeah I think you know what I mean more times than I could count and you were shamelessly flirting with me and using that Goddamn voice of yours.

You are aware that I'm naked under those biosuits, are you and it was soaked after today. I had to come up with an excuse to keep it. There was no way I could've brought it back to Blackman in the state it was in.

Thankfully the material is not as sensitive as I'd feared and I'm gonna wash it once we'll be back home, but still. Please warn me in advance next time, woman.”

Kate's cheeks had turned crimson by now and she nodded slowly, her voice sounded hoarse. “Will do, Lynn.”

She added, voice laced in guilt. “I'm sorry, darling. I had no idea you were wearing nothing underneath those one-pieces.

Guess, I could've figured so by now, based on how skintight they are, but you know that I'm a little slow, an idiot...”

Jeri smiled softly, pecking her nose, her voice gentle. “You're my idiot. It's fine, babe. Blackman was understanding. I swear he's onto us...”

Kate nodded slowly. “So it's not only me who thought so, hu? Hopefully, he'll keep his mouth shut...”

Her voice and expression softened. “This idiot of yours loves you more than anything. So, what's the game plan? Do you wanna head back home first and freshen up?”

Jeri smiled. “And I love my idiot more than anything as well.”

She pecked Kate's cheek and nodded. “Yeah, let's head back home first. I'm gonna call my mom later and tell her that we'll meet with her tomorrow. Would that be alright with you, babe?”

Kate nodded. “That would be fine, darling. Filming today took longer than expected and seeing as how we've both merely recovered from being sick we should get some rest for now.”

Jeri chuckled, adding playfully. “And I should wash that biosuit.”

Kate snickered. “In all honesty, I should wash that since I'm responsible for it being in the state it's in now.”

Jeri smirked. “Very true, Kate Tease Mulgrew. While you're already at it, you can wash our sleepwear and bedding too, babe. We shouldn't continue sleeping in that after being sick.”

Kate sighed. “Yeah, yeah. Leave it all to, Kate Mulgrew, housewife, and mother.”

Jeri once more imagined being married to this woman. 'One day.', she promised herself, despite knowing full well that was probably wishful thinking.

Their drive home was silent, Kate sulking, a fact that the younger woman found adorable and had to tell her. “Babe, you look so adorable when you're sulky.”

Jeri mentally patted her shoulder, the butterflies in the pit of her stomach dancing in glee at the older woman's cheeks turning crimson, muttering. “Lynn... You're doing that on purpose. Aren't you? I have half a nerve to punish you later.”

That last statement made Jeri blush in turn, the young woman once more inwardly cursing her tease of a lover.

Her eyebrow raised she remarked dryly. “Better make no empty promises, Kiernan. You know you've left me hanging earlier already and that you owe me one. Do you?”

Kate smirked. “Who said I was making empty promises, darling? I very much do plan to make up for leaving you hanging earlier. Don't worry.”

The older woman bit her lip. “We gotta be careful though. Now that Ian and Alec are back home again, you need to keep it down. I'm not sure if you're aware, but you have a tendency to be pretty noisy while making love, Lynn.

I personally don't mind that, I love it in fact, but I don't want my babies, especially my innocent little Alec to become witness to his mom making love to her lover.”

Jeri hadn't deemed it possible to blush even more, but her cheeks had just surpassed crimson and were by now more leaning towards the color of ripe cherries.

She dreaded their lovemaking to come, now that the cat was out of the bag.

The young woman had obviously not been aware to be particularly noisy before and now that.

She sincerely wished she could dig herself a hole and hide in it...


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kate and Jeri realized their break has started, having forgotten all about that in midst of everything. They finally have dinner with Alex and Jeri's parents which evokes negative memories...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to this story, my lovely readers! I'm finally back with an update for this story. I hope you're going to enjoy this chapter. If you do, please be so kind to let me know. :)

When they arrived back at the apartment, Jeri immediately declared that she'd call her mother to inform her that they wouldn't be able to meet tonight anymore.

Sharon Zimmermann had been kind and understanding as always, advising her daughter to get some rest after a long day of work which Jeri had planned to do.

Kate had already removed the bedding and put it in the laundry along with their sleepwear. The only thing missing was that biosuit.

Kate was still not fully convinced that one-piece was as uncomplicated as her lover had claimed earlier, but if Blackman the designer himself had stated so, it was most likely true.

The redhead called out. “Lynn, where did you put that biosuit? I wanna start the laundry.”

The younger woman called out over her shoulder. “It's in my handbag. I'll bring it over.”

She walked into the bedroom and gingerly took the one-piece out of her handbag, dread, and humiliation filling her at the still-soaked garment on her arms. 'All because a certain someone had to be a tease again earlier.'

Jeri sheepishly threw the biosuit into the washing machine, Kate's piercing blue eyes seeming to burn holes into her while she did so.

The older woman started the program, asking her lover. “Are you hungry, darling? I could cook dinner for us.”

Jeri in all honesty didn't feel very hungry but knew better than to worry her lover by saying so and shrugged. “Sure, dinner sounds good. We should probably ask the boys what they want to eat too. I doubt they already ate. Or do they know how to cook?”

Kate chuckled and shook her head. “No, cooking is clearly not their forte. They do love to eat though. Never underestimate the appetite of boys in their development.

Ever since Ian hit puberty he keeps on eating and he never puts on a pound of weight either. Instead, he grows and will probably soon be towering over me.”

Jeri snickered at this, stating. “I've already noticed they seem to have quite a healthy appetite, especially Ian. Having an older brother myself, I know how boys during puberty tend to eat all the time.

My mother always packed huge stacks of sandwiches for him, yet Mark came home hungry from school every day and gobbled down loads of dinner, always demanding seconds and thirds. We were polar opposites even back then...”

The young woman inwardly scolded herself for what she'd just said, hoping against hope, Kate hadn't heard it.

She quickly told her lover. “I'm gonna go check on the boys and ask them what they want for dinner.”

Kate blinked, staring at the retreating form of the blonde dumbfounded, muttering. “What was that just now?”

Jeri sighed softly, feeling terrible for having overreacted, and fled the scene like a coward. She had panicked for a moment there, afraid her lover would be able to put two and two together, or ask uncomfortable questions.

The blonde had arrived at the door to Ian's room, steeling herself before knocking. She frowned when she was met by silence from inside.

Not one to give up so soon convinced the young boy must be in there, not having seen him anywhere around the apartment, she knocked once more, this time more firmly only to be met by silence again.

Suddenly a thought occurred to her. 'Maybe he's wearing headphones and listening to music, so he can't hear me.'

Jeri felt bad having to invade the young boy's privacy but she was left with no choice. She had tried to alert Ian of her presence and ask permission to enter first, after all. It wasn't her fault he didn't answer or hear her.

The blonde carefully opened the door and entered the room. It soon became apparent that the young boy wasn't around. Taking the late hour into consideration, Jeri started to worry. 'Why is he not home yet? This is odd...'

She quickly scanned the area and had soon found a note on the desk. She quickly fetched it and brought it over to her lover, seeing how it was addressed to the older woman. Kate frowned when she saw Jeri come back on her own.

The blonde handed her the note, declaring. “I believe this is for you. I found it on Ian's desk.” Kate nodded and quickly read the message.

_Mom, Jessi called earlier and asked if I could come over. Don't wait with dinner for me. I'm gonna stay over at her place tonight. Alec told me this morning he's gonna stay over at a friend's place as well. So Lynn and you have the place all to yourselves tonight. Make the most of it. ;) Ian_

Kate's cheeks had turned crimson, a fact that confused the blonde. “Kiernan, what does the note say?”

Jeri's eyes went wide, her own cheeks heating up. “Well... It looks like the kids are both staying over somewhere else tonight, so we have the place to ourselves. Ian wants us to make the most of it and topped it off with a winking face. Seriously, that boy!

I can only hope and pray him staying over at his girlfriend's place is safe. I'm too young to be a grandma...”

Jeri snorted out a laugh at that last remark of her lover. “Babe, relax. Having met Ian, I highly doubt he's gonna try anything with his girlfriend yet. They're still kids and they merely started dating too.

Boys at that age tend to brag and joke around about sex, but most of them are too immature and afraid to actually sleep with a girl yet. They're most likely simply gonna hang around, watch tv, play video games, eat, cuddle, that kind of stuff.”

Kate sighed and nodded. “I guess you're right, darling. I panicked there for a moment. You're right, he's too innocent and immature to sleep with Jessi yet. Also, they merely started dating too.

Having met his girlfriend before, she'd put him in his place if he'd try funny business and he knows that. Looks like it's only you and I around here tonight then, my love.”

Jeri nodded, the lovers simply stared into each other's eyes for a moment, the air around them crackling with anticipation and desire. The younger woman slowly approached her lover, cupping her cheeks, their lips locking in a passionate kiss.

Kate squealed most adorably as the taller woman lifted her up, carrying her over to the bedroom.

Kate blinked in confusion. “Darling, what happened to dinner?”

Jeri smirked. “I seem to be craving something other than food tonight, my love.”

The blonde gently placed the petite woman on the bed, positioning on top of her. She bit her lip, asking suddenly hesitantly. “If you are hungry though...

I don't wanna force you to skip dinner because of me. Sorry for acting so selfish right there. I was caught up in the heat of the moment-”

Jeri was effectively silenced by a pair of soft, warm lips pressed firmly against her own. Kate's voice felt like a caress, purring against her lover's lips. “Darling, it's fine. I owe you one still, remember?”

The younger woman nodded, licking her lips. “You do.”

Kate moaned softly as Jeri tugged her earlobe gently, one of the older woman's sweet spots, hands riding under her blouse. The redhead was breathing hard. “Wait, darling. It's me who owes you one, remember?”

Jeri chuckled, a smug expression on her face, her voice dripping in desire, a fact that sent the heat pooling between her lover's thighs. “You never asked how I wanted you to repay me. I want to ravish you, miss Mulgrew. Unless you have objections.”

Kate blushed, biting her lip. “I have no objections, darling. If that's what you want then who am I to refuse you?”

The redhead blinked when Jeri announced. “I hope you didn't have any other plans tonight, my love, because I have a goal that might take some time to achieve.”

Kate frowned, asking suspiciously. “And what would that goal be, darling?”

Her cheeks turned the color of her favorite red wine, a deep burgundy when her lover told her accompanied by a wink. “I want to show appreciation to every single one of your freckles, my love.”

Their lovemaking had gone on for hours and now both women were lying in each other's arms, their hunger for each other sated, for the moment anyway.

Meanwhile, their stomachs were empty and the younger woman's traitorous belly had the audacity to announce that, giving off an angry growl that sent the heat to the young woman's cheeks.

Kate snickered, asking her lover playfully. “Care for a midnight snack, my love?”

Jeri smiled sheepishly. “I'd like that, yeah.”

Her eyes widened in astonishment when Kate remarked accompanied by a wink. “Good thing I prepared a little something earlier.”

The blonde blinked. “Hu? When did you do that?”

Her cheeks heated up in humiliation when Kate stated casually. “You took quite some time looking for the kids, so I had already started with dinner preparations, darling.”

Jeri nodded slowly. “Ah, yeah. Sorry about that. I would've helped if I knew about your plans.”

Kate waved it off dismissively. “It's fine, Lynn. No need to apologize. Also, I said that I made the preparations. Dinner's not finished yet.”

The younger woman's eyes widened. “Oh! Is there anything I can do to help? What did you plan to have for dinner anyway, babe?”

Her jaw dropped when Kate stated casually. “Pizza. The preparations are complete. It only needs to be put in the oven and baked still.”

Jeri had instantly agreed to put the pizza which looked absolutely delicious into the oven. Her mouth started to water at the smell soon filling the air.

One thing that worried her, however, was the size of the pizza. It had clearly been meant to be for four people, not merely two.

Jeri snapped out of her musings when Kate exclaimed excitedly from the living room. “Darling, come over here! Voyager's airing! It's a re-run of tonight's episode!”

Knowing that the episode that had been airing earlier tonight had been a new one, Jeri quickly went over to the living room, joining her lover on the couch, giddy in excitement.

Both women found themselves wondering if tonight's episode had been a J/7 episode if you will. The episode's title was _Hunters_ and it was featuring the Hirogen hunters.

Jeri's heart melted when her lover looked at her with those irresistible puppy eyes, asking. “May I sit on your lap, Lynn?”

The younger woman nodded, smiling affectionately at the older woman, patting her lap. “Come here, cutie pie.”

Kate's cheeks turned crimson, a wide grin that caused her eyes to sparkle spreading across her face.

She happily climbed on the taller woman's lap, Jeri pecked her forehead, whispering. “Happy, my beloved kitten?”

Kate nodded happily, humming in content. “You're still the most comfortable seat, my love. The couch simply can't compare.”

Jeri chuckled at this, remarking. “You can't watch the episode like this though, babe. You might wanna alter your position, so you're facing the screen.”

Kate pouted but in the end, complied and altered her position. The blonde's arms were wrapped around the smaller woman's waist, securely holding her in place, her head resting on her shoulder, occasionally pecking her lover's neck and cheek.

Kate gave off an adorable whimper when Jeri kissed her sensitive earlobe.

Their eyes focused on the tv again, gasping out at the scene currently displayed there. Both women remembered filming that scene oh too well. It had been on the day during which Kate had written and sent her first 'fanmail' as M to the younger woman.

The way Janeway and Seven were dancing around each other, exchanging longing glances while the older woman completely disregarded the young ex-Borg's personal space caused both women to blush, seeing as how technically it had very much been the two of them acting in that manner and not only the characters they represented on the show.

A ring from the kitchen alerted the lovers that their pizza was ready.

Kate jumped up, declaring. “I'm gonna go grab our dinner, darling. I'll be right back.”

Jeri nodded slowly. “Alright. I'll enjoy J/7 for a little longer.”

Kate stuck out her tongue at her clearly teasing lover at this to which Jeri laughed. 'Such a cutie. I can't believe I didn't see the love in her eyes all this time. It's painfully obvious in Janeway's eyes during this episode.'

Jeri winced when she remembered the way the biosuit had pressed against her bladder while shooting this particular scene and how she'd barely made it to the restrooms on time to relieve herself.

Her eyes widened in disbelief when her gaze focused on the screen again where both Janeway and Seven were currently mutually staring at each other's lips. Jeri didn't even remember this which shocked her even more.

Her heart skipped a beat when her lover who must've gotten back without her noticing exclaimed. “I didn't remember shooting this episode to be this intense! We stared at each other's lips for that long and no one said anything.

Apparently that other time when you backed me against that ready room desk wasn't the first time this kind of thing happened.”

Jeri blushed at the memory, nodding slowly. “Yeah. It very much looks like it. Now I can believe Braga not wanting to turn J/7 canon even less. They're clearly pining hard for each other. The tension is almost painful as a viewer to see.”

Kate couldn't agree more, her voice genuine. “Seeing this once again makes me all the more grateful we found each other again in real life. This yearning indeed was physically painful, I can very well relate to Janeway there.

Always watching you from afar, forcing myself to stay the hell away from you, afraid to taint you, frighten you, or force you to quit the show.”

Jeri's heart ached at her lover's words, asking softly. “You were afraid I'd leave the show if I found out about your feelings? Babe, I would've never done that even if I didn't return your feelings. I'm not that kind of person.

The day this episode was filmed was actually the one I received my first letter from M and for some reason that day I also first realized that I had strong feelings for you, but I wasn't really aware of what those feelings meant yet.

I'm so glad we ended up together like this myself. Let's hope Braga's gonna man-up and give J/7 a fair chance too.”

Before they knew it, the pizza was gone, both women having worked up quite an appetite which wasn't all too surprising considering the last time they'd eaten something had been hours ago.

Jeri's heart melted when she noticed her lover had fallen asleep, curled up on her lap much like a cat.

She breathed adoringly. “Sweet dreams, my precious kitten.”

Jeri carried her precious luggage back to their bedroom, carefully placing her on the bed, changing her into a black nightgown, marveling at the sight for a moment wishing at this moment like so many times before she like Seven possessed a cortical node to be able to save this.

'She truly is a sight for sore eyes.'

Jeri carefully tucked in her peacefully sleeping lover before laying down next to her, sleeping in the nude, her pj's still in the laundry.

'I'll have to go back to the mansion after all and get the rest of my stuff and my car. Also, I'd really love to go back to the sea. I miss it...'

Her eyes closed and before she knew it, Jeri had fallen asleep as well...

_She looked around, blinking. It soon became apparent that she was dreaming again. Jeri had a hard time observing when the force of her younger self's emotional turmoil hit her._

_It was plain to see that her initial assumptions had been correct and she indeed had planned to end her life at that time._

_The blonde took in the scenery, deeming it to be just as gorgeous as she'd been told by the travel agency. They hadn't lied stating this was the perfect vacation spot if you wanted to escape the hectic big city life and unwind._

_The young woman went down to the beach right away, taking in the rocky shore, eyes wandering the area, not a single soul around. Perfect! She thought to herself._

_'_ _No, damn it! You're such an idiot. Ending your life like that is never a solution. I was so young and dumb at that time.'_

_Lynn continued observing the scenery when something caught her attention. A lone figure could be seen sitting in the sand, gazing out at the sea, hair played with by the breeze._

_Jeri felt anticipation rising for reasons she wasn't sure, Lynn's curiosity also was peaked and the young woman cautiously approached the figure, all the while making sure to maintain a safe distance, so as not to alert the person, or disturb them._

_Jeri's confusion rose, even more, when the figure turned out to be none other than Kiernan._

_The older woman was seemingly lost in thought, Lynn's heart leaped, a curious flutter starting in the pit of her stomach, highly irritating the young woman who had never before experienced said physical responses._

_The blonde felt herself wondering about the petite woman who looked so lonely, lost, and forlorn._

_Lynn felt a strong urge to hug her, reassure her, but was too shy to do so, afraid of rejection, or even worse, knowing full well how most people thought about women who were romantically interested in other women._

_The young woman left the beach, trying to find a place to stay which proved far more difficult than she'd anticipated, people refusing her because of her American accent, something she had not at all anticipated._

_Dejected the young woman went to a pub that evening and was stunned to find the woman from earlier at the beach sitting there at a table on her own._

_Lynn took all her courage together and asked if she could sit with her to which the older woman to her delight and astonishment agreed._

_The mood changed and she found herself by the beach again, sitting on Kiernan's lap, her body cold and dripping with seawater. Jeri was stunned at this, eagerly drinking in the sight of her smiling lover through the eyes of her younger self._

_Lynn nuzzled into her lover, whispering. “You smell so good.”_

_Kiernan's cheeks turned crimson, muttering.“You're too much, Lynn. Need I remind you that we're currently on the beach which is technically very much public?”_

_Jeri couldn't agree more, yet found herself anticipating her younger self's next actions and words. Knowing she was a rather shy person, there was no way she'd..._

_“I'm already wet anyway, Kiernan. This beach might be public, but I doubt anyone would see us. We're usually the sole visitors. Swimming made me quite hungry.”_

_Jeri was beyond stunned at her younger self's words, seemingly so was Kiernan._

_Yet, the older woman to her shock remarked, voice low and sensual. “You've got a point there, my love. Also, it's unhealthy to stay in wet clothes like this for too long. I don't want to risk you catching a cold. Let's warm each other up.”_

_After an extended session of lovemaking, the two women were resting in each other's embrace._

_Without her lover noticing, the blonde had sneakily taken a picture while they were resting in each other's embrace, the smiles on their faces forever saved in form of a polaroid._

_That night when her lover was fast asleep in their bed, Lynn for reasons that eluded her, left a note on the back of the picture along with a lipstick kiss mark, applying her favorite pink lipstick, the older woman had gifted her, aware pink was the younger woman's favorite color, wanting to repay her lover for gifting her the cigarette box the other day._

_Lynn had been delighted at that gift, treasuring it dearly._

Jeri woke up with a heavy heart. Those memories had been so bittersweet. 'I wonder if I'd planned to leave her that picture as a farewell gift. Did I seriously still want to go through with my initial plan and take my life?

Kiernan and I were so close, we'd been through so much already during the short time we'd spent together back then. I can't believe I'd been willing to throw all that away so recklessly and selfishly leave her behind.

She deserved so much better. The fact that she does own that picture though must mean that I did gift it to her at one point. Maybe it was that day she saved me from drowning...'

The blonde was snapped out of her dark thoughts by her favorite voice that sounded concerned. “Darling, are you alright? You look quite flushed. Is your fever back?”

Jeri smiled softly and shook her head, placing a gentle kiss on the older woman's cheek. “I'm fine. Just had a few more memories that were kinda bittersweet coming back to me in form of dreams.”

To her surprise, Kate stated. “I also had such dreams. We made love on the beach...”

Jeri's cheeks heated up, muttering. “W-well... It looks like we shared those dreams again then. I can't believe I'd already seen you before we apparently had our official first meeting at that pub.”

Kate blinked. “What do you mean, darling?”

The older woman's jaw dropped when Jeri explained. “I had gone to the beach pretty much first thing after arriving in that town and I noticed you sitting there, gazing out at the sea, looking so small, lonely, forlorn.

You really bring out my protective side, you know that? I'd felt a strong urge to take you into a hug seeing you like this, but you were merely a stranger at the time and I was afraid to get the same reaction I usually did if you'd learn of my orientation.

That you'd push me away, harass me, be repulsed, report me to the police even, but then it was you who offered me to stay at the apartment with you when we met again at the pub...”

Kate whispered sincerely. “I could've never rejected you, resisted you, darling. From the moment I first laid eyes on you, I instinctively knew I was done for. You too, bring out my protective side, you know?

That evening at the pub you looked so dejected, out of place, it pulled at my heartstrings, and God you were still so young too. Just how young were you that time anyway? I'm personally still not entirely sure when exactly those events transpired.”

Jeri frowned. “I'm not exactly sure either, to be honest. All I know for sure is that it was before I met Jack, married him even, and seeing as how that took place in '91, I'd say that time in Ireland must've been either '89 or '90.

My gut feeling tells me it must've been the summer of '89 though. I'd turned 21 that year, so no need to worry there. I was already legal at that time, albeit barely, my love.”

Kate coughed, cheeks turning red. “W-well, that's a relief, ahaha. So you were in your early twenties while I was already nearing my mid-thirties, was married, a mother, working full-time, already relatively well-known as an actress...

It's a mystery to me what you ever saw in someone this much older than yourself, Lynn. From what you told me back then, you had no previous experience dating either. Did you?”

Jeri frowned, not at all happy at her lover once more pointing out their age-difference and in a sense downgrading herself.

She gave a stern look that sent shivers down the older woman's spine, stating sincerely. “Kiernan, as I already told you seemingly countless times before, age is just a number.

I don't care how many candles are on your birthday cake, or on mine and neither should you because it's irrelevant. All that matters is that we love each other and make each other happy.

Also, had I not been aware of how old you were at that time I would've never been able to guess. You appeared much younger. I would've never doubted you a single moment had you told me you were in your mid-twenties back then.

I also still think you could easily pass as ten years younger than you are these days too. On a lighter note, yes, you were my first love and I'm glad that you were. It couldn't have been anyone else.

I'm still not entirely sure if we had any official date that time if you will, but I think those times we went to the beach together, went on trips to the center of that town, and the likes count as dates. At least they do to me.”

They exchanged a sweet kiss, a pout forming on the older woman's face that once more melted her lover's heart. “We gotta get ready for work. We're already running late as it is. I'd much prefer to stay right here with you, my love.

Your presence is enough to make me wanna slack off. It doesn't help that you're pressed against me in your naked glory.”

Jeri's cheeks flushed, only now realizing she was naked. 'Damn. I'd forgotten all about that for a moment there.'

She bit her lip, muttering. “We should really drive to the mansion and get the rest of my stuff and my car from there later. I'm gonna get ready first if you don't mind, babe.”

Kate nodded, frowning when her lover exclaimed from the hallway. “It seems like you have mail, babe. There was a letter lying on the floor. Someone must've thrown that in earlier. That's strange. It seems to be from Paramount.”

Kate was irritated by that, walking out into the hallway to join her lover, grabbing the letter. “Odd. What could this be about? Is it my paycheck? I didn't think it was due yet.”

Jeri shrugged. “I dunno. It does seem strange. Open it up, babe. I'm curious as well.”

The older woman sighed. “Let's hope it's not a bad omen. Like a notification that I'm fired...”

Jeri rolled her eyes. “Please. That's ridiculous. They can't kick you out of the show, you're the main character, the captain.”

Kate sighed. “That might be so, but receiving mail from them like that simply strikes me as odd and I can't help but have a bad feeling about this.”

The younger woman offered. “Shall I open it for you?”

Kate nodded slowly. “I'd appreciate that.”

Jeri opened the envelope, blinking hard, a fact that didn't go unnoticed by her lover who asked hesitantly. “Did they terminate my contract after all?”

Jeri rolled her eyes again, shaking her head, to which Kate audibly sighed in relief. “No, they didn't. Looks like your initial suspicions were right. It really is your paycheck and it says here to enjoy your break.”

The redhead blinked hard. “Break? Whatever does that mean? Did I miss out on something here?”

Suddenly it dawned on her and she exclaimed. “Of course! Yesterday was our last day of filming and today marks day one of our three-week break! I'd forgotten all about that already.”

The lovers had driven off to Jack's mansion, sincerely hoping Jeri's soon-to-be ex-husband was not home, wanting to finally fetch the rest of the blonde's stuff and her car.

Luck had been on their side as it turned out, the house seemed deserted when they arrived there, a fact that confused Jeri but that she brushed off for the time being.

After their short stay at the mansion, they had agreed to go down to the beach, both missing spending time there together. Kate had to promise her lover to not be so reckless and stand in the cold water unmoving like during their last stay here together.

In the end, they had agreed to stay away from the water today and instead simply sat on the warm sand together, gazing out at the sea. Jeri was reminded of that time she'd watched her lover for the first time back then in Ireland.

Both women were glad that this time Kate wasn't alone, or lonely but they held each other in a warm embrace, much like Lynn had wished to do back then.

Jeri soon decided to call her mother and ask her if she was agreeable to meet for dinner tonight. The older woman agreed right away. Jeri then had a short conversation with Alex who told her he was excited to meet her again and move to their new place together.

The young mother shed a few tears, hearing the genuine happiness in her son's voice.

Kate gasped when her lover suggested. “Shall we head back to the mansion? I'd love to swim a few laps, but the sea is too cold. I doubt Jack's back. I kinda miss swimming my laps in the pool.

We've already been there together. Well, indirectly. The Kate from my fantasies has been there with me before, watching me sunbathing.”

Kate smirked, voice dark and sensual. “Naughty naughty. So you were fantasizing about me watching you sunbathing as I assume barely dressed, hm?”

Jeri coughed, cheeks turning red. “W-well... You suddenly showed up. The fantasy didn't stop there either. You kinda seduced me and errr... I think you get the picture.”

Kate smirked. “Oho. That reminds me of last night's dream. So the Kate from your fantasies was a seductress, hu?”

Jeri chuckled. “Yeah, she was a true vamp. How could I have possibly refused her? That time I was convinced I had a heat-stroke and that was the reason I fantasized about these kinds of things.”

Kate barked out a laugh. “A heat-stroke, hu? Oh, wow. You were still deep in denial at the time, yes?”

Jeri smiled sheepishly. “Yeah, absolutely. At the time I was crushing hard on M and Kate Mulgrew was well...

My very straight colleague who was happily dating a man hated the guts of me and who I didn't stand a chance with but who just so happened to be enragingly hot and who I couldn't help but be very attracted to...”

Kate chuckled. “Well, looks can be deceiving, darling.

I'm not sure if I should feel flattered that you were romantically interested in me, the real me, in form of M and at the same time sexually interested in me, albeit not exactly the real me, but my professional persona, Kate, not Kiernan back then.”

The two women had gone back to the mansion, after all, Jeri swimming in the pool while Kate watched her this time from the side, sitting in a sun lounger, thoroughly enjoying the view.

'We gotta find a place with a pool, close to the sea. Seeing how much she loves to swim and is a big fan of the sea it seems like the best choice. Houses like this one right here sure must be expensive, however.

I'd honestly also love to go back to that seaside town in Ireland again with her sometime.'

The petite woman snapped out of her musings by a weight that was suddenly on top of her, her clothes getting soaked.

Kate chuckled. “You're cold and wet.”

Jeri smirked. “Warm me up then.”

The older woman smiled, wrapping her arms around her young lover. “Gladly. Did you enjoy your swim, darling?”

The blonde nodded, left brow raised. “I did and by the looks of it, you enjoyed the view as well. Am I wrong?”

Kate blushed and muttered. “Was it that obvious? I love seeing you in your element, my love. Seeing you happy makes me happy as well.”

They simply rested in each other's embrace for a while before Jeri to Kate's surprise stated. “I was wondering if we could go back to that town in Ireland. We're on vacation right now anyway and well... I kinda miss being there with you, my love.”

Kate who was aware her lover wasn't a big fan of winter and the cold remarked. “You are aware that it's winter right now and it can get really cold, freezing even in Ireland during that time of year, darling. Are you?”

Jeri shrugged. “I guess. Still, I'd love to go back there with you someday, my love.”

Kate smiled softly. “Same here. I doubt we'd find a place to stay on short notice like that though. Also, what do we do about the kids? We can't leave them behind, or would you like to take them with us?”

They'd driven back home where Kate's sons were already awaiting them alongside Ian's girlfriend, as Jeri assumed.

'She's gorgeous and is it only me or does she look oddly familiar?'

The young woman shrugged it off, for the time being, feeling rather shy in the young girl's presence, never having met her before. Jessi was very friendly and Jeri was soon warming up, relaxing.

Kate informed her sons about the dinner date with Jeri's mother and son to which Ian asked. “Can Jessi accompany us there, mom? As my girlfriend, she's now part of the family too.”

Kate exchanged a look with her lover who smiled. “Sure, you're right, Ian. Jessi can accompany us. The more the merrier. I'm sure mom and Alex won't mind.”

The two lovers had soon changed and Kate had dressed down, convinced by the younger woman who reassured her that this was a casual meeting, no official function and she should relax.

Kate was convinced that if Jeri was to ever meet her parents things would be very different, but she refrained from saying so, not wanting to scare off her already rather anxious lover.

When they arrived at the restaurant, Alex came running over to his mother, a fact that melted Kate's heart, the two of them exchanging a warm hug with the small boy clinging onto his mom as if for dear life.

Sharon Zimmermann approached the group hesitantly, surprised to find no man around, but instead an oddly familiar-looking woman she couldn't quite place as well as three kids.

The oldest of the group approached her daughter, asking her curiously. “Those are your roommates, Lynn?”

Jeri nodded, smiling shyly. “Yes, mom. In a sense, they are. Kiernan is my girlfriend who I moved in with after separating from Jack and the two boys are her sons. She's been married to a man before as well.”

To her surprise, her mother asked, eyes wide, mouth gaping. “Who is the girl with them?”

Jeri had almost forgotten all about Ian's girlfriend who had accompanied them last-minute, answering her mother. “That's Jessi, the girlfriend of Kiernan's oldest son, Ian. Why are you asking, mom?”

Jeri was stunned her mother left the fact that she was now dating a woman uncommented and instead asked about Ian's girlfriend.

That is until she whispered. “Haven't you noticed, Lynn? That girl looks just like you when you were a young teen...”

Jeri's eyes turned wide, suddenly realizing why that girl had looked so familiar earlier. Playing off her shock, she remarked casually. “Looks like Ian and his mom share a similar taste in girls.”

The small group went over towards a table that was already set up and coincidentally or not came with eight chairs. Jeri's father was already waiting for them.

His eyes, much like those of his wife turned wide at the sight of Jessi, a fact that unsettled Jeri who already regretted having decided to allow the young girl to accompany them so recklessly. 'Let's hope and pray this dinner will go smoothly.'

She leaned over towards her mother, asking her carefully. “Mom, how come you didn't say anything earlier when I told you Kiernan and I are dating?”

The young woman's jaw dropped when her mother stated casually. “I had my suspicions regarding your sexuality for a long time already, sweetie. It struck me as odd that you were never talking about, let alone bring home boys when you were a teen and young adult, but then Jack appeared, and well...

I figured maybe you were simply a late bloomer. He clearly wasn't the right person for you though. That much was obvious more or less from the start.

It's strange that... after that vacation of yours back then in the summer of '89 you had changed and at first I thought to the better. It was obvious to me that something had happened there, wherever there was and that it had left a great impact on you.

When we didn't hear from you at all the next few years, it was highly concerning, but I was convinced you were simply focusing on your studies and graduating from university.

Then you introduced Jack to us, as your husband and somehow it seemed off to me from the start. You weren't the type to get married to a random man just like that, never even introducing him to us first, telling me that you had started dating.

You had changed so much. I should have seen the signs, should've known that you were slipping away from us, just like your brother...”

Jeri felt her heart sink, her vision growing blurry, unfocusing, the blood rushing in her ears, familiar blackness soon engulfing her...


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kate finally cuts ties with Tim and has a heart-to-heart with her mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to this story, my lovely readers! We're nearing the end of this story. Just a few more chapters. I hope you're all going to enjoy this update. If you do, please be so kind to let me know. :)

“Darling, please hang in there. It was a mistake to go out for dinner, knowing you had merely recovered from your cold. It was also wrong to allow you to go to work yesterday...”

Jeri groaned out, her eyes slowly opening, frowning when she found herself lying in a bed, the concerned, tear-stricken face of her lover slowly came into view, a sight that hurt the young woman's heart, made her feel guilty.

She asked hesitantly. “What happened, Kiernan?”

The older woman whispered, gently caressing her cheeks. “You fainted earlier at the restaurant, darling. I talked to your parents and we agreed that I'd be taking you home since you clearly needed to rest.

I'm assuming that you might've not fully recovered from your cold and then you went to work yesterday which was very exhausting, to me too and you went swimming earlier for quite long too.

I should've known that you exerting yourself after merely having recovered from a pretty bad cold was a bad idea...”

Jeri swallowed and nodded. “You're probably right. Please stop blaming yourself, my love. It's my own fault.

I should've known better than to instantly go back to work after merely having recovered from a nasty cold like that, let alone go swimming in that state, but I once more couldn't resist the temptation of the water which seems to be somewhat my element...”

She tried to remember any of the events after swimming in the pool, but she had to realize that she came up empty-handed, and there once more was nothing but blackness.

'I must've blacked-out again. Damn it, that's embarrassing! I can't believe Kiernan had to witness this and the kids too...'

Her eyes widened in shock, muttering. “Alex? Did he see me fainting? Where is he now?”

Kate smiled softly. “Don't worry, darling. The kids had gone to the play corner of the restaurant with him and distracted him.”

Jeri sighed audibly in relief. “Thank God!”

Kate nodded and told her gently. “He insisted to accompany you, stay by your side. Look next to you.”

Jeri blinked, her heart melting when she saw the small boy sleeping peacefully next to her curled up against her side.

The blonde smiled. “So, that's the warmth I felt on my right side.”

Jeri gently caressed her lover's cheeks, wiping the tears away. “I'm sorry for worrying you earlier, my love, and for acting so reckless. In all honesty, I can't remember anything after swimming in the pool...”

Kate's eyes turned wide at this. “Oh. I'm sure your memories will come back eventually, darling. For now, we should sleep.”

Jeri nodded slowly. “Yes, I guess we should. I owe you one, my love.”

Kate blinked. “What do you mean, darling?”

The younger woman replied. “You drove me home, cared for me, took care of the kids, made sure Alex didn't have to witness me in this state, you brought him back here with me. Also, you talked to Jack that day. I'm gonna call Tim tomorrow.”

Kate's eyes shot open. “You don't have to do that, darling...”

Jeri was persistent. “I promised it yesterday and I meant it. It's the least I can do.”

The redhead wasn't so sure if this was a good idea, convinced Tim would instantly inform her parents about their eldest daughter being a sinner as they would surely call it who went against the Holy Bible.

'Lynn's lucky to have such open-minded parents, especially her mother, but my family is a whole other story. That only once again proves that we come from completely different backgrounds, were raised very differently.'

Kate was restless, having a hard time falling asleep that night and in the end, she committed sin again. Bitter tears ran down her cheeks as she sat on her balcony, the cool night breeze doing little to calm her down, dark thoughts filling her mind.

'I should be prepared for the worst. It would still be best if I made that call to Tim personally, instead of forcing Lynn to do so. My lover calling him is only gonna enrage him even more...'

That night, Jeri had nightmares, dark memories of her past haunting her while her small son slept peacefully next to her.

When Kate eventually went back inside, she was shocked by the sight of her lover who was tossing and turning, moaning in agony and pain, hair sticking to her forehead which was laced with cold sweat.

The older woman instantly panicked at this, quickly preparing a cool washcloth, dabbing at her lover's forehead, gently caressing her cheek, whispering words of reassurance.

She choked, a fresh row of tears rolling down her cheeks. “Oh, my poor darling... I'm so sorry...”

Jeri was stunned when she woke up the next morning and felt a weight on top of her. A smile slowly spread on her face at the sight of her lover that was sound asleep, clinging onto her as if for dear life.

'Oh my. Guess, I'll have to stay in bed for the time being. There's no way I can get up without waking her and I don't have it in me to do that. She needs the sleep as much as I did, this precious kitten of mine.'

The blonde could swear she had been plagued by nightmares again that night, but fortunately couldn't recall any details. She pressed a soft kiss on Kate's forehead and frowned, only now noticing the faint smell of cigarettes on her.

'When has she been smoking? I could swear, last night when we went to sleep that smell wasn't there. Odd...'

The moment Kate opened her eyes, Jeri knew there was something terribly wrong.

Her lover's voice sounded even smokier than usual, her eyes looking suspiciously blood-shot, only alarming her further. “Good morning, darling. How are you feeling?”

Jeri, unable to help herself remarked. “I feel like it should be me asking you that, Kiernan. Is there something you want to tell me? You seem to be in dire states. I can smell the cigarettes on you and judging by your eyes and your voice you have been drinking again too and quite heavily, even for your standards.

Babe, what happened?”

Kate choked up, thoroughly humiliated her lover had to see her like this. She hadn't planned to lose control like that. Her memory was very blurry.

She pressed out. “I'm sorry, Lynn, so sorry! It was all too much. Meeting with your parents, you fainting, your wish to call Tim... Your mother is so sweet, open-minded, something I don't know from my own family.

You meeting them would end in a disaster for sure and you calling Tim would only result in him calling my parents, my mother and telling her that I am a sinner, a whore who sleeps with women, who cheated on him with one, that I had merely used him, had no honor, was a disgrace with a severe addiction problem who has lost her grip, lost control, a mess.

You deserve so much better, Lynn. How do you keep up with my shit and why? You should look for someone better...”

Jeri frowned, gently cupping her distraught lover's face, forcing her to look her in the eyes. The younger woman was shocked at the sight of teary slate gray eyes looking at her, all life seemingly having been sucked out of them.

Steeling herself, the blonde told the older woman gently. “Kiernan, you could've told me about this. I didn't mean to intrude on your private life like that.

If you're uncomfortable with me calling your boyfriend then I won't be doing that and if you're afraid to break up with him, cut ties because of your parents, well so be it, I guess.

I can't force you to break up with that man, nor can I force you to stay with me. If your fear is too great, you're not ready to be with me yet then I understand that and I'm gonna look for another place to stay with Alex for the time being.

If this man would say these kinds of things about you to your parents, your mother then that just shows that he's a twisted bastard who has no honor, no respect and he deserves to rot in hell.

You are none of these things, Kiernan, I know you, the real you, in comparison to him, it seems and because of that I can say for a fact that you deserve so much better, the world and if your parents can't see that, if they don't know the value of their own daughter then that's a crying shame.

We're both broken, Kiernan. Two lost souls who have been through hell and back, various times in our lives, but we're perfect for each other, healing. I'm convinced that we can work this out together.

I will not give up on you, on us, and our love. I pull up with you because I love you, more than anything, you are my universe, my eternity.

You have already left me once, for a man, choosing your family, that apparently including your parents, your husband, and your children over me, over us. If you plan on doing that again then there's nothing I can do.

Maybe I'm the one that's not good enough, after all...”

Kate shook her head, tears running down her cheeks, voice cracking. “L-Lynn, no. Please don't say that! You're perfect for me, you are. I really want this to work, you, me, us. Our little patchwork family along with the kids, but...

I just wish my parents were more open-minded. My family means the world to me, it's the one thing that comes even before work for me, and... losing my parents, our connection, it would break my heart, it would be like losing a part of myself.

They aren't easy people, by no means, and growing up with them was often tough, infuriating, the bad times clearly outweighed the good, but at the end of the day, I still love them, they are my parents who raised me, provided for me, taught me so many things.

Our world views may vary greatly, but despite our differences, I wouldn't miss them for the world. I know they love me too, they always tried supporting me in life, in my career, but there are some things like my orientation that are a red flag, a taboo.

I never dared even hinting at anything, knowing full well they'd never understand. The same going for my addiction problem. If they knew anything, anything at all, I'd be dead to them...”

Jeri was crying herself by now, holding her lover close to her, both women afraid soon they might have to depart again.

Their moment was disturbed by a soft knock on the door, followed by Ian's voice. “We've prepared breakfast. We weren't sure if you were hungry. Are you two alright in there, mom?”

Kate's eyes widened, quickly wiping her eyes, swallowing.

She hoped against hope her voice wouldn't give way to her having bawled her eyes out just now. “Give us a moment, Ian. Lynn and I will join you once we've gotten ready.”

Ian called out. “Okay. Take your time. We'll be waiting for you!”

It took a moment before the redhead realized something. “Hu? Did he say they prepared breakfast?”

Jeri nodded slowly, just as stunned. “It sounded like it, yeah. I thought your kids can't cook? Maybe you underestimated them, babe.”

Kate nodded. “Maybe I did. I only hope they didn't burn down my kitchen...”

Jeri chuckled, melting her lover's heart. “With Alex around, I doubt that's possible.”

Kate blinked. “He's not here anymore. When did he leave?”

Jeri shrugged. “Must've been before even I woke up. He's usually an early riser, so I can't say that I'm surprised.”

The lovers had soon agreed to shower together, only because it was less time-consuming and more efficient. Or so they convinced themselves anyway.

They crept over to the bathroom like ninja, making sure not to be detected by sneaky children, locking the door to the room once they had successfully made it inside, just to be on the safe side.

Kate whispered. “We need to keep it down.”

Jeri raised an eyebrow and whispered back. “What exactly? Also, why are we whispering?”

Kate shrugged and whispered back. “I don't know.”

They looked at each other and suddenly burst out into a laughing fit, amused by their own silliness.

Before long they had finished their shower, forcing themselves to concentrate on getting ready and keeping their hands to themselves, despite the temptation being quite strong, but they both knew that once they started they wouldn't be able to stop.

Also, they couldn't risk the kids hearing them. 'After all, she stated the other day, I had a tendency to be noisy.'

As they were standing in front of the bathroom mirror now, both applying their make-up, they couldn't help but watch each other, each woman fascinated by the way her lover got ready, never once having watched them get ready like that.

It felt so intimate getting to witness such a private ritual.

Although at the same time, both women could swear, they had seen each other perform that ritual before.

Kate blushed softly when her lover remarked. “Gorgeous.”

Their hands linked and they finally left the bathroom, walking over to the dining room. All eyes were on them, that including those of a vaguely familiar blonde girl who sat next to Ian.

Jeri didn't dare ask who that girl was, her gut feeling telling her that she was already supposed to know that, but she had seemingly forgotten.

Both women's eyes went wide when Ian exclaimed. “There you are, moms! We should totally hit the stores today and get you your first hoodie, sweatpants, sneakers, and snapback, mom!”

Kate's cheeks turned crimson, in all honesty already having forgotten all about that.

She sighed. “Ian, I don't know. Those kinds of things are more your style. Also, aren't I a little too old for that kind of stuff?”

To her surprise, her son's girlfriend stated. “That's totally something Janeway would've said as well in that situation. Ian, your mom really is so much like her! Miss Mulgrew, am I right thinking you actively helped to create the character of Captain Janeway?”

Kate smiled softly at the young girl. “Jessi, you can call me Kate, okay? No need to address me so formally. After all, I'm the mother of your boyfriend and former best friend, so you're family and family address each other on a first-name basis.

As for your question, you're right. I have, in fact, actively helped creating and fleshing out the character of Janeway. So, if you find certain resemblances between the two of us, that's no coincidence.”

Jessi smiled shyly, her cheeks having turned pink, a fact that oddly reminded Kate of someone else, but she couldn't quite pinpoint who and shrugged it off.

The young girl whispered. “I'm honored to be part of this family now. It's so cool to in a way have J/7 as my in-laws.”

Ian's cheeks heated up at this. “I-in-laws? Jessi, we're not married...”

The young girl winked. “Not yet anyway.”

Kate chuckled. “Looks like your girlfriend's got big plans for the future, Ian. You better not disappoint her, but you're still so young. For now, school comes first.”

They both nodded obediently at this, Alex suddenly chiming in. “I wanna go to school too!”

Jeri gasped at her small son's words. “Alex, you still got plenty of time before you're gonna go to school. You're merely gonna turn four this year!”

The small boy pouted adorably at this. “I wanna go to school with Ian and Alec.”

Both Kate and Jeri's hearts melted at this, the former telling him gently. “Ian and Alec are already going to middle school, Alex. I'm afraid you won't be able to join them there. You're too young.”

The young boy puffed his cheeks at that, now officially sulking, something Jeri wasn't really used to.

To her surprise, Ian went next to him, talking to him, and before long Alex was all smiles again.

'What did he do?' Jeri was stunned beyond her wits and more and more convinced having older brothers was good for her son.

After breakfast, the older kids left for school, while Kate and Jeri drove Alex to nursery school.

It was a little risky to do so together, but Jeri had insisted for her lover to accompany them, not wanting to leave her behind at the apartment on her own, remembering the events that had transpired the night before when she had been asleep.

Once they'd arrived, Jeri placed a gentle kiss on the older woman's lips, whispering. “I'll be back in a few minutes. Will you be alright?”

Kate rolled her eyes. “Darling, I'm a grown-ass woman. What could happen to me while I'm waiting outside of a nursery school in your car?”

Jeri sighed. “A lot, Kiernan. We're in Los Angeles and you're not exactly a nobody. I can only hope and pray no one has followed us here. One may never know...”

Kate snorted. “Oh, please! As if you're a nobody, Lynn. The last time I checked, Seven's popularity rankings had gone out the roof in comparison to Janeway's. If anyone is famous here, it is you. Do you typically bring and fetch Alex from here actually?”

Jeri bit her lip, admitting silently. “Not exactly. I did bring him sometimes if I had the time, but not ever since I joined the show. Either Jack or mom did so...”

Kate nodded slowly, already starting to get a bad feeling about this. “That makes sense. I didn't expect Jack did these kinds of things.”

Jeri shrugged. “He occasionally did. Babe, it'll be fine. I'll just accompany him inside real quick, we'll bid our goodbyes and I'll be right back.”

Kate nodded slowly. “That shouldn't be too hard.”

Jeri nodded, but Kate wasn't convinced, dread filling her. 'Is she even aware just how quickly Seven is gaining in popularity? Sometimes, Lynn seems so naive still, blissfully unaware of the effect she has on people.

Then again, it's no surprise having been married to someone like Jack Ryan who made her feel worthless. I know the feeling oh too well having been married to someone similar like that myself in the past...'

Kate snapped out of her musings by a familiar voice. “Everything alright, my love?”

The petite woman smiled, nodding slowly. “Yes, darling. I didn't expect you to be back this fast. Did everything go well in there?”

Jeri shrugged, stating casually. “Ah, you know. The usual. I got held back by a few fans, had to sign a few t-shirts, but apart from that nothing special.”

Kate's eyes went wide in horror. “W-what?”

Jeri laughed out. “Just kidding, babe. Everything went well. I doubt anyone recognized me actually, or if they did they had the decency not to let it show.”

Kate audibly sighed in relief. “That's good. I'm relieved to hear that, darling. Did you have somewhere you wanted to go?”

Jeri shrugged. “Not really. Apart from maybe the beach again.”

Kate chuckled. “Why am I even asking? I should know you well enough to figure that out myself by now. Would it be okay with you if we drove back home first though? I have an important call to make. Also, you should probably get your bikini and a towel.”

Jeri blinked. “Well, sure, let's drive back home first.”

Once they'd arrived back, Kate went to the living room, fetched the phone, and took it out on the balcony with her, wincing when she noticed the chaos left behind from her nightly escapades.

She sighed and sat down, dialing the dreaded number, steeling herself for one hell of an argument, or being shouted at. In their bedroom, Jeri sat on the bed, anxiously awaiting her lover's arrival.

Something told her this phone call Kate was currently having was not any ordinary phone call. Sure, she'd said herself earlier it was an important call, but even so, Jeri instinctively felt like the older woman might need moral support and a warm embrace after this particular call.

'Oh, God! Tell me she's not calling Tim! No, that can't be, right? She stated herself two days ago that she dreaded that call and remembering what she told me a while ago about her last call with him which technically never truly came to but that still led to her inflicting physical pain upon herself simply by hearing his voice because it reminded her of their last meeting where he tried to force himself onto her, I can sincerely hope she didn't call him.

She's already in dire states as it seems and talking to this jerk is only gonna make things worse. It was a mistake to tell her these things earlier. I feel like if she really decided to make that call now it's mainly my fault...'

Jeri snapped out of her daze at the sound of the balcony door opening. She carefully inspected her lover.

Kate muttered softly. “That wasn't half as bad as I expected it to be. If you'd excuse me...”

Jeri blinked as the older woman practically dashed out of the room. She quickly followed her, deeming her reaction beyond odd, if not concerning. When she heard choking sounds from the bathroom she knew her gut feeling had been right.

'Fuck! She really has called him, hu? It's all my fault. I swear, if I get my hands on that bastard he's not gonna survive it! I don't even wanna know what he said to her.'

Jeri silently crept back into the bedroom, wanting to give her lover some privacy, albeit feeling quite frightened that she might be so reckless as to jump into scalding hot water again, or even worse.

The blonde sat on the bed with bated breath, anxiously staring at the bathroom door. After what felt like hours, the door finally opened. Jeri instantly jumped up at the sight of her lover who looked like she would collapse any moment now, face as white as the walls.

She carefully lifted her up, carrying her back over to the bed. Jeri felt her heart ache at the sight of the shivering redhead who stared around apathetically.

The blonde gently caressed her lover's cheek, tears brimming in her eyes. “You've called him. Haven't you? Babe, I'm so sorry. It's my fault. I kinda forced you to do this by what I said this morning.”

Kate didn't respond at all, eyes still fixed on a non-existent spot on the ceiling. This only worried her lover more.

Jeri gently wrapped her arms around the older woman who to her shock started to punch her, hissing out. “Don't touch me!”

Jeri swallowed, whispering gently. “Kiernan, it's me, Lynn. I didn't mean to force you to make that call, talk to that jerk again...”

Kate seemed to snap out of her daze, eyes refocusing, turning wide in recognition. “Lynn! Oh my God, I'm so sorry. I thought... you were someone else...”

Jeri smiled sadly. “I know, my love. It's fine. Honestly, I deserved that for forcing you to make that call...”

Kate shook her head vehemently. “No, darling. It's not your fault. I had to make that call. There was no other way. It's just how I had feared. He said he's gonna call my parents right away, talk to mom...”

Jeri balled her fist in rage, hissing out. “That scumbag! The audacity to drag your parents into this. He's acting like a Goddamn child, no worse even! Even Alex is more reasonable and decent than that and he's three years old!”

Kate smiled sadly. “That's the way this man works. Just my luck ending up with someone like that again. Mom is a big fan of him though, his mom and she are close friends...”

Jeri frowned. “Even so. That gives him no right to act like a complete douchebag. Just because he doesn't know when he has lost. He acts as if he owns you...”

Kate sighed. “Yeah, same as Robert. I feel like those two could be best friends...”

Kate blinked when the phone suddenly started to ring again, dread filling her. 'Oh God, don't tell me that's mom?'

Jeri frowned when Kate scrambled to get up and take the call. “Babe, are you sure of this? You're in no state to take that call...”

Kate smiled softly at her protective lover. “I'll be fine, Lynn. Don't worry.”

Jeri nodded slowly. “If you say so.”

She slowly retreated. “Call me if you need me.”

Jeri couldn't help but stand next to the door.

Kate accepted the call, dread filling her as the voice of her mother greeted her. “Kitten, Tim has just called here. According to him the two of you have ended things, yes?”

Kate frowned when she realized her mother had addressed her with her affectionate pet name for her and the way she'd formulated the question, as well as her tone, had sounded gentle, even concerned.

Kate answered. “He told me he'd call you right away. Yes, mom. I broke up with him.”

There was a brief pause before her mother asked carefully. “Kitty, are you alright? I'm so sorry for coupling you up with this man. Had I known for one moment what kind of a brute he is, I would have never done so. That man had the nerve to insult you in ways...

I have no words for this. My gut feeling tells me he said much worse to you still and the mere thought of that breaks my heart. God, Katie, I'm so so sorry. I told this man that I'm gonna talk to his mother. I'm gonna meet with her later.

No one goes around insulting my daughter, hurting her in front of me, her mother unpunished.

His mother must've spoiled him a little too much, or not paid him enough attention, one of the two for him to turn into that kind of a rotten person. He clearly is a devil in disguise. Katie, are you alright?”

Kate had started to cry by now, a fact that alerted Jeri who was still standing outside who silently opened the door, joining her lover again, holding her hand.

Kate swallowed before speaking up. “I'm alright, mom. Don't worry. I'm so sorry he called you and told you these things. You were never supposed to hear any of that.

I was so afraid that you'd want to break contact with me, that you'd despise me after what he told you...”

Her mother stated instantly. “Katie, we would never break contact with you for something like that, despise you. You're our beloved eldest daughter.

It's true that I was stunned when he told me that you apparently had a woman for a lover now, but as long as you love each other and she makes you happy, that's all that matters to us. Your happiness and well-being are what's most important to us. Also...

Don't say that to your father, but between you and me, women are better than men anyway. During my wild days, I actually had a woman for a lover myself at one point and it was pretty great!”

Kate gasped out at that, utterly astonished to hear her mother had once been with a woman. 'That sure is something I'd never expected to hear! Mom with a woman? Oh wow...'

Kate smiled tears in her eyes. “You have no idea how glad I am that you support me and love me, no matter what and Lynn makes me happy, happier than anyone and we love each other.

Mom, we're currently on a break from filming at the moment. Would it be okay if Lynn and I would come around sometime? Maybe along with the kids as well?”

Joan Mulgrew immediately exclaimed. “Of course, Katie! That would be wonderful. Jenny's currently around as well. I'm sure she'd love to meet your girlfriend too and see her nephews again.”

Kate grinned widely. “I miss my little Jenny! That's even better. I'll talk to everyone and call you back to tell you when we'll be coming around. I love you, mom, dad, and Jenny too.”

Joan Mulgrew answered gently. “That would be fine, Katie. We love you too. You always have our backs.”

Jeri smiled. “Everything alright?”

Kate grinned and nodded. “Yes. I can't believe I was so worried that they'd despise me, disown me, never want to talk to me again.

My mom's looking forward to meeting you, darling. My little sister Jenny's currently staying with them too. I'm sure you'll get along well.”

Jeri pecked her lover's lips. “I'm so glad everything worked out well and I'm looking forward to meeting your family and seeing the place where you grew up, my love.”


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The lovers spend a very special day together, they'll both never forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to this story, everyone! We're nearing the end. This chapter is dedicated to a woman very dear to me whose birthday will be soon and who I will be thinking of during that special day. She's probably not gonna see this, but I'm eternally grateful that she's alive. Some people are gifts to humanity and she's one of them. We might've not met in person yet, not directly anyway, but one day, by some cosmic force, I know we will. <3

While Jeri drove to the nursery school to fetch Alex, Kate stayed behind, preparing dinner. Ian and Alec arrived eventually this time without Jessi in tow and shortly after them Jeri and Alex got back as well. Jeri smiled at the sight of her lover cooking with the help of her sons.

'That much for they can't cook, hu? I can't help but feel like it's the positive influence of both Ian's girlfriend and Alex.'

Her young son had already dashed off, joining his new older brothers and second mom in the kitchen. Jeri decided to watch from a distance, not wanting to intrude. Kate seemed to truly be in her element and Jeri was once more convinced that her lover had underestimated her own abilities and that the rumors of her being an exceptional cook were correct. If that pizza she'd made for them the other night was anything to go by, she possessed great talent in the field.

The young woman finally approached her lover, wrapping her arms around her from behind, whispering in her ear. “What's for dinner tonight, chef Kiernan?”

Kate jumped slightly, having been highly concentrated.

She chuckled. “You almost gave me a heart attack there, darling. Tonight I decided to cook a traditional Irish meal, I hope that's okay with you. Shepherd's pie based on my mom's recipe.”

Jeri grinned widely. “If it tastes only half as good as it looks and smells like I have no obligations. Also, I've been quite curious regarding the typical cuisine of your parents' home country for a while now. I want to learn as much as I can about your roots, my love.”

Both their cheeks heated up when Ian exclaimed. “Mom, are you still gonna cook, or do you have other priorities right now? Remember, we still wanted to go hit the stores and buy your new outfit for you.”

Jeri smirked and whispered. “You should listen to your eldest son, Kiernan. I'm dying to buy you your first own hoodie and sweatpants.”

Kate wanted to dig herself a hole, deeply regretting ever having agreed to this idea, but knowing both her son and lover there was no backing out now.

Dinner had been a relatively quick affair, the kids practically shuffling their feet, excited to transform Kate into a badass as Ian had called it, a fact that had earned him another one of those dreaded glares of his mom who wasn't at all pleased by her oldest son's language.

They had soon decided to all drive in Jeri's car together. The two lovers sitting in the front seats and the boys in the back. Ian had readily agreed to allow Alex to sit on his lap. Jeri wasn't so sure about this, forcing herself to drive carefully for once instead of speeding as she usually did, afraid for her small son's safety.

Kate who noticed how stressed her lover was, told her reassuringly. “Relax, Lynn. Alex will be fine. Honestly, it's better that he's sitting in the back and not in the front, believe me. It would potentially be far more dangerous if he'd be sitting on my lap instead.”

Jeri nodded slowly. “You're probably right, Kiernan. I just think it's better to be safe than sorry. My usual love for speed could very well land us in an accident in no time and there's no way I'm gonna allow for that to happen.”

Both women were reminded of the last time they'd had a car accident together back then when they'd planned to start a new life with each other.

The atmosphere had turned rather glum until Ian exclaimed excitedly. “We've arrived! That's the store over there, Lynn!”

The young woman parked the car in front of the store in question and they one by one exited the car and walked over towards the entrance. Jeri inwardly rubbed her hands in glee when she inspected the window displays of the store. 'That store's the perfect choice!'

She high-fived Ian, winking at him. “Great choice, kid.”

He grinned widely. “I know, right? I usually get my clothes here. Guess mom didn't expect to ever buy something for herself in here, but if you ask me it was about time she got some comfy clothes.”

Jeri couldn't agree more. She was still astonished her lover had so far not possessed that kind of attire at all. 'How did she usually relax?'

The blonde had a hard time forcing down images of a half-naked Kate lounging on the couch in lingerie and a silk robe, a fact she knew was highly unlikely if not impossible considering the older woman was the mother of two still fairly young boys who lived together with her most of the time.

When they entered the store, they were greeted by what Jeri assumed was the owner who treated them much like family, striking up a casual conversation with Ian who proudly announced his new relationship to the man who announced. “That calls for a celebration! Are you gonna introduce her to me one day, Ian?”

The boy grinned and nodded. “Sure thing! I'll bring her around here sometime. Jessi is a fan of streetwear too.”

Kate had a hard time suppressing an eye roll, feeling thoroughly out of place at this store. It was all fine and dandy if she was merely a mom accompanying her son to stores like this one, but it was a whole other story if she was supposed to be the customer today and try on that kind of attire herself.

She was all the more glad she'd called in advance to inform the store owner she was rather close to thanks to this being Ian's usual go-to-store where he typically got all his clothes from that they'd be arriving here at around 7 pm, so he'd be closing down the store for regular business and they would be allowed to shop undisturbed by curious onlookers, especially with Jeri and Alex accompanying them today.

The redhead blinked as the store owner soon came back with glasses of champagne and orange juice for the kids.

Kate frowned. “Champagne?”

The young man explained. “We have reason to celebrate, Kate. Ian has a girlfriend now and by the looks of it so do you.”

The petite woman's cheeks turned ashen in shock. 'How the hell did he figure that out now?'

She looked at the young man sternly. “My love life is nobody's concern. I hope I can trust you won't be sharing this information with anyone, James.”

The store owner instantly assured her. “Your secret's safe with me. I didn't mean to intrude on your private life, Kate. I'm sorry, that came over the wrong way. I'm genuinely happy for you. The two of you are a lovely couple.”

In the end, both Kate and Jeri had declined the offered champagne and instead opted for juice as well. Jeri was mildly confused at her lover's behavior but left it uncommented for the moment. The younger woman browsed the outfit selection the store had to offer alongside Ian which was quite vast. Kate eyed them from a distance, mildly uncomfortable, still not convinced that it was necessary for her to own that kind of hip attire.

Jeri called out at one point for her to come over, both Ian and her at a loss regarding the choice of color for the older woman's outfit. While Ian was convinced that his mom needed something fresh and pop, claiming that a little color in her wardrobe would do her good, Jeri had her doubts about that, knowing her lover well enough to be sure Kate would prefer muted colors.

The redhead tilted her head curiously. “Have you found something?”

Jeri explained to her. “Ian and I were unsure about what colors you'd prefer the outfit to be in.”

Kate nodded, Jeri inwardly celebrating when Kate stated. “In all honesty, I'd prefer if the clothes were black. It's my favorite color and in my opinion, you can never go wrong with it.”

Ian groaned at this. “Mom, are you serious? Your wardrobe's already stuffed to the brim with black clothes. How about some color for once? Black isn't even a color, just like white.”

Kate eyed her smartass of a son. “I can't believe my own son would turn into one of those people claiming black is no color. How do I deserve this?”

Jeri snickered. “Don't blame Ian, babe. Believe me, it's this country's educational system. Unable to teach them about world politics and geography but telling them that black and white can't be classified as colors.

Now if only they'd apply the same to people and finally understand that people of color should have equal rights to the white majority, same as with sexualities other than heterosexuality being just as normal we could all live in peace and happiness.”

Kate couldn't agree more, even Ian nodded in agreement, muttering embarrassingly. “Sorry, mom. I didn't mean to insult your favorite color, or question your taste.”

With her lover's and the boys' help, Kate had soon decided on a new outfit consisting of a hoodie, sweatpants, sneakers, and a snapback, all in her favorite color black.

Jeri smirked, whispering in her. “You truly look badass in that outfit, babe. The only thing missing is that phaser rifle Janeway keeps sporting and a pair of shades.”

Kate chuckled. “The phaser rifle, hu? You truly did enjoy that virus episode, didn't you, Lynn? And _Year of hell_ too, of course. I do own various pairs of shades, in fact, so I can wear those if you insist.”

Jeri had the audacity to remind her girlfriend. “That virus episode has a name, you know? It's titled _Macrocosm_ , babe. You should really remember that title. It's not that hard, is it?”

Kate rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah. I seem to be surrounded by smartasses and nerds by the looks of it.”

Ian instantly exclaimed. “I'm not a nerd, mom! Also, you just cursed!”

James chuckled, high-fiving the young boy. “Nice job, buddy. Being a nerd is not necessarily a bad thing though, you know?”

Ian nodded. “I know that, James. It's just that... I don't identify as one myself.”

The small family drove back home, Alex by now had fallen asleep, curled together on his mom's lap, Kate had agreed to drive this time. Ian had agreed to sit in the passenger seat this time, giving Jeri and Alex more space in the backseat, Alec much like the youngest boy seemingly had fallen asleep as well.

Kate used the opportunity of sitting next to her oldest son, informing him about the plans to visit her parents within the next three weeks, asking him when he would be agreeable to go there. The redhead blinked when her son asked sheepishly if Jessi could accompany them. Kate eventually agreed and they decided to drive there the coming week.

To her astonishment, Ian whispered. “This Sunday, you should spend alone with Lynn, mom.”

Kate frowned. “Why, Ian? Is there something I missed out on?”

Her eyes turned wide when her son asked incredulously. “Mom, did you seriously forget your girlfriend's birthday? It's not just any ordinary birthday either. It's her 30th birthday! That day is really special.”

Kate mentally facepalmed, the stress of the last few weeks had caused her to lose track of time.

Saturday had gone by seemingly in the blink of an eye. Kate had last-minute arranged everything for her lover's great day. When Jeri woke up this morning she was stunned to find her lover had prepared breakfast in bed.

The young woman asked curiously. “What did I do to deserve breakfast in bed?”

Her eyes turned wide when Kate answered her, voice laced with affection. “As the birthday girl, you deserve to lay back and be pampered, my love. Happy birthday, Lynn, and what a special birthday it is. It's not all day that you turn 30.

I know that you don't care much for things like age, which in all honesty, you're right in a sense it's just a number. Yet, I wanted to celebrate this special day with you, my love.

After all, this is your first birthday we get to spend together as an official couple. I thank the heavens every day for blessing me with you, that you were born and I feel like the happiest person being your lover.

I love you more than anything, darling. May we get to celebrate many more birthdays and other important events together.”

Jeri had started to sob so touched was she by her lover's gesture. The young woman had in all honesty forgotten all about her birthday, not usually one to celebrate it since it didn't bear great significance to her personally. The last time she'd celebrated her birthday must've been back when she had still lived with her parents.

Jeri kissed her lover's lips deeply, telling her sincerely. “Thank you, so much. You're right, this indeed is a very special birthday, probably the most special one I've ever celebrated because I get to spend it with you. I love you more than anything as well, my love, and I feel so blessed to be your lover every day as well.

Being with you still feels much like a dream. It was clearly destiny that we met again. You're my eternity and I hope I'll get to spend my next birthdays with you just like that, same with your birthdays, of course, and those of the boys. I can't believe you even bought roses in my favorite color and so many of them. They must've cost a fortune!”

Kate grinned, stating sincerely. “Money plays no role when it comes to you, my love. Getting to see that beautiful smile of yours was well worth it.”

Kate had treated her lover like royalty, feeding her breakfast, the lovers exchanging kisses in between.

Jeri had eventually started feeding the older woman as well, chiding her. “You have to eat something too, you know? Just because I'm the birthday girl, doesn't mean you can neglect yourself like that. You must've worked hard to prepare this breakfast, after all, so you should eat something as well. Also, this is way too much for me alone.”

Jeri mentally scolded herself for having let that kind of thing slip once again. 'Damn. I really need to learn to shut my mouth. She's gonna catch up at some point if I keep making these kinds of reckless remarks.'

Kate to Jeri's relief, simply smiled sheepishly, stating. “I guess the cake will have to wait for later then.”

Jeri blinked. “Cake? There's cake too?”

The redhead blushed softly, nodding. “Yes, there is. What's a birthday without a cake? It's homebaked with love by yours truly with the help of the kids.”

The younger woman gasped. “You baked a cake for me? Oh, wow! Kiernan, you'd make for the perfect wife.”

Jeri instantly covered her traitorous mouth with one hand but it was already too late, the cat was out of the bag.

Kate's cheeks had turned a most endearing scarlet red, muttering. “Robert would clearly disagree with you on that, darling.”

Jeri hissed out. “Screw that jerk! His opinion is irrelevant! I swear, if it was possible for two women to get married to each other, I'd propose to you.”

Kate raised a brow. “After filing a divorce from your still-husband, I hope.”

Jeri nodded slowly, her own cheeks heating up. “Y-yes, of course. I should really work on filing that divorce. I'm just so scared he's still got a trick up his sleeve. Or that he won't agree, despite what he said a week ago...”

Kate sighed. “I understand that all too well, darling. It was similar back then with Robert. I was lucky enough he didn't try taking the kids away from me.”

Jeri instantly panicked at this. “Oh, God! What if he tries taking Alex away from me? He wouldn't dare. Would he?”

Kate shook her head. “I highly doubt that, darling.”

After breakfast, the lovers took a shower together. Jeri found herself wondering how her lover was so convinced Jack didn't have any intentions of trying to get full custody for Alex. 'She has merely met him once. She barely knows him. After what mom told me the other day, I'm not so sure about the sincerity of his apology anymore.'

To the younger woman's surprise, Kate had told her that they were going to a secret place next.

They were driving for a while, Jeri frowned when she realized they were headed in the direction the beach was located. “Are we going to the beach? You could've simply told me so, you know.”

Kate chuckled, shaking her head. “No, we're not going there today. We'll be there soon. Hold out just a little longer, darling. Believe me, it's worth the wait.”

Before long they'd arrived in front of a mansion.

Jeri blinked. “What are we doing here?”

Kate stated mysteriously. “You'll see, Lynn.”

The blonde was getting the weirdest vibes from her lover's behavior but decided to ignore it, hoping Kate had her good reasons for shrouding everything in mystery and driving her to some mansion, on her birthday no less. They walked to the entrance, the older woman opening the door with a key, a fact that thoroughly astonished her lover, ushering her in.

Jeri looked around, gasping out. Everything around was decorated in her favorite color, balloons, more roses, garlands, and other decorations placed around.

She gasped out. “What is this place?”

Her eyes turned the size of saucers when Kate stated. “It could be our new home. If you like it and agree to move here, darling.”

They walked around the place, the redhead introducing the younger woman to the different rooms. The sea was just a short walk away and the house was truly gorgeous, offering enough space to give all the kids their own rooms, that including Alex. Jeri found herself wondering just how her lover had found this gem.

The young woman was ultimately in love with the house when they entered the backyard and her eyes were greeted by the sight of a big swimming pool.

She breathed out. “This house is perfect! How did you manage to find this gem?”

Her eyes turned wide when Kate stated. “A certain rehabilitated politician introduced me to it. At first, he wanted to offer us that mansion, but I declined, not too eager to move into the same house you'd lived with him for so long. I loved this place the moment I first saw it myself.

There's enough space to give both of us a personal refuge on top of our shared bedroom. Unless, you don't want to share a bedroom with me, of course. Then you can have one to yourself...”

Jeri frowned. “Babe, why would I not want to share a bedroom with you? Of course, I want to continue sleeping in the same bed with you.”

Kate sighed audibly, her eyes went wide as her lover kissed her lips deeply, effectively knocking the breath out of her before stating sincerely. “I can't imagine my life without you anymore, that including us sleeping in one bed, sharing a bedroom, my love. We might be polar opposites, but I love you to bits, and having you sleep in bed next to me provides comfort, just like falling asleep and waking up next to you.”

Kate smiled brightly, nuzzling her lover, whispering. “Same here, my love. I never enjoyed sharing my bed with anyone before, apart from my kids. You're my first and only lover who I feel comfortable, safe, and secure sharing a bed with.”

Jeri smiled. “Same here. I used to love the freedom of having my own bedroom, my own bed while living with Jack, but with you it's different. You're my favorite cuddle buddy.”

Kate chuckled, kissing her lover's neck. “Is that so?”

Jeri whimpered softly, mentally cursing her tease of a lover, leading her on when there was not even a bed in this place.

Jeri looked sternly at the older woman. “It's unfair of you to lead me on when there's not even a bed in this place.”

Kate smirked. “Want me to lead you to the bedroom, darling?”

The younger woman frowned. “You're joking, right? There's a bedroom here, one that actually qualifies as one with a bed and all? Have you purposefully refrained from showing that to me earlier while touring the place?”

Kate winked ”Maybe. Want me to show it to you, Lynn?”

The blonde nodded. “Show me, please. I'm quite curious.”

Kate led the way to a room that was perfectly hidden, stunning Jeri. “I didn't even notice there's another room here earlier.”

The older woman smirked. “It's a hidden gem.”

When she opened the door, the younger woman's jaw dropped. “T-this... How?”

The redhead smiled, explaining. “Jack seems to have connections everywhere that including moving companies. We painted the walls together with the help of the kids. I hope you like it, darling.”

Jeri had started to cry, so touched was she. No one had ever performed so many romantic acts for her before. Kate hugged her lover tightly, running her hands through her hair comfortingly.

Jeri pressed out. “I can't believe you've done all of this within such a short amount of time, Kiernan. Is that the reason I hardly saw you around all day yesterday?”

The older woman smiled softly, nodding. “Yes, darling. Everything had to be perfect. It was important to me that the room was true to the original back at the mansion. Thank God your son possesses an eidetic memory. Must be a family thing.”

Jeri chuckled. “You're clearly overestimating my brain, babe. Alex truly has a great memory, that much is true and a vivid imagination too.

I love this room. You've clearly outdone yourself preparing all of this, my love. I honestly don't know what to say. This already is the best birthday I've ever had.”

Kate sighed when her lover kissed her lips deeply before lifting her up, carrying her over to the bed, muttering. “Now that I know there indeed is a bed here, I believe it's time for me to repay you for everything you've done for me, my love.”

Kate blinked. “Darling, it's your birthday today. You're the one who should be pampered, not me. There's no need for you to repay me...”

Jeri stated matter-of-factly. “I want to repay you though, my love and you deserve to be pampered after having worked so hard to prepare all these surprises for my birthday.”

The older woman eventually gave in, her lover using illicit methods to get her will. Before she knew it, Kate was naked and she once more marveled at the younger woman's efficiency.

Jeri's lips and hands were all over her, the blonde by now knowing all of her lover's sweet spots which soon turned her lover into putty in her hands, sweet moans filling the room. A groan left the younger woman's lips once her lover's scent greeted her nostrils, deciding to tease the older woman as means of payback for all those times Kate had done so to her in the past, she blew cold air against the redhead's most intimate body part which was glistening in wetness.

Kate whimpered adorably at this, whining out. “Lynn, please.”

The younger woman smirked, looking up at her lover's beautifully flushed face. “Yes, my love? What is it that you want? You know, I'm not a telepath.”

Kate rolled her eyes, cheeks growing hotter, muttering. “Make love to me.”

Jeri felt her heart melt, cooing which merely turned the older woman's cheeks redder than they already were. A blissful cry left the redhead, Jeri having started to ravish her lover, acting much like a hungry beast.

It didn't take long before the petite woman came undone, body shaken by a powerful orgasm, crying out her lover's name, a fact that to the younger woman's astonishment caused her to climax as well. Then again, Kate really had that kind of effect on her. Jeri was well past the point of questioning things anymore.

The two lovers unsurprisingly had spent most of the day in bed. It had turned afternoon by now and Kate asked the younger woman. “Would you like some cake, my love?”

Jeri had forgotten all about that cake, her stomach rumbled in response, sending the heat to her cheeks.

Kate barked out a laugh. “Guess that's a yes, hm?”

The younger woman nodded, smiling sheepishly. “Yeah. I've been quite curious about that cake ever since you told me about it this morning, babe. Seeing how the theme today seems to be pink, I'm guessing that cake is pink too. Am I right?”

Kate shrugged. “Only one way to find out, darling. Shall I go get it, or would you prefer eating somewhere else?”

Jeri chuckled. “Since I'm not a fan of crumbs in bed I'd prefer to eat somewhere else.”

Kate chuckled. “I can certainly relate to that. Let's move this to the dining room then. Or would you like to eat outside on the terrace?”

Jeri's eyes lit up. “I'd love to eat outside if that would be okay with you.”

Kate smiled and nodded in agreement. “Of course, that's okay with me, my love. We simply have to bring a few things outside. Would you like tea with your cake?”

The younger woman's eyes widened. “Don't tell me the kitchen's already fully stocked as well?”

The redhead shrugged. “I'd figured since we were ideally going to spend the day here the necessities should be around already.”

Jeri smiled. “In that case, I'd love some tea with my cake, please.”

They exchanged a sweet kiss, Jeri's eyes went wide when she first saw the cake which looked like it had been made by a pastry chef. The younger woman carried the cake outside while Kate prepared their drinks.

The cake had been just as delicious as it had looked like and after resting for a while, the lovers had gone for a swim in the pool, for once together. Knowing there was no one else around, they were skinny dipping, acting much like teenagers with their first crush.

For Jeri this was somewhat true, seeing how Kate had been her first love and she'd merely been a young adult when she first fell in love with the older woman. For Kate Lynn had also been her first true love actually, despite their age difference. Her career before always having played a bigger role than anything in her life.

After their time in the pool, they took a shower. Both women realized that it was time for Voyager to air. They knew it was another re-run, but they were still curious to see which episode was airing tonight.

Jeri smiled as her lover had once more sat on her lap like the most precious kitten, the blonde turned on the tv, both women's eyes trained on the screen. When the intro was rolling they knew it was an episode featuring both of them together.

Both women knew their evening was saved and they probably wouldn't get much sleep tonight when the episode title appeared. _Year of hell_.

Jeri smirked. “That was the first real J/7 episode, babe. I'm ready for those muscles and seeing you with that phaser rifle. Looks like my prayers have been heard.”

Kate chuckled. “It very much seems like it, darling. You also looked glorious in that episode. I had the hardest time composing myself when I last watched it.”

Jeri whispered hotly. “Tonight you won't have to compose yourself, my love. I'm right here, after all, in the flesh.”

Both women were beyond grateful to be right there together. They wouldn't wish to be anywhere else or with anyone else that night. Jeri knew for a fact that this had been her best birthday ever and she'd surely never forget that day.

Jeri was pretty much drooling at the glorious sight of her lover in her role as Janeway wearing that gray undershirt, covered in engine grease, sweaty, phaser rifle in hand, hair disheveled, glorious biceps, and cleavage on display. Kate was in a much similar state, the fact that her lover had started to caress her arms and kiss her neck only adding to the redhead's arousal.

Her voice sounded much like a purr, eyes half-lidded, cheeks flushed. “If you want it, take it, darling.”

Jeri smirked. “Gladly, gorgeous. Will here be alright, or do you want me to carry you to the bedroom?”

The blonde chuckled lowly when her lover stated. “Doesn't matter. Just take me, darling.”

In the end, they did stay right there on the couch, this being a first for both of them. Or was it? They mused they'd probably made love on the couch back in that apartment in Ireland before.

Kate's arms got lots of attention and appreciation that night, a fact the redhead didn't exactly mind although it amused her quite a bit, her lover never ceasing to surprise her. It was those same, by now thoroughly covered in lovebites, arms, the younger woman fell asleep in somewhere in the wee hours of the next morning and Jeri knew she never wanted to fall asleep anywhere else for the rest of her life. Kate had similar thoughts.

Some things were simply meant to be and this was one of those things.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our two ladies are finally getting the happy ending they deserve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to this story, everyone! Just like that, we've reached the final chapter. Thank you all again so much for your support and interest. It was one hell of a ride, but I truly did enjoy writing this story. I'd, in all honesty, not at all expected to receive such great resonance for this specific story, but I'm very grateful for your interest and continued feedback and reassurance. This certainly won't be the last you've heard from me for this pairing. So, stay tuned for more in the future. ;)

After talking to the children and introducing them to the house, the decision of moving there had soon been made. The next week was spent with the family planning how to decorate their new home and the room arrangements.

The kids were surprisingly civil and had soon decided who would get which room as their respective bedroom. Alex as the youngest understandably wanted to have a bedroom close to his mom.

Ian preferred to have a room that was a little more secluded and in all honesty, would've loved to move into the room Kate had turned into her lover's private refuge but refrained from telling his mom so, knowing better than to question his mother's decisions, afraid to be on the receiving end of her infamous wrath and that death stare if he'd do so.

Kate in all honesty felt a lot more melancholic than she would've anticipated at the aspect of having to move out of the apartment she'd lived in ever since she'd moved to LA three years ago and which she'd decorated and furnished along with the boys back then.

It was true that there weren't only positive memories she associated with this place, but it still felt strange having to give all this up, imagine someone new moving in here eventually who'd redecorate, refurbish the place.

The redhead sighed, plopping onto the living room couch, taking in the sight of her library one last time. Tomorrow the moving company would come and the bookshelves would be brought to their new place.

'The room sure is gonna look empty without them. I can honestly hardly imagine it. Sure, I've seen this room without them in it before back then when we first moved here, but this time it's different. This time it's us moving...'

Kate snapped out of her reverie upon feeling the couch shift, indicating someone had sat down next to her.

The redhead didn't have to look up to know who it was, the soft, clean scent being all the indication she needed. “Lynn. I'm sorry for retreating here. Did you need help?”

The younger woman shook her head, looking at her lover in concern. “It's fine, Kiernan. Are you alright? You look pretty pale.”

The petite woman swallowed at her lover's remark, muttering. “It's nothing, darling. I'm just feeling a little melancholic. It's strange to leave this place behind, move out of here, imagine new people moving in at one point...”

Jeri nodded, knowing the feeling very well from the time she'd moved out of the mansion she'd lived in the last few years with Jack. She knew that in her lover's case it was probably even worse, knowing the older woman had put lots of time, effort, and love into creating her own safe haven here in this apartment.

The blonde patted her lap and Kate gratefully accepted the offered gesture, snuggling into the warmth and comfort of her lover. Jeri smiled, gently running her hands through the older woman's luscious copper hair.

Kate hummed in content, closing her eyes, reveling in the moment, mumbling. “You're making me sleepy, my love.”

Jeri whispered gently. “You deserve some sleep, my love. You've been working extra hard these past few days. We're technically on vacation these days and should relax, but look at us working instead.”

Kate chuckled and nodded. “Yeah, you're right. That sounds like me. Sorry for forcing you to work so hard during our vacation, darling. You deserve some time off after all the stress with Jack, myself, work, and everything else...”

Jeri smiled. “It's fine, babe. I don't see this so much as work as I see it as us making our dream of a life together come true.”

Kate felt tears well up in her eyes at the younger woman's words, telling her earnestly. “It's the same for me, darling. Living together with the love of my life and our kids is a dream come true. It took us long enough to get to this point, but I'm so glad we finally did it.

Who would've thought Jack out of all people would provide us with the perfect new home for us as well?”

Jeri chuckled. “Certainly not me, but I'm grateful that he did. It looks like whatever you told him that night might've actually left some impact, after all.”

Kate's cheeks heated up when her lover remarked, left brow raised. “We never got to having a session here in between your books, miss Mulgrew. Care to alter that before it's too late?”

Kate coughed, burying her face in her lover's boobs, a fact that in turn sent the heat to Jeri's own cheeks, whining out like a toddler. “Lynn, you're such a tease!”

Jeri snorted. “Me, a tease? Oh, puh-lease. You're the one who made me soil that damned biosuit not only once but more times than I can count and right now your face is buried in my breasts. Who's the real tease here, hm?”

The redhead blushed even more at her lover's words, muttering. “They're so soft and squishy. I couldn't help it...”

Jeri's face by now was the color of ripe cherries, whining out. “Kiernan, please... Stop teasing me like that, else I'll really take you right here, right now.

How about I lift you up, carry you over to those bookshelves and take you there, hm? Would you like that?”

The way the petite woman shifted around on her lap was all the indication Jeri needed to know that her lover very much approved of her idea and in all honesty so did she.

The taller woman lifted the smaller woman up in one swift motion, the smirk on her face combined with her by now deep-blue eyes, sending a jolt to the older woman's groin, a whimper that made Jeri growl leaving the redhead's lips.

Kate before long found herself trapped against the bookshelf, as promised, her legs were wrapped around her lover's waist, still on her arms, a fact the redhead welcomed happily, their lips meeting in passionate kiss.

Both women found her minds swirl, Jeri's hands had started to roam her lover's body, Kate's upper body naked within seemingly the blink of an eye, her young lover having undressed her efficiently as ever.

The redhead cried out as Jeri nibbled her earlobe, her fingers tweaking her nipples which had already grown stiff. “L-Lynn, please. You know what I need.”

The blonde smirked. “That may be so, but I'd love for you to say it, Kiernan. You know how much I enjoy hearing you say these words to me with that sexy voice of yours.”

Kate felt a strong urge to dig herself a hole and hide in it, her cheeks the color of Bordeaux, voice impossibly small, yet at the same time, impossibly sexy in her lover's ears. “Make love to me, Lynn.”

The blonde cooed, kissing the older woman's forehead. “Gladly. I'm afraid you gotta untangle yourself from me for that though since I won't be able to access your body otherwise or undress you from the rest of your clothes.”

Kate pouted but allowed her lover to set her back down on the ground. The redhead quickly took off her pants and panties, cheeks turning crimson once she stood completely bare in front of her lover who on her part was still fully dressed.

Those piercing deep-blue eyes seemed to burn into her skin causing Kate to shiver.

Jeri licked her lips, stating, voice dark and seductive. “You look so delectable, my love.”

Kate squealed, covering her face in shame, muttering. “Lynn, why are you such a tease today? This is humiliating.”

The blonde frowned. “Am I not allowed to admire my gorgeous lover, compliment her? Babe, look at me.”

Kate slowly uncovered her face, her cheeks still bright red.

Jeri kissed her lips gently, whispering. “I love you, more than anything, to me you're the most beautiful woman in the whole wide universe and I want you to be comfortable around me, but it seems to me that you're not.”

Kate sighed, muttering. “It may help if you undress too. Right now I'm the only one naked and I feel rather exposed, vulnerable...”

Jeri's eyes widened in realization, mentally facepalming, tone apologetic. “God, babe. I'm sorry. You're right, I'm still fully dressed.

Looks like I've gotten a little ahead of myself there...”

The younger woman quickly undressed too, Kate eagerly drinking in the sight of her lover whose glorious body was slowly exposed to her, resulting in a new wave of arousal to pool between her legs.

Jeri blushed prettily as her lover breathed. “You're so breathtaking, darling, a true goddess.”

The two lovers kissed once more, deep, needy, bodies pressed against each other, Kate again trapped against the bookshelf.

Their bodies rubbed against each other sensually, nipples rubbing against nipples, cores grinding against each other, Kate's hands had wandered to her lover's butt, for once turning the tables on her, groping it with gusto, a fact that brought forth the most erotic deep moan which sent a jolt through the whole of Kate's body.

The redhead decided to take things further, soon ravishing the blonde's neck which she knew was one of Jeri's sweet spots, the younger woman as if on cue grinding even harder against her, breathing out her name oh so sensually. “Kiernan.”

Kate smiled, her eyes closing, succumbing to their mutual pleasure, their bodies seeming to become one as they peaked together, blissful cries filling the air, time seeming to stand still for a moment there.

Jeri slowly opened her eyes, that charming gummy smile having formed on her face, her voice slightly hoarse, yet very affectionate. “I will never grow tired of this, of us.”

Kate's smile was equally bright, their hearts beating in perfect sync, both feeling at peace with this world. “Same here. That's why we're each other's eternity, my love.”

Lynn nodded, nuzzling her lover's neck, breathing her in. “Exactly. I've always known it, ever since the first time I saw you back then on that beach, instinctively, you're the one.”

Kate panicked when she suddenly realized something. “What time is it, Lynn?”

The younger woman frowned, quickly checking the grandfather clock at the wall, eyes turning wide, cursing under her breath. “Shit, shit, shit! I completely forgot that I gotta fetch Alex from nursery school! He's probably waiting already.”

Kate facepalmed. “Oh, God. I'm so sorry, Lynn. Shall I drive you there?”

Jeri eyed her lover. “Babe, do you seriously think it's a good idea for you to drive me there in your current state?

Don't worry. I'm gonna drive there myself. You stay here and rest. I won't be long.”

Kate nodded slowly and pecked the younger woman's lips. “Alright. Sorry again...”

Jeri frowned. “It's not your fault. I was the one thinking it was a good idea to have a make-out session at a time like this.”

Once in the car, Jeri speeded off, this one time for a good reason, cursing under her breath. 'Hopefully, he's not waiting for real. I don't even wanna know how the teachers are gonna react to me showing up this late. They're probably gonna think I'm hella irresponsible...'

She sincerely hoped the media or her still-husband wouldn't catch wind of this. Otherwise she might be doomed. 'I can't lose custody of Alex. There's no way.'

When the distraught young woman arrived at her son's nursery school, she was beyond relieved to still find him sitting on one of the tables, engrossed in drawing a picture.

Jeri carefully approached him, crouching down on his level, whispering. “Hey, my superhero. What are you drawing there?”

Alex looked up, beaming brightly. “Mom! This is our family.”

Jeri nodded, taking a closer look at the picture, her heart warming at her small son explaining everything in detail to her. For a child of his age, he already possessed great talent in drawing.

Alex first pointed at a blonde woman in the center, explaining. “That's you, mom. The woman next to you is Kiernan. I'm on the other side of you and next to me is Ian. Alec is standing next to Kiernan, because they're close.”

Jeri frowned. “Why is Ian standing next to you and not next to Alec, or with his mom?”

Alex explained. “Because Ian is close to me and he's my big brother too, mom.”

Jeri smiled and nodded. “I see. I really like your drawing, Alex. Let's take it home with us, okay?”

The small boy nodded happily, getting up from his seat, grabbing his mother's offered hand.

Kate had cooked dinner in the meantime, Ian and Alec coming home right on time to help with the preparations, something their mother still had to grow used to.

Ian asked right away. “Where's Lynn and Alex?”

Like on cue, the front door opened, and in came the aforementioned two. Alex immediately bounced over towards Ian, making his mom chuckle.

'He's right. They really are very close. Looks like Alex just might have finally found a good role model.'

Jeri was grateful her son finally got to meet males who are a positive influence for once, not having lucked out with his father, his grandfather not being of much help either.

The blonde approached her lover, wrapping her arms around her, nuzzling her neck affectionately, a gesture which made the redhead chuckle softly. “Welcome back, my love. I'm taking it that everything went well?”

Jeri nodded. “Yes, thankfully it did. I'd had my doubts about that at first, not gonna lie. Alex has drawn a picture of our little family. I really like it. Anyway, what's for dinner, chef Kiernan?”

The older woman blushed softly, telling her lover. “Lasagna is for dinner, my love. I hope that's fine with you. Ian and Alec are big fans of it and asked me to make it this morning. I'm really curious about that drawing of Alex. Could you show it to me later, Lynn?”

The blonde gently kissed her lover's neck, blushing softly when she noticed the very visible hickey she must've left there earlier in the throws of their lovemaking. “I think the artist should show and explain it to you himself, my love.”

Dinner once again had been a full success, a fact that didn't come as a surprise to Jeri anymore, seeing as how her lover was a pro at cooking. The blonde was looking forward to meeting Kate's mother who must've taught her all about cooking and the likes.

When they went to sleep that night, Jeri asked her lover gently. “Babe, will you be fine moving to our new place? You seemed pretty down earlier and not ready to leave this apartment...”

Kate hummed, nuzzling into her lover's warmth, melting the younger woman's heart who was once more reminded of a precious kitten. “I'll be fine, darling. Sure, it's gonna be strange at first, but I love the house and I'm sure that with the right furniture and decorations it'll be the perfect home.

I'm ready to move out. It's time for something new. This is a new chapter of our life, after all, and a new chapter demands new accommodations. The house provides far more space than the apartment too and you'll finally get to have your pool. It's closer to our beach too.”

Jeri blushed softly. “Our beach, hu? I always thought that our beach was the one back there in Ireland.”

Kate chuckled. “It used to be our original beach, I guess, but ever since we've gotten back together that stretch of beach close to our new home has somewhat turned into our new beach. Don't you agree?”

Jeri nodded in agreement. “True. Still, I dream of going back to our original beach one of these days, maybe in spring, or summer.”

Kate smiled, leaning up to peck the dimple on her lover's chin which made Jeri giggle girlishly. “Me too, my love.”

The redhead frowned. “The question is... Which town was it? There are quite a few coastal towns in Ireland. Ugh, I wish I remembered the name of it. Screw my terrible memory.”

The petite woman gulped.

Jeri frowned. “Babe, is everything alright?”

Kate bit her lip, muttering. “Yeah.”

Jeri worried only more at this odd reaction, gently running her fingers through her lover's hair, hoping to be able to provide a source of comfort to her.

Within the next few days, the newly found family had moved into their new home. Kate had once more called her mother, reminding the older woman of their upcoming visit.

Joan Mulgrew had reassured her that she hadn't forgotten such an important event, stating that everything was ready for their visit. Kate was convinced that her little sister Jenny had made sure of that, but refrained from saying so.

The redhead walked over to the pool, stopping in her tracks, stunned by the sight of her lover in her element.

Kate didn't regret one moment having agreed to move here, the sight of Jeri swimming her laps in their new pool putting her at peace with herself and the universe, filling her with warmth and happiness.

The petite woman went inside, preparing drinks for both of them, knowing how her lover was usually thirsty after swimming and tiring herself out before walking back outside, sitting in a sun lounger, simply enjoying the view and what a view it was.

'I still can't believe my luck getting to be with this angel. To say she's gorgeous would be the biggest understatement. She's breathtaking, ethereal, but it's not only her looks, it's the whole package.

I have no doubt that this woman in fact was sent straight from heaven to help make the world a better place and I'm going to protect her, come what may.'

Jeri had left the pool a while ago and was staring at her lover intently, eagerly drinking in the sight of a lounging Kate who was seemingly lost in thought.

The blonde grabbed the drink her lover had prepared for her before taking a seat in the sun lounger next to Kate's.

She took a sip from her drink, a smirk forming on her lips, voice low. “Thanks for the drink, gorgeous.”

Kate snapped out of her reverie by that, cheeks turning pink in humiliation, muttering. “You're welcome, darling. When did you finish your laps?”

Jeri shrugged. “Oh, just a while ago. I didn't wanna disrupt your little moment. You seemed lost in thought and honestly I enjoyed the view of my lover lounging.”

The older woman coughed. “Did you now? Well, I guess it's only fair you got to enjoy yourself, seeing as how I've been indulging in watching you swim again myself earlier.

By the way, I was wondering. Would you care going to the beach together later? I was thinking maybe in the late evening.”

Jeri smiled, instantly liking the idea, nodding in agreement. “Sure, I'd love that.”

Without her lover's knowledge, Jeri had taken her camera with her, eager to take a few snaps of them together and of her lover alone preferably in moments the older woman wouldn't be aware of it.

Ever since having first remembered that time she'd first seen Kate that day at that beach in Ireland, she'd regretted not having been bold enough to take a picture of that moment back then, capture this memory.

She was aware that her lover possessed a memory box, as she called it, which was filled with all kinds of souvenirs she'd collected over time. Jeri sometimes wished she would possess a memory box as well.

The blonde blinked upon feeling a weight on top of her body, a smile forming on her lips at the sight of her lover who looked up at her with those captivating cerulean eyes. “Is my kitten craving some attention?”

Kate blushed softly and nodded. “She is, but most of all I'm craving to be close to you, my love.”

Jeri's smile turned brighter, her eyes twinkling like sapphires in the sunlight. The lovers exchanged a kiss, Jeri once more running her hands through the older woman's hair which made the latter coo in delight, a fact that melted Jeri's heart.

'She really is a precious little kitten. I honestly can't believe none of her past lovers ever told her just how adorable and precious she is. Then again, they were all male, safe for myself. Guess I shouldn't be too surprised.'

Jeri, following a sudden impulse, carefully lifted her lover's necklace up, looking at it.

Kate who had noticed the younger woman's actions asked curiously. “What are you doing, my love?”

Jeri shrugged. “I was curious to see if your necklace looks like mine.”

Kate chuckled. “They're matching necklaces, so they should look similar.”

Jeri nodded, remarking. “They are. Safe for the initials etched into the back. Also, yours seems to be in a generally better condition still, but I guess that must be because I've been wearing mine all these years, never once taking it off even while showering, swimming and taking baths while yours was stored in the safety of that memory box of yours for all these years before you eventually started wearing it.”

Kate nodded. “That makes sense. I kinda wish I would've worn mine all this time too, but I was always afraid I'd lose it if I'd wear it and so I deemed it best to keep it in my memory box until I eventually started to remember that time back then and you.”

Jeri hummed. “For me, it was the opposite. Somehow I didn't have it in me to ever take it off ever since back then. Wearing it always provided comfort and it was like a good luck charm to me.”

During dinner, Kate once more told her family about their upcoming visit to her parents, the kids reacting excited, especially Alex, a fact that surprised both his mom and Kate. Apparently, Ian had told him about his grandparents and fueled the small boy's enthusiasm.

Kate sincerely hoped their visit would go well. In all honesty, she still had her doubts. 'At least Jenny's currently there too. If things go really bad I know I always have her back.'

After dinner, the lovers as previously decided went down to their beach, acting much like giddy teenagers who had snuck out from home without their parents' permission.

Jeri on her part had all reason to be excited. She had managed to sneak her camera with her and was determined to take candid shots of her lover.

They undressed, once more having decided to skinny dip, not a single soul apart from them around tonight, giving them the freedom to do whatever they pleased.

Jeri exclaimed. “This pretty much feels like our own private beach already. Ever since first coming here I've never seen a single other person around here, especially at this time of day.”

Kate nodded, smirking. “I'd like to think of this as our own private beach already, darling.”

Jeri raised her left brow, asking seriously. “I hope you're not planning to act recklessly and watch me swim while standing in the cold water in the nude for minutes on end again, babe?”

Kate blushed at her lover's question, shaking her head, answering her seriously. “Believe me, I've learned my lesson, Lynn. Having to experience that once was bad enough. I can't risk catching a cold when we're about to go visit my parents.”

Jeri sighed softly. “Good. I'm glad you've learned your lesson, my love.”

The next morning they got up early and after having breakfast together, they left for their trip. Thanks to it providing more storage room they once more took Jeri's car, the lovers sitting in the front and the three boys in the back.

Kate and Jeri had previously decided that the older woman would drive now since she knew the fastest route to her hometown while Jeri would drive once they'd be driving back a week from now. Jeri paid extra much attention to the road, wanting to make sure to memorize the route as best as possible.

Despite the car technically possessing a GPS, the young woman always enjoyed training her brain and was never one to take down a good challenge.

Also, her lover had said that day that she apparently possessed a great memory and she wanted to prove to her and herself that she still had it in her.

It was true that before being as foolish as to start taking the shit she'd much like Seven possessed eidetic memory, something that seemed to run in her family, seeing as how both her mother and her son were blessed with it as well.

'Is it truly a blessing or a curse though?'

Jeri wasn't always so sure about that. She wished Alex for one wouldn't be forced to remember what had been going on between Jack and her in his earliest years, especially the images of seeing her beat up by his father.

The car stopped in front of a rather spacious farmhouse.

Kate exclaimed. “Welcome to Derby Grange!”

Jeri was in all honesty stunned. Despite being aware that her lover had many siblings and came from a rather big family in comparison to her who merely had one brother, she hadn't expected the place to be this huge.

The kids had already left the car.

Kate looked at the younger woman in concern. “Lynn, are you alright?”

Jeri nodded slowly. “Ah, yes. I'm fine, Kiernan. I'm just quite taken aback. Somehow I hadn't expected the place to be this huge.”

Kate nodded in understanding. “Well, that makes sense. I should've warned you. It's nothing in comparison to that castle you used to live in though. Also, I have many siblings, as I told you before, so we needed lots of space.”

Jeri nodded. “Yeah, I know. I honestly don't know what I had been expecting myself. Let's go. Your family is most likely awaiting us already. The kids have already left too. Sorry for the unnecessary delay.”

Kate smiled and pecked her beloved's cheek. “It's perfectly fine, my love. No need to apologize. I understand that you're nervous. In all honesty, I'm quite anxious myself, but I'm sure it's gonna be fine. As long as we're together we'll manage. So far, we always have.”

Jeri was stunned at her lover's admission of being anxious herself, but she wholeheartedly agreed with her last statement. “You're right, my love. Let's go.”

When the two women entered the place they were greeted by Kate's family already busy talking to the boys. Alex already much seemed like a part of the family, a fact that warmed both his mother's and Kate's hearts.

The redhead's father approached them first, embracing his eldest daughter cordially. Kate felt tears brimming in her eyes. She could barely remember the last time her father and she had shared a hug like that.

The petite woman asked genuinely. “How are you doing, dad?”

The man smiled and answered truthfully. “I'm holding up alright. It's good to have you back here, Katie. I missed you, my sunshine, and the boys as well.

When your mother told me that you finally had found someone who genuinely makes you happy, who you love, and who loves you in turn with no hard feelings, I was beyond happy. That's all I ever wanted for you.”

Kate had started to sniffle, so overwhelmed was she by her beloved father's genuine words.

The older man tightened his hug on her, Kate whispered. “Thanks, dad. Hearing you say that means so much to me. I'd been so afraid that mom and you wouldn't approve of my new relationship, of my orientation...”

Her father shook his head. “Katie, mom and I would've never turned our backs on you because of you loving someone. All we ever wanted was for you to be happy and if it's with another woman, then so be it.

Women are pretty awesome after all, so I can relate to that.”

Kate chuckled and nodded. “You're very right, dad. Women indeed are awesome.”

Jeri who had listened to the exchange found herself smiling, already liking her lover's father who seemed like a genuine, warm-hearted man. It came as no surprise, that Kate's family immediately treated her like family too.

Kate's mother upon asking told her that yes she indeed had taught her daughter how to cook and the older woman stated proudly that Kate to her delight had proven to possess great talent in cooking from an early age on, usually helping her mother prepare meals back then when she still lived here with her family.

Kate's youngest sister Jenny asked tons of questions which Jeri answered readily. The two of them hit it off instantly much like Kate had previously predicted.

Jeri understood why Jenny was her lover's favorite sibling. The two, as different they may be, loved each other to bits, that much was plain to see.

Jenny while sitting out on the front porch with the lovers one evening told Jeri, blue eyes twinkling. “When we were kids I used to follow Katie everywhere. She was always my role model. Ever since I could think I wanted to be like her.”

Kate chuckled. “I admit that I didn't always appreciate having this little rascal here attached to the hip and following me around all the time, but looking at those big puppy eyes of hers I never had it in me to scold her.

As annoying her tagging along all the time and pretty much being like my shadow, imitating me even and stealing my clothes was, at the end of the day, I love my Jenny to the moon and back and she's my beloved baby sis.”

Jeri at this moment found herself longing to have a sister as well. Kate and Jenny's interactions and their bond was truly something special and in a sense, Jeri envied that.

However, she was most of all very happy her lover did have that kind of relationship to at least one of her siblings.

'Meanwhile, I have merely one sibling and our relationship is a mess.'

Jeri sighed and got up, announcing. “I'm gonna go for a walk.”

Kate frowned at her lover's reaction, instantly noticing that something was off.

She looked at her sister who whispered while practically shooing her. “Go after her, Katie. She needs you now.”

Kate smiled gratefully at her sister, getting up and carefully following Jeri's retreating form. The redhead was once more astonished just how fast the younger woman could walk if she wanted to, giving her a hard time to catch up with her.

Kate was very much out of breath once she had finally managed to catch up with Jeri, asking her hesitantly. “Lynn, what's going on? Did we say or do something to upset you?”

The blonde sighed and shook her head. “No. This is my own personal thing. You're not to blame, Kiernan.”

The older woman sighed, now even more concerned, gently placing a hand on the small of the younger woman's back. “Darling, please talk to me. What's on your mind? I want to understand you.”

Jeri swallowed, her heart aching, vision growing blurry. She inwardly steeled herself, not used to talking about this topic with anyone. Kate who noticed her beloved's fragile state, gently wrapped her arms around her, holding her protectively.

The redhead's heart broke as the younger woman's body started to shake, heartbreaking sobs leaving her. Her voice sounded small, cracking. “Seeing you with Jenny... The way you are together, made me wish I had a sister too... I have an older brother, but...

Our relationship is a mess. I broke off contact to him a long time ago because I simply couldn't take it anymore...”

Kate was hurting for her lover, something told her that there was a backstory to the animosities between her brother and her, but the older woman decided to allow Jeri to decide for herself if and when she'd be sharing more with her.

It was that night when they lay in bed together that Jeri spoke up, voice soft, hesitant. “Kiernan, are you still awake?”

Kate answered gently. “Yes, my love.”

Jeri muttered. “I know it's late, it's probably the worst time. We're both tired and exhausted...”

Kate placed a finger on her lover's lips, smiling softly. “It's fine, Lynn. I can tell that there's something on your mind. Is this about your brother?”

Jeri's eyes widened in astonishment, nodding slowly. “Yeah, it's about Mark. Remember how I told you a while ago that we're pretty much polar opposites?”

Kate nodded. “Yes, I do.”

Jeri bit her lip, stating sadly. “Well, it's true for the most part. There's one thing we got in common though, or rather we used to have in common for a while.”

Kate prodded gently. “That being?”

The redhead's eyes turned wide, shock clearly visible in those by now blue-gray orbs when her lover remarked dryly. “Substance abuse...”

Kate felt a sting in her heart, whispering. “Don't tell me he's the one who introduced you to the stuff?”

Jeri sighed, nodding slowly. “He was actually, yes. I should've known better having an h addict as a brother than to try the shit myself, but I was in the worst state ever at the time, unable to cope with life at all after our break-up and...

One day I called him up, told him about my situation, asked him if he could get some of the shit for me, promising to pay him in return. He immediately agreed and we met the same night. That was the last time I ever saw him, met him.

He looked like crap, like a corpse. I'd never seen him in a state like that before and believe me when I tell you that I'd seen him on the shit before, even during cold Turkey, but that time...

Fuck, he looked nothing like my big brother anymore. I should've known then that trying h myself was the worst idea ever, but I was so young, dumb, heartbroken, severely depressed and frankly, I hated my life, wanted to die...”

Kate had started to cry, her heart breaking at her lover's words. For a moment, the lovers simply held each other, providing comfort to each other. Kate couldn't believe Jeri's own big brother had dragged her down like this.

She began to understand more and more why the younger woman had so far hardly ever talked about him.

Kate told her lover gently. “Lynn, it's not your fault. You didn't know better. God, you were so young back then and I understand that you were devastated, desperately wanted to forget, stop hurting.

For me it was pretty much the same back then. I'd already been pretty low before we'd met, but once I'd had a taste of how true love and happiness felt like, could be like, I was all the more heartbroken, depressed having to part from you and get back to my old life as if nothing ever happened.

That hell of a marriage with Robert still lasted for another six years every single day of which was a nightmare.

I accepted as many job offers as possible during that time, something him and the boys weren't content with, but which I needed to keep at least some last bit of my sanity intact.”

Jeri bit her lip, voice laced with shame and guilt. “While you tried distracting yourself with work, I went to the club every single night and well...

I hooked up with a different chick every single night, but no matter how many women I slept with, nothing compared to what we'd had, to you.

Despite everything, you were always there in my heart, in my soul, so I took even more of the shit, the memories eventually fading and at one point I met Jack and we got married...”

Kate felt sick imagining her lover with all these different women, all as a means to cope with her loss, the heart ache, not even to mention doing drugs and getting married to an abusive man who she even had a child with.

That night she promised her lover to never leave her again, to protect her, stay by her side, come what may. Jeri promised the same in return.

Time had seemingly flown by and spring had arrived. Much against what everyone, that including Kate and Jeri had expected, Brannon Braga had kept his promise of turning J/7 canon.

The two women's relationship was going strong, their private life happy and peaceful. On set everyone was by now aware that the two actresses were dating and they were mostly supportive.

Of course, there was a few people who were more open-minded than others, but altogether the two leading ladies of Voyager were positively surprised at the support and love they received from their colleagues and the staff working for the show.

So far they were publically both single. Jeri and Jack had merely gotten divorced a month ago and the couple had decided to take things slow, especially concerned for their childrens' well-being. A coming out at this point in time was out of the question.

One of these days, they would surely do so though. Both women had agreed on that.

It was late April and Jeri, knowing that her lover's birthday was nearing had secretly conducted research online and after hours of intensive digging finally found what she'd been looking for. They had just finished their last day of filming before their break.

The lovers had decided to drive to the beach first, the kids staying with Jeri's parents who had become something like second grandparents to Kate's sons, the three boys spending significant time with them, especially when the two women had long days of filming like today.

Kate blinked when they arrived at the beach and found a perfect romantic dinner awaiting them.

The redhead asked in astonishment. “Did you prepare that, darling?”

Jeri nodded. “I did with the help of a friend. Do you like it, my love?”

Kate smiled, kissing her lover's lips. “I love it, darling. It's perfect. Just when did you find the time to set all that up though?”

The blonde shrugged. “I took every chance I could get and drove to the beach during breaks. My friend took care of the rest. I'm glad you like it. There's something important I have to tell you, but first, let's have dinner.”

Kate nodded, wondering what it was her lover wanted to tell her.

Dinner had been delicious, the older woman once more had preferred to sit on her lover's lap instead of on a pillow. The lovers had fed each other and exchanged kisses in between.

Jeri's hands and lips at one point had started to wander, but Kate had stopped her lover by asking. “Lynn, you said earlier that you had something important to tell me.”

The blonde, who had in all honesty forgotten all about her original reason for setting up this romantic dinner in the first place, nodded slowly. “Ah, yes, of course. As you're aware our filming break will start tomorrow and I've booked us flights to a certain Irish coastal town and rented us an apartment there.

I know that it's very sudden, but I wanted this to be a surprise, babe. I hope that's fine with you. Finding that town and the apartment again was quite the hassle, I can tell you, but I did whatever I could so we could spend your birthday there.”

Kate gasped, her eyes widening. “Oh my God! Lynn, that's... That's the best news I've received all week!”

Jeri smiled, pecking her lover's nose. “I'd been hoping you'd say that, my love.”

Kate asked curiously. “When will our flight go, by the way?”

Jeri admitted sheepishly. “7 am tomorrow...”

Kate's eyes turned wide in shock. “7 am tomorrow? What are we still doing here? We should probably start packing and go sleep soon.”

Jeri winked. “Don't worry about packing. I've already taken care of that, my love, but you're right we should go to bed early tonight. Wouldn't wanna miss that flight.”

Kate had been surprised when it had turned out that her lover had merely booked flights and the apartment for the two of them. According to Jeri, the kids would be staying with her parents who had readily agreed to have them over for the time they'd be in Ireland.

The blonde's explanation of wanting to replicate, a term she'd picked up from Seven, the atmosphere and situation from back then as best as possible had touched Kate deeply. In all honesty, the redhead felt the same way. The thought of being at that apartment, in that town again like back then with Lynn just like that time sounded perfect to her.

When they arrived, their first way once more led them down to that beach. Both women felt thrown back in time when they gazed down at the rocky shore of their beach, the waves crashing against the shore, the cool salty air feeling oddly comforting, like home.

This time they sat on the beach together, Jeri thanks to her eidetic memory able to find the exact same spot she'd first seen Kate so many years ago. Both women were happy that this time they were able to sit there together.

Jeri used the chance to take a picture and save this special moment, her cheeks heated up as her sneaky lover used the chance and pecked her lips right when Jeri released the shutter.

The moment they entered the apartment it felt much like déjà-vu. Both lovers were instantly hit by various memories from their stay here together back then. The fact that the place had hardly changed over the years merely added to the atmosphere.

To their astonishment, the apartment owner had recognized them after all this time and asked if they were still dating. Kate had been convinced they'd been subtle enough back then, but apparently she'd been mistaken.

They'd shared their story of having been parted but having found each other again due to a twist of fate with the elderly woman who had admitted that she had been living with a woman for twenty-five years.

As the lovers were sitting on the balcony, gazing out at the sea, Lynn voiced a thought she'd been having ever since their earlier talk with the apartment owner. “You know, people like Miss Kelly give me so much hope. Hearing stories like hers is warming my heart.

There are far more older people who are part of the community than you may think even here in a small coastal town in Ireland.”

Kate couldn't agree more. “You're right, darling. One of these days, we're gonna get married. I won't give up on that hope. About a year ago Ellen Degeneres came out publically. It was a huge thing, a scandal at first, but look at her still going strong.

I feel like the world is about to change for the better, I want to believe that, at least. Even if we can't get officially married, there are always chances of doing so inofficially. We've both been married before and I don't know about you, but I don't have to necessarily put a ring on it.

As long as we both know that we love each other, we're living together and have our little family, that's enough for me. I'm yours and you're mine. That much is not gonna change.”

Jeri smiled and nodded. “I agree. Our life is perfect as it is. If officially getting married should one day be possible, however, I want you to wear that tux on our wedding, babe.” Kate chuckled at the younger woman's words and winked. “Sure thing, darling and I want you to wear a matching white dress, hm, then again, in your case it should probably be a pink one.” Jeri beamed, kissing her lover's lips. “You know me too well.”

**The end**


End file.
